"Kisses of a Blood Filled Spring"

Me on a bike.....finally!


Kisses one through nine...Nine Common Pheasants (all male).........alive.....creeping about in the woods looking for god knows what the dozy twats (probably a little bit of nooky). You'd think they'd be more elegant and aware of themselves considering how beautiful they look with their multi-coloured plumages. The colours.....how many colours? Their 'Lady' attracting capabilities must be quite good, although I saw not one female at all. They must have been somewhere else in the woods......maybe sunning themselves in the wonderful sunshine that poured itself over the North Downs yesterday.

Kiss ten...Oh....& I saw one dead one on the side of the road, the sun making his tiny exposed guts glisten like a small pile of red coloured crushed Christmas tree baubles in amongst a scattering of multi-coloured feathers......squashed flat as a pancake! Dozy idiots!

Kisses eleven, twelve, thirteen & fourteen...Four sun Loving Bumble-Bees, bumbling along sniffing out nice things to sniff and pretty flowers to lick. Low to the ground, heavy looking and even a little drunk looking perhaps....maybe still asleep as they bumble around knocking into everything. I like Bumble-Bees. They remind me of my old dead cat 'Dylan'. He used to bumble around (mostly asleep) and lick things.....mostly his winky....& he was a heavy little lump too, & when he smelled something nice his little dry black nose would bounce up and down a little, raising a few millimetres with each sniff as though he might sneeze at any moment. I am sure he went boss-eyed too. And just like a Bumble-Bee he was a furry little bundle and very cuddly. But he could also sting too (like a bee), he had claws as big and as sharp as a bloody lions! He's asleep in my Mums back garden now, wrapped up in an old (and quite collectable) HitchHikers Guide to the Galaxy towel. He died in it.

A whole bunch of little, twitching, scratchy kisses...More Squirells & bunny rabbits than I can even possibly remember......cute and funny too.....especially the bunnies as they run like nutters as you approach them, like in the films when a man on foot is being chased by a car, he usually runs down the road instead of into the trees. Thats what the rabbits do, until they quickly realize and dart off into the woods, their hind legs wheel spinning like a dragster at the start of a quarter mile strip. They're fast buggers.......very fast! How many of those things do you see dead beside the road? I have seen more badgers than bunnies chalked up on the "Road Kill Chefs" menu.

So many kisses I nearly wet my pants...A very beautiful cemetery filled with numerous gravestones covered in decades old moss and surrounded by a veritable bevvy of Daffodils.....each one more yellow than the one beside it. Each one with her mouth wide open as if to say 'Oooh, what a beautiful day.........give me a kiss.'

Most of the remainding kisses...Of course, I saw a herd of cows in a field....wouldn'e be a day out in the countryside if I hadn't. Chewing on........something. Not sure what considering they were all in a dirt field. Maybe they chew all the time, a natural reaction, wether they are eating or not (like my Dad)......waiting for some grass to go in there. Or maybe they had just finished the last blade of grass in the field right before I saw them.....come to think of it, they did look a little bloated. Speaking of my Dad, I did see a longish line of elderly 'Ramblers' inching their way across a tiny section of my route, all wearing very sensible looking coats.......sensible for their high street shopping rambles maybe, but not I think for in the middle of nowhere in the countryside. The lead rambler had a very Lovely looking piece of kit hanging around his neck......an OS map safely tucked away behind a thick, clear waterproof map reading pouch. I suppose they could all jump into that if it started to piss down with rain.

Not a kiss as such, but quite entertaining nonetheless...A small.....very small traffic jam that was in what must be the smallest village in the entire world. It (the traffic jam) consisted of a local bus (empty of passengers) coming one way and a school coach (filled with school children) coming the other and one car behind the school coach.....thats it! The coach was slowly, but obviously reversing back so the bus could go by but the car couldn't have seen that the coach being in it's reverse mode had actually wanted to go backwards? And just sat there waiting for the traffic jam to disappear. Until the coach driver sent a group of the children out into the road to run to the back of the coach to the driver of the car and ask her politely to reverse away fro the reversing coach......which she did. The children jumped back into the coach and within seconds the village was back to normal again......literally three or four houses, one shop, a church, a bench and a pub.....oh, & a litter bin. I didn't see a post box, although there must have been one right? To give you an idea of how small the village actually is.......if Twickenham exploded one day and you took a single piece of the millions of tons of rubble that was spread all over the ground.....you'd be holding onto Peaslake.

And lastly my biggest kiss of all...A mouth filled with blood for half the entire day! It honestly felt as though I had been sucking on a lump of black pudding (blood sausage in the US) the whole time.......slowly letting it dissolve in my cheek until there is no more room left in my grotty mouth for my allocated amount of saliva for the afternoon and my lips start to look like the bright red lips of Elvira.......or those of Robert Smith from The Cure. Not sure what was going on there! I bit my tongue in the night, which bloody hurt, but the bleeding was coming from the otherside of my mouth. It didn't hurt but after an hour began to make me feel miserable.....a little. It seems to have stopped now......so I will leave it. But for some reason........I feel quite miserable still! Might be my ankles....the bruise & blood in my gob....the painful big boil thing that has appeared out of nowhere on my lower back....my right elbow....the sore spot on my upper lip....the scab from last Wednesdays cycle crash feeling rather quite sore....being woken at 08:10am today from a vast & lengthy quantity of hammering....or it may be that I get like this at times.....for no reason at all really.

Oh.......did I mention that I was out on my bike during all of those kisses? The photo at the top of this post with me on my bike may have been a bit of a give away..........22.02 miles in great weather.....those hills are drying out nicely and are getting faster & faster & faster:)

I'm off out for a ride!.........(update....a very painful one!) BOLLOCKS!



Jason







(C) JPT.........754.09 miles.