The 18:50 into Heathrow

Marble Hill House, Twickenham, Yesterday.

Bloody knee! What was all that about? I have never had that happen before!

I had been out cycling last night and on my way home from Richmond Park I passed the back of Marble Hill House (see photo) in Twickenham, looking out onto the River Thames. I pass this way everytime I cycle to Richmond Park and even if I went the front way along the main road I would still pass the house with a very similar view. But the tow-path is a much more pleasant route. What with the ducks, swans, geese & even the odd water rat and not to mention the very welcoming lack of traffic. You do have to watch out for the dogs that have those rather long leads that seem to extend for the whole length of the path & seem to go on forever and ever. I haven't got caught in one yet......I only hope I notice or when I get home I will have a dog and the dogs owner dragging behind me in need of some urgent medical attention or in the very least a hot cup of tea & a dog biscuit!
My cycle around the park was just the same as any other evening, although there were less puddles than there were the other night, but the moths were still there........thousands! I have never seen that many before!
So, as I passed the house I thought I would take a photo of it and try and get a plane in the shot too. That wasn't too difficult since that is the main flight path (flying from right to left) into Heathrow Airport. But I did want the plane placed directly over the top of the house and central. I think I managed to get it alright (6 second exposure) and only had to wait for three planes (9 mins) before I got it. The Moon was directly behind me and looks to be entering his halfmoon phase and seemed to be completely at ease looking out from behind his black curtain onto the river and all the helicopters, planes and the "odd" cyclist. The river was perfectly still and the Canadian Geese were trying to sleep in the cold, dark water. The rest of the path was deserted and drenched in dull orange puddles of light from the tow-path lamps.
I finished my photography and got back onto my bike and my right knee went funny and the kneecap kind of locked into place! Very strange and scary as all I was doing was pushing away to begin pedalling. It seemed to go back in the right position again, but it still doesn't feel right. I might have damaged it! I really hope it is ok.........it really scared me, in fact I'm still not happy about it as my knees are pretty good compared to my other joints. If my knee goes then that is me finished! So I called off todays visit to Covent Garden and washed my car instead. It certainly needed it as does my bike, which will have to wait his turn (tomorrow maybe). Plenty of Factor VIII and it still feels the same! It isn't swollen and isn't actually a bleed technically but had to be treated regardless. I must rest it (ie, no cycling for a while and no long walks). Fingers crossed it goes away soon! I will give it until Monday and then take it up to the RFH and get them to check it out.

"Walking with your Eyes and not your Pain"

Washing my car in between the garages and the pavement, an elderly man slowly approaches with the help of two walking sticks, he is taking his time and I have never seen him before. I continue to wash my car, sponging plenty of warm, soapy water all over the black bodywork and glass. The sun is out, but low, and there are hardly any clouds in the sky. It is a wonderful day.
10 minutes later the old man has almost reached my car and I. I have been watching intermittenly for the last 10 mins and have noticed him stop several times to catch his breath so he can begin walking again. He takes the time he is stationary, to have a little look around him at the green parrotts that screech around in groups of about 20 from tree to tree. He is smiling too, always smiling!
Again he sets off with a new lungful of fresh air and continues his walk towards me and seemingly the end of the road which is about 100 yards away. One stick in front of the other, eyes looking down carefully to see his way forward is flat and foot friendly.
5 steps forward....look down.....up....down.....smiling.....stop.......look around....smiling.....eyes down......sticks.....carefully placed feet.......eyes....smiling.....5 steps forward.......until he finally reaches me.
I hear him say something and stand to see him. He is out of breath but so fresh and eager looking. He makes me smile. I say hello and he says hello too. He has stopped again and I say "Lovely day for washing cars eh"
Yes he says, still smiling, holding onto his sticks and looking around at the sky.
"I haven't been outside in over 3 months" he says. "I am going to try and reach the very end of the road today.........I really hope it doesn't rain!"
I look at the sky and my watch and say;
"I don't think it will rain" and told him he would be fine and wished him luck.
So off he goes again, very slowly and very carefully too. He seems totally intent on reaching the end of the road just 100 yards away. It must seem like miles to him, he must be in so much pain and he isn't letting on. I smile to myself again and watch him while I wash the rest of my car. He stops about 50 yards from the end of the road and speaks to an old lady for a minute, she is throwing nuts to the squirels. I hear the lady ask him how old he was, But I didn't hear his reply. I'd say he was about 80 or 90! He carrys on.......looking up, down......probably still smiling.
It takes him a while to do it, but he reaches the end of the road in about 20 mins and stops for a while watching the cars go by and the birds in the sky. Our road is a cul-de-sac and there aren't many cars at all that come down except residents. My road is a very quite, peaceful road.
My car is almost clean now and all I have to do is shammy the bodywork and wash the alloys and I will be finished. The old man is heading back after his journey and I notice as he gets closer that he is smiling even more now.
Several minutes later he has again found himself next to me and my car.
He stops again, and looks happy with his days work. Smiling all the while.
"Hello again" I say to him. "Blimey, that was quick!" "You did that quicker than you thought you would I bet eh"
"Yes I did didn't I, and I spoke to somebody on my way up there too"
"You did really well and should be very proud of yourself" I said.
"Thank you" he says. "You did a very good job cleaning your car, it looks Lovely".
"Thank you" I say and tell him that it was filthy and really needed it!
After getting his breath back again and finding the next spot on the pavement for his next step he says; "I must be off or my wife will wonder where I am" "I have been out a very long time".
I tell him bub-bye and say "I expect she will have a Lovely hot cup of tea waiting for you".
"Yes" he said, "That would be wonderful".
"Cheerio" we say to eachother.
I watch him, thinking...............how wonderful!
I am smiling now.

Jason




(C) JPT 2006

Alabaster Retard #1

Total Lunar Eclipse (Moon leaves umbra), Kingston Riverside, May 4th, 2004.

Here's a poem from the I'm The Moon;

Neil Armstrong a walking on me face,
Buzz Aldrin he walking on me face,
And then the third one, the spaceman a walking on me face,
All on the surfaces, and they looking at all the stuff that the Moon has got to offer, he he.....Yeah.

And when the spaceman come, he did experiments with a hammer and a feather,
And seeing that which one would land first.
And do you know, on the Moons surface, they landed exactly the same time.
He could've done that with anything; Beach Ball, Peg, Magnet....
.....Little drawing of a some chicken.
It don't make no difference.
When you are the Moon, everything lands the same.

When you are the Moon, there is a person there people say is the Sun,
I saw the Sun once, and it came a past me, really fast.....
And it was a, it was called the an Eclipse.
And it came past, but as it came past I licked his back.
He didn't know I licked his back, all on his yellow suit.
I'm the Moon.

When you are the Moon, the best for you can be is a full Moon.
.......and then a half Moon, he's alright.
But the full Moon is the famous Moon, and er, like, three quarters......
No one gives a shit about him.
When does he come?
Two days into the calendar month, he's useless!
Full Moon, the Moon,
The Main Moon.

One time, I saw a man looking at me, yes, with his eyes,
And then he picked up a tube and he looked in the tube,
And he made the Moon big inside the tube.
The Moon big inside the tube......ha ha ha ha.....
Oh, a telescope.



Thanks to Noel Fielding.

Jason

Decaying Paths....

Silt, Twickenham.

Went out for a bike ride today......tonight (yesterday now). Got spots of mud and puddle water all over me! On my legs.......on my back from the back tyre flicking up the mud.......from the puddles.......on my front too......from my tyre at the front. I saw it happen! It happened all the while I was going along..........the dirty track! My light...........a very good, strong light, picked out the spots for me.....each and everyone.....before they reached the surface of my clothing. Spots caught by the light looking more like tiny sparks of white hot metal.....spraying a little fountain just in front of my light. It was dark........pitch black all around me and my bike......just a little tunnel of light and the sparks showing the way for me! The surfaces of my bike too had a certain amount of mud and puddle water also. Especially the tyres......as you can imagine! It didn't stay there for too long.....mud displaces mud displaces mud......but at the end of the displacing it does find a home. My bike frame is very dirty! I can see it on my gloved hands and my sleeved arms.....little dark muddy spots!
I can't see this.....but I can feel it. My face has been affected too......along with eveything else. I felt it land..........the dirty, muddy water. My eyes were protected.....I needed that! A jogger shades her eyes from my light! My mouth too has taken in some spots! I wonder what is mixed into all of this! Dog shit.....Deer shit.....human shit......piss from all of them.....dead insects of all sorts are in this mud & dead leaves and rotting ferns.....cigarette ends.....sweet wrappers and a miniscule amount of rubber from bike tyres and shoes. And of course.......rain! I spit it away.....what seems like every two minutes. There is all sorts of decay happening on this track! I have plenty of saliva. I need it!
I am afraid of breathing in these moths that seem to have put up residence along this rotten path......attracted to my very strong light & perhaps my body heat too! Thousands.......millions of them! It isn't snowing.....they're moths.....moths or flies or some kind of insect that has wings and that is attracted to light, dampness and warmth and me. It is mild and they must like the warm. It is wet and they must like the wet & dampness. With me is a very strong light and they like the light. They are at handlebar height......mouth height......ground height. They are on the ground and in the air.....all around me! A man holds his dog while I cycle past. My eyes are protected, my mouth is trying to miss the moths..........I spit them away back through the air and back onto the ground. I would soon choke if I breathed one in! I breathe hard from cycling......I feel cool but I am hot and my heart beats fast! My legs are carrying me along this track.......covered in mud and puddle water! I dodge the puddles and mud.........try to dodge the puddles and mud! Not always possible! I have plenty of saliva. I need it! I have to get through to the other side, where the puddles and the mud are gone..........but this path is formed of a loop.......round & round & round! I have the strength to carry me there. I always have the strength to carry me there! I need it!

Jason

40th Injection.......8 more left!

Colourful?........Undoubtedly! South Bank, last week.

After emptying exactly 40 syringes full of Interferon into my body I have only 8 left to go! If I had 1000 left to go I would still feel the same! I feel completely fine & perfectly comfortable with this toxic stuff inside of my body and will be slightly sad when I finish with my last one on the 18th of January just 5 days before my 36th Birthday. My body is used to such abuse, the kind of abuse that will ultimately save my life! From what though I often think! From less time alive on this tiny little planet of ours. So I can keep on abusing myself with poison in the hope I will be around to see........what exactly? I can imagine my family growing old........I have a very good imagination. I can even imagine them dying! I have even seen myself die, in a "clean" hospital bed surrounded by my family and friends, I am the exact same size as a 9 year old boy....just I can't move or talk and people are crying onto me, but I can't feel the tears that I see falling onto my skinny little boys arm....more needles.....more drugs! I don't want to die.......I haven't said goodbye yet!.............I can't say goodbye!!!
I too can imagine what the state of the planet will be in years to come.....do I really want to be part of that.....It seems I already am! I can't imagine myself, old and grey, naked looking in the mirror and thinking.......look at the state of you! What was the point in that? You look like a right mess! What were you thinking? But we all do it don't we? It just happens doesn't it? It's not like it happens over night is it? I mean if it did, we would die from shock with that first look in the mirror!
A few years ago, I was dead!........in my eye's anyway! I was a freak with bad blood and nobody would want to come anywhere near me! YOU ARE INFECTED!!! SO FUCK OFF OUT OF HERE!!!
So I did.......and I am still here......infected albeit with one less infection. You just wait and see, as soon as I clear this HCV, another will come along anyway! I have been waiting for something else to come along since I was told I had yet another virus! vCJD perhaps?............It's out there and I have had letters from Haemophilia experts that it is out there......."It" has my name on it! Then what about Cancer? Any form of cancer will do I suppose. One that takes a while to kill you would be fine. I do ever so much want to live up to my name after all......"The Mighty C".
I feel like the mouse in "The Green Mile" who just won't die! For just now I am doing my bit to get rid of Hep C, but what after? I will still have HIV and possibilities of more viruses in the future, I will be fighting this viral death for all of the rest of my life...........When does one become too tired to carry on? Just for how much longer will I be able to go out for a bike ride or walk even? If I didn't have these things.......I would be dead already! I imagine I will be able to deal with this for sometime yet as I am just so used to it already.
Get a job you lazy Cunt!
This is my Fucking job! And I'm not lazy!
Ok, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..............! What about a hobby or something?
This is my hobby!
Then I don't really know how I am going to help you?
I didn't ask for any.............I don't need any either! Thanks.
Right......ok, just so long as you know, thats cool.
I'm cool!

Isn't this post verging rather on the dark side? I'd say that you can't get anymore colourful!

Jason

His friend St Paul's

Millenium Bridge, London, Yesterday.

"London Dust"

"It" is everywhere,
In your eyes and in your hair,
You cannot escape this,
perfect example of sodden bliss,
When one moves away,
It follows anew,
It will always be there, clinging to you,
Reserved just for me,
This dark matter must,
Stay by my side,
My London dust.

London called yesterday..........so I went.

Mainly to scout the area, in this case London's South Bank all the way to London Bridge, for potential venues for a London gathering of fellow Hep C forum members. Ever since it was suggested that a possible London meet take place, quite a bit of interest has been shown. Not all can make it unfortunately as there are members on the forum from all over the world and the rest of the UK too. It is a shame as there are some very Lovely people whom I would so Love to meet, including some fellow US bloggers and one from Scotland for sure will be sorely missed. Next time eh.
So I got to Waterloo from Twickenham in 20 minutes, I still relish with the thought of living so close to London! Where else on earth could beat London and all of it's history, sometimes quite colourful and at others not so much! There is plenty of dirt been built up over the centuries in this wonderful city of mine and I Love getting dirty! I took my camera to take some pics of the route, but instead of taking photos of stuff like pubs and places to eat, I saw other things that caught my eye. besides, who really wants to see another "Wagamama" or "Pizza Express"? Certainly not me, I think we can all imagine just exactly what the majority of London has to offer in regards to food and drink. And looking at the poll on the forum, I really don't think that this area will be the place most people decide upon. But it is great for a walk though, even in the pissing rain and a murderous ankle.
The giant ring of spinning pods had it's human filled eye's on me as I started towards the old County Hall to begin my walk ending at Borough Market by London Bridge. The rain was on it's way and the seagulls new long before the rest of us did. I new before I left and packed my rain gear into my rucksack. Apart from the London Eye and the Aquarium and a MacDonalds, there wasn't much else to see amongst the tourists trying to get that perfect photo with their tiny little camera phones. They come all that way and use a pathetic phone camera. They would be better off sketching the view on the back of a coffee stained serviette!
I was more interested in the tap dancing, scavaging Gulls. Or were they just angry with the fact that they weren't allowed into the Salvador Dali exhibition that was over looking the eye?
Past numerous cafes, pubs and the South Bank skate boarders doing their stuff. I remember when I was a kid of about 14 or so going there to see the skaters, BMX'ers and graffiti. There were some graffiti artists doing a "Piece" when I returned later.
I stopped at Gabriels Wharf where I had lunch, actually, this would be an alright place to meet if the weather was dry, as it has a fair bit of outside seating, but it is a bit of a walk to reach it and it took a while to get my Panini so you can imagine how long it would take to knock up 10 or 15 of the little buggers. This is when it rained.......for the rest of the day as it goes. I didn't mind as I like the rain and was prepared too. My next stop was the "Tate Modern", a great looking building which was once a power station built in the 40's and was designed by the man who designed battersea power station. I just had to go in there to see the "Test Site" or "Unilever Series" I had seen on the news recently. It is an exhibit made up of 5 slides made from metal and clear fiber glass and are open for the public to slide down. All free too. I wanted to go down, but I was soaking wet and I didn't want to leave my stuff anywhere. It closes in April next year, so I have plenty of time to go back:)
As you come out of the tate, directly in front of you is the Thames and the back end of the South side of the Millenium Bridge, formerly the Wobbly Bridge! It has been fixed now of course. I stopped to take a photo of the back of the bridge looking out directly towards St Paul's Cathedral. I put the dome of St Paul's right next to the homeless man as I thought that they looked like friends sitting next to each other. After all, it is things like St Paul's and other tourist attractions that keep him fed & alive. It was pissing with rain and cold! I don't think too many people take photos from behind the bridge. But they miss so much from following the crowd eh!
On another day in the past, I have been across the bridge and walked across the road to St Paul's and made my way through the inside of the surreal & highly fascinating dome of St Pauls, out on to the very top to see London in all of it's naked wonderment. There are no barriers, no glass or bars, just a chest high railing to stop one from jumping over onto the side of the dome and into the depths of the grotty, pigeon shit filled roof! Ignore the "Whispering Gallery" on the way up as you can't even hear a bus bomb going off outside for all the tourists whispering over each other, eventually just ending up shouting! Still, do look up at the inside of the dome.......Amazing! The "Monument" by Pudding lane is another fantastic building to climb inside! Not for the faint hearted or suicidal! No, you can't jump or fall off the top anymore, you're effectively inside a giant steel cage, built because of people coming here to commit suicide.........doesn't make too much sense, because if you really wanted to jump, all you have to do is hop over the waist high railing winding it's way inside the towers shaft right down to the bottom with no nets or anything. That would give the ticket seller at the bottom a bit of a shock I can tell you;)
Anyway, enough about that.......where was I? Ah yes, eastbound from the Tate and past the "Globe" Theatre. Not the original, but an exact replica right near to where the real one once stood, that I have never been inside yet. Very popular as you can imagine and maybe one day I will find myself in there. The iron gate that is the main entance looks amazing, although my mate Lee could do just as well, if not better:)
Past more pubs and then a quick walk past the sublime Clink St Prison. I Love this place and have been in there a few times. Very atmospheric and musty smelling once you're inside. I didn't go in yesterday as my ankle was hurting more and more and Borough Market was just around the corner. This is a great place to visit and very spooky. Outside the building is a metal cage with a skeleton rotting inside, just hanging there as a warning not to be naughty;) Plenty of cobbles on the streets around here.....imagine all the feet, hands, knees (and no doubt arses too), hoves and carriages that have been over these cobbles over the centuries! Love it!
So on past St Mary's Ovaries Dock which floating inside it is a replica of the "Golden Hind" (formerly the "Pelican") captained by Sir Francis Drake back in 1577-80. He was the first Englishman and first captain to circumnavigate the globe. This is within easy walking distance from Borough Market and there is a pub & restaurant right next to it. Also right next to the market is Southwark Cathedral. There has been a church on this site for over 1000 years. For many years this area (being right next to London Bridge) was the only crossing point into London. So one can only imagine how well a "Starbucks" over looking the bridge would've done:)
And on to Borough Market. It was closed, but you can see that it is very busy when it is open, selling all kinds of meat, veg, fruit and exotic foods from all over the world. If you have never been there before, then give it a go as it is such a fascinating area and so old too.
That was my day......wet, hurting and in need of a few units of Factor VIII:) But before I went home, I got on the train just by the market at London Bridge Underground Stn and caught the Jubilee line to Waterloo. Walked back over to the eye and got a few more photos of the graffiti and the giant wheel. Not sure why really as I have loads of photos from previous visits there. I have been on it twice too, highly recommended.
Train ride to Twickenham was good, but not so the walk over Twickenham railway bridge back to my car in Waitrose car park. I barely made it back. If only I had my bike;) I must have looked like a cripple (hang on....I am;) hobbling along the path! Of course it doesn't bother me in the slightest what people may be thinking, I have bean wearing that t-shirt for years.

Home....Injection.....bath.....dinner & still I can feel that London Dust!

Jason

Just a Body....

Gravestone, Twickenham.

This originally started as a post in reply to Ivani's topic entitled; "Towards the End....it is getting worse". And as I was writing it I decided to post it here instead and post as a link from the forum as it was going more off topic than on. Hope you don't mind Ivani.

Ivani, You are so very near to the end it must seem unbelievable! But that end is just around the next corner, you can already reach it, but it is hard I know. Almost entirely out of reach beacause of the way the tx is making you feel! But it is reaching for you Ivani and soon it will all be over. Waiting with open arms, scented candles, flowers and maybe even a little champagne. It is such a terrible shame that you are feeling so miserable and lost. I will be there with you at the end as I finish around the same time. I know you are thinking I am pretty strong as a person on tx goes, and I probably am compared to most, but even I have bad, dark days where I need to hide away from everything real and solid, hide myself away behind my wall and this wall I have been building since I learned how much disease and viruses can effect ones mind! When they didn't kill me physically, they set upon me mentally! I am such a solitary person it also is unbelievable! Of course I need others to keep me warm and make me laugh, but quite a lot of the time I need to hide and distance myself from this part of my world. Talk about attempting the impossible, but I try. Even my own family know little about my mental state as I hide from them too. I only just told my best friend of 26 years and Husband of my Twin Sister that I had a blog & even then I feel like such an idiot for sharing this with him. I don't know why, perhaps I want to deal with this all on my own, but ultimately I really do need others. I would incidently, be quite happy being the last human left on earth. But even that would have it's downsides! I am confused at times as to where I actually am in life. I honestly feel that people, including my family and friends would rather just not have the worry of me and all my problems! I have been feeling quite vulnerable since I started my Blog and introduced myself on the forum, but these things I think I needed to do and I am still at the very beginning of my road towards a "normal" life, if indeed a normal life is what I am looking for. I want to say sorry to you for not contacting you recently Ivani. Just now I need to stay in my dark place as here I know I can feel safe..........I am very much used to this place and although I'd rather avoid this area, I can't help but be drawn to it! I know I don't make much sense but for me it is second nature.
Also I may come across to people as quite strong, stable and well adjusted to this viral life of mine, but as I hope you can all imagine, I too find it hard at times. The forum helps immensely and my Blog too and obviously my mountain biking.
This may come as a bit of a shock to some of you reading this, as I may not have seemed like the sort of person to feel lost, like a body floating down a river in the dark. Where am I going? Where have I been? Where am I right now? The answer is out there, but is just out of sight at this present time and probably for the foreseeable future also. I am alright behind my wall and with my masks. I can come out from behind these defences quite often (or even take them out with me), knowing I can go back at anytime I feel the need.
I do hope that you feel better soon Ivani & any others who are feeling the tragic & de-humanizing processes of (hardly) living through Interferon treatment. I find it ok, but not so the years of darkness and terrified waiting to die & absolute need for some kind of time machine to take me back home:( To when I was a little boy........I will never stop looking!

But that is for me to find and find I shall!

I really do hope that you're well enough to come still on the 9th Ivani.

I do apologize if I don't make any sense......If I don't quite know how I am feeling, how can I expect anyone to understand?

Jason

Head Over Hills....

Viewpoint on top of Holmbury Hill today.

I know, not much of a view point, but behind the camera was a fantastic one......Drifting smoke from farmers bonfires and tiny specks of aluminium going in and out of Gatwick Airport.....Clear as a thoroughly polished pane of glass, you could see the South Downs and the sea I reckon. Who wants to see that though! Lee & I are much more interesting......not;)
It was great to get back up in the hills with my mate Lee:) He hasn't been in 16 days! He's had colds and stuff and of course he works bloody hard welding all week long etc! Not to mention his little kiddy Evie:) Lee is married to my Twin Sister Nicola to;) Lee & I have known each other since 1980! I may have told you before. And the really daft thing is.............he doesn't even know about this Blog! I just never thought of mentioning it! I think that makes me a little odd, but we already new that anyway;) Don't worry Lee, I will tell you all about it soon:)
Anyway, I am glad you have been enjoying my recent reminiscing about my Haemophilia & poems:) But I thought a little mountain biking post would do just as well eh:) Kayaking went out of the window as the wind was too strong down at Lulworth! But the wind was pretty good for cycling today. It was cold but you soon warm up......actually, you end up taking stuff off! Not too much mind, as we didn't want to get ourselves arrested!
The weather was clear and the sun shone all day long. We drove to the car park right on the farthest side of Pitch Hill with the intention of riding over to Leith Hill via Holmbury Hill. A long ride with loads of up hills and some very fast downs too:) We set off at about mid-day from the car and headed up to the viewpoint on top of Pitch Hill. That took about 17 minutes of up hill riding. Took a photo for time reference and started off down the hill to Peaslake Village. Took another photo of a whole bunch of mountain bikers sipping tea bought from the little shop there, checking out eachothers bikes etc. There is only one shop in Peaslake and that is it (see second photo below). I think we are like Marmite to the locals......You either Love us or hate us;)

Peaslake, Surrey, Today.

Half an hour (up hill) to the viewpoint and highest point on Holmbury Hill & more photos for time reference we made our way down towards Holmbury St Mary's Youth Hostel. This is all downhill and gave us the chance to rest our legs a bit but not so much our arms! And (note the title of the post) My front tyre slipped on some wet roots and I went right over my handle bars and whacked my left knee & left foot on my bike and ground! I fell off well though and Lee said I looked just like a stuntman:) Thank goodness I had a nice big injection of Factor VIII before I left:) I got back on and carried on through the Yoghurt Pots, (namely, because that section is a series of roller coaster type ups and downs, with each dip full of a disgusting yoghurty substance, basically rain and mud that never dry's up) Then down Telegraph Way to near the YHA and then on to the beginning of a very long up hill section that eventually leads to the Tower on top of Leith Hill, the highest point in the south of England! More pics and a sarnie, cake and hot chocolate MMMmmm!!!! And then back down the way we came from and via the other two viewpoints again we found ourselves back at the car. The photo at the top was taken on our second passing at the top of Holmbury Hill. We had been cycling for exactly 3 hours by this stage! Lee was very tired and I too as beginning to have enough:) But before passing through the tiny village of Peaslake again we literally shot down "Barry Knows Best" A very fast and twisty downhill section that was in perfect condition today! We have never been down it so fast! It was F*****g brilliant!
The whole ride took 3 hours and 46 minutes in total and we covered a distance of 17 miles, all off road and half of it uphill! We Loved it despite being tired at the end, I was almost falling asleep driving the 22 miles back home! Anyway, after a nice hot bath whilst listening to my i-pod & enjoying a zero % alcohol Cobra Beer, I feel great:) I have just taken my HIV & Hep C pills and will soon feel like I normally do this time of night! But at least I can look back on today and be happy again:) (My HIV drugs make me feel funny, not my Riba btw)
So....I hope you enjoyed that. Not as colourful as my dreams and poems maybe, but..........I did it, therefore I post it;)

Jason

P.s. I don't know if you can tell, but the top photo of us sitting on the bench together has been altered in Photoshop. Behind Lee's left shoulder were a man and a women standing right in the way! I hope you can't tell that I had gotten rid of them;) Photoshop is such an amazing tool:)

9 injections to go & Glass repellent sandals....

The Warm, Sandy Beach of Innocence.....The countdown begins!


Look who got himself a brand new scanner this morning:) I only ordered the thing last night from an internet based company called dabs.com. I have been meaning to get myself a scanner for sometime now, as I have a fair few photos taken over the years of myself and My Sisters etc. I have quite a few I took too before I went digital, mostly crap but important nonetheless......I hate film cameras! There are quite a few polaroids that my Dad took when we were kids. I want to scan all of them so they don't fade anymore! I will be posting (starting today) a selection of pics from when I was a kid, in future posts.
I chose this photo today because, well, it was one of the first I got out the bag and I like it too:) Notice the Star Wars T-shirt on the little Mighty C (circa 78). I had loads of t-shirts like this including Liverpool Football club & Buck Rogers Pj's. But what I find most interesting about this photo is the premonitionary position (not what it sounds like;) of my elder Sister Samantha. She seems to be hiding in the back......She is the only one of my three Sisters to move away from London. My other two Sisters are within 5 minutes of me, including our Mum & Dad (divorced back when we were kids). I think you can tell which is my Twin Nicola (on my left), by the way we are standing next to each other. She has a pretty cool Witch t-shirt on. My youngest Sister Tania (74) with the giant red dummy is wearing her Mr Men t-shirt & Samantha (69) has got on an Apache Indian one on (looking like she is stamping her foot down in the water having a bit of a sulk)
Also, there are some not so obvious indications that there is a Haemophiliac standing there in the sand. Did you spot the strip of white tape holding on a lump of cotton wool onto a needle hole in my right elbow? This is from an injection of Factor VIII taken just a few hours before to prevent a "bleed" whilst I was out mucking around in the sand somewhere near Perranporth, Cornwall. I did the injection myself:) I still have some Haemophilia shooting gear from around the time this photo was taken. I am going to write (with photos) a retro post sometime soon. I have this sterilized water for FVIII injections, still unopened in it's original box.........these are like so precious to me as they contain clean, un-contaminated water from before I got a little lost! Things like that and My Star Wars figures & Millennium Falcon are priceless to me! I want to thank my Mum & Dad for not chucking them out.
Not only are there the tell tale signs of an injection.........Did you notice something odd about all of our feet? You guessed it......I am the only one wearing sandals. I was never allowed to go bare footed, especially on a beach, incase of glass and other things like barbed wire, wood splinters & sharp stones........The kind of things that you might find on an English beach;)

I must say, looking at these photos are just like looking into a deep, almost bottomless hole where all things good are waiting! But with great skill, can still be reached with an imaginary ladder to my childhood.......very emotional stuff!

So......expect to see more little photos of your's truly in the near future:)

I am off out tonight in the rain and wind for a little bike ride with my pal Lee. Just a local stint around Richmond Park. I was in Bushy Park on Wednesday in similar conditions and my foot slipped off the pedal which then proceeded to smack into my little boney shin! OUCH!!!! But it was a nice ride and refreshing too:) Also, I spent the last two days looking for that FVIII gear I told you about earlier. I had put it away about two years ago and just could not remember where I had stashed it. I new I had it though and all I had to do was look through about 20 boxes and numerous drawers & cupboards.....and a shed! And look I did.....for two days until I found them! I really don't know why these things are so important to me! Maybe something to do with.........I don't know......Time machine anyone?

I did my 39th Interferon injection last night too. It went in, as usual, without any pain or leakages. Nine more to go and then what? Six more months waiting to see if it has gone? I shall miss this daily, weekly routine I think. Sounds absurd I know........But I is I and That is That I suppose. Then I will still be left with HIV and rotten joints & Haemophilia to keep me occupied. I don't think they are going anywhere just yet;)

P.s. (22:29 tonight) I didn't go for a bike ride in the end. It poured and then some, so my friend Lee phoned and cancelled. He came round instead and we checked out my new scanner:) Big boy's and their toy's eh;)

Jason

Move along.....There's nothing left to see!

Twickenham by The Thames.


I'm not asking, just don't care!
I don't care anymore, just won't get anywhere!
I won't get anywhere, I am already there!
I have always been there! Never been away!
From these spinning plates & their continuous sway.
Is this fabric thin enough, to take razored tips?
You can't do that you silly boy!......But.....need my fix!
But he's in pain, like never before!
He can only hold on NOW!, and no more.
At the front line, no time to hurt,
Leave your sleeve down on your favorite shirt.
Inviting in the darkness, There's plenty to come!
As I sit in the dark, Where is the fun?
This area is numb now, apart from the pain!
As I lose my innocence & excepting vein.
I draw a red mark where it enters thin fabric,
Can I learn at home please, I feel a little sick!
Where can I go & be gone from this all,
Where the slow running kids rush through the hall.
Why from flat on the floor, can I not see the door,
Almost scratching my thin, tight skin, I can no more!
When will this hole be so nice to be small,
When will I learn to wake up & crawl.
Across this dark & stealing floor,
I'm not asking, Just don't mind anymore!

Jason

Minerva in "The Stealer of Dis/ease"

The un-masking of Minerva's mask took place recently in a small but popular part of London, on a dark, mild evening with two others in attendance. Minerva (The Mask Maker) & The Dude (Of Clan de Fang). The mask didn't have a name right then, but as time progressed & a little idea from "M" a name was found and I have named it "The Dis\ease Thief". My mask which was made by my friend Minerva, has actually been made from ground down coal. As you can see, the result is spectacular. I was asked what it should look like and straight away I thought dark! Dark & hard like stone or a star filled night. Mouth closed, because I have nothing at all to ask for nor to say, as I much prefer to peer through small slits in a wall of blackness. Eyes small and expressionless. I didn't want to give anything away.........I wanted to hide! And where better to hide than in the night, surrounded by stone or rock. Impenatrable, but all seeing and all knowing. I can hide now. I am not running.....but hiding comfortably:)
I'm not sure what I am hiding from, My past health, My future health, but goodness knows I have needed a good mask in the past, & will someday need one in the future, but everyone needs a good hiding place, where one can feel invisible & safe, but able to see out also.
Coal is a very interesting material! It is made from the living/dying earth and does a very good job of keeping us alive. It does however have a bad side, but that isn't my fault! I didn't invent Electricity! But I, Just an invisible speck amongst so many more, can only do my best!
It also has been carried by thieves in ages gone to help protect them when pursued, from capture. I often feel like a thief, trying to evade the inevitable manky fingernails of death, digging deep into my flesh never to let go! I should be dead right, but somehow have been spared capture. Now with my mask, I am almost certain to be one step ahead forever! Dark, wonderful at hiding and completely invisible..........My Mask:)
In return, albeit pretty tame compared with a tool such as Minerva's mask, I drew, cut and wrote a card for them both to thank them for the mask and for inviting me over for the evening. We all had a wonderful time indeed:) Time flew and laughs were had.......but it all had to come to an end. But two great friendships were forged that night and these kind have a tendancy to last for quite some time! Thanks G & M:)

In other news, I am doing very well with being on my Interferon & Ribavirin tx for Hep C. No side effects that I know of and the little ones I did seem to have are long gone. Like my numb finger and Riba Rage. I am obviously very happy!
My cycling had to be put on hold for a few days recently, because I pulled a muscle in my back on Tuesday last week and haven't been out on it since Thursday night. But today I was back out on "Dessert Storm" and had a nice 2 hour bike ride around a very windy Richmond Park. I was the only one on the Tamsin Trail tonight. I didn't see another soul on it. I did however see quite a few Deer hiding from "Her Majesty's Cullers". Like ghosts in my peripheral vision, loitering at the edge of death perhaps! At 8pm every night until early in the morning, a series of sharp cracks can be heard echoing across the park as a select amount of Deer are put to sleep! Mid December will be their time to breathe again.
So there I was, riding in the wind, which was being quite good to me tonight, by giving me a push every now & then. I met my friend Jac at the gym she goes to after work on my way home. I don't miss the gym at all! To many germs and over proportioned ego's you can keep! Jac wants me to go join. But I just can't do it in there! Yes, it will get cold soon as the Winter takes a firm icy grip on my balls, but rather cold nads than another germ!

My four weekly bloods were taken today at the Royal Free Hospital. It was interesting talking to my Doctor all about my time on tx so far. I have 10 injections left out of 48 and we were talking about how it can effect everyone in such different ways. And also that the medical profession as a whole aren't really to bothered about just how Underdiagnosed the Hep C Virus is! Because, if they were all to be diagnosed, then that would cost too much and they don't want to even think about that! Not my words folks!
Can I see the finish line I was asked. To which I replied........I could see it, almost touch it bloody months ago! I feel I have already finished tx in some ways. My time on tx has so far been excellent. I must be very strong. I must be very healthy. I must be the Son of Superman..........I must be very F*****g lucky more like!!!

Jason

P.s. Thank you to Minerva for that "word".

38th Injection & The Night Rider

Richmond Park....The other day.


Firstly, the post's title is for Ivani:)

More of what I like to do...What can I say.....I Love it! I hear voices calling...."No more bloody cycling posts". Of course I am only joking;)
I have just been out tonight too. A 40 mile drive just for an hour and a halfs ride! And 20 minutes of that was standing in the middle of a pitch black forest with a single line of worn out track winding it's way through it, trying to take a photo of me cycling past my camera, that was on a tripod in the middle of the track and I had a 10 second exposure to get past the camera just right to get the light effect that I think I got.......Look below and see the actual photo. I was all alone and was listening to my i-pod at the time and was quite happy to go back and forth, trying, then trying again. AND My back aches for some reason! But I went anyway. It was such a wonderful clear night tonight. The stars came out just for me. It was cold, but not as cold as last Friday evening when My friend Lee and I drove to Leith Hill and rode for about two hours in pitch blackness to find a bonfire and firework display in Coldharbour that the Wicker Man would've been proud of. Talk about in the middle of nowhere! Normally this area is designated my mountain bike area, but a while back saw some signs in the area and thought I'd give it a go. The fire was F*****g massive! High up on Leith Hill and overlooking the South coast! I was convinced I could smell the charred stench of burning goats! We normally go to Holmbury St Marys bonfire nearby, which also has a distinct air of ritual about it;) I Love that kind of atmosphere........But I am not a local and as such disappeared rather snappish once the fireworks had finished with a giant rocket that shot up into the cloudless sky and burst open into a piercing bright red star that seemed to float down back to earth like a 70's era astronaut hanging lifelessly from his parachute. It vanished, still burning bright into the woods behind us.........I guess they want to burn that section of wood down!
Anyway...........It was cold that night is what I was trying to say. Zero up there in those woods! But tonight wasn't nowhere near as cold and Richmond Park on Tuesday wasn't as cold either. It's coming though....The cold weather that is. I remember last Winter, when My balls would freeze! Icybles or Test-icycles......either way they were frozzzzzzen! I do apologize if you were eating anything oval shaped or had ice in your drink;)

The Mighty C, Tonight in Pitch Hill woods.

So here I am back in the warmth of my flatpartment, still with a back ache and that numb, out of body feeling I get most nights. I always look forward to jumping into bed to sample some "B7" or some other kind of mind altering digtal versatile disc and then a bit of a read before I dream of death, sex & being able to fly without wings, with a bit of a break for drugs @ 08:27;)
Tomorrow is a new day and all new days have to begin with the end of the one before it. My day ends when I finally fall asleep around 3am, but the time where I first jump into bed at around half past midnight and 3am is my very only "Twilight Zone". And my new one will start with breakfast tomorrow at around 10am. I have a card to finish that I have been making for a couple of friends of mine. I am meeting up with a couple of very Lovely people who I met on the Hep C Forum (Ron Metcalfe's) tomorrow. (I am ever so exited about the Un-Masking M;) See you tomorrow peeps:)
I think I should rest my back in something other than a desk chair. So I will finish this post off and then sit back and relax.
Tonight is the night of my 38th Interferon injection too. It almost literally goes without saying;)

Jason

Pills, Thrills & (Non) Needle aches.

For those who are interested in what just maybe keeping The Mighty C alive and well, here are the possible candidates for my still being here.

*****Warning: This post may be a little bit anoraky!*****

Factor VIII & a ruler.

Firstly (and in no particular order,) is my current paraphernalia needed to treat myself for Haemophilia. This is one batch of Factor VIII @ 1000iu (above). I would use this 3 times (3000iu) for a "Bleed" and 2 times (2000iu) for prophilactic treatment (preventative). The top bottle contains the Factor VIII in powder form. It is mixed with 2.5ml of sterilized water (middle vial) which also doubles as the syringe. The lid is taken off the top of the bottle (top) and the water (with cap removed) with syringe (middle) is screwed onto the bottle, then whilst holding the two (now connected like a couple of slugs having mad passionate sex) the syringe is depressed using the clear plastic thing until some kind of seal breaks and then the plunger (bottom) is screwed & pushed all the way into the syringe, releasing the water into the bottle with the Factor VIII powder. This mixes in record time compared to when I was a child, when you would have to wait what seemed like ages for the stuff to "melt". (I shall do a retro version of the Factor VIII stuff I used when I was younger in another post)
So, the stuff has mixed and is ready to draw back into the syringe (middle). Holding the whole lot vertical, with the bottle at the top, the plunger is pulled down until the syringe has filled back up with the water now mixed with some very tasty Factor VIII. The bottle is then unscrewed from the syringe and chucked away. Now you are left with the glass syringe and plunger ready for injecting. But first one has to push any air out of the syringe as injecting vast amounts of air into ones tiny little vein can cause instant death and exploding eyeballs! Failing that, your hair will turn white over night! Needless to say, neither has happened to me yet;)

Butterfly Needle and ruler.....again.

Then the Butterfly needle (above) is screwed onto the tip of the syringe and a Tourniquet is pulled around my upper left arm until a small slug sized vein pops up ready for a good sharp prick! After swabbing the area with alcohol I pull my skin tight where my vein is bulging and place the needle with bevel up and roughly horizontal with my skin. Aiming the needle with the orange wings of the butterfly inbetween thumb & index finger of my right hand, I push the needle in about half way or more in line with the vein. I don't feel any pain as I have used this area so often that it is completely numb (no small pricks in my house!) Then the job is to pull the plunger gently back until the thin clear tube connecting the butterfly with the section attached to the syringe fills with dark, red, hot metallic blood:) Just enough to force any air in the needle, tube and syringe to find it's way to the top of the syringe by virtue of something called gravity. Then I begin to squeeze the plunger gently letting it travel at it's natural speed, as like with the air going into ones vein, if you force the Factor VIII in to your vein, your fingers will swell like ballons and individually seperate from your hand, each with a small but very powerful jet of blood & wasted Factor VIII propelling them across the room and up into the rafters with all the other fingers!
As I normally mix 2 bottles, I need to swap the empty syringe with the next one whilst the butterfly needle is still hanging out of my hungry vein. Then when all has been pulled & pushed & fed the needle is slowly pulled out in exactly the opposite direction to the way it went in. A bit of bog roll on the tiny needle hole for a few seconds is usually enough time for the hole to heal. (remember: Always dispose of your used needles in a safe and hygenic manor)
So, thats that. If you were to time me, the whole episode would take no more that 3-4 minutes. And this is all done standing bolt upright in my kitchen whilst listening to the radio:) From behind, I could be very much mistaken for someone attempting to make a sarnie;)

Next up is the Incredible Interferon Injection.

Hep C virus Interfering Interferon & that bloody ruler yet again!

This next set of paraphernalia is used for the treatment of my Hep C (above). I have already squirted 37 of these little beauties into my left & right Love handles:) Here is one I used earlier. As you can see, the needle is about 1cm long and as thin as an old man's pube! (thanks Dad for the sample). It has 180 micrograms of virus slaying maniacs swimming around inside the watery looking liquid:) The needle comes seperately in a box that contains four syringes and four needles and nothing else! Not even a swab. But I'm not bitter, as I have millions of swabs from my Factor VIII stuff. Oh, the things I have done with those acohol swabs over the years;) Another post maybe.

F*****g ruler!!!!!

Above is the box I told you about. Pretty isn't it:) See the way the shadow is cast by the light.......& the red of the plunger is just enough not to make one a little dizzy;) And the needles are so un-noticable they almost seem like they are part of the box:)

Pretty box front & RFH label.......and that F***............No Comment!

Anyway.....After getting the syringe etc out of the fridge and leaving it for several minutes to reach room temperateure, The needle is just pushed onto the glass syringe until you think it won't fall off! Then grabbing an inch of chub somewhere near my Love handles between thumb & index finger I insert the needle at a 45 degree angle all the way in. Not too hard as this can lead to someting called "A needle in the spinal column!" Then gently pushing the bright red plunger into the syringe, the Hep C Interfering Interferon Virus Slaying maniacs are released into my chubiness and eventually find their way around my body looking for a Hep C showdown.....Air et al! I let them get on with it. After pushing the plunger all the way down until it stops, I leave it there for about a minute just so the whole lot finds it's way in. Then I remove the syringe connected to the needle from my side, the opposite way to that it went in, with no sign of entry or exit at all. No leakage ever, nor any pain:) I number the side of the syringe in permanant marker with the number of injection it was and put it away in an empty Interferon box for some later artistic idea I have ready for them once I have finished.

So, lastly but not leastly are my pills, capsules & tablets for my HIV & Hep C treatments.

My breakfast and dinner;) & no ruler:)

Firstly, the large capsule at the top of the photo is to be taken with plenty of water and before a meal.....................Hang on! Sorry! That is actually the thing that all the little ones below it go into. I do apologize;)
I am so glad to see that P*****G ruler has taken a run and jump into the nearest sharps box;) Instead here in place of the ruler are a couple of coins. One is a five pence peice from the UK and the other is some foreign coin I found in my change the other day;)
First up are my Interferon tablets; Ribavirin, the 3 pinky ovals on the right. I take 3 of these 200mg tablets twice a day.
The little tiny circular orange tablet is Folic Acid. I take this 5mg tablet once a day. This was prescribed along with my Hep C tx for some reason.
The shiny large looking cream coloured capsule on the left is called Ritonavir and Is for my HIV. I take 2 of these 100mg capsules twice a day.
The 2 dark orange tablets above the blue one are called Saquinavir and is for my HIV. I take 2 of these 500mg tablets twice a day.
The pretty blue one is called Tenofovir and is for my HIV. I take 1 of these 300mg tablets once a day.
The little white tablet is called Aciclovir (Zovirax in tablet form) & is for the prevention of cold sores due to HIV. I take 2 of these 200mg tablets twice a day for preventing the onset of cold sores.
And the largish yellowy tablet on the left is called Sustiva (Efavirenz) and is for my HIV. I take 1 of these 600mg tablets once a day. I take my tablets at 08:27 & 20:27 every day, every week, every month, every year since 1987 without fail!

And that's that! All done and dusted, swallowed, injected and pricked! It's a doddle;)

Jason

From the Mouths of......Babies! (& 37th injection)

My Pumpkin, 31st October, 2006

Yes, well what did i tell you! I hate dentists! There I was, waiting in the.....erm......waiting area, contemplating all the pain & blood to come for the next week or so. Playing my GameBoy Tetris (I've never met anyone who can beat me yet) listening to the drill spinning around at 10,000 MPH, in someone else's poor mouth. But.............It wasn't so bad at all this time:) I was completely taken by surprise. No pain & no blood! Same dentist too! Also, I had an injection in my gum which made my face completely numb (looking at a clock face) from about 14:30 to 18:30. Actually, it lasted about that long in real time too. I never had an injection like that at the dentist before. I spoke to my Mum and she said that they couldn't put needles into my mouth when I was a child because of my Haemophila. Hence all the painful memerories from having no face numbing juice!
It did feel odd though. Almost as if someone had drilled a little hole into the back of my skull (without the pain obviously), right up into the base of the tooth they were working on and bolted a length of metal cable to the root of the tooth and then hung a 20lbs weight from it!
I never knew how big my mouth was! For 45 minutes (I timed it) I had numerous rubber clad fingers, pipes blowing thin jets of air into my cavities, pipes spraying thin jets of water into them too, pipes for sucking out all my gob, various metal instruments ideal for scraping, picking & digging! And of course a rather nifty handheld drill (high speed.....I heard him ask for one). I nearly laughed when I thought of the scene in Only Fools & Horses where Delboy, after waiting for his face to go numb, says to the receptionist; "I'll just shit ere then".
I was worried over absolutely nothing in the end! Such a big baby;) I'm not scared of many things in life. I have mountain biked over terrain that would give my Mum a heart attack, sat on the edge of Beachy Head, legs dangling over the side, nearly set fire to my bedroom when I was a kid making homemade fireworks! But I can't have a little bit of dental work:) Makes me laugh really. I just hope it is the same kind of experience next month when the other tooth will be drilled!

The day was not completely pain free I might add! I had got to the RFH early, so my Haemophiliac nurses could put me under the cover of Factor VIII. I don't see why I can't do it at home myself. I felt like a 5 year old again, having a Doctor give me an injection. I watched in horror as only about one inch of blood was drawn before the Factor VIII was pushed in! So there I was waiting to get the bends from about 13 inches of air being pumped into my vein! Not to mention the air in the syringe too!
I didn't get the bends........I think I have always had the bends.....no way of telling:)
But in between the cover and the dental work, I had about 2 hours to kill. The first thing on my mind was getting some fresh air! I just cannot breathe properly in hospitals! Nor trains & buses! So off I went, as it was a fine crisp, sunny day, for a walk into Hampstead Heath, which is right across the road from the hospital.
After about half an hour, My right ankle was hurting! I wished I had my bike with me. I could've done the whole park.....without the pain. I headed back to the RFH and had some lunch, brushed my teeth and sat down with my Tetris. But by the time I got back to Richmond train Stn to catch another to Twickenham, I could hardly walk through the pain! From Twickenham Stn to the Car was a bloody nightmare! Took me about 15 minutes to walk 1/4 mile! I was so relieved to get home to a nice injection and a Lovely warm bath:)
It was a shame about the ankle pain yesterday, as I was all set to go for a cycle ride in the evening. But my ankle feels ok at the moment and tonight is cycle night with my friend Lee:) I must text him to arrange it. There is a firework display up on Leith Hill. Bit of a local do. They have a massive bonfire ready to set fire to! Lee & I are going to drive there and cycle to it from the other side of the hill. The parking will be a nightmare near the fire. It is such a tiny little village Coldharbour! In the middle of nowhere really. I'd Love to live there.......just me & my bike:)

Last night also saw my 37th Interferon injection desperately trying to find some more Hep C virus to do battle with! Not many left now......if any! They're all lying face down in the blood soaked grass, with giant, swaying swords towering over their gutless stomachs, pinning them to the earth for good! The stench is unbearable.......but the Victory is relentless!
No sides still, which is nice:) Infact it is bloody wonderful not to have any sides!

Jason

Pain Is Weakness Leaving The Body

Brixton, London.

This is what I have been dreading for some time now! I only have myself to blame I suppose. My teeth have never been the best in toothdom! I was a lazy bastard when I was a boy! Hardly ever brushed my teeth! I do now of course, but I think it is too late. One of My chewing teeth cracked last night when I was eating something! It wasn't even something hard! The loose part of the tooth is still in there, but very loose! No pain......yet! When I bite on it, or it comes out, then I will feel it! Also that side of my mouth has seen a massive increase in usage over the last 3 or so months, due to the fact that my natural side for chewing food has been causing me plenty of pain! So I switched sides.
I will explain in a moment just why I think I hate dentists so much! But first I will just say that I went to the RFH today and was seen this afternoon. The dentist was all ready to carry out a temporary repair. I needed some Factor VIII to cover for any (which there will be plenty of) bleeding! But my Haemophilia Docs said that they wanted me to start a course of A/B's to prevent any infection. And come back tomorrow for the dentist. So I got my a/b's and have already started them, also got some Tranexamic Acid (Trans Atlantic Acid:) for the bleeding I will get! I ain't to pleased at all! I really need the work done, but I am not looking forward to all the blood and pain!

So, Why do I hate the dentist so much?

Well, really it has a lot to do with the experience I had right after I was told I had HIV! I remember going to the dentist, as I did regularly, and when I was sent into the chair, I was half expecting E.T. to run through the room! The last time I was in there, everyone looked like normal, everyday dental peeps. But that time everyone looked more like they were collecting samples from the crater of a volcano! Covered from head to foot in plastic clothing and visors, under which were saftey googles! The whole room was like a giant version of Laura Palmer from Twin Peaks!,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Wrapped in plastic!
Anyway, Apart from all the earlier experiences of bleeding gums (profusely) after surgery etc, which took a few weeks to heal! And not even mentioning the pain too.........I was quite well & truly put off from ever going back by this visit!
I did begin to go back about 3 years ago however, all was ok but after more and more bleeding from just having them cleaned I was beginning to wish I had stayed away! Work would definitely need doing sometime in the near future, but I left it, then all of a sudden I was on Hep C treatment and just hoped that nothing would happen whilst on tx. But I have had some nasty pain the last 2-3 months on one side, which made me switch, which caused this new problem! I just want it over now and am willing to except any pain & bleeding! I just hope I don't get any infections! Hospitals are not the cleanest of places!

Having said all that, I am really looking forward to having good teeth again! Christmas seems like less of an Unknow Pleasure now.

Just finished my 1512th Ribavirin tablet & 9th bottle emptied! See what I mean about the number nine! Even the amount of tablets adds up!

Bring on the PAIN!!!!

Jason