"I Want to Hold My Hand"

My left hand today (Friday). It is the hand that feeds me, that I punch with, that I grip best with...throw darts with, flip-off with (as in swear), scratch with, inject with, pick my nose with. It is the first hand to hit the ground when I fall off my bike. It is the hand that pulls my seat belt over my body. It is the hand that does absolutely everything for me when I have a bad bleed in my right elbow. It is the hand that changes gear in my car. It is the hand that holds me up when I switch my suspension on and off with my right hand on my bike. It is the hand that tips my HIV & pain killer tablets into my mouth everyday. It is the hand that I will save you with if you ever fall into an icy lake. It is the hand that I will hold your hand with if you let me...



"It is dark and it is cold and everyone is sick and abominably uncomfortable with life"


...but I still do what I do best, which is hold on tight and shut my eyes (for the most part) and hope for the best.
What with a mouthful (literally) of very painful ulcers over the last week or so (almost gone now after a few Thalidomide tablets) and aching ankle joints, I had just about had enough until I thought how much worse off things could be...and most probably will be one day.
I sometimes wonder what would happen to me if I stopped all my HIV medications. Whether I would stay well or instead go on to develop full blown AIDS! It has been exactly twenty years since I first started my HIV medications and have been strictly taking them daily every single day since, more or less without fail! Not (as I learned from my HIV doctors) an easy feat to keep up to say the least. I've been on several HIV drug trials throughout the years and I have been through a few medication changes too (due to side effects or them not working as well as they'd hoped for) and here I am, still alive and still taking the drugs. Also, just for the record, I stopped taking my twice daily Aciclovir (Zovirax in tablet form) drugs to prevent me from getting cold sores. I stopped just over a week ago to see what would happen. I haven't had any cold sores yet! The reason that I decided to stop with them was because they aren't too good for your liver and well, without them my liver will thank me right? I haven't told my HIV doctors, but will do when I visit them next week. I think they'd prefer it if I wasn't taking them anyhow.

What am I going on about? I'm not so sure myself to be honest. Just thought of writing something and this is all I could think of. Plus, I wanted to tell everyone that I did my first ever roll in a kayak on Thursday using just my hands (no paddle or float). It was during the very last five minutes of my ninety minute session over at Ealing Pool. After an hour and twenty five minutes of just fucking around and doing regular rolls and stuff, Ian comes up to me and said to try a hand roll. I've tried before and failed on every attempt and just thought I'd fail again, but I thought what the hell and tried. I threw my paddle over to the side and capsized. After three attempts I did one and then another and another! They came to me as quickly as that! The proof of the pudding will be whether I can still do them next week. We shall see, but I am feeling pretty confident. Cheers Ian.

It'll be Christmas soon, then Summer will be here again.


"I Love the dark and I Love the cold, but I don't so much care for sickness and feeling abominably uncomfortable with life"



Jason

P.s. Congratulations to UC achieving "SVR" recently. You da woman! xx








(C) JPT 2007.........3131.72 miles.

"My Kayaking For September 2007"

Jac (My bestest friend) @ The Buffalo Bar in Islington to see "William".



As you can see, not a lot of kayaking during the month of September. The main reason being that I have been doing loads of cycling and have been more or less relying on my Thursday night pool sessions in Ealing to do a bit. Plus I missed one session in Sept due to the fact that I couldn't walk! I wanted so much to go but was in far too much pain!
I don't even have a photo related to kayaking to post with it, so I thought I'd stick another pic of my best friend Jac up as this is what I did last time...besides, I think she looks far much better than I do;) Apology's for the fact that the photo wasn't even taken in September. I took it on 9.10.07 (Jac's Birthday) when we went gigging.


Thursday 6th September 2007 @ 21:00pm, I managed to get Jac to come along and promised that I wouldn't tip her in;), The pool was very packed with other boats which is unusual and made the whole experience a little disappointing, Jac got out early and sat on the side watching, if the pool was more quiet she'd have had a much better time. It was her first ever time in kayak too. I hope she goes again:)

Thursday 13th September 2007 @ 21:00pm, Ealing Pool, Lee & Ian, 1hr 30mins, no Jac this time...don't suppose we'll ever see her there again bless her little cotton socks;)

Thursday 20th September 2007 @ 21:00, Ealing pool, 1hr 30mins, Ian, Lee had cold, Ian has new boat, I was using a pair of hand paddles from the states tonight and found them to be quite good fun. So easy to roll with them...I think they were a little too big really and could do with a smaller pair. Ian's ankle is getting better and hopefully he will be able to come cycling with us again.



Jason








(C) JPT 2007

"My Cycling For September 2007"

Me during my 100k marathon in Ruthin 16.08.07



Another month and another cycling post...yipee! Looks like I passed the 3000 mile mark for the year and I'm beginning to wonder if I will manage the 3600 by the time this year is up on December 31st? 550 odd miles in two & a half months? You betcha!!! Although I have been cycling and stuff, both my ankles have been playing up whether it be walking or cycling or just sitting in doors doing not a lot of anything! Walking though mainly causes the pain. I'm more or less ok cycling just as long as I don't put my feet down at traffic lights or at gates into RP etc, ie; impossible! But I still do it because...because I can.

So, what else have I been doing? I had meself a fibroscan at my haemophilia centre in Hampstead the other week and got a score of 9.6. They were happy with it, so I am too. I wasn't expecting the scan, nor did I particularly want one, but I had it anyway because...because I can.

Jac & I went up the hill...actually, we went up to North London on Tuesday to see a live band called "William". It was her birthday too. We had a great time although we nearly missed the last train back to Waterloo and then nearly missing the last train back to Twickenham too!
Again, Jac fell in Love with the lead singer Gavin and got me to take a photo of them together. Good band! He sings without his shoes because...because he can.

What else, what else, what else? Oh, yes, I went to Preston to this years Haemophilia Society AGM. I'd never been to one before and I gotta admit that if certain other haemophiliacs weren't there, I'd probably not bothered going. Ros was there as were Matt and another typeIII vWd Helen. She is pretty cool as she is a fellow Blakes 7 fan and she has a vein in her arm that vibrates! Now if that ain't cool, then what is?

Anyway, here are the stats for last months cycling;


Sunday 2nd September 2007 @ 12pm, Phil, RPx1 and a half, 17.43 miles, sunny and warm, dry, av 11.6, max 32mph, 1hr 30mins, temp 20, wind 14. Total 2727.95 miles...(2334.5 miles since Cateye)

Wednesday 5th September 2007 @ 17:00pm, RPx2 with small diversion to Jac's work to say hello and pump her back tyre up, warm and sunny, 25.36miles, av 13.2, max 28mph, 1hr 55mins. Total 2753.31 miles...(2359.9 miles since Cateye)

Friday 7th September 2007 @ 18:00pm, 19.83 miles, RPx1 and diversion to Mums for dinner in garden, sunny the dark, warm, dry, av 13.4, max 27.1 mph, 1hr 29mins, temp 22, wind 5. Total 2773.14 miles...(2379.7 miles since Cateye)

Sunday 9th September 2007 @ 12:30pm, Phil, HH & LH, 21.73 miles, 2hrs 31mins, warm, sunny & dry, Phil crashed a few times including one on BKB...he's fine I might add!, av 8.6, max 34.2 mph, temp 24, wind 7. Total 2794.87 miles...(2401.4 miles since Cateye)

Wednesday 12th September 2007 @ 18:00pm, RP on the road, 17.97 miles, warm, dry & sunny, 1hr 14mins, av 14.6, max 36.8 mph, temp 21, wind 4. Total 2812.84 miles...(2419.4 miles since Cateye)

Friday 14th September 2007 @ 18:00pm, BP, 10.17 miles, av 14.8, max 22.9 mph, 41 mins, dry/dusk, temp 19, wind 5. Total 2823.01 miles...(2429.6 miles since Cateye)

Sunday 16th September 2007 @ 09:30, Ruthin North Wales, Lee, Phil, Merida MTB Mountain Bike Marathon Series Final, Lee & Phil both did 50k and I did 100k, 58.04 miles, av 8.2, max 35.3 mph, 8hrs out and 7hrs pedaling in total, finished @ 17:25, sun, strong winds with clouds and rain later...see blog entry for 21st September to read about the ride. Total 2881.05 miles...(2487.6 miles since Cateye)

Sunday 23rd September 2007 @ 12:40, Home to Central London (Hovis "Freewheel" Bike Event) via A3 & Vauxhaull Bridge (going)/Waterloo Bridge (coming back), 40.58 miles, av 12, max 30.4 mph, mostly sunny and very windy coming back, 3hrs 22mins pedaling...back home at 5pm, temp 21, wind 14. Total 2921.63 miles...(2528.2 miles since Cateye)

Sunday 30th September 2007 @ 17:00, Lee, out for a little ride to see how my ankle was after three days of agony!, BP & RP, 23.54 miles, av 13.8, max 26.7 mph, 1hr 42mins, mild and bright, ankle was fine in the end and feels like it is 'back to normal'...thank goodness!, temp 16, wind 9. Total 2945.17 miles...(2551.7 miles since Cateye)



Jason








(C) JPT 2007.........3042.77 miles

"When The Vein Blows"

Alone but not lonely...

The quivering beast that finds it's peace
By lying low a while, until finding a feast
...Red veins that blow so fine and right, I seen it all tonight,
Blue veins that hide from fright, I saw it all that night,
So close to Curtis, so far from Deirdre,
The distance don't matter for neither can hear me
Tarmac invites plane to visit hard, water laps up against garage door whilst warm hands sleep on my thigh!

Not quite right, but I'm not pushing it away!



Jason


Happy Birthday Jac xx








(C) JPT 2007.........

"Walking Trivialities"

South Bank last Sunday during my London ride...the graffiti was more fun than the ride;)


God! I'm so bored! It's raining in my head, in my ankle and it's raining outside (it was at the time of writing this sentence;)! Fuck it! Fuck it! Fuck it!
Where the sticky shit did that bastard bleed come from? Was it a bleed? I'm not really sure? It didn't swell up like a bleed, like they used to do when I was younger. Like a balloon filled with boiling blood sticking out the side of my ankle joint! More of a bone thing going on. A deep, deep down feeling right in the center of my ankle joint! As my friend Ros so perfectly described recently - Just like a poisonous bone eating worm was living in there - very nasty! Very good description Mrs C.

It all started last Wednesday night. I had been out to London to see a film. Hardly any walking at all. Just a little between trains and to and from my car from the station. Done it a thousand times with and without pain. Been caught out before but all was well again by the morning after a few thousand units of Factor VIII. But not this time!

I got off the train at Twickenham and started to walk up the stairs to the road to take the short walk across the railway bridge to Waitrose carpark where my car was and there the pain started. Nothing unusual about that. It often hurts just after I have been sitting still for a while. Got to get the joint moving a little before it sorts itself out. Ros'll tell you the same.
So I thought nothing of it and adjusted my walking style to help relieve the pain that I was feeling and continued through the ticket machines and out onto the pavement and over the bridge.
Halfway across the bridge and I was walking like I had been shot in the foot by a lone sniper atop Waitrose! Bam!! All of a sudden the remainder of the very short walk back to the car became a ten minute pain filled struggle where each step made me grimace in agony! Not long to go now, just another few hundred yards and I will be with my car, back home, back with my precious factor VIII.

Little did I imagine that it would last the entire evening, all the way through the night and all through the next two days! Christ on a bike! That first night I didn't sleep a wink, couldn't find a single pain-free spot to put my stupid foot! I downed 10 strong pain killers during the night and they had no effect whatsoever! I'm surprised I didn't do meself a mischief with that amount of PK's! Very silly looking back, but at the time I wasn't thinking straight. I can understand how people can accidentally overdose when they're in so much pain.

Besides the pain I was in, I was also rather concerned that I had a permanent injury that was just not going to go away! I had visions of crawling around on my knees to the kitchen and bathroom for the rest of eternity (one day was enough!). My knees stung when I lowered myself into a hot bath on Thursday night due to carpet burns! (first Thursday night kayaking session I have missed since I started going nearer the beginning of the year). I got Lee to come around with my Mums crutches that she used recently for a knee replacement and used those until the ankle miraculously sorted itself out on Sunday morning (today). I tried to walk on it with the aid of the crutches on Saturday night to see if it was alright to do so and it kind of felt ok.

Then on Sunday morning the bastard was all more or less back to normal. What a relief!! I was worried I had buggered it once and for all! It's bound to happen one day, I just know it! Looking back, I think it was my ankles way of telling me that I had used it too much over the last few weeks and to calm down a little. I might not have been out for many rides over the last two weeks, but the few rides that I did do were very long and hard and something was going to give right? Sunday before last I did my 100k off-road marathon thing up in North Wales and then nothing until the next Sunday (last) when I took a lonely trip into central London to be part of the "Hovis Freewheel" ride where several miles of London's most popular streets were closed to all traffic except bikes. 38,000 bikes attended the event and all I can say to describe it is that it was THE largest bicycle jam in the entire world!! The weather was good but the wind was a right fucker coming back home into Kingston along the A3. I decided to cycle the whole way (40 odd miles) from my flat to the event and back again and to be honest with you, I don't really think I had recovered properly from the marathon a week before.

Will I learn from my experience? I really do hope so! But probably not.



Jason


P.s. Way to go Amp's...SVR girl:)








(C) JPT 2007.........2945.17 miles.

"Merida MTB Marathon Series Final 2007 in Ruthin"

Bleed? I ain't got time to bleed!


So how did my recent MTB marathon go up in the beautiful hills of North Wales?...Ruthin and the surrounding area to be precise. Well, it went very well indeed. The weather was good after fears of pouring rain and 10hrs+ in the saddle with light fading fast as the mud made for an ultra slow ride! And also fears of the marathon even being cancelled because of an outbreak of Foot & Mouth that is going on here in the UK at the moment. Instead we were all told to bring clean bikes and footwear, especially if you're from the affected part of the country (as were I, Lee & Phil) and we had to roll our bike wheels and walk through a shallow trough of disinfectant to kill any germs we might be carrying. In fact, all 1000+ riders had to squeeze through the exact same trough before we took our bikes out into the North Wales hills between 09:30-10:00. It was the biggest traffic jam (with bikes) that I have ever seen! Of course everyone wanted to get away as quickly as possible to be in for a chance of achieving a good time.
We were camped on the grounds of Ruthin Rugby Club for the Saturday night (15th) and the ride started the following morning. After a decent sleep in a half decent tent and under a cloudless night that contained what looked like the entire solar systems alloted amount of stars we got our bikes & Camelbak's ready in gorgeous sunshine and downed some tasty porridge and sliced banana. This final leg of the "Merida MTB Marathon Series 2007" was the first that Lee & I have ever done. Phil had done one last year and this is where I first heard of the Merida event (Merida make mountain bikes). There were four routes on offer at the Ruthin event; 25k, 50k, 75k and 100k. I thought I'd do the 100k if the weather was good enough and if not the 75k but the weather was good, albeit very windy on some of the more exposed parts of the route. The wind was so strong at times that I had to pedal to get down a decent! But at least it was dry and warmish.
The three of us set off together through the pretty streets of Ruthin and up into the hills. My goodness! The hills were long and steep and hard going! I had to push my bike more than once they were that steep! If only I had another gear I kept saying to myself. A slightly larger cog on the back and a slightly smaller ring on the front and I'd have pedaled near enough the whole lot I reckon.
The sun shone for a few hours but then decided to go all overcast and windy! We soon found our own paces and I wouldn't see Lee & Phil again until I reached the finish line some 7hrs later, by which time they already finished & had washed their bikes, showered and were sat in the van waiting for me to arrive. They had both decided to do the 50k ride and when didn't see me at the finish, they knew straight away that I was on for the 100k. They completed their ride in 6hrs and crossed the line within two minutes of each other. I however took an extra 2hrs and crossed the line all alone after a mental 5k wet decent into Ruthin village. My hands were sore from gripping my handle bars and pulling in the brake levers. I had almost no strength left in my hands and right arm by the end! My legs had also had enough and my bike needed a good wash, not to mention me!
It was a thoroughly rewarding ride. I went at my own pace the whole time and even after the relentless wind, a puncture after 90 mins and an uphill fall where I couldn't un-clip my feet from the pedals and whacked my right shoulder & head on the ground (hence the bloody nose...the ground hit my helmet, the helmet pushed down into my glasses and my glasses cut into the bridge of my nose) I still managed a pretty good time. I made all the deadlines before you got diverted to make sure you weren't stranded out in the middle of nowhere in the dark. I was wonderfully exhausted by the time I reached the finish line and picked up my event t-shirt for finishing, had my FVIII and went home still with bloody nose and dirty bike!

The event was very well organized with several feeding stations along the 100k route, most of which I just picked up a fresh banana, had a little stretch and continued along my way. I was on a mission and really didn't want to stop at all. Each feeding station had water, bananas, biscuits and energy bars on offer and first aid too. The whole course was marshaled also. Each one would cheer you on and encourage you to keep going. And also, each one who noticed my bloody nose asked if I was ok. They really did a brilliant job. The entire route was very well sign posted. It is amazing just how quickly 1000+ mountain bikers spread out over a 60 mile course! I found myself alone for a fair bit of the ride...just me and Elvis and my aching joints. And that is just what they did too...ache. I can't have been happier for the way my joints behaved leading up to, during and after the ride!

I can't wait for the next ride! Next year I shall try and do all of the Merida events that are held. That'd be a nice challenge to achieve...even more so if I can do the 100k route in all of them!

Anyway, Wednesday saw another inquiry come and go. And again I went along to show my support and meet up with friends who have also been affected. I still don't really know what to make of it all. The evidence seems to be along the same themes with every inquiry and nothing as far as I can see has really stuck out and smacked me in the nose. Yes, there are terrible stories of haemophiliac Sons dying of aids and stories of how Factor VIII was made and distributed back in the day, but is there anything that can secure exactly what we are asking for? I don't rightly know. I'm not even sure what it is we are asking for anymore? I'm just happy to see and spend a little time with my old/new vWd/haemophiliac friends once a month or so:) I also invited along my friend Debbie to this one.
There will be more inquiries to come we have been informed, but as of Wednesday no dates set.

I need to get out on my bike again! My legs feel as if they haven't pedaled for weeks and it's only been four days! I have just been so busy I suppose since Monday..., well Monday & Tuesday was spent recovering from Sunday and Wednesday to a certain degree also (I nodded off about 18 times during the inquiry...Ros had to keep poking me to wake me up;) and maybe even Thursday if I am honest and yesterday (Thursday) was spent up London again with Debbie to see a show called "Stomp" which was superb! If it's in a city near you, then go see it! You will want to bang anything & everything...including the kitchen sink (if you know what I mean;) when you get home. And then Thursday evening was spent in the pool kayaking. Plus Elvis' rear cassette has come loose and needs sorting! Silly Elvis!



Jason








(C) JPT 2007.........2881.05 miles.

"Redcarscometoascreechinghalt"

Jac trying her utmost to join Redcarsgofaster as a band member...Did someone not tell her that it was their last ever gig?



It's so true! Leicester band Redcarsgofaster came skidding to a grinding halt on Saturday night (8th Sept) in a tiny building in the middle of their hometown. The venue was The Charlotte in Oxford St. Redcars were on in the upstairs room and when I say room, I mean quite literally a room...a dark, hot, wood floor room! No stage as such. Just a corner where all their gear was set up and a few speakers. A very intimate affair indeed! Perfect for witnessing a great bunch of guys yanking up the handbrake to their band and playing their last ever gig ever! You see, I was there with my friend Jac who also Love them and when we heard that they were gigging and that it was going to be their last performance...well, we just had to go didn't we. All we had of them in the way of music were six tracks that we managed to find on itunes and nothing else. We heard them once on the radio (which is where we first heard them and instantly fell in Love)...we were sitting in the car one night listening to Xfm and on came "I Am the Storm". The rest as they say is history.

So, we left London behind & drove the 100 miles or so North in a black fast car to the venue. We were a little early (3hrs) and spent most of that time looking for a part of Leicester that wasn't made up of old mens pubs and university campus buildings. We found a place to wait and then before we knew it was almost 8pm. Half the small queue waiting outside to get in were covered in blood and scars of all shapes & sizes! Fake of course...at least I hope it was...I think they must have been seeing the band who were playing downstairs..."Send More Paramedics". They're playing in London on the 14th...I might pop along to see. These guys are also splitting up! What is it with bands splitting up all over the place?

Upon entering the venue, I hadn't realized just how many famous bands had played there! The walls were covered in posters of all the bands that have since 1985...Radiohead, The Killers, Bloc Party, The Buzzcocks, Oasis, The Stone Roses, Happy Mondays, Manic Street Preachers, Suede, Echobelly (MMmmm!), Pulp, Kyuss (cool!), Muse, Coldplay, Coutney Pine, Blur Joe Strummer (of The Clash fame), Razorlight, The Libertines and many more. I bought a t-shirt and Jac bough a red wine and upstairs we went. We had got talking to a guy who was there to see Redcars and he really knew his music and was there photographing the band too. We found him at the top of the stairs talking to Redcars frontman James and spoke to them a bit before we went in. He couldn't believe we came all the way up from London to see them! I asked him if he had any cd's of their homemade album...I'd been kind of communicating with the band the week before by e-mail and they said they would be selling them at the gig. They even remembered me from the e-mails and went and got our cd's before they went on...in fact, even before the first two bands ("Tired Irie" & "Rotary Ten") went on. They were very good too...Jac was in her element and was having a great time. Seeing live bands really seems to be her thing and makes her feel happy! I too Love the whole live band scene. And since the smoking ban on the 1st July you can actually breath in there now!

As I said, Jac was absolutely Loving it...and then on came Redcars! She had already fallen in Love with their music over the last year and now she was falling in Love with James the bands singer. We met him briefly just before the gig and he was just such a nice bloke! He looked very young and we had both imagined him to be a lot older looking. Great looking with a wonderful voice...where did it all go wrong? We had to keep reminding ourselves that it was their last ever gig and that we would never (no one would ever...) see this band again! Good job then that I videoed it! Check these guys out by having a listen to them on their myspace page; http://www.myspace.com/redcarsgofaster click on track "Neurath's Figure"...this is a favorite at the moment. Tell me what you think and if you think they're mad for calling it a day with such a great sound under their belts?

So, the band came on, did their stuff, played more tracks than they have ever played before in a single gig, laughed and joked between themselves and us and even stripped down to their waists just because they had always wanted to during previous gigs and didn't have the bottle. The gig was brilliant, especially the last track, which I'd never heard before, where they just invited the audience up with them...Jac got right up there and had a ball being James' right hand woman for five minutes. Guitars and cymbals were flying around all over the place whilst James stood up by the window over looking the street outside and scribbled something like "Redcarsgofaster...R.I.P" into the steamed up windows as Phil drummed his nuts off along with Andy's deep bass. Then guitarist Matt lifted his guitar right over his head and went to smash it down onto the drum kit until fellow guitarist David jumped in and stopped him. It was sheer madness for a few minutes...a few minutes I'd Love to relive at least once a week for the rest of my life it was that cool!

Thanks guys for such a memorable gig!

REDCARSGOFASTER ARE FUCKING DEAD...R.I.P.

In other news...My mountain bike marathon up in Ruthin, North Wales is fast approaching. Sunday 16th to be precise. The weather looks set to be pretty bad so I may not do the 100k route...but we'll see. My bike is all ready...I'm as ready as I'm ever going to be and I am looking forward to it come rain or shine. What more could you ask for...a weekend camping in a beautiful part of the world with your mountain bike and you best mate? The only thing missing will be my kayak! I'll tell you all about it when it's all over.




Jason








(C) JPT 2007.........2823.01 miles.

"One She Dislikes"

What my Dad wrote on the back; This teacher likes or dislikes certain children and Jason is one she dislikes. He sits next to another boy who is very naughty, But I have sorted this out. L Tolmie



Trafalgar Junior School, Twickenham.

Name; Jason Paul Tolmie
Class; IW
Date; Summer 1979

English

Reading age; 7 years 2 months. Jason's reading has improved considerably this year and his word attack skills have also advanced a lot. His handwriting is still very cramped and slowly produced. He is able to write in sentences when he sets his mind to the task and is making a start on story writing. He makes little effort to learn his spellings for tests but there has been some improvement in this field because of his better reading skills.
He has little idea about punctuation. His written comprehension work is slowly improving but he dislikes the effort involved in answering fully and skimps this type of work. His aural comprehension work is better but still suffers from his poor concentration.

Mathematics

Jason has not made much effort to master the simple number bonds, nor has he learnt any of his multiplication tables. He can count on in two's with difficulty. His concept of place value is very shaky - he is fairly happy with tens and units but hundreds and thousands confuse him completely. He can add tens and units and is beginning to master carrying with the aid of Dienes apparatus. He can manage only the simplest subtraction and although he has had experience of multiplication and sharing he is not yet able to do simple sums using these operations. He cannot manage problems using the basic operations. He can measure accurately in centimeters but has difficulty in drawing straight lines and using a compass. He is still confused about telling the time. He can do simple money sums.

Environmental Studies

Jason has poor concentration and rarely listens for long in Environmental Studies lessons. He does not contribute to discussions nor is he able to answer questions sensibly. He is unable to record factual in his own words, although he is now able to copy notes accurately from the blackboard.
Although an eager participant in gymnastics and games he is not always a sensible one. In Country Dancing and Movement he is also frequently silly and does not listen to instructions. He makes little effort to join in singing lessons but has made a start with the recorder. His artwork is careless and he prefers to throw plasticene rather than model with it.

General Development

At the beginning of the year Jason avoided work whenever he could. Fortunately, he discovered that he had to finish work before he could play and this led to a dramatic increase in output. His standard of work has improved immeasurably and while not yet up to average he should be able to work more with his own class next year.
This improvement in work has not been reflected in his general behaviour. He has been frequently in trouble during this year. He is often slyly disobedient. He has been observed misbehaving or, more seriously, taking other childrens' property, and then steadfastly denies his guilt. He is violent towards other children, secure in the knowledge that they may not hit him back. While acknowledging the difficulties Jason faces because of his illness some action is necessary to stop Jason and his appalling behaviour.

Class Teacher; Miss S R Webber
Headmaster; Mr Emblin


Oh how sweet! What a Lovely little boy,
run with him, play with him like your favorite toy,
He was beautiful, he was shy, he wouldn't hurt a fly,
Ok, he'd pick off their wings, poke them in the eye,
he did throw pasticene all around the class,
straight over the other kids and into some glass,
he borrowed forever, another boys thing,
a boy who was happy, a boy who could sing,
poor concentration, I wonder why?
his illness and violence, why deny?
you may not hit me for I will bleed to death,
but if I deserve it, you may take my last breath.



I was eight and a half...just! I was a very shy boy and quiet most of the time but as you can see, I was a little sod too. But then I was the only boy in my school who spent hours up at the A&E in the middle of the night on a regular basis...crying in pain, trying not to think about the needle that I thought I was avoiding during the day at school, hoping my bleed would go away on it's own! They never did go away! So up to the hospital I went at 2am, back at home at 5am. Missing school the next day (hooray) because I was exhausted from all of the pain and feeling terribly frightened. I should have been asleep, dreaming. Like most other eight and a half (just) year old little boys.

I didn't know it at the time, neither did my teacher, nor my headmaster, nor my Mum & Dad, not even my doctors...but I had Hep C too! Let me throw plasticene for gods sake! Let me have some fun before it all goes tits up!

"You got haemophilia haven't you? And that means we ain't supposed to hit you doesn't it?"
...If I have done something to deserve being hit, then hit, hit away boys, I won't stop you...

Note; I don't remember being violent towards other children, I was just not that sort of kid. Yeah, all schools have their fair share of little shits and I was one of them...sometimes, when I needed to be one. If I was pushed or provoked, I would give back accordingly...maybe a little more just to make sure they didn't do it again. Some people you can talk your way out of a fight, others you just have to run and some just need to be hit straight away and hard. I have never hit anyone for no reason!




Jason









(C) JPT 2007.........2773.14 miles.

My Kayaking for August 2007...

More blood vicar?



Not a lot of kayaking in August! Just trips to Ealing pool every Thursday to practice my eskimo rolls etc...and have a laugh whilst keeping fit all at the same time:)
Also, I have absolutely no photos of me kayaking to go with the post so I have stuck in this pic taken in August of my blood being taken from my best kayaking arm...look at where the needle is! My favorite place to inject is the dark patch to the right of the needle...a whole inch or more away! I was brave though and didn't bat an eyelid;)

Thursday 2nd August 2007 @ 21:00pm, 1hr 30mins at Ealing Pool, Lee & others, Ian was back today after a few weeks recovering from a badly sprained ankle, Lee learned to hand roll like I was doing last week courtesy of Owen, and I have a blocked ear (right side) because my ear plugs are shit! Otherwise all is fine and dandy:)

Thursday 9th August 2007 @ 21:00pm, Ealing Pool, Lee & Ian etc, hurt my right shoulder mucking around with Lee...great laugh as always, 1hr 30mins.

Thursday 16th August 2007 @ 21:00pm, Ealing Pool with Lee & Ian etc, 1hr 30mins.

Thursday 23rd August 2007 @ 21:00pm, Ealing Pool with Lee & Ian, 1hr 3omins.

Thursday 30th August 2007 @ 21:00pm, Ealing Pool with Lee & Ian etc, 1hr 30mins. I did 18 CtoC rolls all in a row...I was very dizzy!




Jason








(C) JPT 2007.........