44th Injection & "Satan in My Arms..."

Winter Solstice, Holmbury Hill this afternoon.

What the hell is going on here then! And who's hands are these hovering over the vein in the crook of my right elbow? I can't see a face.......I don't even think of looking up! I have never been one to look up.....I need.....no, NEED to see where I am placing my feet and their ever so delicate ankles, I don't like people looking at me, so I look down to avoid being seen, I look for cracks in the paving slabs......I cannot afford to step on one.....if I do I will die of a horrible HIV related death.....or turn a dark shade of yellow with liver failure.....and die!
I am in shock! I can't even begin to breathe.....not until this nightmare is over! Who's hands are they? Why my right arm? I have not used my right arm for what must be at least 15 years. I over used it........so much so that it seemed to collapse and failed completely as a vein! I switched arms at this point all the way over to my left arm where I am still spiking today. I started off in my hands! The back of them.....but this was just too painful and it always felt as though I was being injected into the bone!
So why the strange hands?......why my right arm?......and why me? This vein is such a pathetic vein! Tiny....defenceless....naked....scared & scarred.....resting from years of abuse and humiliation! After all.....this vein is the one that let in the Devil! Oh yes! He came alright, snuck into my body and into my head through this innocent little doorway! He brought along a few friends too.....playing games inside me they are.....deep down in the furthest part of my heart and soul where they won't be found.
These strange hands and their rough fingers prepare my tiny doorway for entry once again! My eyes are as wide as saucers.......I wan't to shut them and look away.....but am compelled to watch....I need to see what happens, just in case I can do something....anything to stop this! My entire arm is locked out in front of me......I can feel the prickly surface of the skin on these strange hands and their abusing fingers. They are dirty and weathered......long uneven nails filled with black!
I find my left hand clutching the fabric of my trousers......My nails dig in deep! It hurts me to grip so hard and I feel my nails cutting into my flesh! My vein is being pulled back tight......one of the hands grip my upper arm with tremendous strength.....I feel as though my hand is going to explode. I try hard not to look away again! My eyes are burning a whole in my vein! It begins to swell with blood....it feels wierd.......It isn't used to having so much blood running through it. My teeth are clenched and I am afraid they will crumble inside my mouth.
Then I see the needle! Long needle, blunt needle.....jagged mouth wide open! Dirty, used, stained with rust or blood or skin.......Filthy! Little drips of fluid fall onto my pale white skin and slowly drip down the side of my arm coming to rest in my hairs. The needle is only inches away from my vein now. The needle looks a bit like an old and war torn aeroplane back from it's killing spree coming into land on a runway of skin and scar.
My head is spinning......my eyes dry out.........tears begin to fall and soothe them. The needle slowly pushes into my arm........ I feel the rust scratching on my vein!.....Another of the Devils friends has come inside me.....AaaaaaahhhhHHH!!!!!........My arm feels like it is full of molten lead!.............I faint from exhaustion & agony!


Jason

P.s. 44th Interferon injection all done and dusted (10 minutes ago).......just 4 more to go.





(C) JPT 2006