"Stains On The Scenery"

The shit must go,
And the piss too,
The coffee remains,
As I don't have two,
The blood may stay,
As do the crumbs,
One sweeps away,
The other one runs,
The sweat soaks in & disappears,
The pubes too,
Are the least of your fears,
But, If I may say,
With not scare nor fright,
There be one other that's lost it's sight,
In My dreams so dark,
Fantasies so deep,
I am merely one man,
Whom did die in his sleep.




Jason








(C) JPT June 2010.

"The Drowning Man"

He waits alone, he watches for her, She comes, they die together...


So, there I was sitting in my front room right by the window. It was late afternoon, maybe closer to early evening. The sky was getting dark from a moody cloud covering that didn't just spell death, but called it out and forced it down inside your ears. It gently hammered down through the last remaining light and pressed upon my very soul! I had the window open slightly and nakedly cowered just behind the net curtains that were still hanging there from the previous tenant. She had died not long before I moved in. I think she was old.
The radiator was on and I could hear the hot water flowing through it. The heat from it made me feel a little better and less likely to close the window and hide inside the hallway where there were no windows.
I thought maybe there was a storm coming. The kind that you sometimes hear about on the news. The kind that flood streets and wash away cars. The kind that kill! The clouds, although heavy and dark didn't seem to shed anything remotely wet, yet.
I continued to look out the gap in the net curtain and out onto the path that runs along the side of my front room. Beyond the path, past a very thin strip of dirt directly below where I sat and some small bushes and directly opposite my window was a slightly wider strip of uncut grass and then a wood fence about 4ft high. And beyond even that was a garden full of recently cut grass where a large house sat. Next to the house was a tall tree. The house had been converted into flats and hardly anyone used the garden anymore. I thought what a waist of time cutting the grass in the first place.
The path below my window onto the world turned at a ninety degree angle about ten feet from my window and continued all the way to the main road, which still wasn't a very big road, but was big enough for this part of town.
I often sat here looking out the window, hoping to see something interesting. Maybe a fox scrounging for food to take back to her litter. Or perhaps a lone hedgehog struggling with a back full of dried leaves. Quite often you would see numerous slugs squirming across the path, especially just after rain. Their trails from the previous storm were still evident and although fading, criss crossed the concrete path. At the end of one of the trails was a small dried shriveled lump. It was the remains of a slug that had either died from natural causes, been trodden on or maybe the sun came out and baked him alive as he made his way back to his nest behind the flowerpots that were near the communal entrance into the flats. I didn't think the sun was particularly hot for this time of year. When we get any, that is! So, maybe it was trodden on. I try my hardest to avoid anything like that when I walk along the paths around my flat. I have mistakenly crushed a snail when I have come back home in the dark! That popping wet crunch of the snails shell exploding under my foot makes me feel sick! At least if one treads on a slug it doesn't make a sound.
As I thought of all the snails and slugs my right knee had rested slightly onto the red hot radiator and made me jump! I rubbed it with the palm of my hand until it felt better. All the while I looked out the window. I thought I could hear rain drops on the leaves that clung to the small bush just below the window ledge. The closer I looked, the more I was certain that it was beginning to rain. Then I heard footsteps approaching along the path from the main road. It was a womans footsteps and sounded as if she was running. I let the net curtain fall back into it's original position and let her pass by without seeing me. She had a black skirt and white blouse on with a pair of shiny leather shoes. She had no umbrella and the white of her blouse showed several spots of rain that had soaked into the thin fabric and reached the tanned skin of her flesh. She soon disappeared as she entered the communal doorway and into the flats. By the time I had pulled back the curtain again the rain was falling much harder. So hard in fact that the force of the rain onto the ground blew up a bit of a wind which brushed across my face as I peered out into the darkening gloom.
The path was beginning to resemble a small river. Each rain drop blasting into the concrete, dissolving the last of the snail trails once and for all. The house opposite had all but disappeared behind a thick screen of falling water. I could hear nothing but the sound of water droplets the size of Deer shit pounding across the land that stretched out before me. Some of which had inevitably splashed up from the window ledge and spattered my face with cold water. I let it run down my cheek and neck and onto my chest. It felt fresh and invigorating. The whole idea of the town where I lived becoming flooded was very exciting.
Soon the water had completely covered the path and all of the grass and was halfway up the wood fence that separated the now invisible big house from my flat. The rain kept falling and didn't look like it was going to stop anytime soon! The small bush that was more or less level with my window ledge seemed angry at the watery pummeling that it was experiencing. It looked sad and listless where before it had looked full of life and sprightly. The water below my window would eventually reach the top of the bush and drown it along with all the lawns of grass and any other non swimming or flying animal you care to name. The death toll tonight would be tremendous! And all I could...wanted to do was sit here in the comfort of my living room and watch it all happen.

Then, as suddenly as the rain had started, it abruptly come to an end. The rising water had at last stopped and the first thing that I noticed was the silence! There were hardly any sounds to be heard, except for a few drips of rain that slid from the leaves of the tree by the house. The wind had stopped and there was absolutely no sign of anyone or anything at all. I thought this strange as there must be thousands of creatures drowning all around me! I thought maybe I would have witnessed at least one animal try to save its self from a very short life of deadly cold water and scramble up the bark of the nearby tree. The water had almost reached the bottom of my window frame. I dunked my fingers into it and felt its icy wetness. I leant over a little to see if I could see the bottom. I could not. The bush was now completely submerged. The water was deep enough to render the water a darkish green colour. It looked quite eerie. Even more so as the waters surface leveled out into an almost mill pond stillness. After a few moments more, I sat as still as I could. Trying to take in all that was happening. The sky, now empty of rain had turned a dark green, almost mirroring the colour of the water. I checked just inside my window down below my scorching radiator to see if there was any water leaking through. I couldn't see any. It was a strange feeling looking out the window at the water. Just a few more inches higher and it would have started to pour into my front room!
Then, as I sat watching and listening I noticed a disturbance under the waters surface around the corner where the path would have continued to the road. I thought maybe it was a fish that had escaped one of the rivers that flowed nearby. With it's back almost breaking the surface, it, what ever it was, was swimming towards me. As it got closer I began to think that it wasn't a fish at all but maybe a large animal that was reluctant to come to the surface. But how could it hold it's breath for so long? I moved my face closer to the open window and rested my elbows onto the window ledge to get a better view. It was almost under my window now and still hadn't broken through the waters surface. What ever it was, it was of a very similar colour to the water. I could sense it's bulk below the surface as it seemed to serenely toss and turn until finally it stopped right under where my face was. I was frozen in place and all I could do was stare into the water to see what the hell it was that was down there! I held my breath and clenched my fists and waited!
Then, all of a sudden something broke the waters surface and the strange swimming creature emerged from the greenish liquid. I couldn't believe my eyes! At first I thought it was a child's ball that had floated up to the surface, but then quickly realized that it was indeed a head! A womans head! Her face was just inches away from mine and she looked directly into my eyes. I was instantly mesmerized by her eerie watery stare. Her mouth was shut. She must have been breathing through her nostrils, but i couldn't see any signs of air either escaping nor entering her nose. She had surfaced so absolutely silently and with no watery sounds or splashes that I thought I must be going deaf. Her mouth stayed shut and she said nothing. Her skin was as smooth as silk and had a slight green tint in it as if she had been swimming in this water for a lifetime!
As I sat there staring into her big round eyes one of her hands broke through the surface just next to her and she began to raise her small delicate hand to my face. The skin of her hand and arm was as smooth as her face. Her arms were bare and the tops of her shoulders bare also. She must had been naked. I couldn't see her breasts, as they stayed just below the waters surface. Her hand reached my face and her long slim fingers gently touched my cheek. I could feel she was cold and wet as she ran her fingertips down my face and onto my neck and shoulder. I could feel a million goosebumps erupt all over my body at once! I just sat there wondering what on earth she might do next! I was willing to let her do anything she wanted. I wanted for her to reach right inside my window and take hold of me and stroke my naked flesh all over. I wanter to take her in my arms and hold her so tight! I wanted us to become one.
She eventually reached down as far as my naked waist. Cool water dripped down from her fingers and trickled down my body onto my thighs. Then, just as quickly as she had leant in and placed her hands and arms around my body, she pulled me through the window and we both slipped into the dark cold water, where my shins scraped on the hard corners of the window ledge which made me wince and take in a deep breath of water! With her arms still tightly entwined around my waist she continued to take me down into the water! The darkness and the cold filled me from top to bottom. I let myself fall unconscious. I new I would be safe with her!




Jason








(C) JPT 2008

"The Pig & The Spider"

Too good for Spiders, but not good enough for Pigs!

A weather girl on the TV was explaining what the weather was going to be for the next day. She was quite attractive and dressed smartly. But as the weather forecast went on she seemed to become ill and started to hyper-ventilate! She found she couldn't breathe very well and started choking and she nearly fell over and looked very pale! She stayed in front of the camera and moved about in front of the weather screen trying not to fall over and looking for someone to come and help her. She looked panic stricken. A man came into view who was quickly buckling his belt up and suddenly noticed he was on camera and on live tv and his face went bright red and he looked away instantly. He helped the woman to sit down. The odd thing that I remember quite well was that all the while this was happening, the camera followed the weather girl and then the man too when he arrived, about the studio as they moved around. The man's fingers were covered in something wet. His fingers left damp patches on her clothes as he placed her into a chair. A clearish, sticky substance. The woman, who was now sitting and breathing deeply from her choking, noticed that the man's zipper down the front of his trousers were open and covered in damp patches and drips of the same substance that I noticed on the his fingers.

After a few moments, the weather girl had recovered enough to realize what had happened. And just as she went to confront the man, he placed an index finger up to his lips and very quietly gestured to her to be quiet.

She closed her eyes and began to sob...

I was waiting for a friend and his brother. Their mother strictly spoke to them in as if they were children. They were in another room, perhaps the bedroom. I sat in the room adjacent to the room they were in and was sat low down at one end of a very comfortable sofa. I was beginning to fall asleep over the sounds of the argument next door. I tried to keep my eyes from closing and concentrated on the far corner of the room where there was a man facing the wall.
He used to live there and harass the mother of the boys years ago and wore a jet black bomber jacket and looked exactly like a pig!
When I arrived a little while earlier, passing through the tiny drive, it was sunny and warm. There was an old car in the process of being restored but still looked just like a pile of junk ready for the scrapheap.
Back in the living room the pig man that was facing the wall had moved to one side and I could now see what the man was doing there. In front of him was a giant, hand sized spider with very muscular legs and a pulsating body! It was clinging to it's web which was stretched from one wall to the other and this pig man was teasing it and eventually grabbed it's web with the spider still attached and started to swing it into my face. I screamed like a girl and covered my eyes. The two boys who had been in the next room came running into the room that I was in to see what all the noise was about. The pig man then proceeded to swing the spider into the faces of my friend and his brother too. We all ran away flinching and screaming.
We ran so fast and so far away that we eventually ended up running straight into a very swollen river which was thick with silt and semi submerged branches. The under current was very strong and I could see just how strong by the fast flow of the river and the churning water bubbling it's way to the surface like giant airless bubbles of filthy dark water. The sun reflected off the surface showing all the movement on the waters thin skin. I was trying to navigate my way across it and back to the saftey of land. I had lost sight of my companions and found myself sink beneath the cold, dark water and came to rest on the stony bottom where I proceeded to roll and bounce along the river bed until all my breath had gone, where I just let myself die.




Jason


P.s. Happy Birthday Jac:)xxx








(C) JPT 2008

"Freeze Dried Vagina's"

What do I use to eat it? An old fashioned spoon or just my tongue?


Written on April 3rd 2007 (Sexually explicit)


"Freeze Dried Vagina's"


The low hum of the refrigerator was strangely soothing to me as I stood in front of the giant luminous monstrosity. The kind you might find at the back of a small high street newsagents or petrol station, where the ready made sandwiches, chilled drinks & pork pies are normally found. My feet were pointing directly towards the fridge, which was of the open kind that didn't have any doors, and from my peripheral vision, I could see that the rest of the room, wether selling petrol or not, was in total darkness. From a distance it must have looked as if I was walking straight into the pearly gates of heaven. A silhouetted figure surrounded by a bright light of unimaginable pleasures. They wouldn't be too far off the mark either, as on the very top shelf, inside this giant glowing cool box, just a little higher than my eye line, were a small line of what at first glance looked like pots of yoghurt, all different kinds of fruits & flavours in varying degrees of bright fluorescent colours. They certainly stood out from the rest of the boring, drab looking and totally unappetizing range of products elsewhere inside the fridge. I was intrigued and wanted to get a little closer. I shuffled forwards a little until my toes bumped into the metal strip that surrounded the base of the fridge. As my toes made contact with the metal, the hum that had been steadily thrumming from the machine changed tone and became quieter. My hands were in their pockets, fingering the loose change that had accumulated there over the last few days. As my eyes began to focus on the pots, I was amazed and more than a little excited as to what I thought I could see!
For there before me, in amongst everything else, were a line of clear plastic pots each sealed with a thin tin foil lid. In each of the pots contained a perfectly clear jelly like substance. And in each of which suspended a perfectly sized and perfectly detailed human vagina. Each one slightly different to the one next to it, and each one neatly trimmed or completely hairless. Some were completely naked and others were covered with a tiny strip of brightly coloured fabric that resembled part of a panty. These jelly suspended freeze dried vagina's looked so delicate and perfect in every way. Their pink skin tones varied from pot to pot as my eyes scanned the line. One was rather quite pale and completely shaved, another seemed to be slightly tanned and had a small amount of pubic hair. Some were very little and others showing absolutely everything, with nothing at all left to the imagination. Whichever one I decided to look at, I just could not decide which one that I wanted. If indeed I should take one at all!





Jason








(C) JPT 2008.........

"Holding My Hands"

Holding my hands...again.



I followed as Jac led me up the un-sheltered stairs of a railway station and over the tracks, she was a little ahead of me. A strange man was holding her hand and she didn't seem to mind, but I did. I felt hurt and not wanted! I pretended that my ankle hurt more than it actually did and slowed way down hoping that she would let go of his hand and wait for me. He seemed to be pulling her along. There arms met high and tight as he pulled her along. He was walking faster than Jac wanted and Jac was walking faster than me. Eventually she pulled away from him and stopped. I caught her up and she didn't seem too happy with me. There was a gap between the railings of the stairs. She squeezed through and I followed, feeling a little more comfortable that she was alone now. I wondered who he was, but didn't ask.
It was dark and it had been raining. The gap in the fence came out onto the stations car park and along one side of the car park were a small line of doors. They were the front doors of peoples houses. Big wooden doors, gloss painted all sorts of bright colours. Jac went up to one of them, may have been green? and knocked on it. I wondered who lived there, but didn't ask. The door opened and the first thing that I saw was a giant black dog! It ran straight out the door and sprinted across the shiny wet car park and out of sight. I envisioned it running up to the strange man that had been holding Jac's hand and biting him! I don't think that it did though.
The next moment, I was inside the house and I was sitting at one end of a large comfy sofa. Jac was sitting on an armchair across the other side of the room. She was stroking the big black dog. She Loves dogs!
As I was sitting on the sofa, a young woman entered the room and seemed to float across to the sofa and sat right by me. She was very beautiful. Her hair was very long and fair in colour. Her face was very pleasing to look at. She seemed to have one of those permanent smiles, even her eyes smiled. Her skin was so soft looking and flawless. Everything about her was perfect to me! As soon as her bottom hit the sofa, she leant on me and rested her slim body against mine and rested her warm head right between my shoulder and neck. Her long hair had bunched up a little and found it's way across part of my face. I could feel a few hairs by my mouth. It felt absolutely amazing! It was the softest hair that I had ever seen and it smelled divine! My hands were in my lap, holding each other. I looked across to Jac to see what she was doing. I wanted to make eye contact with her and to show her that I was very very happy, but a little confused also. Jac seemed only interested in the dog.
I felt as though I had been injected with a syringe full of something highly intoxicating. The blood in my veins could hardly contain itself! I could hear it as it rushed past my ears. My whole body thumped with wonder! I kept thinking who this amazing woman might be. As I sat there, I found myself thinking of all the things that I would Love to do...like reach up and run my fingers through her hair and ever so gently drag my fingertips across the soft skin of her cheeks and gently kiss her lips. Who knows where things could lead? I could feel her warm body leaning on mine. But all I could do was sit almost frozen with excitement and fear!
I looked down through her hair at my hands. They were cold and clammy. I hoped she wouldn't want to hold them just yet!

Eventually, she spoke to me.

Before, she seemed happy just to rest herself against me and close her eyes, smiling. She turned her head in the crook between my shoulder and head and looked up at me and said how well I looked and how my skin seemed to glow and radiate with good health. I thought the same about her but was afraid to say. In the next few minutes, as I eagerly listened to her soft feminine voice, I learned that she knew absolutely everything about me! She knew all about my HIV, and my haemophilia. She knew that I didn't work and she didn't care in the slightest.

She wanted us to spend the rest of our lives together.........and I didn't even know her name.




Jason


Happy Birthday today to Ros:)








(C) JPT 2008

"The Same Deep Water as I"

Kingston Riverside today.



"Just how deep does a swimming pool need to be? How deep and how large?"

The one presented before me was enormous! I had know idea why I was here and I had know idea how I got here! But I was here, and here to stay!

I found myself by the pools edge at one end. The pool stretched out before me for what must have been a thousand feet in length, five hundred feet wide and one hundred feet deep! The whole thing was covered by a huge hanger and any sound that I heard was greatly magnified due to the size of the vast empty space that I found myself in. To the left hand side of the pool and near to the end that I was at, I could see through the light ripples, submerged on the pools bottom a Boeing 747 aircraft. It looked positively tiny as it lie dead, crushed under a billion tonnes of water! It was intact and looked just as if it were waiting on the runway of an airport. I thought maybe that it was there for deep sea rescuers to practice rescuing people from aircraft that crash into the sea. It looked very odd nonetheless.
On closer inspection of the pools bottom, I could make out tiny little figures walking around in diving suits. They looked busy and moved with purpose. The more that I looked, the more people I saw. Their suits were of the canvas type with large metal helmets shaped like spheres with small circles of ultra thick glass with which to see through and to protect the wearer from the great pressures of such deep water.
As I looked down into the depths of the pool, I noticed that my feet were covered with these giant metal boots. The soles of which were made up from three or so inches of solid lead! I felt very heavy and realized that I too was dressed in the same way as the people I could see under the waters surface. The glass covered hole cut into the front of my helmet made sure that I could see forward. I looked to my left and saw another glass hole and to my right another. Through the small round window on my right side I saw a man standing right by me. He said that he was the owner of the pool. He looked me up and down and told me that I looked just like a proper diver. He smiled when he said this and then looked into the water and said for me to get in.

After telling him that I had never been diving before, I found myself climbing down onto the pools ledge and lowered my legs into the icy looking water and found myself thinking how long it would take for me to reach the bottom. There were no steps nor any kind of hoist to lower me in! Surprisingly, as I let myself go, I sank quite slowly as I approached the pools bottom. The sides of the pool were made up from thousands and thousands of square, once brilliant white tiles, now slightly yellowing with grouting that was stained a light brown. I let my thickly gloved fingertips run against the tiles surface to help keep my balance. The echoey sound that was quite distinctive at the surface was replaced by a deeper, much quieter almost eerie sound. It got slightly louder the closer I reached the bottom. The heavy metal and canvas of my diving suit was now weightless. The canvas clung to my legs and arms as the waters pressure put tremendous
weight on my body. I felt quite warm, after thinking the water might in fact be freezing, although my fingers did feel like they were swelling up and my ears began to hurt a little and began ringing. Even my teeth hurt as I could feel the air trapped beneath my fillings expand!
I finally reached the bottom and landed perfectly upright, my head stooped down as my heavy suit & I carried on downwards momentarily. I saw the grimy tiled floor and looked up and slowly shuffled around until I was facing the massive expanse of the pool before me. It was quite bright down here, but as I looked up, the surface had all but disappeared and had turned into a beautiful deep blue. Looking back down onto the pools tiled floor, I saw all around my feet various cables and chains coiled into small neat piles. Straight ahead of me I could see the Boeing 747. It looked much bigger than it had from the surface. I found myself walking towards it. As I made my way through various winding cables, heaps of thick dirty rope, chains made up from links the size of my feet and large mesh steel boxes full to the brim with various tools, the 747 got bigger and bigger. I passed several other people dressed in the same way as I. They completely ignored me as if I had been there for years.
As I approached the airplane, my ears had stopped ringing from the pressure of the water and now, in the distance, I could hear the sound of what must have been the pools filters working hard to keep the pools massive watery contents crystal clear. The sound that these machines made which powered the filters made me think of a room, also filled with water, situated behind the main walls of the pool with a number of naked men with large heavy lead boots on, all slowly heaving lengths of heavy chain behind them. Maybe they were ghosts and had been sent to their sealed water filled room as punishment for drowning in the pool.

As I approached the lonely looking giant of an airplane, I suddenly wondered where my air was coming from! I don't remember having any air tanks on my back and there were no air tubes feeding me air from the surface either! I almost began to panic, until I said to myself that I'd be already dead if I wasn't getting any air. I did my best to forget about it for the time being and headed for the plane.
Once I had finally reached the undercarriage, I saw a door leading out of the pool and went to it. The door automatically slid open as I approached it and through it I went. It led outside onto an old cobbled street and although I was still submerged under thousands of gallons of water, I was outside. The surrounding area looked old and dirty. I looked up to see if I could see the surface of the water but it seemed bottomless and faded into the same deep blue as it did from the pool inside. I daren't stray any further outside, in case I got lost. As I turned to walk back into the sliding doors, the man that owned the pool was standing there. I stopped dead and looked at him. He stepped closer to me and said that I walked just like a proper deep sea diver. He then leant in to me and kissed me on my cheek. I felt his prickly stubble press through my helmet and onto my soft skin. I pulled back slightly and told him how prickly he was as I walked away towards the sliding doors once more. The owner looked quite embarrassed as I left him standing there.

This time, just inside the door was another man seemingly keeping guard. He saw me come in and held up an arm as if to say wait. He looked into the pool, both left and right, then back at me. He said it was all clear and nodded for me to enter. I continued back into the pool walking slowly and heavily like a man on the moon might. Progress was slow but steady.
The man who owned the pool, the man who had kissed me, wanted me to work here at the pool, so he would see me everyday. He was back inside the pool with me and told me so. He pointed up to a platform near the middle of the great tiled floor of the pool and said that I had to climb up to it using the almost invisible, tiny steps winding their way up it. The platform was about half the depth of the pool. He told me that everyone else who wanted to work here had to go around the long way and that I was very privileged to be shown up this way. Once up on the narrow looking platform right in the middle of the water, there would be a means of joining the pools workforce by way of entering my personal details into a computer and then begin my time here permanently.




Jason








(C) JPT 2008.........

"Little Boy Dead"

Dead lorry, yellow lorry...


Wow-wee! Just look at his new bike all shiny and sparkling clean. He can't take his big flying saucer eyes off of it's brightly coloured frame. The spokes on the wheels go round and round in the scorching mid-afternoon sun like two Catherine wheels side by side on Bon-fire night. The sun is almost directly behind him and pushes him and his long shadow down the road like a space rocket and it's pilot. The untouched tread on the bikes tyres buzz along the hot tarmac, sounding like giant bumble-bees on a mission, as they give the little boy the grip he needs to look so bloody cool!
All of this reflected in the shops giant spotless glass windows that line the little street where he is just the proudest young boy in the universe. With his smile stretched right the way across his glowing face, his pupils dart here and there over the surface of his new bike and then back across to the shop windows, where he can see himself in the reflection. It's just like watching a video. He's so excited to be free, with the wind in his hair and all the pedestrians dotted along the pavement watching him go so fast. He reminds me of myself when I was a young boy.

I can see the look that is plastered across his face is very special indeed. He is alive. He is free!

He soon runs out of road to travel on. To escape.

He has to turn around and go back the way he came from. Back towards the sun. He brakes. The wire cables invisibly slide in their little black tubes as he pulls the silver brake lever until he comes to a squeaky standstill. The brake pads haven't worn in yet as everything is still so perfectly new. He notices several other little boys by their parents side standing on the pavement, staring in awe at his brand new machine. He looks back at his bike and feels the thing under his bottom and in his hands. The weight and the sparkle are intoxicating to him and he is very happy that it belongs to him and no one else.

He looks back up the road and squints where the sun is staring right at him and makes his eyes become a little watery. A few yards away a giant lorry slowly exits a side road and makes it's huge heavy way onto the same road as this boy and his bike. He hears the lorries massive engine as it slowly rolls towards him and looks back at it and is again blinded by the suns reflection in the lorries windscreen. The boy decides to cycle alongside it and maybe race up the road a little way. The lorry is very slow moving and very noisy. He Loves lorries and engines. The roar and vibrations, and the fumes and giant rotating rubber clad wheels. The hissing of air brakes and the low thunderous rumble of the engine as the driver changes gear reminds him of the sound all the monsters in the world might make if they were to roar all at once. So exciting!

Soon the two machines are side by side and it is just the boy and the lorry now. Nothing else matter besides this wonderful partnership between two very different machines and their operators.
The lorry with it's most powerful engine, numerous wheels and long metal body. The driver of this beast unseen as he shifts from gear to gear in his effort to pull this monster up to the end of the road. And the boy on his brand new bike, sleek, light and almost silent but for the humming of the tyres. He pedals hard to keep up.

The lorry obviously has the better speed and very slowly begins to pass the boy by. Gigantic wheel by gigantic wheel appear at the boys side and then disappear and are then replaced by yet another set of humongous wheels. The back wheels of the lorry are fast approaching and the boy can see that his efforts are useless, and afraid of being outdone by the lorry completely, he pulls his bike up onto it's back wheel in an attempt to end this race in style.

The young ones amongst the bystanders are amazed at the sight of this manoeuver...until it seems to go wrong! Badly wrong!

The boy and the bike have gone back too far and the bike reaches a point where there is nowhere else for it to go except all the way over. The look on the boys face changes instantly to one of absolute fear as soon as he realizes that his wheelie has gone terribly wrong and he is now expecting to feel the hardness of the roads surface as he lands on his back. His eyes close, teeth clench and his hands let go of the bikes grips as he waits for the inevitable impact of body on concrete.

But it is much much worse than that!

He has failed miserably and little does he know that this exact moment in time will be the very end of his very young and beautiful life.

As he hits the road he rolls slightly to the left and towards the undercarriage of the lorry. The huge set of wheels at the very rear of the lorry are quietly rolling along the hot tarmac still. The noise of the engine being an age away down the street now. The invisible driver none the wiser as to what is happening.

The boy still has his eyes closed and teeth clenched as the heavy wheels of the lorry roll over and onto his little head! His bike bounces the other way into a clear part of the road and comes to a standstill resting on it's side. The driver knows something has happened by now and stops instantly, the big black monsters that are the wheels tyres come to a standstill on top of the boys completely crushed head. The lorries brakes hiss and clunk. The light colour of his brain has been forced through his completely smashed skull and has found a new home on the scorching hot tarmac of the road along with a pool of dark red blood, increasing in size by the second. His body is completely lifeless as the onlookers begin to fill the street with screams. He doesn't even twitch. His life has gone away from him in an instant. But to many, including myself, he is still on his brand new bike, riding up and down the wonderfully sun shiny street.

I walk over to him. I am the only one that approaches him. I kneel down by the life-ending wheel. The heat emanating from the lorry is uncomfortable and the sound of tiny clicks and ticks and intermittent hisses coming from the lorry almost deafen me. The boy is unrecognizable to me as the mess of brain, hair, blood, skin and skull fill my vision. I look over to his frozen body, sprawled lifeless under the lorries rear end, and slowly follow it back up to where his smiling face should be and try my very hardest to envisage where his eyes might have been just seconds earlier.
It's all gone! Everything has gone and now he is dead! Just like that.

As I stare into the small mound of young human gore, I suddenly get the urge to feel him...to hold him and really feel him and his little life and his memories in my shaking hands. I lean over closer to him. My knees hurt as the weight of my body press down onto the hardness of the rough road and dig into my skin and bones. I put my hands gently into his wrecked brain and scoop up as much as I can. He is quite hot still and feels so alive. I close my eyes as I bring the boy closer to my face and smell him. He smells fresh and clean, as if he is still alive. But as I open my eyes again, I can see that he is just a bloody broken mess and drips gently through my fingers.

Just a body.




Jason








(C) JPT 2007.........3505.3 miles. (94.7 miles remaining)

"When The Vein Blows"

Alone but not lonely...

The quivering beast that finds it's peace
By lying low a while, until finding a feast
...Red veins that blow so fine and right, I seen it all tonight,
Blue veins that hide from fright, I saw it all that night,
So close to Curtis, so far from Deirdre,
The distance don't matter for neither can hear me
Tarmac invites plane to visit hard, water laps up against garage door whilst warm hands sleep on my thigh!

Not quite right, but I'm not pushing it away!



Jason


Happy Birthday Jac xx








(C) JPT 2007.........

"365 Days Later"

Big Ben can't tell the time...what a silly Ben;)


It's been a whole year since I posted my first ever post on my first ever Blog. This is my 177th post! Not a good number but hey, who's looking eh? Why not a good number? You might see just a number, but it reminds me of the word "ILL"& I don't like "ILL". 771 will be another post that will haunt me for a day, but that one won't come along for another few years yet...if ever. Numbers eh...who needs em?
Anyway my friends, Is it weird or even just slightly odd that the first thing I notice when I write a new post is what number it is? I mean please! What's going on? When I was a child I used to have wide awake dreams (or should that be nightmares?) where numbers would be ruling my life, coming at me on an invisible conveyor belt from one side of my peripheral vision and pass right by my eyes...one ofter the other after the other...continuously and without an end! The area where the numbers were was pitch black and the light showing the numbers came from some unknown origin. I could be wide awake and my eyes would be open or I could fast asleep and they would not go away! The numbers were BIG! Not big like say three million, six hundred thousand & eighty one, but BIG as in actual size! They were gigantic! Taller than any skyscraper ever built with corners that were hard and straight and sharpe! Machined to perfection and perfectly steady in their journey past me! It was a terrible feeling and although they didn't stay in my head for long, I didn't know that at the time. I remember sitting on the edge of my bath when I was very young and saying to my Mum if they would stop. My Mum probably said something like they won't hurt you my dear...they're just numbers. I couldn't make them go away myself either...I just had to wait until they went. Very odd indeed. Why didn't I dream of normal things? Like not being able to run or being chased by a strange man who wanted to do horrible things to me? Maybe numbers freaked me out so much back then because I was useless at maths. I could not and still cannot get my head around bloody numbers! People I understand, or at least I know what they are capable of...but numbers? You can keep your numbers thank you very much!

So there you go. Happy Birthday to my Blog...And to Ample's too:)

It seems I have lost the ability to write interesting posts anymore. I just don't seem to have the concentration to come up with anything more exciting than watching an empty crisp packet floating down the street in the wind. It just sounds so boring going on about my cycling around Richmond Park and what not! And kayaking and going to these public inquiries every now and then. I went to two in two days last week (Wednesday & Thursday) and all I seemed to be able to do was nod off listening to various doctors & professors talking about how it was like to manufacture, distribute & ultimately administer vast quantities of Factor VIII, unbeknownst to them at the time (allegedly) harboring various blood bourne viruses! Terrible I know because it is so important. I was tired though after all the cycling I have been doing. Ros was there too which was nice as always and Matthew (another bleeder) who is funny and easy to get along with. They're all very friendly people as it happens. I like the bits in between the actual reading of evidence where we go down the road to the cafe or pub and chat and stuff. I reckon I only go because of those bits...and the mice on the London Underground. I saw the cutest little mouse on the underground and all I wanted to do was pick it up and put it in my pocket and take it home and care for it forever and ever! But I didn't...because I couldn't quite reach it...just out of my reach...as always. One very good thing though is at least I know it will still be there next time I go on the underground...waiting for me:) I wish they allowed bikes on the underground. It'd be so much easier on my wrecked ankles! I hate walking! I don't do walking very well! It hurts too much at times. If only you could jump into my feet for a little while someday...and find out what it's like. Maybe I could jump into your feet someday and feel what it's like without the pain?

Rub, rub, rub those sore little feet,
Until all the pain has gone to sleep,
Your dreams much longer with less of that yawning,
Feelings of happiness when you wake in the morning:)

What have you all been up to? Have you noticed just how quickly it gets dark in the evenings now! I've had to put my big lights on my bike for the first time since the beginning of the year. I like it when it is dark as you are forced to look only in one spot in front of you...and it feels like you are going so fast too, like you're in a long dark tunnel full of flies and deer and rabbits and grass and dirt and roots and... I'm looking forward to a bit of night riding up in the Surrey Hills soon. It's a totally different place up there in the night time.

Talking of cycling, Lee, Phil & I have a mountain bike marathon scheduled for the 16th September up in North Wales. Not a sponsored ride this time. It is the end race of a series; www.mtb-marathon.co.uk/events/ruthin.php Not sure what distance to ride yet? Probably not the 100k route as we have to drive back that night to London and definitely not the 25k as it would be far too easy. Either the 50k or 75k. Depending on the weather. I'm very excited as I Love North Wales:)

Just a quick update on the amount raised so far for the North Downs Way ride two weeks ago. You wonderful people have been donating since we did the ride and I am now up to a whopping £697. I'm eagerly awaiting for someone to whack it up to the £700 mark;) Anybody got a spare three squids? My fundraising page is still active if you want to sponsor me. It won't close until around the 18th October. So if you haven't already sponsored me, it isn't too late. Go for it;)

The Blood, Sweat & Tyres crew have raised a total of £1513. Well done guys! Absolutely brilliant!



Jason








(C) JPT 2007.........2710.52 miles.

"The (un) Infected"

Heart Shaped Moss that I found on the entrance into Teddington Lock over looking the River Thames the day before I got my SVR results (18.07.07) I was out cycling and had a rest and a think and a contemplate before I went back home just around the corner.



Oh yes! The uninfected will keep going on about it won't they. I must remember to remember that I'm not totally uninfected am I, & my Hep C could come back...couldn't it? I must try and remember that. Did I just say that? Oh Yes, I did;)
You know what I mean though don't you. My Hep C is still up in viral heaven, heavily indulged in some sort of sordid sex act no doubt with someone else's recently gotten rid of Hep C. I can just imagine them both right now, entwined together like a couple of horny slugs, with a sign on the wall saying "HIV virus welcome" (You never know, maybe one day eh). They're not bothered about their previous owners in the very least! They're far too stupid to care about us anymore.
As a result of my good result, I have found (as I new I would) that my cycling OCD has more or less gone away and although I am feeling quite tired these last few weeks during my rides I am still doing the miles. 30 on Monday and another 30 Wednesday afternoon and yet another 30 miles yesterday afternoon. Talking of cycling, maybe someone can help me...Warrior Woman? A few times now whilst riding around RP I have almost collided with a few runners coming from the opposite direction on the Tamsin Trail. What happened was that as I was going along minding me own business, listening to me moosic on't i-pod and also minding to stay on the left hand side of the track (just like you would on the roads here in the UK) these runners were on their right and seemed surprised that I didn't move over for them and instead carried on as I thought I ought to. I wasn't going too fast and could see that they could see me and anyway, they didn't like it and right at the last minute jumped out of my way and shouted something. I didn't say a word as I really don't know what the score is for a shared public footpaths/trails. Is it the same as on public roads, like I had thought? If it is then they should be on their left too right? Maybe they don't drive cars and don't have a clue what side to be on (but then do many car drivers either?). Most cyclists stay on their left and so do some runners...but most people just walk/run/cycle wherever the hell they want! I won't be the one crying when my bar end pierces someones soft belly or tangles up with another cyclist (believe me, it has nearly happened on more than one occasion!) and we both end up on the gravel apologizing to each other with me shouting "Stay away from my blood dude! You really don't want to get involved!";)

Also yesterday I was up at the RFH having an MOT on my joints, in particular my right elbow (also known as my 'Glass Elbow' and my 'Broken Wing') and both my ankles. My physiotherapist (Paul) drew some marks onto a sheet of paper that had an outline of my entire body on (back & front) and began to mark it with a biro where I was having problems. He also moved and pulled and twisted (firmly but very comfortably I might add) all my joints and came to the conclusion that both my ankles and my right elbow are indeed fucked and booked me in for another visit in two weeks time. He also X-Ray'd my left ankle as it has been playing up quite a bit whilst walking. He thinks there might be something rough or sticking out where the two bones rub together. Hopefully the X-Ray will show us what there is and maybe what can be done...if anything. I told him about all the cycling I do and kayaking and not once did he say that I shouldn't (which is good). Actually, even if he had I would have said 'Up-yours' and walked out...No bike...No Jae...Simple!

I had a great (last) weekend away in Kidderminster & Shrewsbury with a whole bunch of people from the Hep C forum which Joan had wonderfully organized. Ros & her Hubby Ade put me up for a couple of nights at their Kidderminster home and fed me & bathed me and watered me too:) Then on the Saturday we drove to Shrewsbury and met up with Joan and her Hubby Steve and loads of others too who are either on tx or have been on tx. And what a great bunch of people they are too. The weather was great and the food was also very tasty...especially Ros's flapjacks:)

Anyway, enough about that. What about my dreams? Have you noticed in the last several months that there has been a distinct lack of dreams in my blog? I thought you did. Ever since I finished my treatment for Hep C my vivid and highly detailed dreams have dried up terribly and left me with just tiny bits and bobs...even straight after waking from my dreams I can't remember them much at all! For instance; I had a few dreams the night before the night before last that I almost certainly would have remembered in much more detail previously. My bike gets stolen from a railway station, I look for it, find it and stick a scalpel into the young man that took it! In another one the same night I dreamed that a very good friend of mine got their Hep C back. But where are the details? And what's happened to my poetry? Where has it all gone? I do have a few dreams saved that I never posted whilst I was on tx. The one about the freeze dried vagina's (which I like) and another about a little boy who gets crushed under the wheels of a very big lorry (which I don't) and another where I come face to face with a green (and very sexy) woman swimming in this flood (which was also green) just outside my front room window (I like that one too).
Oh, one thing I do remember is that when I found my bike the wheels were all loose and wouldn't spin properly and just a little more gross is that when I stuck the scalpel into the Man's body I could feel it digging & picking into his bones!

And another thing. I have to do that study again where I do without Factor VIII for 72hrs to determine what my Factor VIII levels are because my results came back at around the 5% mark (I'm supposed to be less than 1%). What does this mean? Am I a moderate to severe (or even mild?) haemophiliac all of a sudden? I'm sure they think I didn't do my bit and stay away from the Factor during those 72hrs. I assure you my droogs that I did.
So back I go on Tuesday next week to have more blood sucked out from my leech-like vein and a whole weekend without any Factor whatsoever. Must remember to take it easy when I'm out up in the Surrey Hills on Sunday with Phil from 'Blood, Sweat & Tyres';)
And on Tuesday night I am up at The Scala in Kings Cross to see The Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster' again:) Jac's on holiday in Portugal for that week so I have to find someone else to go with me who doesn't mind getting kicked in the head by crowd surfers or going deaf even!

Check out the video for their new EP 'In The Garden' in this link;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5ELJfSbm58

I Love this band!



P.s. If a bucket is too much, then a milk bottle will do;)




Jason








(C) JPT 2007.........2348.60 miles.

"Waiting for paper"

County Hall, South Bank, London yesterday.


Silly isn't it! All the way through tx and all the way through the last six months right up until my six month post tx blood test on't July 4th and not a bat of an eyelid as to what the implications may be if the outcome isn't successful. But since my test just one week ago I have been feeling it! I'm no longer in control and I absolutely hate this feeling! I'm not a control freak by any standards but I do like to see where I am going...even if it is nowhere. If I am in a car I will never be comfortable unless I am the driver...It doesn't matter how good the driver is. That's the sort of thing I mean.
The shadows & dark patches have been getting in the way big time on my bike rides! Let me explain...I have this OCD (we all have them) where as I pedal around, when either foot reaches the very bottom of it's stroke (closest to the ground) and there is a shadow there say from a tree or lamp post etc or a dark patch of tarmac or a line or crack or oil stain then I physically have to back pedal and start again until my foot reaches the bottom where it is clear and light etc. I say to my self that I will die if I push past and ignore it. Believe me I have tried to push past it and continue pedaling through such feelings and all that happens is what can only be described as a rather large elastic band twisting up tighter & tighter inside the very center of my whole body making the thought of death & illness magnify where the only way to get rid of it is to back pedal the same amount of times in the opposite direction until it feels free in my mind again. Sound odd? I don't suppose you would necessarily notice if you were to watch me because I am very aware of it when I do and try and make it look as natural as possible. Having said that, I probably look like a right twat;)

Anyway, I used to do it loads years ago for a very long time but it seemed to go away in the last year or so. It is always there but very very infrequent and only in the last week has it come back...since my blood test to be precise. I know it will go away when I get the result (as long as it is good that is) otherwise I'll have to figure out another way of stopping it...it drives me mad sometimes! I just want to pedal normally...maybe everyone does it though? I've never really looked to see. Maybe us cyclists are all mad and none of us are normal...That'd be nice;)

Also, I had a very strange dream this morning where I was waiting for my results to come through the letter box and my Niece Daisy & my Mum were there too. It dropped through the letter box and I held it in my hands thinking how I would react in front of my family if it was bad news and secretly thought that I would not react at all and just say 'Oh well.' And then I opened it and tried to see just from the shape of the paragraphs and positioning of the lettering wether I could tell what kind of news it was. I noticed a drawing and collage type thing, almost child like in design and very colourful. It looked like a multi-coloured bumble-bee with petals for wings and had a great big smile on it's face...I looked over at Daisy and said that it was good and burst into tears. She came over to me and hugged me and her tears fell onto my face and I felt wonderful! I know that when she reads this she will be rather embarrassed by it but hey...that's dreams for ya;) It won't be anything like that in real life I just know it. I'll smile a bit and start to phone people up and tell them the news...if it's good. Otherwise I'll probably just be really moody for a few days and look like a weirdo on my bike for a bit;)

So what else have I been doing? I went to the latest hearing into the Public Inquiry into contaminated blood products yesterday and met up with my good friend Ros the day before as she was down for the early start at Westminster and sat with her and her wonderful Mum & Dad through the whole of the hearing. I was thinking that even if this inquiry doesn't achieve what it set out to do then at least some very good friendships will have been formed because of it:)
An added bonus at yesterdays hearing was the switching of venues right at the last minute to just across the road to the Houses of Parliament. I don't think I have been in there before...maybe with the school when I was a kid but I was probably being naughty and throwing things at the policemen rather than realizing where I actually was. The TV cameras were there again and so were the policemen...I refrained from throwing anything at them this time as they were all holding rather shiny looking Heckler & Koch MP5 submachine guns! As with all the other hearings it was cramped and far too hot but also as with previous hearings the people giving evidence were varied & keen to help as much as they possibly can. Amongst the people in attendance to give evidence yesterday were Lord David Owen and Kelly Duda (whom was sitting next to me) producer of the film "Factor 8; The Arkansas Prison Blood Scandal". I still don't know what to make of the inquiry really as I still feel quite detached from the whole thing from all the years I have basically turned a blind eye to all things like it. I do however find it very interesting and do feel the need to be there for some reason. I'll most certainly be at the next one on the 25th July. I might even take along my friend Jac as she has wanted to come along for a while now. Maybe my Mum too if she feels like it?



Jason


P.s. The photo I took on my little walk over to the Houses of Parliament from Waterloo Station yesterday morning and noticed six full size Stormtroopers standing guard over County Hall and facing directly out over the River Thames where they are holding an exhibition to celebrate 30 years of Star Wars. I went there back in May with my Star Wars friend Anna and didn't even see the Stormtroopers! They must have been on special military maneuvers someplace else in the galaxy;)

P.p.s. Also Chris, I'm so pleased for you dude! You & Heather. I'll be joining you soon...very soon:)







(C) JPT 2007.........2036.79 miles.

"Drawn on the Fourth of July"

There there Jason...



That's it then...all done! It's been six months now since I finished my 48wks Hep C treatment. The blood has been taken and will now be looked at under a giant microscope very soon and no doubt tasted by the Royal Frees finest professional virus tasters and then spat out (obviously) into a giant silver metal bucket in the corner of the room upstairs where they do these kinds of tests. I'd Love to see this bucket. I bet they don't even have to empty it as the hospitals moggy probably gobbles up all the blood as it sets into a Lovely bucket shaped black pudding jelly...MMmmmm!!

As you can tell from the title of this post it was on July 4th that I gave my blood to them at the Royal Free Hospital in London. It was a pretty quick visit and I was quite happy to get out and back on the train with my thoughts.

Debra (Haemophilia Clinical Nurse Specialist) took my blood...about seven or eight vials full in total (I asked for the whole works as I'd like to know what my CD4 count is etc...plus I don't want the cat upstairs to go hungry;) I have known Debra since she first started at the Haemophilia Centre as a trainee in 1991. I've been going to the RFH since 1976! I see em come and I see em go...they all know me up there and some have known me since I was a lickle boy of five. As you can imagine...they absolutely adore me up there;)

I had meself a little circular plaster to cover up the hole that the needle made in my vein...not so much to stop the bleeding as more of something to photograph when I got home for this post. I never go for plasters normally as a minute or so with a bit of cotton wool or in my case a square of (fresh) bogroll pressed on will do the trick.

On the train home I fell asleep listening to my ipod and had this very strange dream where this Swan was swimming away from me and all I wanted to do was to put my arms around the beautiful birds feathered body and fly away if & when she took off into the sunset. I must have been so tired to have dreamed that on public transport! As much as I tried I never did catch the swan and will probably never know if I managed to get hold of her. One day mebbe?

Then that night when I got home I went for a paddle up the Thames all on me tod to wake me up a little and even had my own firework display at 10pm...bloody hell was it loud & long! I couldn't actually see it as I was so low down on the water...just the amazing sound. Was it for the Fourth of July?...or were they all for me? I like to think they were put on speshially for me. I've beat this virus...big time...and somebody already knows so;)

Like I said...all done and dusted & out of my hands now...actually it was my left arm;) No more than a fortnight for the result I was promised by Debra. And it will be in a letter that I will get posted through my letter box...can't wait:) I hope it says either 'Yes' it has gone...or 'No' it hasn't. Simple and in Lovely B&W. We'll see...we'll see.



Jason


P.s. I just reached the 2000 mile mark tonight with my overall mileage since Jan 1st this year. Another 1600 by the end of December to go to reach my target and I'll be laughing...or crying from all the pain in my right elbow!!








(C) JPT 2007.........2000 miles.

"Too Deep Even to Breathe"

The all inviting surface...just waiting to be ripped open and entered!

Firstly peeps...you may have noticed that my Rough Ride post (just below this one) may have done a runner or was not showing photos for a while. This wasn't anything to do with me and I have been having problems with this post for a few days now...first the photos disappeared and then I couldn't re-publish the post with new photos and then I couldn't even delete it and start it all over again. Then it wouldn't even let me post a new post (the dream about drowning post) I'm not sure what I did just now but the dream post is there now and the Rough Ride post is back after I removed all the photos...seems they didn't like my ugly mush;) Bloody Blogger.com are a right pain in the arse sometimes! I'll try and sort it out and get the Rough Ride photos back on there somehow...even if it's just the one photo.........ok...on with the show....

This dream is from the 9th May 2007...

Ok! Let's get this over with! Another drowning! Are my dreams trying to tell me something? I must admit that either burning alive or drowning would be two of my most horrible ways to die...Dying of a blood borne infection being at the very top! Maybe I will drown one day...who knows? I mean it isn't out of the question is it, considering all the kayaking I do. No bouyancy aid...more often than not all alone! And it's true that I don't fear capsizing and getting wet. I make sure that I don't fall in because of the germs in the water mainly.
So why all these dreams where I drown? This latest dream has me going down far to deep in this very deep pool...I know I have gone too far the moment I jump in! Two others have decided to jump in at the same time and I am furious! I wanted to be alone...just me! Or am I missing the point altogether?

Drowning is nice...

I walk over to the edge and take a good look at my surroundings. Some sort of sandstone canyon thousands of miles away from where I live. I'm looking out, along with several strange people, probably locals out for a swim, from a kind of a natural cave entrance eroded into the side of the sandstone overlooking the canyon and the water. I look up and see a slit of sky between the steep canyon walls where the clouds are moving by quite fast...they are low and menacing, the air is warm & humid, and where I am there is no wind. The water is still and very deep. The walls of the canyon disappear down into the water and fade into a wonderful deep green. I walk back a few yards to my holdall and put my car key & mobile phone inside and lay my towel across the top so know one can see them.
All I have on is a pair of thin linen trousers and nothing else. They are turquiose in colour. My friend Lee is standing there also. He has my camera and I am hoping he will get a good photo of me jumping into the water. I look over into his direction to see if he is ready...He is. The other people just seem to be standing around admiring the canyon. I take several steps back...enough for a run up of sorts and prepare myself for my jump.
Running as fast as I can, I reach the very edge of the sandstone before it falls 90 degrees and drops about 6ft in to the water and I launch myself into the air with all my might! Just as I leave the ground I notice a very tanned slim boy & girl wearing skin coloured swim suits running towards the edge. I can't believe what I am seeing! I am quite angry! I did so want to be the only one jumping right now! I was higher than them and it looked as though I might even land on them as we all hit the waters surface together! Bloody typical!
We are! We're going to collide in the water! Land right on them both and kill them! Break my legs and smash my nuts in on their broken bones! I need to get higher in the air and further away from the edge! I try...I can feel myself stretching out as if reaching for the sky and I am higher and further than the two swimmers. In fact I am so high that I have butterflies in my tummy and now I am beginning to experience a little vertigo! The water below me is clear of people now and I feel my body momentarily come to a stop as gravity takes over again and sends me down to the deep green water pooled between the giant V shape canyon walls. The sound of wind passing by my ears becomes deafening as my body builds up more and more speed as I plummet to the water.
I make myself into a pencil shape...bringing my arms in tight by my side like a soldier, my legs together as if bound with rope and look staright ahead as I prepare myself for a very fast entrance!
I enter the water at top speed...the soles of my feet sting and instantly I am surrounded by billions of tiny bubbles. I can see just fine and the water is freezing cold! I instinctively find myself kicking my legs and waving my arms to try and slow myself down as I quickly sink away from the surface. As the last of the bubbles float to meet their maker, I can just make out Lee standing on the sandstone ledge, pointing my camera directly at me. His long figure waves as the disturbed water begins to flatten out once more. I think to myself that he must have got a really good photo. The boy & girl are dragging themselves out of the water and up out into the air. Then before I know it I am quite deep and still going down! I realise very quickly that I am far too deep to surface again without needing more air! I don't panic and resign myself to drowning. I decide to blow all the remaining air out from my lungs to see just how deep I can go. The water becomes all the more cold and I notice little pockets of a clearish kind of algae below me...then by my side...then above me. Up above the colour is the same as looking down below. Green and murky! Darker & colder than I have felt in a long time! I have no air left and need to breathe!



Jason







(C) JPT 2007.........1706.85 miles.

"The Drowning Girl"

Twickenham Riverside Jan 07.


This vision before me? No surely not! There was no doubt that it looked like one, but no! Not here...by the water, in all this unpredictable storm! Besides, didn't butterflies come out only when the light shone from the beating suns burning rays? It was dusk here...it would be dark soon. I stood, feet firmly planted to the wet steel floor of the barge, rising and then dipping tremendously as the swell in the dark blue sea made it's presence known! I was forced to hold onto the side of the barge for balance as the water threatened to spill over as the giant steel vessel tipped!
The crystal clarity, The bottomless supply of freezing cold water and the light, flourescent glow of the ever closing figure made the surrounding torrent look all the more menacing! The closer to me that this watery apparition became, the quicker I began to realise that it wasn't a butterfly at all, but a woman! A woman floating serenely on top of some kind of boat...a kayak. But not like any kayak that I had ever seen! It seemed to grow out from the soft white skin of her naked waist & cover her legs with a thin, almost transparent covering of the most delicate of materials. She was beautiful and the glow of her strange boat shone up to her neck and face which made her shine like an aquatic angel against the darkening sky of the failing dusk.
As I bobbed up and down with the barge, I watched in amazement as she skimmed across the water and to the side of the barge. Her serious but fragile looking face was looking down and ahead but her eyes looked right up at me. Her hands weren't like normal hands! Instead, growing our from each tiny wrist were a sort of paddle, made from the very same material as was the boat wrapped around the bottom half of her body. They moved like the wings of a Dragonfly...one after the other...after the other...after the other...her torso facing forward as was her head. Strong shoulders powering her right by the side of the barge. Her slender arms glistened as they dripped with sea water having been sprayed up by her paddling.
Just as she came into line with me, she leant forward a little and made the sharp pointed nose of her boat cut into the swirling dark blue sea. Within seconds the whole boat was under, with her torso following suit. The waves making her change shape as she was magnified and made smaller all at the same time. She span & turned & twisted and rolled...Her display mirrored the performance of a strange, lone synchronized swimmer. She looked up at me between each move, to see if I was watching her. I never took my eyes off her...not even for one second! She performed for me...danced as if the world was about to end!
I leant all the more closer to the waters surface to see her better. I was transfixed! My eyes began to sting a little and dry out from not wanting to blink in case I missed something. But just at that moment, as she was slowly passing beneath me, I saw her eyes begin to close, her mouth open wide and she sneezed under the water! She instantly began to choke on the cold salty water...her eyes reopening...staring at me as if to yell for help! She had stopped paddling and slowly began to fall away, down into the deep of the ocean!
Both my arms instinctively reached out from the side of the barge and plunged into the water, where I managed to grab hold of her face before she disappeared completely from the surface. Cupped inside my hands, I gently pulled her back to the surface of the restless water and leant over even more, until my chin was almost dipping into the sea's thin skin. As her face broke the waters surface, I bent my arms and brought her up close...noses almost touching...Her long golden hair running in lines down her neck & blending back into the water. Her skin was very pale...her lips had turned a lightish blue colour. Her eyes open now and her blue lips parted slightly, she said 'I sneezed!.'
'I know', I said to her.
She brought her hands from under the water, which were now the tiniest, most delicate looking hands I had ever seen! She cupped my whole face in them & pulled me up close so our noses finally touched. I could feel her freezing cold finger tips gently holding my face, the water tickled as it dribbled down the skin of my cheeks. I looked right into her watery eyes...they reminded me of the water that I had pulled her from...deep blue and rather quite stormy looking. Back went her head now...her mouth opening as wide as her jaw would let it. I could see right down into her throat and deep into her nostrils. I looked to see if they were clear and free to take in air...they were!
She looked back into my eyes and mouthed the words...'Thank you'.



Jason







(C) JPT 2007.........1240.21 miles

"The World's Smallest Dog Whistle"

Hand & Egg courtesy of Deirdre.


Whats that pigeon doing up there perched above that doorway? It was peering out from a kind of small opening not to dissimilar from a mouse's hole in the skirting board of a Tom & Jerry cartoon. There seems to be a man watching between it and the line of people walking underneath the doorway as if waiting for something. The line I was in was moving slowly towards the bird, which gave me time to use my confused mind to think what the man might be waiting for! Can you teach a bird to poo on someone? That would be interesting wouldn't it? And what better place to perch your bird than just above a doorway? I looked at the man's hands to see if he had some sort of clicker or was making signals with his fingers that the bird would see as a que to start dropping the warmish grey/white substance contained inside it's little bottom. But he wasn't....nor did he have a special clicker. He wasn't blinking funny to the bird nor whistling. So what was he doing? I was nearly there now and was eager for something to happen before I passed underneath, never to see the man & his bird ever again.
I was right there now....right below the hole and the bird. 'Come on then! Do something, this is driving me crazy!' I said to myself. Then I noticed something else just inside the birds little doorway. It looked like an egg....sort of speckeled and very fragile looking. It seemed to be moving as if something was living inside. It must be the birds egg and her baby. Then all of a sudden the egg began to move, slowly rolling forward as if being nudged from behind, right to the edge of the opening....past the bird it went and rolled right over the lip of the hole and plunged to the floor! My heart began to pound as fast as a pedigree race horses at the end of the final furlong and my belly felt as if it were full of the worlds entire stock of butterflies! I had to catch this egg or the babies inside would smash to pieces when it reached the rock solid ground! My arms instinctively rose from my sides and reached up into the air ready to catch the precious egg! My surroundings....the doorway...the man....the rest of the people in the line disappeared from my peripheral vision and all I saw was the egg falling.....which seemed to last as long as an entire length of an episode of "The A Team", before it finally dropped into my warm, shaking, clammy palms!
I felt ecstatic with my grand performance and gently clutched the egg to my hard beating chest to protect it from any damage. As I stared at this delicate little shell of life, the rest of my surroundings began to fade back into view. The line of people that I was part of only moments earlier began to surround me and before I knew it I was trapped in a small circle of eager eyed people! I felt trapped and needed to get away! Then the egg began to rattle & gently vibrate...probably triggered by the fall and the heat coming from my hands...and small cracks started to appear all over the eggs speckeled surface! The egg split into two as a whole bunch of sweaty looking tiny yellow & white baby chicks began to ooze from the two cracked halves. My small trembling hands could hardly contain them all and I was afraid of dropping one! Everyone around me were talking and pointing and getting far too close for comfort. I tried to move away, cradling the babies in my arms as they tried to clamber up the sides of my scooped hands to escape and a few of them fell out of my grip and dropped to the floor, each with a tiny thud! The other people quickly scooped them up and disappeared like thieves into the night. The shell....once the safest place in these little creatures lives...dropped to the floor also, which helped me handle the tiny balls of rapidly drying out yellow & white fluff all the better.
Then as I was trying to stay apart from the others, I heard someone calling urgently from behind me to stop! I quickly came to a halt and this woman soon caught up with me and breathlessly said that I needed the egg shell for the babies to eat or they would die of starvation! It was just me, the woman and the babies now......safely re-united with their shell.....all the other people had gone, no doubt chasing after the other people that stole the fallen babies.
The woman stood directly before me, almost touching toes with me & carefully placed the broken shell into the middle of the wriggling babies and they soon stopped trying to escape and instead began to eat the shell and all it's thin white membrane. The babies were fully dried out now and already looked to have doubled in size. It was silent now, all apart from the mildly excited sound of the woman & I breathing and just then at that moment I thought I could hear the babies tweeting. It was very very quiet and I had to put my ear right over the small pile of babies & my shaking cupped hands to hear them properly....and indeed it was the babies making the sound. It was almost inaudible, as if each and every one of the feeding babies had the worlds smallest dog whistle inserted into their tiny throats.



Jason


P.s. Happy Birthday Tarn...for the 10th:)






(C) JPT 2007.........1033.67 miles.

"The Young Engineer"

A road to nowhere......literally, as this road sign (taken today) means DEAD END! The next road along from mine in Teddington. My road is a dead end too (next stop the Thames) but I didn't want to use my road sign in this post! I can't tell if this dream I had last night is a really good dream or a really horrible one? Either way it upset me!


The four year old girl was trying with her utmost patience & innocent professionalism to get the scooter started that was up on it's centre stand, comfortably parked over a dried puddle of motor oil that had leaked into the ground of the bare front garden of a grubby looking house on one corner to a main road at the end of a very long, straight side road. Her tiny figure looked very odd perched atop this towering machine, the girls little legs barely reaching past the bottom of the saddle, but she also looked completely at home with her eager face showing a great determination to get the engine up & running. Her Mum was standing by her side watching her daughters concentrating hands as she tried pushing the start button and twisting the throttle. My friend Lee & I were walking past them towards the corner of the main road as we looked over to witness them and this strange spectacle.....

Then out of the corner of my eye I saw what looked like a Mini car drive past us at a great amount of speed down towards the main road from the end of the side road, with no signs of slowing down. There weren't any sounds of a highly charged engine nor did the thing make a crashing sound as the car proceeded to drive at top speed through a gap in the moving traffic on the main road and into the house directly opposite and disappeared without so much as a speck of brick dust or the tinkling of shattering glass or the crushing, twisting sound of grinding metal & human weight forced together.....the curtians hanging inside the window frame being sucked in behind it momentarily revealing a very long tunnel of wreckage stretching into the distance the exact same shape as a small car. The curtains flopped back down to their original position and it looked as though nothing had happened. The steady stream of traffic the car had crossed through kept moving......oblivious to the high speed metal injection that just took place between their protective cocoons! I calmly asked Lee if he saw it.....the car pass through the window.....he couldn't say for sure if he had. Then I heard the sound of a tiny engine rev into life and upon looking up, noticed the girl on the vespa had managed to start it. Her smile spoke absolute volumes......eyes wide like saucers....her arms went up as she punched the air. She looked around feeling very clever & grown up at an imaginary crowd of people gathered to see this impressive display of kiddie engineering. She expected to see big smiles, clapping hands & cheers of admiration.....only to see that she was alone......all except for her Mum....who was looking right at me! Her eyes were boring holes into my face and her expression was of the most serious & frightening kind that exists. She was the Mini drivers Mother.

I knew the driver had mental problems and was addicted to heroin or some such chemical life-line.....as was his mother. The child sitting atop the newly revitalized motorcycle, knew absolutely nothing of the drug use inside of her precious family, nor of the awful damage that it had caused to her Loved ones ability to think straight over the years, but she knew there was something terribly, terribly wrong!



Jason







(C) JPT 2007.........652.36 miles.

"These aren't the dreams you're looking for"

Sunbury-on-Thames yesterday.



'Let me see your identification.'
'You don't need to see his identification.'
'We don't need to see his identification.'
'These aren't the dreams you're looking for.'
'These aren't the dreams we're looking for.'
'He can go about his business.'
'You can go about your business.'
'Move along.'
'Move along... move along.'


This post was going to be all about how since I finished treatment for Hep C back on the 7th Feb, that I just haven't seemed to have had any real dreams......ones that I can remember or even make any sense of once I wake up (& you know I Love a good dream eh). Normally if the dream is any good, I will jot down a few key words and these usually give me what I need the next day to relive the entire dream in my head. But these days I can't even manage that! But then I dreamt in the night (last night) and actually remembered a few things to write as key words. Still quite vague and bitty.....but dreams nonetheless. They will do for now. I guess my normal, vivid and highly detailed dreams of piss, death & decay will return in due course;)

My pretty useless dream...

Miniature Dolphin & Crocodiles accurately dive from the palm of my hand into smooth and crystal clear water.....no sound as they slip under. Strange Ewok type creatures sitting on tree branches spying on me! The dumped and burnt out shell of a car resting in thick snow by the side of a public footpath winding it's way through London by the Thames. The car had several men inside whom were all naked except for their socks, shoes & watches. They were engaging in a practice not too dissimilar to the act of group sex. Passers by watched as they trudged through the creaking snow by this vehicular male orgy. The car was glassless and some of the men called out for people to come join them. The whole area stunk to high heaven of wet ashes, damp, distorted metal and melted rubber. The snow was cold and piled up quite high at the edge of the path in places. I was walking my bike along with two strange women who seemed to know me. I was trying to keep my tyres inside the tracks of previous cyclists. I felt a little left out, as the women had just met each other, one having noticed some dark blue veins on her new friends chest/cleavage, she said that she new what it was and should go and get it looked at asap! Then, as I was contemplating cycling home, looking up at the sky to see whether the clouds looked liked they were going to split open and drench everyone in the whole of London, I spotted a man crouch down further up the street, his trousers were down by his ankles and he began to take a shit! A Policeman saw him and having quickly donned his hat started to run over to the pooing man to presumably offer to wipe him clean?
The dream ended with Lee, his Brother Mark and I crouching down beside the bank of the River Thames, looking into the fast left to right churn of the light green/brown water. Dead fish began to float by.....I pointed to one, a very big and rotten Bream! It was half submerged & black with death. It soon disappeared. Then as we were looking for more fish, something seemed to gather up around our backsides and slowly started to push us into the water! It felt very much like a giant gathering of duvet, soft and white. We looked at each other and had nowhere else to go but into the cold river.

I am pretty sure what triggered my new dream off. It was almost certainly my 35 minute paddle in my new kayak last night in the swollen, colourless, speeding Thames.......well a little back water off-shoot right next to the main body of the angry river! I was very nervous....mostly about tipping upside down and freezing to death & swallowing the actual water too. The water was freezing and my feet soon went numb as I stepped into the water to enter the tiny boats cockpit. This new kayak is tiny and as I learned, you can turn the thing on a sixpence! With one hardish stroke of the powerful paddle I can spin on the spot for over 360 dgrees! The tiny sliver of a back end disappears under the surface of the water and the shark nose front end skims the surface just like a thousand year old weathered pebble. I was absolutely Loving it. Lee was with me in his 14ft'er and paddled out into the main part of the Thames like know ones business.....that is how stable my other boat is. I cautiously followed and fought against the fast & determined current to a still spot that Lee found just around the corner. We took up our posistions side by side and watched the relentless flow of water gushing past us on it's watery way perhaps to flood the entire City of London! Thank goodness for the Thames estuary and the North Sea!
We took leave of our little glassy haven and headed back out into the main part of the flow only to be taken along in it's pull and swung back around to the off-shoot and hopefully to saftey. Almost no paddling required, just dibs and dabs to keep it straight. Don't look up too quick from the rising swells and currents to the waters surface or you can lose balance and your bearings! The water and the land are moving at two completely different speeds and you're right in the middle of both of them.....you just don't realize how quickly the water grabs you!
Back in the saftey of our learning strip and in amongst the wildlife......a family of ducks & a nest which belonged to a family of fishing & diving Great Crested Grebes. Amazing creatures who often disappear under the water to catch dinner of escape from a fast approaching bright orange kayak! It also started to rain and we were soon wet but didn't feel the cold again until we eventually got out. It had got dark too! Not the best place to be I must admit.....so we got out and sat in 45 minutes of awful traffic in the pouring rain! But I was happy with my new boat and can't wait to get out again.....When the river looks a little more inviting;)

As for today.........I off out on my bike to get a little filthy!



Jason







(C) JPT 2007.........584.03 miles.