My tree. Dec 25th 2006But where? For I have looked plenty! I seem to be lost in it all.
I've been here before mind......looking. Can't seem to find it.
It will come along someday, when I'm not looking probably.
Has it already been and gone? Hadn't thought of that.
If it hasn't........how will I know it when it does?
Waiting for something too......the end actually.
Right on it's toes once, I was stood looking at it in the face.
I stepped toward it and he stepped back!
It is just plain agony now.....this game.
Looks like I may have stopped in my tracks a while back and let him carry on.
Still there in front......not too far away. He's not that stupid......the teasing bastard!
Getting fed up I am, and feeling vulnerable.
Only the tiniest thing does it! Fuck's it all up for me!
Just living their lives is all......but why here in my space?
Don't they realise the score? Of course they don't.
Even if they did, then why should they give a shit!
I don't give a shit about them! Or do I?
There is no ball small enough that I can become.
Just have to face it I suppose......can't escape.
Even our holes, painstakingly crafted over years are no longer our own!
There is room only in here for one......not for me it seems!
Where can I go from here? How did I get here even?
Supposed to be Christmas and look.....
Look what it is doing to me! Just one tiny thing fucks it up!
Trivial Pursuits anyone? No? Thought not.
One year after the next after the next after........
I got people, I got enough people. Good people.
Close to me. To close? To good? To many?
Some might say I need something altering.
Others might say I am doing just fine.
I say I suppose they are right. Everyone is right.
People come and go all around me.
Some are around for longer than others.
Some are dust before you know it. Swept along through their own long dark tunnel.
More trips to the hospital, through my own tunnel.
I can see the end of that tunnel standing on the platform waiting to come home again.
But where does it come out at? Just the otherside.
Back where I started from in fact.
Still a long dark tunnel.......from either end.
Can't win...
Jason
(C) JPT 2006
1 comment:
One step in front of you and for all of us (though most, you are right, don't see him). I see him. Could have got me three times now for sure, but didn't (8, then 30, then again at 34), other times too I suppose, but I'm here... and I think about it every time I say goodbye to my daughter. I soak her in... as deep as I can go, undeterred by the chest pains.
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