49th Injection & Wearing My Heart on My ......Tissue.

Signs of.........Life?


Waiting.........for the HCV viral load test results to my beautiful looking blood that was literally sucked out of me on Monday. I remember walking up the stairs from the Haemophilia Centre up to the first floor, then following the black line to where non-haemophiliac people go to get their blood taken. I don't know why I follow the black line as I know exactly where to go.........I have been doing it for the last 48wks. But......as I was walking up to the little window, then waiting for someone to come to the window to see me..."Smile! You're on camera" reads a sign,.....for the first time I actually looked at my blood in the little glass vial. I was more than impressed with the dark red colour of it and also the way it stuck to the sides of the glass when I turned the vial around in my hand. I tried to imagine what it would look like spattered all over a brilliant white wall. I have seen a fair bit of blood in my time and have even experimented with it........sucking out whole syringe fulls of the stuff and playing around with it.......feeling it, smelling it and watching it thicken & clot, eventually turning black as it is left out in the air. Not recently I might add. Just when I was bored a few years ago. I have never purposely tasted my own blood as I have tasted enough of the horrible tasting stuff due to bleeding gums caused after numerous dental visits over the years! I wouldn't make a very good Vampire!
As I stood there marvelling at the glass contained life giving (mostly) liquid, I hoped that there was one less virus lurking inside there. I still have the tiny skin coloured circular plaster that was laid carefully across my punctured vein. I never put a plaster on at home......ever. I never need them. I just use one section of loo paper to blot the needle hole right as I pull the needle out. If the toilet paper is good enough for my bottom........it's good enough for my vein.
The photograph I have included with todays post is of a piece of tissue the same kind that I use all the time.....except that with this particular one I noticed as I lifted the tissue from my vein and looked underneath it to see if it had stopped bleeding, the shape of a heart! This is why I have the photo.......I just had to take a picture of it. I took it back in April 2005 after an injection of prophylactic FactorVIII. The blood is still wet and it dried almost black.......more of a dark brown in colour. I still have the actual tissue somewhere. I promise you that this is exactly the way it looked right after I lifted it up. Let me apologize if you are not too keen on the sight of blood. Being a Haemophiliac.......I don't quite understand why the sight of blood has the effect that it does on some people. I am not squeamish in the least......not surprisingly. If anything, at least you know what a Haemophiliacs blood infected with HIV & HCV looks like.........Just like yours.
So, how do I feel........waiting for this news? Feels just like any other day I reckon. If I knew exactly when the phone call was going to be, it might be a different story. I don't have a clue when the call will come and this is fine with me. What if it has come back sometime between the 12wk test and last Mondays? I know how I will feel if it has come back.........rather moody and withdrawn for a few days.....maybe a week. But I know for a fact that I will soon forget about it and just get on with my life. I got cycling to do & kayaking also. I was out last night in fact, over Richmond Park way with my buddy Lee. We came across a giant snowball that was left over from Tuesday morning. Nowhere near as big as the one I came across in Bushy Park..........actually, it was square too! We just had to stop and play around with it. We ended up completely demolishing the thing. It was so much fun. There was snow flying everywhere. In our eyes & face, Our mouths. Lee shoved a whole bunch down into the top of my cycle helmet! Big kids or what:) We were headed for the Hills but because I was stuck for 3 hours yesterday afternoon in the waiting area of "Kwik-Fit" for some new tyres,..........they said 45 minutes! I was frozen. Don't these places have heating? Anyway, I got my new tyres.....three in fact. I needed them pretty badly! And what with the ice and snow......pretty much important. Less important is the fact that My favorite "Celebs" are still in the BB house after last nights eviction.......all I need to do now is vote for the one I want to win on Sunday.
I am still waiting also for the missing figures from Mondays "Normal" blood result. I will post them here on the Blog as soon as I get them through the letter box......for those of you who are interested anyway. All those numbers mean absolutely nothing to me. And update my previous post too with them.
Took the first of my two extra Interferon injections on Thursday night. Have know idea if they will actually do any good at all. But one never knows do they. My Hep C virus might just need that tiny little extra slap!


*********************************UPDATE**********************************

08:51 Saturday, 27th Jan 2007.

I did my bit.......still doing in fact! Admirably too I might add! So why the fuck then do I receive in the post, not just 20 minutes ago, a "With Compliments" Royal Free Hospital headed slip of paper, attached to those missing figures from last Mondays "Normal" blood results, with the words;- "Jason: Unfortunately your blood sample sent to biochemistry (LFT's, etc)
was unsuitable for processing, so we need to repeat the blood test when you are next able to come. Sorry about that. Paul.....blah blah blah."

I mean what the fuck are LFT's? What bastard blood sample is he talking about? The "Normal" one or my viral load one? I know why I am so pissed off! Apart from the fact that I can't understand just how my blood can be "Unsuitable" for processing! Unless of course the sample in question was left lying around somewhere in a warm lab, gradually turning my sample into a juicy vial shaped piece of black pudding that is! I mean why else? And apart from the fact that I don't know what blood sample he is talking about......because even those 'Missing' figures that the note was stapled to have 'Missing' figures still! It's not rocket science is it! But the main thing that is really pissing me off is that it is a Saturday morning and I can't phone him up until Monday morning to find out nor pop in to give him the repeat blood sample that he requests! I think I will have to ask Ross over on the forum what the hell LFT's are and what blood sample they come from.
The only thing that makes me think that he may be talking about the 'Normal' bloods and not the important viral load bloods are the fact that on the print out of figures taken from my normal bloods taken last Monday there are still levels like AST's , ALT's & Bilirubin missing. The only one that was missing from last Mondays bloods but is actually included in this mornings print out are my Neutrophils......which are 1.42. I need to ask someone........I will be back later...

Just PM'd Ross over on the forum......waiting reply. But having thought about it a little more and gotten my head around the figures & what Paul wrote etc, I am beginning to think that what he is talking about are the "Clinical Biochemistry" side of last Mondays "Normal" bloods as apposed to the "Full Blood Count" half of last Mondays bloods (hence the present Neutrophils and missing ALT's etc). But more importantly, not the "Viral Load" bloods! I know I may sound really pissed off with all this and these missing figures etc.......and I am! But why? Why am I so annoyed? They will get done again on Monday, so why? I must have so little in my life or I just cannot see the vast amout of wonderful things that I know I do have? But what is getting in my way then? How can this curtain exsist in the first place? I'm not ill, nor am I dying. I have all my family & friends around me, I have numerous others in exactly the same boat with me, I'm healthy, I can walk (most times).........& I am still alive and enjoying life...mostly. I will find out soon and post back...

...Ross says it is probably best to phone up the RFH first thing Monday and find out what sort of sample has gone for a burton. I was going to do that anyway.......I needed to know today though!

.....Monday 29th Jan....I just rang them up and my hunch was correct. The sample isn't the important 'Viral Load' sample and just my 'Clinical Biochemistry' sample. I still need to get those results re-done. So all that 'Being Pissed' was unnessecary in the end. I think that the end of the day I am pissed because I am fed up with hospital mistakes.......albeit a tiny one, but this is where they begin isn't it.


Not seeing the big picture for all the Bloody.........blood?


Jason






(C) JPT 2007