"Sick England"

"Sick England"


The streets are littered with discarded Poundland England flags,
Railway bridges are super busy with disillusioned English lemmings.
Rope & one way train tickets to Beachy Head are selling out fast.
The Women of our once great country cower under the stairs & in trembling wardrobes,
Where swollen lips & panda eyes quiver & bulge,
As empty beer can after empty beer can are hurled at the trashed tv in the next room. It is the end of the world as they know it.
Our country's gallant fan of football lick their wounds of split knuckles & tooth dented toe caps.

Kicked in doors.

Hammered steering wheels.

Broken hearts.

There is sick everywhere.

Sick & blood.

Sick & blood & tears.

Not mine, I am more of a snooker man myself!




Jason








(C) JPT June 2010.

"Stains On The Scenery"

The shit must go,
And the piss too,
The coffee remains,
As I don't have two,
The blood may stay,
As do the crumbs,
One sweeps away,
The other one runs,
The sweat soaks in & disappears,
The pubes too,
Are the least of your fears,
But, If I may say,
With not scare nor fright,
There be one other that's lost it's sight,
In My dreams so dark,
Fantasies so deep,
I am merely one man,
Whom did die in his sleep.




Jason








(C) JPT June 2010.

"Stop Being A Monster, Jae"

Time to take away the mask?



You're alone in the dark, feeling like you don't want to go home. You're feeling as if life has all but finished, but you keep on killing.

The reason is simple. The reason is there for all to see. The reason being so simple. To kill. You won't find it in you until you've been and gone. Because you're living a lie!

Someone has got to see behind your mask. Your killing mask. Your monster suit! Dull your brain and don't say a word. Just close your eyes and pray. You feel excitement, and then you finally pray that it was long and painful.

It was.

Transform into a machine, to cut away your head. So you can stand back and watch and learn to be dead. If you don't know the pain, then you're still part of the preyed.

You will lose!

Because out in the heat it's strange, to see the blood of your fellow man drying into hard scabs of black shit, knowing full well that you're at the darker end of OK.

Avoid the blade or carry the knife, the choice is yours.


Look at this monster. A non-person with a mask and a monster suit. A semi-disabled nothing. A killer with your eyes in his head.

The greatest masturbator of them all, a sodden mess with a penchant for the end. He'd wipe himself out if he had the chance, but he wouldn't like it, no?

So, stop being a cunting monster!





Jason








(C) JPT 2009

"Comfortably, I Died"

Goodnight sweet prince.


When you say it's going to hurt, it doesn't, it just feels normal, but it still kills me. And, then I feel the pain.
And when you say it's going to be nice, it isn't, it just feels like death, but I won't die.
And, then I died. I died in a field surrounded by so much space. I felt so bloody greedy. But, I didn't care much as I was quite comfortable sitting in my car. My arms hurt but I didn't look down to see why because I knew they were smashed right up. My nose hurt too, but the rear view mirror was smashed. Out of the corner of my one working blood soaked eye I noticed such a wonderful sunset. It was blinding. I closed my eye and waited for the blood to dry it shut for good as I saw and felt the sun disappear for the very last time through my heavy eyelid. I may have been crying. Who knows? I felt like I was crying inside. Like when your dreams are so vivid and when you cry in your sleep you're really genuinely crying but when you wake up there are no tears. Your pillow is dry and your face kind of looks normal as you stare into the bathroom mirror. The cold tap running slightly. You can't hear the water pour because you made yourself deaf several hours earlier so you could listen to your heart beating and your lungs breathe in and out.
Now, as I sit dying in my wrecked car all I can think of is going to sleep. My feet feel wet, but warm. No pain. Just a gentle ticking sound of the cooling engine as my heart makes its final beats. I was on my way home, but it seems as if I am already there.



Jason








(C) JPT 2009

"My Cycling For February 2009"

A snowy Peaslake car park in February 2009.


A bit late in posting I know...and still March to come. Right now (April 17th) I have not been out on my bike since March 29th when I took a tumble on my bike at the bottom of the drop-in leading into Peaslake car park! In fact, I have been bedridden and have only just started to walk without the use of crutches. I must thank my good friend Jac for coming to stay over and look after me:) My right knee took all my weight and buckled under me. Fortunately I was only yards away from my car and managed to get home without causing further damage. Nothing broke but my knee did take quite a twisting! I am in such a foul mood because of it all (and my blocked sink and broken wing mirror!) and don't even know if I will be able to cycle properly again! So, please forgive me if I keep this short and go hide in a nice hot bath.
Fuck my knee, fuck this pain and fuck having haemophilia!!!!!!!!!



Sunday 1st February 2009 @ 14:20pm, HH, PH, WW, Ian, 16.24 miles, av 6.6, max 21.6mph,
2hrs 25mins, cold and snowy and sunny. Total 155.57 miles.

Sunday 8th February 2009 @ 14:10pm, HH, PH, WW, Ian, 17.45 miles, av 6.1, max 18.8mph, 2hrs 51mins, very muddy and snowy, rain for second half of ride, temp 2, wind 10. Total 173.02 miles.

Monday 16th February 2009 @ 18:40pm, SF & CW, Ian, Andy, Gary, 9 miles, av 6.9, max 22.1 mph, 1hr 50mins, muddy but dry. Total 182.02 miles.

Friday 20th February 2009 @ 15:00, RPx2 and a third, 26.7 miles, av 12.1, max 29.7 mph, 2hrs 9mins, mild & dry. Total 208.09 miles.

Tuesday 24th February 2009 @ 21:30pm, BP, 13.27 miles, av 13.1, max 19.8mph, 1hr, mild, dry. Total 221.09 miles.

Friday 27th February 2009 @ 19.20, HH, PH, Lee, 11.31 miles, av 6.4, max 20.3 mph, cool, dry, 1hr 45mins, temp 9 down to 5, wind 6. Total 232.40 miles.



Jason








(C) JPT 2009

"My Cycling For January 2009"

No, it isn't what it looks like! It is in fact Lee & Ian practising in a very strange and never before seen mountain biking ritual that I was very lucky to have witnessed! It lasted about three hours and both creatures cycled away from this warped scene with rather large grins smeared across their wind slapped chops!



Crikey, where has all my creativeness gone?!? I bet you that you thought I was done with my blog? I can tell you that I haven't. I have just been finding it ultra difficult to think of anything to put in it! Where have all my dreams gone? And my poems etc? Even my cycling posts seemed to be a waste of time and have missed January's and February's...until now that is. I still managed to jot down my cycling statistics and take the odd photo during all of my rides and shall post them here today starting with January 2009. So, what can I say about January? It was cold! It was muddy! And that's about it. Oh, and I turned 38 on the 23rd too. I thought that I'd never reach 30, let alone 38! But, here I am, still riding my bike and kayaking weekly...albeit in a heated swimming pool (during the winter anyway). I don't think I'll ever get used to having HIV, even though having it these days is really nothing to worry about what with the brilliant treatment regimes available etc. It was learning that I got it at the age that I was that done most of the damage I suppose? I wish I'd found out about it now, as a man and not a 16yr old boy just getting into college and girls for the very first time. Oh, and the tv adverts and news stories didn't help either back then! But, I had to find out all those years ago and at such a young age to give me the best chance of beating this disease and coming to terms with it. Which I sort of have in the way that even though I don't claim to know much about HIV the virus, I do know an awful lot about how to live with a deadly terminal virus, which it is, whichever way you look at it. Because left untreated will most probably end up killing you! I am an expert on taking pills and taking them on time and without fail. This is why am still alive. Because of me and me alone! Yes, they give me the pills and they pay for them and yes, they tell me what is going on with the state of my blood and yes, it is they who know all about HIV and how it can kill you if you don't take your virus seriously. But it is me who takes the drugs everyday, twice a day for the last 20yrs. It is me who tolerates the sometimes toxic ingredients and it is me who makes sure that I keep fit and eat relatively well and maintain my often warped sense of humour and strong and focused mind. And all for what? To stay alive and to out live all of you:)





Saturday 3rd January 2009 @ 11am, HH, PH, Lee, Ian, Andy, Gary, 14.45 miles, av 7.4, max 25.2 mph, 1hr 56mins, temp minus 3, frozen ponds, I fell off and got a bit of a dead leg!

Tuesday 6th January 2009 @ 19:10pm, HH, PH, Lee, Ian, Andy, av 7.9, max 26.2 mph, 2hrs 25mins, 14.98 miles, temp minus 8, no wind, light covering of snow from a few days ago, very cold!

Wednesday 7th January 2009 @ 15:00pm, HH, Tony, 6.72 miles, av 5.9, max 20.2 mph, 1hr, temp zero.

Sunday 11th January 2009 @ 12:35pm, HH, PH, Lee, Ian, 14.71 miles, av 6.9, max 20.4 mph, 2hrs 7mins, much milder and a bit muddier, windy, right elbow hurt a lot!

Wednesday 14th January 2009 @ 19:30-22:00pm, LH, Lee, Ian, Tyrone, 17 miles, av 7.8, max 30.9 mph, 2hrs 10mins, temp 1, no wind, need new middle and granny ring!

Tuesday 20th January 2009 @ 15:00, RPx2 and a third, 28.35 miles, av 11.5, max 26.1 mph, 2hrs 27mins, dry, cool, new Cateye trip computer (Strada in white).

Saturday 24th January 2009 @ 15:00pm, RPx1 and a third, 21.42 miles, av 10, max 28.4 mph, 1hr 38mins, cold, sunny, dry, temp 1, wind 9.

Tuesday 27th January 2009 @ 16:30pm, RPx2, 21.60 miles, av 11.4, max 24.8 mph, 1hr 54mins, dry, cool, temp 5, wind 7.




Jason








(C) JPT 2009

"Nine Of Nine"

Nine in life and nine in death!



It's so true!!!! In the last few hours I have looked at the time three times and two of them (the first and third time) the times said 11:11pm and 01:12am! Both add up to thirteen! It drives me, I must admit, slightly mad! I have to wait by the clock (wherever it may be) until it flips over to fourteen! Sometimes this can last almost exactly one minute! I find myself holding my breath...saying to my self that if I can't hold it long enough before the numerals flip away from thirteen...then I shall die! I have failed once or twice to hold my breath long enough in the past! I have yet to find that I have died as a result of my failures, but, I truly believe that I will die if I do fail, but just don't know how or when? On the other side of all this numerical nonsense, I do the exact same thing but with the numbers having to add up to the number nine. For those of you that know me will already know what I am like around the number nine. If I get a total of nine during my clock watching lunacy, then that is a wonderful thing and can even cancel out a previous total of thirteen. Just check out any (absolutely all of them in fact) previous posts here on my blog and you will not find one single post time (what time of the day the post was posted) that does not amount to my precious number nine. Am I mad? Perhaps. Will this ever go away? I very much doubt it. Do you have a similar, dare I say it...O.C.D? Probably. I used to have dreams about numbers when I was younger! They used to frighten me very much and even when I awoke from my dream (or nightmare?) i could not get these numbers from passing before my eyes! They were huge! Not in total, but literally as individual numbers! A thousand feet tall and five hundred feet wide. White numbers with a dark background like space. Like being underground in a gigantic cavern. Like being dead!




Jason








(C) JPT 2009.

"The Cunt Splice Of Life"

What I saw on my 38th birthday!


When My friend will You be gone?
Your demise, your end, your very last song?
Are you heading towards the usual trend?
Where beauty holds you to the end?

Where living in your contentedness,
Where you shall Love and savour my kiss.
But, I'm afraid for you and yours,
The time is here to hold and to pause.

The leaves shall stop falling,
The river seizes to flow,
The birds stop calling,
The wind will never blow,

With eyelid shut and static chest,
With nothing to rest so nothing left,
With all things dying, with nowhere to send,
With nowhere to go, where all things end.

Sneaking up behind you!
Invisible through your very last tear,
That ghostly tap on your shoulder,
That shiver out of the blue so clear.

While ice cracked beneath your feet,
I pity the day when you & I may meet,
For the time I held up your bony weight,
I did fail and watched you fall through fate.

Your time has come too real for sure,
If you thought it was bad now, it was worse before,
For those that begin to want it so nice,
All you are left with is the great, the wonderful cunt splice of life!




Jason








(C) JPT 2009

"My Cycling For December 2008"

Richmond Park on Boxing Day 2008.


Mmmm, slightly better than that of last months cycling. Much better weather too, albeit very cold and icy! The trail up in the hills have been Lovely and dry, mostly on account of them being absolutely frozen solid! It's great though to be out in such cold weather and very refreshing. And at the time of writing this (January 9th 2009) it is still ultra cold out and absolutely every puddle or pond or lake is totally frozen! You'd think that it'd be quite slippery on the bike but it is in fact quite the opposite. My tyres are very good indeed in the ice. They are Maxxis Medusa 2.10 if you're interested.
My joints on the other hand are still the same as usual. Lots of pain most of the time! I'm taking far too many painkillers at the mo and am doing something about it. I've already cut the amount taken per day (always only just before bedtime) down by two in the last few days and hope to continue that until I reach a respectable amount.

Christmas was ok (Christmas dinner was wonderful, thanks Mum:), although a fair few people have had colds and I am afraid I will never be quite myself whilst around colds and flu etc! Even if I am cured of HIV I don't think I shall ever change. I'm fed up with feeling ill (and the prospect of becoming ill) and I will do anything I can (within reason) to prevent anything spreading to me. Unfortunately, I failed to do just that only recently when I had the runniest nose that you have ever seen, over the new year period! It even prevented me from going out for a new years day ride, I was that snotty! Plus I had some sort of chest thing going on too during that rather snotty time, but all seems to be well again now:)

And check out my total mileage from all of last year! Only 2218.88 miles! Not many really compared to 2007 when I did 3600 miles. I'm still having fun which is the main thing, right? Painful, but fun:)

See you all next month:)



Wednesday 3rd December 2008 @ 19:25, HH, PH, Lee, Ian, 11.71 miles, av 5.6, max 25.1 mph, 2hrs 4mins, very cold with no wind, temp minus 4, clear & icy, Lee got a puncture at the top of Holmbury Hill. Total 2092.51 miles.

Sunday 7th December 2008 @ 14:25, RP, 21.63 miles, av 11.2, max 26.6 mph, 1hr 55mins, clear skies, icy cold, no wind, no lights!, temp 5 (felt more like minus 2! Total 2114.14 miles.

Sunday 14th December 2008 @ 16:30, RP & popped round to my mums to stick some Christmas lights up in her tree in the front garden, 21.99 miles, av 11.4, max 24.9 mph, 1hr 55mins, cold and breezy, dry. Total 2136.13 miles.

Wednesday 17th December 2008 @ 18:50, BP, RP, Lee, 17.62 miles, av 11.1, max 24.4 mph, 1hr 35mins, dry, cool, saw an owl. Total 2153.75 miles.

Saturday 20th December 2008 @ 18:30, RP, 18.53 miles, av 12.3, max 23.4 mph, 1hr 30mins, temp 9, wind 12. Total 2172.28 miles.

Wednesday 23rd December 2008 @ 19:40, HH, Lee, Lee locked his car keys in his car in the car park so we cut our ride short to get his spare ones, 7.4 miles, av 6.4, max 18.1 mph, 1hr 1min, mild, dry, temp 9, no wind. Total 2179.32 miles.

Saturday 26th December 2008 @ 13:30-16:00pm, RP, 27.04 miles, av 11.3, max 29.6 mph, 2hrs 23mins, cold, very sunny, met a running Sophie part way round and chatted til we reached her car...also bumped into Andy on his bike, Temp 3. Total 2206.36 miles.

Tuesday 29th December 2008 @ 21:00, RP, 12.52 miles, av 11.3, max 22.8 mph, 1hr 6mins, bloody cold, right ankle hurt, saw an owl, dry, temp minus 3, wind 4. Total 2218.88 miles.



Jason








(C) JPT 2009

"New Post Coming Soon...I Promise"

Holmbury St Mary today (Saturday)


Just to let you'all know that I haven't done with my blog (yet) and will stick a new year post up in the next week or so. It seems my creativeness has cut it's wrists a little too deeply and with a knife that was perhaps a little too sharp and has I am afraid bled to sodding death!

Watch this space followers of mine blog:)



Jae:)

"My Cycling for November 2008"

Me pretending to be a ghost in Richmond Park on November 16th 2008.


Just five rides in November! Is that due to the weather, the fact that it's cold? Or because my ankle joints said no? Or because I just can't be bothered? I blame it on a bit of each. Things should...will get better!




Sunday 2nd November 2008 @ 15:00pm, RP, 18.77 miles, av 11.7, max 28 mph, 1hr 36mins, cool and dry. Met Ian and his wife and kid in Pembrokeshire Lodge car park briefly during a walk. Total 2016.63 miles.

Tuesday 11th November 2008 @ 15:20pm, RP, 18.27 miles, av 12.1, max 26.9 mph, 1hr 30mins, dry and cool. Total 2034.90 miles.

Sunday 16th November 2008 @ 16:45pm, RPx2, 25.74 miles, av 12.6, max 25.8 mph, 2hrs 2mins, temp 5, wind 3. Total 2060.64 miles.

Thursday 19th November 2008 @ 20:20pm, LH, 8.4 miles, Ian, James, Paul, Nick and Andy, av 6.3, max 18 mph, 1hr 25 mins, very muddy but clear and dry, cold. Total 2068.68 miles.

Sunday 23rd November 2008 @ 14:30pm, HH, PH, Ian, 12.12 miles, av 6.4, max 19.6 mph, 1hr 52 mins, very wet and muddy under tyre, sunny and cold, snow had fallen that morning. Total 2080.80 miles.



Jason








(C) JPT 2008.........Total 2080.80 miles (up to the end of November)

"Under The Glow Of Blood"

My blood. Just like yours? I hope not!


I think this might be the first time that I have ever really acknowledged World Aids Day, even though I have had HIV since the early to mid eighties when I inadvertently injected syringe after syringe of contaminated blood into my young veins to treat my haemophilia. First time for everything I suppose?
I have known since 1987 when my doctors thought it best to let me know when I reached 16. They knew in 1985 when my blood tested positive for HIV. Looking back, I'll never forget the two or so years that they kept quiet. I could have infected anyone! I wasn't on any medication for those two years and my viral load would have been in the millions. After a few drug trials in 87 I started my HIV drugs properly a few years later. I have been very lucky in that I have not had one HIV induced problem in all the time that I have had HIV. I have been very strict with my drugs and most importantly, I have looked after myself and tried to keep as healthy as possible. It isn't easy and sometimes I wonder why I bother! But, I am well and healthy and my viral load is undetectable as a result of my HIV medications. I wish I hadn't caught it at such a young age. There is no doubt that my life has been irreversibly affected by learning such horrific news at such a young age. I wish I was normal!
Oh well, things could be worse. I could be dead like so many others, some that I knew personally.

Whatever you do on December 1st 2008 (World AIDS Day) just make sure you remember the boys and girls, men and women that have already died as a result of HIV & AIDS.

For more information on World Aids Day visit;
http://www.worldaidsday.org/




Jason








(C) JPT 2008.

"My Galaxy Far, Far Away..."

By Jason age 9. January 4th 1980.

One nine year old boy, a recently acquired electronic typewriter and an imagination that wants out! Out of this world and into a galaxy far, far away. It may or may not happen one day, but whatever my destination on this far from perfect planet, I shall make it into a place or time where dreams and nightmares alike shall come true and make me a happy little boy.

"Star Wars"

My best film is The Empire Strikes Back. And I will show you all the people. There are Luke Skywalker and Han Solo and R2-D2 and C3-P0 and there is the Sand People and the Stormtroopers and Darth Vader, Chewbacca. Princess Leia Organa. And the Bounty Hunter and Jawa and R5-D4 and Snaggietooth and Power-Droid and Green Greedo and Hammerhead, Walrus Man and Ben Kenobi, Death Squad and Security Guard and FX-7 and Imperial Stormtrooper and Lando Calrissian, Bossk, Rebel Soldier, Droid Factory and the Imperial Troop Transporter and I have got a Twin-Pod Cloud Car and a Landspeeder and I have got a Star Wars game and I have got a toy monster and I am going to get some other spaceship and i am going to get some more Star Wars men and there are the Tie Fighter. You can get them in a shop called Kiddie City and I am going to go and see it at the pictures in Twickenham and my best man in Star Wars is the little man called Jawa and the Stormtrooper and they all have a gun each and there are 10 new Star Wars men and there are 20 old men and the ages are up to 4 and over and are there are 7 robots and there are 15 men and women and there are 8 monsters. All of them put together makes 30 and I was going to see it but I saw it at Marks. He has got a video. He has got over 41 tapes you can tape it on.




Jason








(C) JPT 2008

"My Cycling for October 2008"

Cold, in the dark & alone in Richmond Park during October 2008.


October seemed to be a quiet month for cycling with just a few trips to the hills and most trips to Richmond Park on my own, where I even managed to get a ticking off for speeding along the Tamsin Trail by a fellow mountain biker...who also happened to be a police officer...on duty! He said that the speed limit of ten mph on the trail was there to prevent me from running over ladies pushing prams and getting tangled up with dogs on 50ft leads. I wasn't going to argue as he does have a point. But, just for your information, I would never ride uncontrollably fast past anyone else on the trail. I think this is the reason that he let me go, because there wasn't anyone else around except him.

Anyway, what I think also made it a more seemingly quiet month was the fact that a rotten tooth that has been playing up for a while now decided to develop one infection and abscess after the other and in the end I was left with only one option; to have the offending tooth pulled out. Which I did. You'd be surprised by just how much a painful tooth can affect your ability to stay sane and want to go out riding on a bike! I am so glad to have had the thing gone! Even if the dentist nearly did paralyze the left side of my face by injecting too much numbing juice!

Oh, and the weather has gotten colder and (as we go into November) wetter too and I have a new car which I don't have a roof rack for nor a boot liner, and don't want to get it all mucky just yet;)


See you next month...



Thursday 2nd October 2008 @ 17:00pm, RP, 18.46 miles, av 11.8, max 27.1 mph, 1hr 34mins, cool, sunny, windy. Total 1884.34 miles.

Thursday 9th October 2008 @ 15:00pm, RPx2 and a third, 26.19 miles, av 12.3, max 27.8 mph, 2hrs 7mins, sunny and mild. Total 1910.53 miles.

Friday 10th October 2008 @ 17:15pm, LH, Lee, Matt, 9.26 miles, av 8.1, max 31.4 mph, 1hr 8mins, clear, cool, sunny, temp 17. Total 1919.79 miles.

Monday 13th October 2008 @ 14:00pm, RPx2, 21.77 miles, av 12.4, max 24.2 mph, 1hr 45mins, cool, bit of rain, got told to slow down by a policeman on a mountain bike! Total 1941.56 miles.

Friday 17th October 2008 @ 17:10pm, SF, Lee, 12.11 miles, av 8, max 29.7 mph, 1hr 30mins, dry and cold. Total 1953.67 miles.

Sunday 19th October 2008 @ 6pm, RP, 17.20 miles, av 12.3, max 25 mph, 1hr 24mins, dry, cool, dark, temp 14, wind 15. Total 1970.87 miles.

Friday 24th October 2008 @ 19:18pm, HH, PH, Lee, 12.38 miles, av 6.8, max 20.5 mph, 1hr 48mins, cold and damp, temp 1. Total 1983.25.

Tuesday 28th October 2008 @ 18:00pm, RP, 14.61 miles, av 11.4, max 23.3 mph, 1hr 17mins, very cold & windy, temp 2. Total 1997.86 miles.




Jason








(C) JPT 2008.........Total 1997.86 miles (to the end of October)

"The Drowning Man"

He waits alone, he watches for her, She comes, they die together...


So, there I was sitting in my front room right by the window. It was late afternoon, maybe closer to early evening. The sky was getting dark from a moody cloud covering that didn't just spell death, but called it out and forced it down inside your ears. It gently hammered down through the last remaining light and pressed upon my very soul! I had the window open slightly and nakedly cowered just behind the net curtains that were still hanging there from the previous tenant. She had died not long before I moved in. I think she was old.
The radiator was on and I could hear the hot water flowing through it. The heat from it made me feel a little better and less likely to close the window and hide inside the hallway where there were no windows.
I thought maybe there was a storm coming. The kind that you sometimes hear about on the news. The kind that flood streets and wash away cars. The kind that kill! The clouds, although heavy and dark didn't seem to shed anything remotely wet, yet.
I continued to look out the gap in the net curtain and out onto the path that runs along the side of my front room. Beyond the path, past a very thin strip of dirt directly below where I sat and some small bushes and directly opposite my window was a slightly wider strip of uncut grass and then a wood fence about 4ft high. And beyond even that was a garden full of recently cut grass where a large house sat. Next to the house was a tall tree. The house had been converted into flats and hardly anyone used the garden anymore. I thought what a waist of time cutting the grass in the first place.
The path below my window onto the world turned at a ninety degree angle about ten feet from my window and continued all the way to the main road, which still wasn't a very big road, but was big enough for this part of town.
I often sat here looking out the window, hoping to see something interesting. Maybe a fox scrounging for food to take back to her litter. Or perhaps a lone hedgehog struggling with a back full of dried leaves. Quite often you would see numerous slugs squirming across the path, especially just after rain. Their trails from the previous storm were still evident and although fading, criss crossed the concrete path. At the end of one of the trails was a small dried shriveled lump. It was the remains of a slug that had either died from natural causes, been trodden on or maybe the sun came out and baked him alive as he made his way back to his nest behind the flowerpots that were near the communal entrance into the flats. I didn't think the sun was particularly hot for this time of year. When we get any, that is! So, maybe it was trodden on. I try my hardest to avoid anything like that when I walk along the paths around my flat. I have mistakenly crushed a snail when I have come back home in the dark! That popping wet crunch of the snails shell exploding under my foot makes me feel sick! At least if one treads on a slug it doesn't make a sound.
As I thought of all the snails and slugs my right knee had rested slightly onto the red hot radiator and made me jump! I rubbed it with the palm of my hand until it felt better. All the while I looked out the window. I thought I could hear rain drops on the leaves that clung to the small bush just below the window ledge. The closer I looked, the more I was certain that it was beginning to rain. Then I heard footsteps approaching along the path from the main road. It was a womans footsteps and sounded as if she was running. I let the net curtain fall back into it's original position and let her pass by without seeing me. She had a black skirt and white blouse on with a pair of shiny leather shoes. She had no umbrella and the white of her blouse showed several spots of rain that had soaked into the thin fabric and reached the tanned skin of her flesh. She soon disappeared as she entered the communal doorway and into the flats. By the time I had pulled back the curtain again the rain was falling much harder. So hard in fact that the force of the rain onto the ground blew up a bit of a wind which brushed across my face as I peered out into the darkening gloom.
The path was beginning to resemble a small river. Each rain drop blasting into the concrete, dissolving the last of the snail trails once and for all. The house opposite had all but disappeared behind a thick screen of falling water. I could hear nothing but the sound of water droplets the size of Deer shit pounding across the land that stretched out before me. Some of which had inevitably splashed up from the window ledge and spattered my face with cold water. I let it run down my cheek and neck and onto my chest. It felt fresh and invigorating. The whole idea of the town where I lived becoming flooded was very exciting.
Soon the water had completely covered the path and all of the grass and was halfway up the wood fence that separated the now invisible big house from my flat. The rain kept falling and didn't look like it was going to stop anytime soon! The small bush that was more or less level with my window ledge seemed angry at the watery pummeling that it was experiencing. It looked sad and listless where before it had looked full of life and sprightly. The water below my window would eventually reach the top of the bush and drown it along with all the lawns of grass and any other non swimming or flying animal you care to name. The death toll tonight would be tremendous! And all I could...wanted to do was sit here in the comfort of my living room and watch it all happen.

Then, as suddenly as the rain had started, it abruptly come to an end. The rising water had at last stopped and the first thing that I noticed was the silence! There were hardly any sounds to be heard, except for a few drips of rain that slid from the leaves of the tree by the house. The wind had stopped and there was absolutely no sign of anyone or anything at all. I thought this strange as there must be thousands of creatures drowning all around me! I thought maybe I would have witnessed at least one animal try to save its self from a very short life of deadly cold water and scramble up the bark of the nearby tree. The water had almost reached the bottom of my window frame. I dunked my fingers into it and felt its icy wetness. I leant over a little to see if I could see the bottom. I could not. The bush was now completely submerged. The water was deep enough to render the water a darkish green colour. It looked quite eerie. Even more so as the waters surface leveled out into an almost mill pond stillness. After a few moments more, I sat as still as I could. Trying to take in all that was happening. The sky, now empty of rain had turned a dark green, almost mirroring the colour of the water. I checked just inside my window down below my scorching radiator to see if there was any water leaking through. I couldn't see any. It was a strange feeling looking out the window at the water. Just a few more inches higher and it would have started to pour into my front room!
Then, as I sat watching and listening I noticed a disturbance under the waters surface around the corner where the path would have continued to the road. I thought maybe it was a fish that had escaped one of the rivers that flowed nearby. With it's back almost breaking the surface, it, what ever it was, was swimming towards me. As it got closer I began to think that it wasn't a fish at all but maybe a large animal that was reluctant to come to the surface. But how could it hold it's breath for so long? I moved my face closer to the open window and rested my elbows onto the window ledge to get a better view. It was almost under my window now and still hadn't broken through the waters surface. What ever it was, it was of a very similar colour to the water. I could sense it's bulk below the surface as it seemed to serenely toss and turn until finally it stopped right under where my face was. I was frozen in place and all I could do was stare into the water to see what the hell it was that was down there! I held my breath and clenched my fists and waited!
Then, all of a sudden something broke the waters surface and the strange swimming creature emerged from the greenish liquid. I couldn't believe my eyes! At first I thought it was a child's ball that had floated up to the surface, but then quickly realized that it was indeed a head! A womans head! Her face was just inches away from mine and she looked directly into my eyes. I was instantly mesmerized by her eerie watery stare. Her mouth was shut. She must have been breathing through her nostrils, but i couldn't see any signs of air either escaping nor entering her nose. She had surfaced so absolutely silently and with no watery sounds or splashes that I thought I must be going deaf. Her mouth stayed shut and she said nothing. Her skin was as smooth as silk and had a slight green tint in it as if she had been swimming in this water for a lifetime!
As I sat there staring into her big round eyes one of her hands broke through the surface just next to her and she began to raise her small delicate hand to my face. The skin of her hand and arm was as smooth as her face. Her arms were bare and the tops of her shoulders bare also. She must had been naked. I couldn't see her breasts, as they stayed just below the waters surface. Her hand reached my face and her long slim fingers gently touched my cheek. I could feel she was cold and wet as she ran her fingertips down my face and onto my neck and shoulder. I could feel a million goosebumps erupt all over my body at once! I just sat there wondering what on earth she might do next! I was willing to let her do anything she wanted. I wanted for her to reach right inside my window and take hold of me and stroke my naked flesh all over. I wanter to take her in my arms and hold her so tight! I wanted us to become one.
She eventually reached down as far as my naked waist. Cool water dripped down from her fingers and trickled down my body onto my thighs. Then, just as quickly as she had leant in and placed her hands and arms around my body, she pulled me through the window and we both slipped into the dark cold water, where my shins scraped on the hard corners of the window ledge which made me wince and take in a deep breath of water! With her arms still tightly entwined around my waist she continued to take me down into the water! The darkness and the cold filled me from top to bottom. I let myself fall unconscious. I new I would be safe with her!




Jason








(C) JPT 2008

"Machines to Die By"

Watch them tiny metal spiders or else they will get you and eat you all up!



There was once a land, where the new born trails and yet to be discovered paths were all brand new, untouched and utterly virgin, not just to me but to everyone and everything. The ground that made up these lands, the dirt, the soil, the rotten vegetation and the like, kept things all nice and neat. Lovely and pleasant. Keeping the roots that shot out over thousands of years across the land, just under the surface, where they should be. Safe and sound, warm and cosy. Winding their way through the eon long buried stones, rocks and other hidden treasures like long dead sheep, cows and even a pheasant or two. Penetrating their pointed wooden tendrils straight through the surface of the rich fertile land at times. Making a maze out of the earth, lifting up on occasion areas of vegetation and in others, dragging them down, pulling them into the earth. Smothering, strangling them of their last rotting breath.
Cutting their way through these lands are various other things, animals of all kinds, more often than not though the leather clad feet of humans, who bought along their machines over a million years ago. Machines to help with their progress through these wood laden lands. Machines to make life easy, to make things more comfortable, perhaps even more exhilarating. Machines to test ones skills. Machines to make a living. Machines to sow and machines to reap. Machines to push fence posts into the flesh of the earth. To separate one land from another with mile long strips of rusty wire. Where tiny metal spiders cling. Their sharp teeth ready to catch discarded banana skins, lost plastic bags, wool from sheep, cloth and skin from humans.
I was born in this land of machines. I am there now, living in amongst all the earth and all the rotting vegetation. I am knee deep in it all and getting deeper and it feels wonderful. I can feel myself growing. Feeding off the death of the land. Me and my machine will be here for a while. Even after I have died and rotted into the earth, I shall still be here. As far as I am concerned, I have always been here and I always will be.




Jason








(C) JPT 2008

"The Pig & The Spider"

Too good for Spiders, but not good enough for Pigs!

A weather girl on the TV was explaining what the weather was going to be for the next day. She was quite attractive and dressed smartly. But as the weather forecast went on she seemed to become ill and started to hyper-ventilate! She found she couldn't breathe very well and started choking and she nearly fell over and looked very pale! She stayed in front of the camera and moved about in front of the weather screen trying not to fall over and looking for someone to come and help her. She looked panic stricken. A man came into view who was quickly buckling his belt up and suddenly noticed he was on camera and on live tv and his face went bright red and he looked away instantly. He helped the woman to sit down. The odd thing that I remember quite well was that all the while this was happening, the camera followed the weather girl and then the man too when he arrived, about the studio as they moved around. The man's fingers were covered in something wet. His fingers left damp patches on her clothes as he placed her into a chair. A clearish, sticky substance. The woman, who was now sitting and breathing deeply from her choking, noticed that the man's zipper down the front of his trousers were open and covered in damp patches and drips of the same substance that I noticed on the his fingers.

After a few moments, the weather girl had recovered enough to realize what had happened. And just as she went to confront the man, he placed an index finger up to his lips and very quietly gestured to her to be quiet.

She closed her eyes and began to sob...

I was waiting for a friend and his brother. Their mother strictly spoke to them in as if they were children. They were in another room, perhaps the bedroom. I sat in the room adjacent to the room they were in and was sat low down at one end of a very comfortable sofa. I was beginning to fall asleep over the sounds of the argument next door. I tried to keep my eyes from closing and concentrated on the far corner of the room where there was a man facing the wall.
He used to live there and harass the mother of the boys years ago and wore a jet black bomber jacket and looked exactly like a pig!
When I arrived a little while earlier, passing through the tiny drive, it was sunny and warm. There was an old car in the process of being restored but still looked just like a pile of junk ready for the scrapheap.
Back in the living room the pig man that was facing the wall had moved to one side and I could now see what the man was doing there. In front of him was a giant, hand sized spider with very muscular legs and a pulsating body! It was clinging to it's web which was stretched from one wall to the other and this pig man was teasing it and eventually grabbed it's web with the spider still attached and started to swing it into my face. I screamed like a girl and covered my eyes. The two boys who had been in the next room came running into the room that I was in to see what all the noise was about. The pig man then proceeded to swing the spider into the faces of my friend and his brother too. We all ran away flinching and screaming.
We ran so fast and so far away that we eventually ended up running straight into a very swollen river which was thick with silt and semi submerged branches. The under current was very strong and I could see just how strong by the fast flow of the river and the churning water bubbling it's way to the surface like giant airless bubbles of filthy dark water. The sun reflected off the surface showing all the movement on the waters thin skin. I was trying to navigate my way across it and back to the saftey of land. I had lost sight of my companions and found myself sink beneath the cold, dark water and came to rest on the stony bottom where I proceeded to roll and bounce along the river bed until all my breath had gone, where I just let myself die.




Jason


P.s. Happy Birthday Jac:)xxx








(C) JPT 2008

"My Cycling for September 2008"

Looking out over the South East of England from the very top of Pitch Hill in Surrey on September 26th 2008.



Thats it, the summer is well and truly over with and the winter is waiting just around the corner with her icy claws! September wasn't too bad as it goes. It was quite similar to August (but without the falling off;) But having just reached October (at the time of writing this) the cold cold wallop of the winter is just around the corner! There have been some wonderful clear skies recently and beautiful sunsets, but with the clear skies come the cold. Looks like I'll be getting out the full winter cycling gear in no time! I'm kinda looking forward to the cold. It's a Lovely, refreshing feeling when you get those clear, crisp nights up in the Surrey Hills when all the roots and grass are covered with frost. Not so good though when it's raining! But I think we are in for a very cold winter this year and hopefully lots of yummy snow too:)

I managed to stay on my bike the whole time during September, which was nice. Although I did have a near miss going up the Telegraph Row on Holmbury Hill when I bottomed out on a root with my pedal and I landed on the pointy part of my saddle with my Coxis with all my weight!! Ouch!! But at least I stayed on the bike. My thigh injury from August wasn't quite healed going into September but soon felt normal. As for my other joints, my ankles were more ok than not, although they do hurt all the time but alternate between feeling really bad and vulnerable and feeling really strong. The same can't be said for my right elbow though. It always starts off ok but towards the middle/end of the ride it feels awful! I even find that I can't pull the front brake lever because of the pain! And the pain in my right knee that I was experiencing the last month or so seems to have gone away thank goodness.


See you all next month:)



Tuesday 2nd September 2008 @ 19:30pm, SF, Lee, 11.96 miles, av 8, max 23.1 mph, 1hr 29mins, mild, very muddy, some spittle, thigh seemed ok, tyres worked well. Total 1694.57 miles.

Saturday 6th September 2008 @ 18:30pm, RP, 20.08 miles, av 12.1, max 22.1 mph, 1hr 39mins, rained pretty much the whole time, dark & mild. temp 15, wind 11. Total 1714.65 miles.

Tuesday 9th September 2008 @ 19:20pm, RP, 17.98 miles, av 12.4, max 24.4 mph, 1hr 27mins, spat for 10mins halfway around, mild & breezy, saw six toads, temp 17, wind 12. Total 1732.63 miles.

Friday 12th September 2008 @ 16:50pm, RPx2 & a third, 26.05 miles, av 12.6, max 27.8 mph, 2hrs 35mins, sunny, rainy, sunny, cool & breezy. Total 1758.68 miles.

Sunday 14th September 2008 @ 14:00pm, HH, PH, 13.99 miles, av 7.4, max 22.3 mph, 1hr 52mins, sunny, mild. Total 1772.67 miles.

Tuesday 16th September 2008 @ 20:00pm, Lee, HH, PH, 11.93 miles, av 7.8, max 23 mph, 1hr 31mins, temp 14. Total 1784.60 miles.

Sunday 21st September 2008 @ 14:50pm, SF, Lee, 14.78 miles, av 9, max 24 mph, 1hr 46mins, very warm & sunny, dry, temp 19. Total 1799.38 miles.

Wednesday 24th September 2008 @ 17:00pm, RPx2 & a third, 28.03 miles, av 12.2, max 26.3 mph, 2hrs 17mins, damp after rain, dry on Tamsin Trail, cool. Total 1827.41 miles.

Friday 26th September 2008 @ 17:00pm, HH, PH, Matt, Lee, 12.58 miles, av 7.5, max 24, 1hr 40mins, cool & very sunny, great sunset, dry and fast. Total 1839.99 miles.

Sunday 28th September 2008 @ 15:15pm (back at 19:20pm), Ian, Westcott to Box Hill to meet Mike & Graham and back again, 19.18 miles, av 7.7, max 25.3 mph, 2hrs 28mins, temp 17-14, wind 8. Total 1859.17.

Monday 29th September 2008 @ 12pm + 17pm, Car had it's MOT (and passed), 6.71 miles, av 11.3, max 22.8 mph, 35 mins, windy and sunny. Total 1865.88 miles.




Jason








(C) JPT 2008.........1865.88 miles (to end of September)

"The Bus Driver's Knee" (part four)

I am the one that waits by the end of your bed whilst you sleep. I wait until you notice me standing there in all my grotesque beauty! I shall wait forever for you!



"Part Four"




As I stepped out from the hot but glorious cabin of Rob's boat, I noticed Beechams look up from his silent, sun induced sleep and turn around to see us.

I thought Rob said his dog was deaf? I said to Neil.

He is deaf, he can feel us through the vibrations of us walking on the deck, said Neil as we walked side by side to the shop. It is only about one minutes walk away. All the people that own boats in the marina shop there. We passed their very nice looking boats along the way, but none as cool as Robs boat.
After jokingly looking at all the beers and spirits on sale we opted for several cans of Shandy Bass "British style lemonade mixed with the world renowned Bass Beer" it said on the side of the can. The fridge they came from was very cold and hummed steadily like a little twin prop plane a mile up in the sky at three in the morning. Along with the shandy, we also grabbed a couple of packets of Wine Gums. On our way to the cashier I took a quick look up at the top shelf of the magazine section. The dirty mags displayed there looked promising, like a bottomless bag of sweets or a big box of colourful fireworks. I thought how much I would like a pile of those under my bed for later on when I was alone. The one thousand butterflies in my tummy felt as though they were all holding hands and kissing. Erections came and went like the 281 bus in those days! It didn't take much either. The sound of a womans high heel shoes clicking along the pavement and I was there peeping through the curtains to see. The underwear section in my mum's catalogue was my favourite section, not the bikes nor the toys.

Neil soon dragged me away from the magazines and we made our way to the man behind the till. He was Indian and wore a turban on his head. After we bought our stuff we made a b-line for the exit thinking that we had just bought real alcoholic drinks. In fact, it had only 0.05% alcohol in it but that didn't stop us from gulping the stuff down with great speed, as funny as it seems we really honestly began to feel more and more drunk by the second. It was a great feeling as we ran back, frothy shandy spilling down our suntanned knuckles and down onto the sun scorched concrete of the ground. We skipped back like a couple of little girls, burping like mad and enjoying every second of it.

But before we made our way back to Robs, we went for a little walk to Radnor Gardens which was right by the shop. It is a kind of fenced grassy area wedged between the main road and the River Thames, used mostly for fishing, taking your dog to shit and where old people could play lawn bowls and get bitten by red ants! There was also a playground for kids and a sort of old concrete gazebo thing where heroin addicts would go to eat their sweets.
Also in one overgrown and well hidden corner, by the road, was a man-hole cover where, if you lifted it up and crawled down inside, you could creep along the pitch black tunnels that stretched under the main road to Twickenham and Popes Grotto. We had been down there before with only a box of matches and an old newspaper for light and only had the courage to get to the first corner after spotting a strange man hiding down there in the dark, before running back the way we came at record speed and scrambling back out of the hole back into the safety of daylight. We scared each other even more by convincing ourselves that he wasn't a man at all, nor even human, who would wait for small vulnerable but ultra curious children to walk into his lair where he would grab you, undress you and cover your mouth with a strip of smelly, dirty old rag and then hang you up on rusty old meat hooks that were screwed into the dark damp walls of the tunnel like trophies. Sometimes he would sit you up by his side whilst he held a match close to your naked trembling body and stare at you! And when he'd finished with you he would cut you up into tiny little bits and at midnight would climb out of his hole and feed you to the ducks in the Thames! We didn't go in there too many times!
As we walked along the foot path right next to the rivers edge, we came across a fisherman sat by the steep sided bank. The concentration smeared across his face was almost as still as the float that was attached to the end of his line. He jumped and quickly looked around at us, almost breaking his neck as Neil said to him, Oi mister! Caught anything good?
No, not yet!, said the fisherman, as he looked back at his dead still, bright orange tipped float. Just a maggot. he sarcastically went on to say.
Alright Grandad, keep your fucking hair on! Neil burped back as he grabbed me by the arm and said Come on! lets leave the old bugger to play with his maggots.

With our bellies full of shandy and our gobs stuffed with Wine Gums we bloatedly walked back to the magnificent torpedo boat.





Jason








(C) JPT 2008

"Too Small Watery Room"

I am here, more than that I do not know.




Wow-weee! If I was minuscule enough, I'd Love to swim in that there rain droplet:)

Imagine that!!!!!! spoke the softest, sweetest voice I had ever heard!

I did, I did. I excitedly replied.

And, as I was in that there rain droplet, everyone looked like those cute dogs with the little bodies, big heads and even bigger noses. It was like looking into the back of a highly polished giant silver spoon! It was utterly amazing! Only when someone took time to come and visit me, that is. Because most of the time I would be alone, but happy in the knowledge that someone would be along to witness such a spectacle. Of course, I didn't mind spending most of the day and night all on my own. I Loved every moment of my isolations. It gave me time to think of all that had gone before me and all that might come. I could also make out the other rain droplets attached to the same leaf as mine and they were all empty! I couldn't decide whether it was a good or bad thing that I was the only one occupying one of these numerous land based cloud fragments. In the end, my little, and infrequent visits from my gigantic deformed friends and family stopped. I felt so alone all of a sudden and trapped! There was absolutely no escape. The walls of my watery sphere were so thick and strong, only a man with much more strength than I might succeed in making good a run to freedom. I wouldn't have got far, even if I had been able to escape. I was literally miles up in the air. With an endless space before me, full of all kinds of dangerous creatures and hazzards, all I wanted was to be back in my liquid lair, only for me to want to get out again lest a slug slithered across on his slippery tummy and drank my little minuscule home, along with me too! I wouldn't have lasted long in there anyway. I suppose a tiny droplet of water such as mine would only last a little while before it evaporated into thin air leaving me wriggling like a fish out of water on the rough surface of my new leafy home, only for me to quickly dry up into a little minuscule crispy version of myself. One by one the other rain droplets would ever so discreetly and invisibly hiss back into the sky from whence they came. I'd be totally naked too. I mean, you wouldn't want to swim in your clothes would you? My skin would very rapidly stretch tight across the thin fragile skelington of my withered, dried, sun scorched body. If I wasn't in so much pain, I'd be able to hear my skin as it cracked and split across the more pointy sections of my once beautiful physique. Anyone listening, even right up close, would not hear a thing as I slowly but inevitably disappeared completely. Unless of course I was eaten first by that hungry slug or greedy snail. Which wouldn't be so unlikely, because I remember seeing tens of the things at any one time, especially just after rain, and even more so their pearlescent trails criss-crossing the garden, before I ended up in this place. I thought it was going to be wonderful in here. I thought that I could live out the rest of my days inside this droplet, watching the world go by as I did so. I thought this was my new living place. I thought this was my new room to dream in. I wanted to die peacefully in here, but I can't even do that. My new home will be no more long before I die. My space is not mine. It never has been, nor will it ever be!





Jason

Special thanks to Shelley Skinner for the use of her wonderful photo taken in her garden in Margate on the 11th September 2008.








(C) JPT 2008