"Interpol & The Dead, Dead Cold of Night"

Jac at Interpol's Alexandra Palace gig on 30.11.07.


Seems the plague cannot be avoided after all. Who am I trying to kid? Dodging germs and family members & friends whom I think might have a 'germ'. Opening my Mums front room window less than one inch on a Saturday night to let out any bad things that might get into my body and kill me. The same thing goes in my car, in my flat...even though I am all alone. If the window is open even for just a few millimeters, means that I won't catch a cold or even worse flu or a terrible chest infection...then death!

It doesn't really work does it? It's all in my mind isn't it?

I have behaved in this way ever since I was first told of my HIV infection back in 1987. You ask any one of my friends and family and they will tell you just how paranoid I am about germs and the like. My mum used to joke that anybody getting in my car with shower before they did so. The first thing that I would (and still do) is to look see, upon entering a house, whether a window might be open. If it isn't open, I will then open one just a few millimeters and then I find that I can relax a little better. But if it is a house where I don't feel comfortable about opening a window then I will just sit there worrying the whole time, breathing in such a way that won't let the germs in...and if god forbid I hear that someone has a cold in the same house a me, my mind explodes and I can't breathe nor think straight and all I want to do is leave and breathe in the air out in the street!

It really drives me mad sometimes. I'm not as bad as I used to be in the earlier days/years of my HIV infection, but it is still there with me, this bloody paranoia of getting a bug that I can't fight off and kills me dead!

So, I have this thing going on right now! I woke up yesterday morning with the sorest throat ever and a runny nose to boot. And this morning it is, I'd say, twice as bad as it was and I am beginning to ache over my body and I feel hot. It'll all be over in a week or so won't it? Or I will be dead by Christmas!

O.C.D Heaven...

I'm sorry if I worry you, but this is how it makes me feel inside my head. I know I will get better soon. I got a similar thing just after I finished my Hep C treatment and it went away after a bit. But it still made me think terrible thoughts.
I'll keep an eye on my chest and temperature and that is all I can do. I am most certainly not one to go to the doctors about it, like the majority of people do when they get a bug, clogging up the doctors waiting rooms with snot and germs, coughing and sneezing all over the place, infecting everyone else in there. The doctors can't do anything anyway! I have never gone to the doctors when I have a bad cold. I sort it out myself with stuff to relieve the symptoms and just rest indoors and stay away from everyone. Unless of course I think I might have a chest infection, where I will completely bypass my local GP and shoot on up to the RFH and see my HIV specialists.

I was hoping to visit Ros up in Kidderminster during this week (today to be exact) and Helen too, but won't be now as I really don't want to pass this on to anyone else! Especially this close to Christmas and so soon after Ros (& Helen for that matter) came out of hospital. Sorry girls! Sorry for being such a germ:(

It just occurred to me that my goal of 3600 miles for the year on my bike might not be accomplished now. I am up to 3320 miles at the time of writing this (Tuesday 4th December) and need to complete 290 miles by Jan 1st 2008! What with two knee injuries in the last month and now this poxy germ, I think that it might be a little difficult to complete. That'd be just over 10 miles per day, everyday until Jan 1st, starting tomorrow! Doesn't sound like much come to think of it. Is it possible? I don't rightly know, but what I do know is that I am going to do my best and reach my goal...or die trying!

It doesn't matter if I don't reach my goal does it? I mean, it's only a number right?

The photo is of (as if you hadn't already guessed;) my best (female) friend Jac. I took it on Friday night inside Alexandra Palace in North London. We met up with a couple of friends (Phil & Rob) to see a band called Interpol. Jac & I have seen them before a few years ago. The gig was alright, but the venue was far too big and the place was pretty full! We much prefer much smaller venues where you can almost (if you really want to) touch the band members. But it seems that Interpol have gotten a bit bigger over the years what with three albums under their belt now.
Jac disappeared for half an hour, making her way down to the front in the 'Mosh pit', whilst the others and I stood at the edge quite happy just to (discreetly) tap our feet to the beat.
They played some of their older stuff which I prefer and Jac's two Faves also..."Not Even Jail" & "PDA". My fave "Stella Was A Diver and She Was Always Down" wasn't played! Oh well. But, you can hear it below and see a rather nice video for it too, all at the same time...



Ok, what do you say to a 7ft man who, halfway through a gig, stands directly in front of you and blocks your view and goodness knows how many more, completely? Exactly! But not Phil. He reached up and tapped the man on the shoulder and motioned with his head to move somewhere else...which the tall man did and then strangely proceeded to walk right to the edge and face directly away from the band and play with his mobile phone. Strange or what!



Jason








(C) JPT.........3337.8