"Are the cows really coming home?"

Graffiti at the South Bank yesterday morning...


Right...Ok! So my breakfast decides to come out of my arse the minute it hits the bottom of my stomach! Thats what it seemed like anyway...is that even possible? I feel bloody great, so it ain't nothing like no bug or germ or anything. So what then? My HIV drugs? Maybe...but then why not every day? Maybe it does happen everyday but I just don't remember? I think i'd remember mind...don't you? Would you? Well there you go then...so it ain't every day.
Do I neen to eat breakfast again? Do I have to take my tablets again? Are they in my body still or are they on their way to the coast in the shitty dark confines of an old Victorian sewage pipe? I don't rightly no......I'm not a sewer rat...but one thing I do know is that I feel fit and healthy...oh...wait a minute! I did go kayaking last night and performed a roll without my nose clip thingy on and plaster (band-aid) strewn pool water went right up my nose and went all fizzy behind my right eyeball! Maybe that is what caused the chocklick taps to open up this morning?
Anyway...I'll wait until lunchtime before I eat again and just be thankful that it didn't happen in my sleep or here at my desk or in Ian's kayak last night;)
Nice bit of kayaking though...not too many rolls from yours truly...seemed to have a mental block and was very inconsistent, where as Lee did six in a row in my boat the git;) (oh, did I tell you that he did his first rolls last Thursday?) I blame it on the cows! Seriously! They're coming and they're mooing and shitting all over the place...eating grass and swatting flies and scratching their big fat arses on fences & trees. See! I told you the cows are a coming;) Shouldn't joke about it really, but if I didn't i'd cry and that wouldn't be very good now would it...the last time I cried I was quite upset and frustrated and in...oh well...that's what happens when you fall eh.
I tried out three different kayaks last night and rolled in two of them. Ian wasn't feeling too good after eating a large meal just before getting in...not a good idea! And as I said, Lee was on a roll...literally! I just went around and around like a man possessed...splashing everyone and generally acting like a big kid on speed! Lee'll vouch for that;) My bruised knee from last week wasn't too bad although it has been rebruised since last nights paddle session and my little toe injury has all but gone away. I can't crack it yet like I do with all my other toes and all my fingers because it still hurts! But soon:)
My mind wasn't on it to be perfectly honest. I felt good fitness wise but mentally I was mooing...you see I had spent the whole day before in Westminister at a hearing for the Independant inquiry into contaminated blood products. I wasn't giving evidence as were several people like myself, but just watching & listening in the small but packed room over looking Westminister Cathedral in London. I was with Ros who invited me along...I had never been to anything like this before and have always in the past tried to ignore or brush aside events/occasions like it. Selfish and cowardly maybe, but at the time I was hiding from it all and I suppose if you're not ill then there's nothing wrong and therefore what has it to do with me? Interesting attitude no? Sorry...couldn't help it at the time but now I want to see and hear what is going on...the stories of wrong doing for all those years that I am a part of wether I like it or not. I wanted to be there this time to witness, to hear and to feel what has happened. I am one of 361 Haemophiliacs out of 1243 who got HIV still left alive...I had know idea it was that little a number!!...and I think it only fair that I witness the outcome of this..."the worst medical disaster in the history of the NHS". Not to mention the 4670 patients that were given HCV (including Ros) of which there are 2552 left alive!
It was hot and cramped in there yesterday...not just for the audience but for the people reading their evidence and for the panel listening and documenting the whole thing. The stories that were read out were sad and emotional to hear...and all too familiar! But where as I have been well and have more or less hidden myself away from all this kind of stuff, there were people there who are very very passionate and determined to get to the bottom of this fiasco. I totally admired these people and their fighting attitude for closure/recompense/apologies/sympathy/answers...but mostly an end to it all! I was left feeling a little like I didn't deserve to be there though. There were stories of Hep C & HIV related illnesses that have almost killed and even deaths where they were! One story was of a haemophiliac boy who died and he was just seven years old. His Mum & Dad were their speaking about it and I just didn't know where to look! Other stories were told by widows of Haemophiliac husbands now dead and.........and then there is me with sore joints and...oh I know, I know! I have been affected! It has made a massive impact on the outcome of my life etc...I have ignored this for so bloody long that it has made me feel this way! I am angry! I am upset! But......but....!! But what? See what I mean! Damn it!!
It was difficult and emotional and I will be going to the next one and the next.........incidently, I submitted my evidence to the enquiry but said no to being invited to read it out...I am glad I said no as my story pales in comparison to the majority...that sounds awful doesn't it? But this is the way I feel. But I am starting...maybe I can make a difference in other ways...I can ride my bike to the moon and back...kayak across all the oceans that our dear planet has to offer...but it will never change what has happened! It did happen...it is part of history now for good, in which I am a part of. There is no getting away from it...what is done is done. There is no going back...no amount of money or apologetic words or answers to questions are going to bring back the dead, nor make better those of us that are ill or have been ill or who will be ill someday. How do I sound as you read this?.........Just so long as it never happens again is what this should really and only be about. But even then I have my doubts! We will never stop it...but we can try.

The weekend Hep C bash up & over at Chrissy & Jb's was great:) You may have already seen the photos I took over on the forum. It was an experience to behold and was very well organized by the 'Newly weds'. My good friend Ros was their too and a few others I had met previously and lot's of new faces also. I was exhausted when I finally got home after dropping no less than four members off in various locations up & down the country...it was great:)

Also, today is the 30th anniversary of Star Wars. It was released in US cinemas today all those years ago...We got to see it in the UK a whole year later for some reason. And also today is World Towel Day to celebrate the life of Douglas Adams...what ever you do...don't forget your towel and lastly...DON"T PANIC!!!!!!!!!



Jason

P.s. Sorry about this posts photo...although I did take it on the day of the enquiry & in site of the Houses of Parliment, I thought it would be more interesting than a shot of 'Big Ben' & the 'House of Commons'. I do have a shot of Ros at the enquiry talking to Lord Archer but it came out a little grainy...hence the graffiti, which has nothing to do with kayaking, the enquiry, Star Wars nor World Towel Day...I do however hope that you like it and it has made YOUR day;)






(C) JPT 2007.........1500.80 miles