"Holding My Hands"

Holding my hands...again.



I followed as Jac led me up the un-sheltered stairs of a railway station and over the tracks, she was a little ahead of me. A strange man was holding her hand and she didn't seem to mind, but I did. I felt hurt and not wanted! I pretended that my ankle hurt more than it actually did and slowed way down hoping that she would let go of his hand and wait for me. He seemed to be pulling her along. There arms met high and tight as he pulled her along. He was walking faster than Jac wanted and Jac was walking faster than me. Eventually she pulled away from him and stopped. I caught her up and she didn't seem too happy with me. There was a gap between the railings of the stairs. She squeezed through and I followed, feeling a little more comfortable that she was alone now. I wondered who he was, but didn't ask.
It was dark and it had been raining. The gap in the fence came out onto the stations car park and along one side of the car park were a small line of doors. They were the front doors of peoples houses. Big wooden doors, gloss painted all sorts of bright colours. Jac went up to one of them, may have been green? and knocked on it. I wondered who lived there, but didn't ask. The door opened and the first thing that I saw was a giant black dog! It ran straight out the door and sprinted across the shiny wet car park and out of sight. I envisioned it running up to the strange man that had been holding Jac's hand and biting him! I don't think that it did though.
The next moment, I was inside the house and I was sitting at one end of a large comfy sofa. Jac was sitting on an armchair across the other side of the room. She was stroking the big black dog. She Loves dogs!
As I was sitting on the sofa, a young woman entered the room and seemed to float across to the sofa and sat right by me. She was very beautiful. Her hair was very long and fair in colour. Her face was very pleasing to look at. She seemed to have one of those permanent smiles, even her eyes smiled. Her skin was so soft looking and flawless. Everything about her was perfect to me! As soon as her bottom hit the sofa, she leant on me and rested her slim body against mine and rested her warm head right between my shoulder and neck. Her long hair had bunched up a little and found it's way across part of my face. I could feel a few hairs by my mouth. It felt absolutely amazing! It was the softest hair that I had ever seen and it smelled divine! My hands were in my lap, holding each other. I looked across to Jac to see what she was doing. I wanted to make eye contact with her and to show her that I was very very happy, but a little confused also. Jac seemed only interested in the dog.
I felt as though I had been injected with a syringe full of something highly intoxicating. The blood in my veins could hardly contain itself! I could hear it as it rushed past my ears. My whole body thumped with wonder! I kept thinking who this amazing woman might be. As I sat there, I found myself thinking of all the things that I would Love to do...like reach up and run my fingers through her hair and ever so gently drag my fingertips across the soft skin of her cheeks and gently kiss her lips. Who knows where things could lead? I could feel her warm body leaning on mine. But all I could do was sit almost frozen with excitement and fear!
I looked down through her hair at my hands. They were cold and clammy. I hoped she wouldn't want to hold them just yet!

Eventually, she spoke to me.

Before, she seemed happy just to rest herself against me and close her eyes, smiling. She turned her head in the crook between my shoulder and head and looked up at me and said how well I looked and how my skin seemed to glow and radiate with good health. I thought the same about her but was afraid to say. In the next few minutes, as I eagerly listened to her soft feminine voice, I learned that she knew absolutely everything about me! She knew all about my HIV, and my haemophilia. She knew that I didn't work and she didn't care in the slightest.

She wanted us to spend the rest of our lives together.........and I didn't even know her name.




Jason


Happy Birthday today to Ros:)








(C) JPT 2008