Up against the wall...The air through my mouth, the air through my nose,
The air through my throat, creeps the air as it goes,
The square by the door on the kitchen floor,
The carpet by my bed as I feel for more,
Long healthy life and a death free zone,
My numbers are up, outside & at home,
The gauge, the car a blink of my eye,
The numbers again in case I die,
The bubbles in the bath on my body, my skin,
The lines in the road or trail, no matter how thin.
Remote controls right side up,
Bloody clocks......hardly ever add up!
The little light on my Mac tells me to go,
Only once at it's brightest, otherwise no,
Keypad lock & it's audible tone,
Cannot finish with this bastard phone,
An open window in the room that I'm in,
The tiniest of gaps......physcologically thin,
Lip balm standing, pill holder points the way,
Paving slabs level & even I pray.
Blinking eyes seeing wrong not right,
Of everything dark, nowhere near enough light,
Names & their letters mean the death of me,
A few select ones .... and in order I see,
Bastard eyes & shallow breathing,
Can't go nowhere without actually leaving,
Come & go they do for sure,
For every one a thousand more,
Germs & death will always be with me,
Maybe not yet but one day......you'll see!
Jason
P.s. This photo was taken whilst I was at Richmond Upon Thames College in Twickenham sometime in 1987. This was the year that I met my first Love Becky (she was in the same class as me), Becky was my first ever girlfriend too. This was also the same time I was told that I had HIV. I'm not sure if it was before or after this photo was taken. Looking at my face, I'd say I had already been told.
(C) JPT 2007
4 comments:
Twenty years later you are writing this poem. Twenty years... (look at all that hair ;)
1987 was 20 years ago? How can that be? I was close to your age (now) then! Where did 20 years go?
Happy Valentines my first love!!
Hope you're feeling better Jae?
Love & hugs
Becky xox
How sweet of you Becs:)
I am fine now thanks. Still a little runny (nose-wise;) and my shoulder etc is all back to normal:)
Ample, I know.....what a groovy hair do.....or shoulkd I call it a hair don't;) My Dad has loads of hair even today, so did his Dad. I blame the thinning of it now on the drugs I am taking;)
Un, I know, time most certainly finds a way of flying by unoticed. What is it that John Lennon said?.......Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans...or in my case.....when I'm not making any plans at all;)
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