"The Cunt Splice Of Life"

What I saw on my 38th birthday!


When My friend will You be gone?
Your demise, your end, your very last song?
Are you heading towards the usual trend?
Where beauty holds you to the end?

Where living in your contentedness,
Where you shall Love and savour my kiss.
But, I'm afraid for you and yours,
The time is here to hold and to pause.

The leaves shall stop falling,
The river seizes to flow,
The birds stop calling,
The wind will never blow,

With eyelid shut and static chest,
With nothing to rest so nothing left,
With all things dying, with nowhere to send,
With nowhere to go, where all things end.

Sneaking up behind you!
Invisible through your very last tear,
That ghostly tap on your shoulder,
That shiver out of the blue so clear.

While ice cracked beneath your feet,
I pity the day when you & I may meet,
For the time I held up your bony weight,
I did fail and watched you fall through fate.

Your time has come too real for sure,
If you thought it was bad now, it was worse before,
For those that begin to want it so nice,
All you are left with is the great, the wonderful cunt splice of life!




Jason








(C) JPT 2009

"My Cycling For December 2008"

Richmond Park on Boxing Day 2008.


Mmmm, slightly better than that of last months cycling. Much better weather too, albeit very cold and icy! The trail up in the hills have been Lovely and dry, mostly on account of them being absolutely frozen solid! It's great though to be out in such cold weather and very refreshing. And at the time of writing this (January 9th 2009) it is still ultra cold out and absolutely every puddle or pond or lake is totally frozen! You'd think that it'd be quite slippery on the bike but it is in fact quite the opposite. My tyres are very good indeed in the ice. They are Maxxis Medusa 2.10 if you're interested.
My joints on the other hand are still the same as usual. Lots of pain most of the time! I'm taking far too many painkillers at the mo and am doing something about it. I've already cut the amount taken per day (always only just before bedtime) down by two in the last few days and hope to continue that until I reach a respectable amount.

Christmas was ok (Christmas dinner was wonderful, thanks Mum:), although a fair few people have had colds and I am afraid I will never be quite myself whilst around colds and flu etc! Even if I am cured of HIV I don't think I shall ever change. I'm fed up with feeling ill (and the prospect of becoming ill) and I will do anything I can (within reason) to prevent anything spreading to me. Unfortunately, I failed to do just that only recently when I had the runniest nose that you have ever seen, over the new year period! It even prevented me from going out for a new years day ride, I was that snotty! Plus I had some sort of chest thing going on too during that rather snotty time, but all seems to be well again now:)

And check out my total mileage from all of last year! Only 2218.88 miles! Not many really compared to 2007 when I did 3600 miles. I'm still having fun which is the main thing, right? Painful, but fun:)

See you all next month:)



Wednesday 3rd December 2008 @ 19:25, HH, PH, Lee, Ian, 11.71 miles, av 5.6, max 25.1 mph, 2hrs 4mins, very cold with no wind, temp minus 4, clear & icy, Lee got a puncture at the top of Holmbury Hill. Total 2092.51 miles.

Sunday 7th December 2008 @ 14:25, RP, 21.63 miles, av 11.2, max 26.6 mph, 1hr 55mins, clear skies, icy cold, no wind, no lights!, temp 5 (felt more like minus 2! Total 2114.14 miles.

Sunday 14th December 2008 @ 16:30, RP & popped round to my mums to stick some Christmas lights up in her tree in the front garden, 21.99 miles, av 11.4, max 24.9 mph, 1hr 55mins, cold and breezy, dry. Total 2136.13 miles.

Wednesday 17th December 2008 @ 18:50, BP, RP, Lee, 17.62 miles, av 11.1, max 24.4 mph, 1hr 35mins, dry, cool, saw an owl. Total 2153.75 miles.

Saturday 20th December 2008 @ 18:30, RP, 18.53 miles, av 12.3, max 23.4 mph, 1hr 30mins, temp 9, wind 12. Total 2172.28 miles.

Wednesday 23rd December 2008 @ 19:40, HH, Lee, Lee locked his car keys in his car in the car park so we cut our ride short to get his spare ones, 7.4 miles, av 6.4, max 18.1 mph, 1hr 1min, mild, dry, temp 9, no wind. Total 2179.32 miles.

Saturday 26th December 2008 @ 13:30-16:00pm, RP, 27.04 miles, av 11.3, max 29.6 mph, 2hrs 23mins, cold, very sunny, met a running Sophie part way round and chatted til we reached her car...also bumped into Andy on his bike, Temp 3. Total 2206.36 miles.

Tuesday 29th December 2008 @ 21:00, RP, 12.52 miles, av 11.3, max 22.8 mph, 1hr 6mins, bloody cold, right ankle hurt, saw an owl, dry, temp minus 3, wind 4. Total 2218.88 miles.



Jason








(C) JPT 2009

"New Post Coming Soon...I Promise"

Holmbury St Mary today (Saturday)


Just to let you'all know that I haven't done with my blog (yet) and will stick a new year post up in the next week or so. It seems my creativeness has cut it's wrists a little too deeply and with a knife that was perhaps a little too sharp and has I am afraid bled to sodding death!

Watch this space followers of mine blog:)



Jae:)

"My Cycling for November 2008"

Me pretending to be a ghost in Richmond Park on November 16th 2008.


Just five rides in November! Is that due to the weather, the fact that it's cold? Or because my ankle joints said no? Or because I just can't be bothered? I blame it on a bit of each. Things should...will get better!




Sunday 2nd November 2008 @ 15:00pm, RP, 18.77 miles, av 11.7, max 28 mph, 1hr 36mins, cool and dry. Met Ian and his wife and kid in Pembrokeshire Lodge car park briefly during a walk. Total 2016.63 miles.

Tuesday 11th November 2008 @ 15:20pm, RP, 18.27 miles, av 12.1, max 26.9 mph, 1hr 30mins, dry and cool. Total 2034.90 miles.

Sunday 16th November 2008 @ 16:45pm, RPx2, 25.74 miles, av 12.6, max 25.8 mph, 2hrs 2mins, temp 5, wind 3. Total 2060.64 miles.

Thursday 19th November 2008 @ 20:20pm, LH, 8.4 miles, Ian, James, Paul, Nick and Andy, av 6.3, max 18 mph, 1hr 25 mins, very muddy but clear and dry, cold. Total 2068.68 miles.

Sunday 23rd November 2008 @ 14:30pm, HH, PH, Ian, 12.12 miles, av 6.4, max 19.6 mph, 1hr 52 mins, very wet and muddy under tyre, sunny and cold, snow had fallen that morning. Total 2080.80 miles.



Jason








(C) JPT 2008.........Total 2080.80 miles (up to the end of November)

"Under The Glow Of Blood"

My blood. Just like yours? I hope not!


I think this might be the first time that I have ever really acknowledged World Aids Day, even though I have had HIV since the early to mid eighties when I inadvertently injected syringe after syringe of contaminated blood into my young veins to treat my haemophilia. First time for everything I suppose?
I have known since 1987 when my doctors thought it best to let me know when I reached 16. They knew in 1985 when my blood tested positive for HIV. Looking back, I'll never forget the two or so years that they kept quiet. I could have infected anyone! I wasn't on any medication for those two years and my viral load would have been in the millions. After a few drug trials in 87 I started my HIV drugs properly a few years later. I have been very lucky in that I have not had one HIV induced problem in all the time that I have had HIV. I have been very strict with my drugs and most importantly, I have looked after myself and tried to keep as healthy as possible. It isn't easy and sometimes I wonder why I bother! But, I am well and healthy and my viral load is undetectable as a result of my HIV medications. I wish I hadn't caught it at such a young age. There is no doubt that my life has been irreversibly affected by learning such horrific news at such a young age. I wish I was normal!
Oh well, things could be worse. I could be dead like so many others, some that I knew personally.

Whatever you do on December 1st 2008 (World AIDS Day) just make sure you remember the boys and girls, men and women that have already died as a result of HIV & AIDS.

For more information on World Aids Day visit;
http://www.worldaidsday.org/




Jason








(C) JPT 2008.

"My Galaxy Far, Far Away..."

By Jason age 9. January 4th 1980.

One nine year old boy, a recently acquired electronic typewriter and an imagination that wants out! Out of this world and into a galaxy far, far away. It may or may not happen one day, but whatever my destination on this far from perfect planet, I shall make it into a place or time where dreams and nightmares alike shall come true and make me a happy little boy.

"Star Wars"

My best film is The Empire Strikes Back. And I will show you all the people. There are Luke Skywalker and Han Solo and R2-D2 and C3-P0 and there is the Sand People and the Stormtroopers and Darth Vader, Chewbacca. Princess Leia Organa. And the Bounty Hunter and Jawa and R5-D4 and Snaggietooth and Power-Droid and Green Greedo and Hammerhead, Walrus Man and Ben Kenobi, Death Squad and Security Guard and FX-7 and Imperial Stormtrooper and Lando Calrissian, Bossk, Rebel Soldier, Droid Factory and the Imperial Troop Transporter and I have got a Twin-Pod Cloud Car and a Landspeeder and I have got a Star Wars game and I have got a toy monster and I am going to get some other spaceship and i am going to get some more Star Wars men and there are the Tie Fighter. You can get them in a shop called Kiddie City and I am going to go and see it at the pictures in Twickenham and my best man in Star Wars is the little man called Jawa and the Stormtrooper and they all have a gun each and there are 10 new Star Wars men and there are 20 old men and the ages are up to 4 and over and are there are 7 robots and there are 15 men and women and there are 8 monsters. All of them put together makes 30 and I was going to see it but I saw it at Marks. He has got a video. He has got over 41 tapes you can tape it on.




Jason








(C) JPT 2008

"My Cycling for October 2008"

Cold, in the dark & alone in Richmond Park during October 2008.


October seemed to be a quiet month for cycling with just a few trips to the hills and most trips to Richmond Park on my own, where I even managed to get a ticking off for speeding along the Tamsin Trail by a fellow mountain biker...who also happened to be a police officer...on duty! He said that the speed limit of ten mph on the trail was there to prevent me from running over ladies pushing prams and getting tangled up with dogs on 50ft leads. I wasn't going to argue as he does have a point. But, just for your information, I would never ride uncontrollably fast past anyone else on the trail. I think this is the reason that he let me go, because there wasn't anyone else around except him.

Anyway, what I think also made it a more seemingly quiet month was the fact that a rotten tooth that has been playing up for a while now decided to develop one infection and abscess after the other and in the end I was left with only one option; to have the offending tooth pulled out. Which I did. You'd be surprised by just how much a painful tooth can affect your ability to stay sane and want to go out riding on a bike! I am so glad to have had the thing gone! Even if the dentist nearly did paralyze the left side of my face by injecting too much numbing juice!

Oh, and the weather has gotten colder and (as we go into November) wetter too and I have a new car which I don't have a roof rack for nor a boot liner, and don't want to get it all mucky just yet;)


See you next month...



Thursday 2nd October 2008 @ 17:00pm, RP, 18.46 miles, av 11.8, max 27.1 mph, 1hr 34mins, cool, sunny, windy. Total 1884.34 miles.

Thursday 9th October 2008 @ 15:00pm, RPx2 and a third, 26.19 miles, av 12.3, max 27.8 mph, 2hrs 7mins, sunny and mild. Total 1910.53 miles.

Friday 10th October 2008 @ 17:15pm, LH, Lee, Matt, 9.26 miles, av 8.1, max 31.4 mph, 1hr 8mins, clear, cool, sunny, temp 17. Total 1919.79 miles.

Monday 13th October 2008 @ 14:00pm, RPx2, 21.77 miles, av 12.4, max 24.2 mph, 1hr 45mins, cool, bit of rain, got told to slow down by a policeman on a mountain bike! Total 1941.56 miles.

Friday 17th October 2008 @ 17:10pm, SF, Lee, 12.11 miles, av 8, max 29.7 mph, 1hr 30mins, dry and cold. Total 1953.67 miles.

Sunday 19th October 2008 @ 6pm, RP, 17.20 miles, av 12.3, max 25 mph, 1hr 24mins, dry, cool, dark, temp 14, wind 15. Total 1970.87 miles.

Friday 24th October 2008 @ 19:18pm, HH, PH, Lee, 12.38 miles, av 6.8, max 20.5 mph, 1hr 48mins, cold and damp, temp 1. Total 1983.25.

Tuesday 28th October 2008 @ 18:00pm, RP, 14.61 miles, av 11.4, max 23.3 mph, 1hr 17mins, very cold & windy, temp 2. Total 1997.86 miles.




Jason








(C) JPT 2008.........Total 1997.86 miles (to the end of October)

"The Drowning Man"

He waits alone, he watches for her, She comes, they die together...


So, there I was sitting in my front room right by the window. It was late afternoon, maybe closer to early evening. The sky was getting dark from a moody cloud covering that didn't just spell death, but called it out and forced it down inside your ears. It gently hammered down through the last remaining light and pressed upon my very soul! I had the window open slightly and nakedly cowered just behind the net curtains that were still hanging there from the previous tenant. She had died not long before I moved in. I think she was old.
The radiator was on and I could hear the hot water flowing through it. The heat from it made me feel a little better and less likely to close the window and hide inside the hallway where there were no windows.
I thought maybe there was a storm coming. The kind that you sometimes hear about on the news. The kind that flood streets and wash away cars. The kind that kill! The clouds, although heavy and dark didn't seem to shed anything remotely wet, yet.
I continued to look out the gap in the net curtain and out onto the path that runs along the side of my front room. Beyond the path, past a very thin strip of dirt directly below where I sat and some small bushes and directly opposite my window was a slightly wider strip of uncut grass and then a wood fence about 4ft high. And beyond even that was a garden full of recently cut grass where a large house sat. Next to the house was a tall tree. The house had been converted into flats and hardly anyone used the garden anymore. I thought what a waist of time cutting the grass in the first place.
The path below my window onto the world turned at a ninety degree angle about ten feet from my window and continued all the way to the main road, which still wasn't a very big road, but was big enough for this part of town.
I often sat here looking out the window, hoping to see something interesting. Maybe a fox scrounging for food to take back to her litter. Or perhaps a lone hedgehog struggling with a back full of dried leaves. Quite often you would see numerous slugs squirming across the path, especially just after rain. Their trails from the previous storm were still evident and although fading, criss crossed the concrete path. At the end of one of the trails was a small dried shriveled lump. It was the remains of a slug that had either died from natural causes, been trodden on or maybe the sun came out and baked him alive as he made his way back to his nest behind the flowerpots that were near the communal entrance into the flats. I didn't think the sun was particularly hot for this time of year. When we get any, that is! So, maybe it was trodden on. I try my hardest to avoid anything like that when I walk along the paths around my flat. I have mistakenly crushed a snail when I have come back home in the dark! That popping wet crunch of the snails shell exploding under my foot makes me feel sick! At least if one treads on a slug it doesn't make a sound.
As I thought of all the snails and slugs my right knee had rested slightly onto the red hot radiator and made me jump! I rubbed it with the palm of my hand until it felt better. All the while I looked out the window. I thought I could hear rain drops on the leaves that clung to the small bush just below the window ledge. The closer I looked, the more I was certain that it was beginning to rain. Then I heard footsteps approaching along the path from the main road. It was a womans footsteps and sounded as if she was running. I let the net curtain fall back into it's original position and let her pass by without seeing me. She had a black skirt and white blouse on with a pair of shiny leather shoes. She had no umbrella and the white of her blouse showed several spots of rain that had soaked into the thin fabric and reached the tanned skin of her flesh. She soon disappeared as she entered the communal doorway and into the flats. By the time I had pulled back the curtain again the rain was falling much harder. So hard in fact that the force of the rain onto the ground blew up a bit of a wind which brushed across my face as I peered out into the darkening gloom.
The path was beginning to resemble a small river. Each rain drop blasting into the concrete, dissolving the last of the snail trails once and for all. The house opposite had all but disappeared behind a thick screen of falling water. I could hear nothing but the sound of water droplets the size of Deer shit pounding across the land that stretched out before me. Some of which had inevitably splashed up from the window ledge and spattered my face with cold water. I let it run down my cheek and neck and onto my chest. It felt fresh and invigorating. The whole idea of the town where I lived becoming flooded was very exciting.
Soon the water had completely covered the path and all of the grass and was halfway up the wood fence that separated the now invisible big house from my flat. The rain kept falling and didn't look like it was going to stop anytime soon! The small bush that was more or less level with my window ledge seemed angry at the watery pummeling that it was experiencing. It looked sad and listless where before it had looked full of life and sprightly. The water below my window would eventually reach the top of the bush and drown it along with all the lawns of grass and any other non swimming or flying animal you care to name. The death toll tonight would be tremendous! And all I could...wanted to do was sit here in the comfort of my living room and watch it all happen.

Then, as suddenly as the rain had started, it abruptly come to an end. The rising water had at last stopped and the first thing that I noticed was the silence! There were hardly any sounds to be heard, except for a few drips of rain that slid from the leaves of the tree by the house. The wind had stopped and there was absolutely no sign of anyone or anything at all. I thought this strange as there must be thousands of creatures drowning all around me! I thought maybe I would have witnessed at least one animal try to save its self from a very short life of deadly cold water and scramble up the bark of the nearby tree. The water had almost reached the bottom of my window frame. I dunked my fingers into it and felt its icy wetness. I leant over a little to see if I could see the bottom. I could not. The bush was now completely submerged. The water was deep enough to render the water a darkish green colour. It looked quite eerie. Even more so as the waters surface leveled out into an almost mill pond stillness. After a few moments more, I sat as still as I could. Trying to take in all that was happening. The sky, now empty of rain had turned a dark green, almost mirroring the colour of the water. I checked just inside my window down below my scorching radiator to see if there was any water leaking through. I couldn't see any. It was a strange feeling looking out the window at the water. Just a few more inches higher and it would have started to pour into my front room!
Then, as I sat watching and listening I noticed a disturbance under the waters surface around the corner where the path would have continued to the road. I thought maybe it was a fish that had escaped one of the rivers that flowed nearby. With it's back almost breaking the surface, it, what ever it was, was swimming towards me. As it got closer I began to think that it wasn't a fish at all but maybe a large animal that was reluctant to come to the surface. But how could it hold it's breath for so long? I moved my face closer to the open window and rested my elbows onto the window ledge to get a better view. It was almost under my window now and still hadn't broken through the waters surface. What ever it was, it was of a very similar colour to the water. I could sense it's bulk below the surface as it seemed to serenely toss and turn until finally it stopped right under where my face was. I was frozen in place and all I could do was stare into the water to see what the hell it was that was down there! I held my breath and clenched my fists and waited!
Then, all of a sudden something broke the waters surface and the strange swimming creature emerged from the greenish liquid. I couldn't believe my eyes! At first I thought it was a child's ball that had floated up to the surface, but then quickly realized that it was indeed a head! A womans head! Her face was just inches away from mine and she looked directly into my eyes. I was instantly mesmerized by her eerie watery stare. Her mouth was shut. She must have been breathing through her nostrils, but i couldn't see any signs of air either escaping nor entering her nose. She had surfaced so absolutely silently and with no watery sounds or splashes that I thought I must be going deaf. Her mouth stayed shut and she said nothing. Her skin was as smooth as silk and had a slight green tint in it as if she had been swimming in this water for a lifetime!
As I sat there staring into her big round eyes one of her hands broke through the surface just next to her and she began to raise her small delicate hand to my face. The skin of her hand and arm was as smooth as her face. Her arms were bare and the tops of her shoulders bare also. She must had been naked. I couldn't see her breasts, as they stayed just below the waters surface. Her hand reached my face and her long slim fingers gently touched my cheek. I could feel she was cold and wet as she ran her fingertips down my face and onto my neck and shoulder. I could feel a million goosebumps erupt all over my body at once! I just sat there wondering what on earth she might do next! I was willing to let her do anything she wanted. I wanted for her to reach right inside my window and take hold of me and stroke my naked flesh all over. I wanter to take her in my arms and hold her so tight! I wanted us to become one.
She eventually reached down as far as my naked waist. Cool water dripped down from her fingers and trickled down my body onto my thighs. Then, just as quickly as she had leant in and placed her hands and arms around my body, she pulled me through the window and we both slipped into the dark cold water, where my shins scraped on the hard corners of the window ledge which made me wince and take in a deep breath of water! With her arms still tightly entwined around my waist she continued to take me down into the water! The darkness and the cold filled me from top to bottom. I let myself fall unconscious. I new I would be safe with her!




Jason








(C) JPT 2008

"Machines to Die By"

Watch them tiny metal spiders or else they will get you and eat you all up!



There was once a land, where the new born trails and yet to be discovered paths were all brand new, untouched and utterly virgin, not just to me but to everyone and everything. The ground that made up these lands, the dirt, the soil, the rotten vegetation and the like, kept things all nice and neat. Lovely and pleasant. Keeping the roots that shot out over thousands of years across the land, just under the surface, where they should be. Safe and sound, warm and cosy. Winding their way through the eon long buried stones, rocks and other hidden treasures like long dead sheep, cows and even a pheasant or two. Penetrating their pointed wooden tendrils straight through the surface of the rich fertile land at times. Making a maze out of the earth, lifting up on occasion areas of vegetation and in others, dragging them down, pulling them into the earth. Smothering, strangling them of their last rotting breath.
Cutting their way through these lands are various other things, animals of all kinds, more often than not though the leather clad feet of humans, who bought along their machines over a million years ago. Machines to help with their progress through these wood laden lands. Machines to make life easy, to make things more comfortable, perhaps even more exhilarating. Machines to test ones skills. Machines to make a living. Machines to sow and machines to reap. Machines to push fence posts into the flesh of the earth. To separate one land from another with mile long strips of rusty wire. Where tiny metal spiders cling. Their sharp teeth ready to catch discarded banana skins, lost plastic bags, wool from sheep, cloth and skin from humans.
I was born in this land of machines. I am there now, living in amongst all the earth and all the rotting vegetation. I am knee deep in it all and getting deeper and it feels wonderful. I can feel myself growing. Feeding off the death of the land. Me and my machine will be here for a while. Even after I have died and rotted into the earth, I shall still be here. As far as I am concerned, I have always been here and I always will be.




Jason








(C) JPT 2008