The Hep C Cat & the Liver...

Back Door to a Ghost Train. Hastings, 2004

***WARNING: THIS DREAM MAY UPSET ANIMAL LOVERS***

I dream! Therefore I am!

I was compelled to write down my dream this morning. I dream often, but usually I am quite happy to let it go by the wayside and forget all about it (usually within 5 minutes). But this morning was not so! I just could not sleep until I had got it written down on paper.

Hep C cats.....Why is that strange man crying? He seems to be looking for someone...or something along a quiet leafy street. He is looking down at ground level, towards the pavement. It is dry, warm & bright. The air is still. He's holding a grotty old, grime covered towel, hidden slightly behind his back...seemingly ready to smother something with it! I follow his gaze and, find a little, pathetic looking cat sitting on the hard concrete slabs that make up the pavement. The man stops in his tracks, keeping his distance and freezes on the spot...hands tighten around the towel...knuckles white with strength and face white with fear! This poor cat is weak...very weak & tired! Dark, yellow eyes, harldly able to keep them open. Is that cat alright? I ask....No reply! The cat is so weak and feeble, it seems to be melting into the pavement. From somewhere it finds the strength to look up....right up towards the sky. It is wearing this look of complete fear across it's pained face...with a hint of relief too. Beginning to shake and panic the cat looks at the strange man and his towel....still fixed to the spot and with no courage! A pathetic coward! The cat then looks right at me....right into my eyes. Those eyes are saying that I must "do it!". I look around to find something to help me. The towel seems a bit silly for what I want to do. I need to do this properly and quickly....with absoultely no doubt. I notice a moss covered statue of a cat sitting in the garden next to me....too small! An old house brick atracts my attention, sharp edges but not very heavy! But then I spot it....A sign post half propped up outside a condemned derelict house...the sign has a large clump of rock hard concrete stuck to the bottom. This will have to do. It is heavy and cumbersome...I drag it over towards the cat. It is still waiting where I left it. With every step I make back towards this cat, it looks more and more at peace. I notice a small group of people have gathered near the cat. One of them is a firefighter, his helmet and boots dirty and scuffed. I plonk the post down on the pavement with a thud. The group look up at me, then at the post. It seems I am too late! The firefighter has dropped a paving slab right over this cat with a mighty thump! There are no gaps to be seen between pavement and deathly slab. The slab is lifted up and a peek is taken underneath...to see...hoping all is well. The cat is dead and at great peace now. Left only is a dark greasy putrid stain. There are tears and smiles all around....knowone talks...it is all over and done with...life can continue now...forgive & forget!

I think this dream was forum induced from last night. I was replying to two or three members who had just taken their first Interferon injection to rid themselves of Hep C. And I was thinking where they will be going in the next 48 weeks and also the period after treatment comes to an end. That all important part where we hope that it will never come back! The cat in the dream I took to be the spirit of a Hep C riddled liver, half dead from months of poison! Loosing the battle, lost in transition and looking for a quick end. Any help will do....just "do it"! The man with the towel might have been my frightened, coward side and the firefighter was the side of me who knows exactly what to do...no thinking needed! But the part I played in the dream may have been the side of me who just tries his best, but always too late....hoping someone else will do it for me.

Jason