"Three Thousand Six Hundred"

Elvis & I on Leith Hill tonight just moments after reaching my goal of 3600 miles.


That's it! I did it! All done! And with just four days left to go before my goal deadline. In fact, I could have finished yesterday or the day before, but with a slightly longer ride to finish. But I noticed the 27th coming up and thought I'd let my obsession for the one and only numeral nine get to me yet again.
I'm happy that it's over too. The goal I mean. When I first set the goal back on Jan 1st 2007, I didn't really know wether I could achieve it. I very basically calculated what I might have done the year before (2006...the year I was on treatment for Hep C) and I think I came up with about three thousand odd miles and thought I'd try and beat it. The exact figure 3600 came about because that would be my age (36) in 2007 too...plus I don't need to tell you all about my Love affair with the number nine;)

So really, I wasn't entirely sure if I would clock that many miles at all by the end of 2007 and when August eventually arrived and I was up to 2700 odd miles, only then did I think it was reachable. I know that 3600 miles isn't that many miles for a whole year and I am sure some people cycle that every year of their lives just by going to work and back. But for me it was a challenge. For one thing it was mostly all off road. And also, I'd say half of it was cycling up hills...not to mention the hundreds of miles of mud and wind and rain too. And not wanting to complain, all the hundreds of miles of pain also. The pain in my right elbow and both ankles have kept me company for a fair few of those miles let me tell you!
Plus there were a few falls and a cold that threatened to bugger things up near the end, but after my last fall back on Friday 14th December, where I was cycling on just a normal piece of road very near to my house and on my way to meet Ian by Richmond Gate at Richmond Park, I thought that I'd better slow down and take it easy a little. It wasn't as bad as the two times I fell onto my knee up in the hills previously, but it could have been so much worse! I was going too fast into a 90 degree bend in the road by Teddington Studios and my front tyre slipped on the wet tarmac of the road and down I went with a wallop and almost slid into a car coming in the opposite direction! It did hurt at the time and I even managed to wreck my watch which I had only just bought new batteries for the week before. And my left hand still doesn't feel right where it slammed palm down into the road. And I still have a scab on my left hip where it slid across the icy asphalt.
Anyway, I got up and painfully continued with my ride completing 25 miles in the end. I was just happy that I didn't slide into that car and that my joints were ok. But, it also made me think that I needed to slow down a little and think about the dangers I was putting myself in every time I was going out on my bike...especially in the winter and mostly all at night and alone! So after one days rest, I decided to really take things easy and not go anywhere where I might fall and to slow down in the ice and this way I might just reach my goal. Two days after the fall I went out more or less everyday to make sure that I did. You can see from my "My Cycling for December 2007" post (will be posted on Jan 1st 2008) just how much I was going out. Not particularly long rides, but long enough and as you can see they were all mostly alone too. Which meant that I wasn't under any pressure to keep up or lead etc (but they are much more boring alone!). I even managed to get a ride in on the beautifully moonlit night of Christmas Day itself (see photo below).

Christmas for me this year was alright. This time last year I was coming to the end of my treatment for Hep C and although I was having a relatively fine time on it, I was still thinking a lot as to wether or not it would work. So this year was much better not just because I was not on tx anymore, but mainly because my 50wks of treatment worked just fine and now I am cured of one of my viruses. I did however, have a terrible mouth ulcer during this Christmas period being at it's worst on Christmas Day and Boxing Day! It has cleared up now...It isn't often one can say just how wonderful the drug Thalidomide is.
So onto my ride tonight. The ride where my trip computer flipped over to three thousand six hundred. When I set out, I had approximately ten miles to go and thought that a ride around Richmond Park just wouldn't do. So in the car the bike went and Elvis & I made our way to Leith Hill as I knew that a single loop of the hill is about ten miles long and would be quite nice if I finished by the tower...which is exactly how it turned out. I was alone and took my time not to have any accidents up there. The trail was absolutely water logged from recent rain and in parts the trail was simply a mud bath! The exposed tree roots were as slippery as ever and to make matters more interesting the temperature during the ride was at a steady 12 degrees! Shouldn't it be freezing cold at the end of December, at night and in the middle of the English countryside?
It was a nice ride in the end, albeit quite muddy, but with no falls, no crashes and no broken spokes either. I started my night ride at the trail that leads up to Leith Hill tower from High Ashes Farm, went up to it passing it by, down the rock, rooty slope that I would use as the setting for my photo at the end of the ride, past what has to be the highest cricket pitch in South East England, down past Deliverance and into a very mucky Waggledance. Next was Summer Lightning and all her roots, twists and turns. At the bottom of SL brings you out by the medieval ancient boundary that is Wolvens Lane, which is a total mud bath at this time of year. Then a little road section that winds it way up and down to a tiny village called Broadmoor, then back into Leith Hill forest and onto the long and slow rooty, muddy trail back up to the tower. I was all alone for the entire ride. No other humans at all...pure bliss. I was spooked though when a lone bunny rabbit decided to run out in front of me, almost finding himself squished under my big fat knobbly tyres! And as I said earlier, after just over ten miles for the day and three thousand six hundred for the year, I was back up by Leith Hill tower, where I then went and found the spot where I posed for my very first photo for this blog back in August 2006 (it's still there if you want to look). It is literally yards away from the tower down a rather steep, rocky, rooty section. I set my camera up and took several shots and ended up with what you see above.
I don't think I will set a goal for next year, but I will continue to log my trips and mileage. There are a few decent length rides planned for next year already in between my normal rides and no doubt their details will be posted here.

Me and my back light in Richmond Park on the beautifully moonlit night of Christmas Day.


Happy New Year my blogging buddies:)



Jasonxx


Update; Today, as I was washing my bike I discovered yet another broken spoke nipple on my rear wheel from Thursday nights ride! So, free of charge, Nirvana Cycles in Westcott have said they will replace all the alloy spoke nipples with stronger brass nipples. Sounds good to me:) Brass nipples indeed!
In fact, I took it in this afternoon (Saturday) and got a call at six saying they are already done. Brass nipples here I come;)








(C) JPT 2007.........3600.7 miles. YAY!!!!!!!!!

"Little Boy Dead"

Dead lorry, yellow lorry...


Wow-wee! Just look at his new bike all shiny and sparkling clean. He can't take his big flying saucer eyes off of it's brightly coloured frame. The spokes on the wheels go round and round in the scorching mid-afternoon sun like two Catherine wheels side by side on Bon-fire night. The sun is almost directly behind him and pushes him and his long shadow down the road like a space rocket and it's pilot. The untouched tread on the bikes tyres buzz along the hot tarmac, sounding like giant bumble-bees on a mission, as they give the little boy the grip he needs to look so bloody cool!
All of this reflected in the shops giant spotless glass windows that line the little street where he is just the proudest young boy in the universe. With his smile stretched right the way across his glowing face, his pupils dart here and there over the surface of his new bike and then back across to the shop windows, where he can see himself in the reflection. It's just like watching a video. He's so excited to be free, with the wind in his hair and all the pedestrians dotted along the pavement watching him go so fast. He reminds me of myself when I was a young boy.

I can see the look that is plastered across his face is very special indeed. He is alive. He is free!

He soon runs out of road to travel on. To escape.

He has to turn around and go back the way he came from. Back towards the sun. He brakes. The wire cables invisibly slide in their little black tubes as he pulls the silver brake lever until he comes to a squeaky standstill. The brake pads haven't worn in yet as everything is still so perfectly new. He notices several other little boys by their parents side standing on the pavement, staring in awe at his brand new machine. He looks back at his bike and feels the thing under his bottom and in his hands. The weight and the sparkle are intoxicating to him and he is very happy that it belongs to him and no one else.

He looks back up the road and squints where the sun is staring right at him and makes his eyes become a little watery. A few yards away a giant lorry slowly exits a side road and makes it's huge heavy way onto the same road as this boy and his bike. He hears the lorries massive engine as it slowly rolls towards him and looks back at it and is again blinded by the suns reflection in the lorries windscreen. The boy decides to cycle alongside it and maybe race up the road a little way. The lorry is very slow moving and very noisy. He Loves lorries and engines. The roar and vibrations, and the fumes and giant rotating rubber clad wheels. The hissing of air brakes and the low thunderous rumble of the engine as the driver changes gear reminds him of the sound all the monsters in the world might make if they were to roar all at once. So exciting!

Soon the two machines are side by side and it is just the boy and the lorry now. Nothing else matter besides this wonderful partnership between two very different machines and their operators.
The lorry with it's most powerful engine, numerous wheels and long metal body. The driver of this beast unseen as he shifts from gear to gear in his effort to pull this monster up to the end of the road. And the boy on his brand new bike, sleek, light and almost silent but for the humming of the tyres. He pedals hard to keep up.

The lorry obviously has the better speed and very slowly begins to pass the boy by. Gigantic wheel by gigantic wheel appear at the boys side and then disappear and are then replaced by yet another set of humongous wheels. The back wheels of the lorry are fast approaching and the boy can see that his efforts are useless, and afraid of being outdone by the lorry completely, he pulls his bike up onto it's back wheel in an attempt to end this race in style.

The young ones amongst the bystanders are amazed at the sight of this manoeuver...until it seems to go wrong! Badly wrong!

The boy and the bike have gone back too far and the bike reaches a point where there is nowhere else for it to go except all the way over. The look on the boys face changes instantly to one of absolute fear as soon as he realizes that his wheelie has gone terribly wrong and he is now expecting to feel the hardness of the roads surface as he lands on his back. His eyes close, teeth clench and his hands let go of the bikes grips as he waits for the inevitable impact of body on concrete.

But it is much much worse than that!

He has failed miserably and little does he know that this exact moment in time will be the very end of his very young and beautiful life.

As he hits the road he rolls slightly to the left and towards the undercarriage of the lorry. The huge set of wheels at the very rear of the lorry are quietly rolling along the hot tarmac still. The noise of the engine being an age away down the street now. The invisible driver none the wiser as to what is happening.

The boy still has his eyes closed and teeth clenched as the heavy wheels of the lorry roll over and onto his little head! His bike bounces the other way into a clear part of the road and comes to a standstill resting on it's side. The driver knows something has happened by now and stops instantly, the big black monsters that are the wheels tyres come to a standstill on top of the boys completely crushed head. The lorries brakes hiss and clunk. The light colour of his brain has been forced through his completely smashed skull and has found a new home on the scorching hot tarmac of the road along with a pool of dark red blood, increasing in size by the second. His body is completely lifeless as the onlookers begin to fill the street with screams. He doesn't even twitch. His life has gone away from him in an instant. But to many, including myself, he is still on his brand new bike, riding up and down the wonderfully sun shiny street.

I walk over to him. I am the only one that approaches him. I kneel down by the life-ending wheel. The heat emanating from the lorry is uncomfortable and the sound of tiny clicks and ticks and intermittent hisses coming from the lorry almost deafen me. The boy is unrecognizable to me as the mess of brain, hair, blood, skin and skull fill my vision. I look over to his frozen body, sprawled lifeless under the lorries rear end, and slowly follow it back up to where his smiling face should be and try my very hardest to envisage where his eyes might have been just seconds earlier.
It's all gone! Everything has gone and now he is dead! Just like that.

As I stare into the small mound of young human gore, I suddenly get the urge to feel him...to hold him and really feel him and his little life and his memories in my shaking hands. I lean over closer to him. My knees hurt as the weight of my body press down onto the hardness of the rough road and dig into my skin and bones. I put my hands gently into his wrecked brain and scoop up as much as I can. He is quite hot still and feels so alive. I close my eyes as I bring the boy closer to my face and smell him. He smells fresh and clean, as if he is still alive. But as I open my eyes again, I can see that he is just a bloody broken mess and drips gently through my fingers.

Just a body.




Jason








(C) JPT 2007.........3505.3 miles. (94.7 miles remaining)

"Hell's Darker Chamber"

"Decades" By Joy Division

"Decades" is the longest ever song Joy Division wrote in a studio (6.08 mins), it comes from their second and final album "Closer" which was first released back in 1980. It was recorded between March 18th - March 30th in my home City of London.
"Decades" is also the very last track on the album. It was originally going to be called "Cross of Iron" but was changed just before the album was recorded.

Ian Curtis, Joy Division's lead singer and writer of all their songs committed suicide on May 18th, 1980, just days before they were about to fly out to America for their first ever tour of the country.

The dark lyrics and sad, very depressing tone of this track shows you just how ill Ian was.

Although not my favourite Joy Division song, It is still a truly beautiful song, and reminds me of what happened to me and many other's like me as very young men (& women) trying to live within some very difficult times.

Also, you may find the first line of the song familiar. It is where I got the title for my Blog from.


"Decades"

Here are the young men, the weight on their shoulders,
Here are the young men, well where have they been?
We knocked on the doors of hells darker chamber,
Pushed to the limit, we dragged ourselves in,
Watched from the wings as the scenes were replaying,
We saw ourselves now as we never had seen.
Portrayal of the trauma and degeneration,
The sorrows we suffered and never were free.

Where have they been?
Where have they been?
Where have they been?
Where have they been?

Weary inside, now our hearts lost forever,
Cant replace the fear, or the thrill of the chase,
Each ritual showed up the door for our wanderings,
Open then shut, then slammed in our face.

Where have they been?
Where have they been?
Where have they been?
Where have they been?





Jason








(C) JPT.........3381 miles.

"Interpol & The Dead, Dead Cold of Night"

Jac at Interpol's Alexandra Palace gig on 30.11.07.


Seems the plague cannot be avoided after all. Who am I trying to kid? Dodging germs and family members & friends whom I think might have a 'germ'. Opening my Mums front room window less than one inch on a Saturday night to let out any bad things that might get into my body and kill me. The same thing goes in my car, in my flat...even though I am all alone. If the window is open even for just a few millimeters, means that I won't catch a cold or even worse flu or a terrible chest infection...then death!

It doesn't really work does it? It's all in my mind isn't it?

I have behaved in this way ever since I was first told of my HIV infection back in 1987. You ask any one of my friends and family and they will tell you just how paranoid I am about germs and the like. My mum used to joke that anybody getting in my car with shower before they did so. The first thing that I would (and still do) is to look see, upon entering a house, whether a window might be open. If it isn't open, I will then open one just a few millimeters and then I find that I can relax a little better. But if it is a house where I don't feel comfortable about opening a window then I will just sit there worrying the whole time, breathing in such a way that won't let the germs in...and if god forbid I hear that someone has a cold in the same house a me, my mind explodes and I can't breathe nor think straight and all I want to do is leave and breathe in the air out in the street!

It really drives me mad sometimes. I'm not as bad as I used to be in the earlier days/years of my HIV infection, but it is still there with me, this bloody paranoia of getting a bug that I can't fight off and kills me dead!

So, I have this thing going on right now! I woke up yesterday morning with the sorest throat ever and a runny nose to boot. And this morning it is, I'd say, twice as bad as it was and I am beginning to ache over my body and I feel hot. It'll all be over in a week or so won't it? Or I will be dead by Christmas!

O.C.D Heaven...

I'm sorry if I worry you, but this is how it makes me feel inside my head. I know I will get better soon. I got a similar thing just after I finished my Hep C treatment and it went away after a bit. But it still made me think terrible thoughts.
I'll keep an eye on my chest and temperature and that is all I can do. I am most certainly not one to go to the doctors about it, like the majority of people do when they get a bug, clogging up the doctors waiting rooms with snot and germs, coughing and sneezing all over the place, infecting everyone else in there. The doctors can't do anything anyway! I have never gone to the doctors when I have a bad cold. I sort it out myself with stuff to relieve the symptoms and just rest indoors and stay away from everyone. Unless of course I think I might have a chest infection, where I will completely bypass my local GP and shoot on up to the RFH and see my HIV specialists.

I was hoping to visit Ros up in Kidderminster during this week (today to be exact) and Helen too, but won't be now as I really don't want to pass this on to anyone else! Especially this close to Christmas and so soon after Ros (& Helen for that matter) came out of hospital. Sorry girls! Sorry for being such a germ:(

It just occurred to me that my goal of 3600 miles for the year on my bike might not be accomplished now. I am up to 3320 miles at the time of writing this (Tuesday 4th December) and need to complete 290 miles by Jan 1st 2008! What with two knee injuries in the last month and now this poxy germ, I think that it might be a little difficult to complete. That'd be just over 10 miles per day, everyday until Jan 1st, starting tomorrow! Doesn't sound like much come to think of it. Is it possible? I don't rightly know, but what I do know is that I am going to do my best and reach my goal...or die trying!

It doesn't matter if I don't reach my goal does it? I mean, it's only a number right?

The photo is of (as if you hadn't already guessed;) my best (female) friend Jac. I took it on Friday night inside Alexandra Palace in North London. We met up with a couple of friends (Phil & Rob) to see a band called Interpol. Jac & I have seen them before a few years ago. The gig was alright, but the venue was far too big and the place was pretty full! We much prefer much smaller venues where you can almost (if you really want to) touch the band members. But it seems that Interpol have gotten a bit bigger over the years what with three albums under their belt now.
Jac disappeared for half an hour, making her way down to the front in the 'Mosh pit', whilst the others and I stood at the edge quite happy just to (discreetly) tap our feet to the beat.
They played some of their older stuff which I prefer and Jac's two Faves also..."Not Even Jail" & "PDA". My fave "Stella Was A Diver and She Was Always Down" wasn't played! Oh well. But, you can hear it below and see a rather nice video for it too, all at the same time...



Ok, what do you say to a 7ft man who, halfway through a gig, stands directly in front of you and blocks your view and goodness knows how many more, completely? Exactly! But not Phil. He reached up and tapped the man on the shoulder and motioned with his head to move somewhere else...which the tall man did and then strangely proceeded to walk right to the edge and face directly away from the band and play with his mobile phone. Strange or what!



Jason








(C) JPT.........3337.8

"My Kayaking for November 2007"

Just me doing a hand roll in my little slice of orange this month.


Seems I managed to attend all four sessions at Ealing Pool this month, although for two of them my knee was swollen and on another I injured both my thumbs trying to pull somebody else's splash deck over my cockpit (fnar! fnar!) and it being too small pung back and bent my thumbs back a bit...they still hurt now! I was upside down at the time (entering a capsized kayak, fitting the splash deck and rolling back up right) and holding my breath for well over a minute as I was doing all this...that's my excuse anyway;) I managed to complete the move btw, but the kayak was half full with water!


Thursday 1st November 2007 @ 21:00pm, Ealing Pool, 90mins, I was all alone more or less tonight, Lee couldn't make it, Ian was sick and James didn't come either, Owen was there but was teaching someone to roll, the new guy (Paul) who drives the Bentley Continental GT learned to roll in just two sessions. Seems like a nice bloke.

Thursday 15th November 2007 @ 21:00pm, Ealing Pool, 90mins, I missed last weeks due to a fall on my bike and damaging my right knee!, Lee & Ian, more hand rolls.

Thursday 22nd November 2007 @ 21:00pm, Ealing Pool, 90mins, right knee ok now, but left knee puffy from a fall on Tuesday night in Swinley Forest on my bike, Owen filmed Becky & I performing synchronized hand rolls, Ian.

Thursday 29th November 2007 @ 21:00pm, Ealing Pool, 90mins, tonnes of rolls, very tiring!...but fun:)



Jason








(C) JPT.........

"My Cycling for November 2007"

Me, Elvis and my car...that has no name, in the car park at Swinley Forest in November 2007.


Two knee injuries this month (see 6th & 20th) on different knees! You know, if I had three knees, I'd have injured the third one too. Otherwise, I survived November despite all the rain and mud and very slippery roots etc! You gotta do it though ain't ya.
I'm getting close to the end of the year now and my goal of 3600 miles seems a long way off when I look at what is remaining in one lump sum, but in reality it is only just over 10 miles per day until Jan 1st 2008 (I have 280 miles left to complete). Will I do it? Will I have another injury to prevent me once and for all? Will the cold that I have got last too long and help scupper my chances? Or will I do it by the skin of my teeth? We'll see my friends, we'll see:)


Friday 2nd November 2007 @ 19:30pm, RP, 16.15 miles, av 13.9, max 24.5 mph, 1hr 9 mins pedaling, mild, clear & dark, temp 14, wind 3. Total 3169.40 miles...(2776 miles Cateye)

Saturday 3rd November 2007 @ 12pm, PH, WW, Phil, 10.43 miles, av 8.1, max 24. 9 mph, 1hr 17mins, Phil got attacked by a very big dog in the middle of Winterfold Woods, sunny, dry, mild, temp 16, wind 6. Total 3179.83 miles...(2786.8 miles Cateye)

Tuesday 6th November 2007 @ 20:00pm, LH, Lee, James, Paul & Gerry, 9.74 miles, av 7.5, max 21.4 mph, 1hr 17mins pedaling, I had another fall all because I couldn't get my foot out of the pedal in time! Ouch!! dark...think I might have to swap back over to my V12 flats for the winter, dry, mild, temp 9, wind 9. Total 3189.57 miles...(2796.5 miles Cateye)


Sunday 11th November 2007 @ 18:30pm, RP, 14.21 miles, av 12.1, max 23.3 mph, 1hr 10mins pedaling, cool & windy, knee seemed ok'ish on the ride but my ankles were playing me up because of walking funny because of my knee and my knee was quite sore after I got back home. Total 3203.78 miles...(2810.7 on Cateye)

Monday 12th November 2007 @ 18:45pm, RP, 15.85 miles, av 12, max 25.5 mph, 1hr 19mins pedaling, cold, dark, clear, Ian's first time on bike since his ankle injury at the end of July! Temp 4, wind 5. Total 3219.63 miles...(2826.6 miles on Cateye)

Wednesday 14th November 2007 @ 18:45pm, RP, Ian & Andy, 17.37 miles, av 11.5, max 21 mph, 1hr 30mins pedaling, clear, dark & cold, temp 4, wind 3. Total 3239 miles...(2844 miles on Cateye)

Saturday 17th November 2007 @ 10:00am, Swinley Forest, Lee, Matt, James Rix, av 6, max 22 mph, out until 13:20pm'ish, I managed to loose my Cateye trip computer somewhere during the 6 mile ride. The weather was cloudy and cold, I wore my full length Gore bib for the first time, then when I dropped Lee off at home at 2pm I went back out alone and did one lap of RP from my flat. Temp 5, wind 0-7. Mileage in RP was 14 miles. Total 3259 miles.

Tuesday 20th November 2007 @ 20:00pm, Swinley Forest, Lee, Ian, James (Battle), Jerry, Paul and Peter, new Cateye sync'd with total mileage starting Jan 1st 2007, 8.34 miles, av 5.6, max 14 mph, 1hr 28 mins pedaling, back to car at 23:10pm after a very wet, slippery and muddy ride!, I had my flat pedals on and managed not to fall off because of being clipped in, I did fall off though and hurt my left knee during a steep decent and managed to do the splits and heard my knee crack (it didn't actually hit anything)! It's sore but I can walk, Ian's front derailer broke off and his chain snapped, James accidentally stepped on Ian's bad ankle, Ian fell off too but landed on his feet...he was using a very weak headlight to see with...so credit to Ian for not falling off more, James's tyre blew...we thought we had been shot at! His trye had a breach in it and his inner tube came through and exploded! We replaced it and it happened again after about 20 mins...hence the delay getting back to the cars. Everyone survived the ride...mostly;) Wind 9, temp 8. Total 3267.34 miles.

Friday 23rd November 2007 @ 19:00pm, 17.52 miles, RP, Ian & Owen, av 10.5 mph, max 22.2 mph, 1hr 40mins pedaling, dry & cold, Ian had a new light which was very good (Exposure Enduro MaXx) brighter than mine!, my left knee still hurt a little and was still puffy, saw a Badger run across the trail which was cool, we just about made it in time to Richmond Gate before they lock up for Deer culling!. Total 3264.8 miles.

Sunday 25th November 2007 @ 18:45pm, 18.22 miles, RP, av 12.9, max 25.2 mph, 1hr 24mins pedaling, cool & dry, moon looked full, saw another Badger running ahead of me on the trail behind the Royal Star & Garter building on my way to RP gate...he kept stopping and looked over his right shoulder to see if I was still coming, Knee still a little sore...nearer the back of the knee now, did one and a third laps starting at RG back to RG then back on myself and made it back to KG (Kingston Gate) at 8pm just before locking time, temp 6, wind 9. Total 3283 miles.

Tuesday 27th November 2007 @ 20:30pm, Swinley Forest, 8.88 miles, Lee, James, Paul, Jerry, Peter, (Ian was celebrating his Wife's Birthday so couldn't come) av 7, max 19.7 mph, 1hr 15mins, Paul had very minimal lights after his main lights were full of water! he did very well not to fall off more than he did and not kill himself in the process!, a spoke in my front wheel snapped out of the rim but was still fine to ride back to the car, it was dry and quite mild but still rather damp in there. I took my bike (Elvis) back to Nirvana Cycles in Westcott for repairs and a service for the Winter. £109 in total...new chain, new granny ring and middle ring, new cable set for the gears and a new rear cassette upgraded to an XT. Got Elvis back on Sunday. Total 3291.9 miles.


See you next time...



Jason








(C) JPT.........3319.7 miles.

"Blood Runneth Over"

Biro drawing (by me) of my hand (and all injecting paraphernalia) and in the act of shooting up. (Thursday, March 1st 1979...8yrs 36 days old)



Why won't this child of ours stop fucking crying? Crying all the bloody time! Every time I pick the bastard thing up it cries! Non-fucking stop! People stare at me in the street God dammit...as if I'm hurting the boy deliberately! I'm not! I just don't know what to do anymore! The other one...the girl...she doesn't cry! She is as good as gold. Just lies there...like a little new born bird, just fallen from her safe and warm nest. You know what has happened don't you? The boy has taken all the tears that these twins were handed at birth two years ago and has decided to keep them all for himself! His Twin is in serious danger from drowning in his painful tears.

What am I doing wrong? We need to take him somewhere right? The Doctors? They may be able to tell us what is happening...what is wrong with him...fix him...make him better perhaps?

Well, Mr & Mrs Tolmie, we have done some tests on Jason and they tell us that he has severe Haemophilia "A". He is bleeding internally into his joints and this is what has caused him to cry out all the time. He must have been in some quite considerable pain. He will need to be treated for the rest of his life by way of injection directly into his bloodstream. A number of small blood transfusions, if & when needed, that we will administer for him here at the......are you all right Mr Tolmie?

My God! My Son is going to die......bleed to death! What did I do to deserve this? I am a good man! Why me? Why us?? Why him!?!

Please don't worry too much Mr Tolmie. These fabulous life saving injections I told you about are absolutely the right thing for him now and will begin to make things for your Son and indeed you and your Wife much more tolerable. It isn't a cure, but it will go some way to prevent Jason from bleeding too much into his joints. In fact, he will no doubt be able to lead a very normal & productive life. There are absolutely no reasons why he shouldn't be able to live just like any other boy of his age.

That was 34 years ago in the year of 1973. That was my Dad...feeling sick that his Son might not be normal...that he might not live beyond the age of ten! My Mum was fine with it more or less. She is stronger than my Dad. My Mum is like me. Strong!

I was treated, cared for & injected at Hammersmith Hospital, London, from the time I was diagnosed in 1973...just two years after I was born along with my twin Sister Nicola, until my Dad had me transferred to the Royal Free Hospital in Hampstead, London around 1976, because the doctors at Hammersmith couldn't even find a vein for nine injections out of ten! My Mum & Dad were fed up with seeing me being held down by several doctors at a time whilst they tried to find a suitable vein in which to administer the vital life saving Factor VIII.
We can teach you to do the injections at home Mr Tolmie. It's a very straight forward procedure...here, take this orange and pretend it is your Sons little arm. Go on, it is just like skin.
Oranges indeed! Give me my Son's arm! I shall do it into his bloody arm!

Eventually, after we had been at the RFH for a while he was taught properly and on real veins (mine) and not a selection of fruit...and then when I was about nine years old I injected myself. I was getting fed up with my dads tobacco stained fingers and their discoloured uncut nails from years of electro plating, as sharp as an eagles talons scratching my soft skin as he pulled it back to tighten the vein so the needle would go in better. He never missed, but I wanted to be a grown up and inject myself. I have been doing it myself & at home ever since. I am still treated & cared for at the brilliant Royal Free Hospital...but a few times during all the care and treatment...I was given some very bad news!

Before the injections in the safety of my own bedroom there were hundreds of trips in speeding ambulances to the Royal Free Hospital, my second home, in the black of night. Sirens screaming! Red lights ignored! I was in agony! I was quiet. I was lonely. I was tired. I was scared. I was still in my pyjamas for goodness sakes! Clutching my arm, rocking it gently back & forth like a baby in agony! Stroking the ever so tight skin, ballooned from swelling, with the fingertips of my other hand...my good hand. I even told the driver which way to go sometimes when he got lost. Accident & Emergency waiting rooms full to the brim with face slashed drunks, escorted by burly Policemen. Blood stains on the walls...blood stains on the floor. I tried to hide from it all. Sitting still like a statue, trying with all my might to disappear into the plastic chairs...trying to count the ceiling lights reflected onto the surface of the grimy bandage strewn waiting room floor. Desperately doing my best not to make eye contact with the blood soaked maniac sitting directly opposite! The orange squash vending machine made my mouth water as people came and went with their drinks. I was too shy to speak...even to my dad. Three or four times a week in the middle of the night (my Mum took me in the day and my dad at night) three or four hours each time...waiting...waiting! I wanted to be at home in bed...or dead! Anywhere but here!

My Mum & Dad got used to all that shit pretty quick, as did I, what with talk of blood...talk of pain...talk of hospital appointments...talk of special schools in Alton, Hampshire...talk of this...talk of that...But not much talk of the things that normal, healthy boys get up to! You mustn't ride a BMX...no motorbikes...no climbing trees...no physical education at school...no bloody nothing! Just stay in doors and stick needles into yourself everyday. Did I listen to them? A little yes...just a little;)
As long as they both looked after me well and made sure I didn't fall over too many times...and injected me with this life saving blood whenever I had a 'Bleed'...yeah, I was pretty much wrapped in cotton wool as a kid. After all, I needed protecting right? I needed that kind of treatment didn't I? To make me all better right?

Make me all better? Things couldn't have gone more bloody wrong!

You see, in the intervening years since I was diagnosed with severe Haemophilia 'A' and today, I was treated with this miracle drug called Factor VIII. It came in various forms...liquid plasma from human blood in a bag (Cryoprecipitate)...a small hard block of 'Dried Factor VIII Fraction' in a large glass bottle...and more recently, a loose kind of powder, apparently a synthetic form of Factor VIII (Helixate NexGen & Bayer Kogenate...both recombinant products) made to act exactly the same as natural Factor VIII, in a tiny glass bottle. I am sure there were more kinds of Factor VIII that I was given, but I am afraid I don't remember them.
All good stuff right? All designed to help...to protect...to save lives!

Ok, it seems to have saved my life...as I don't seem to have died! But I did feel dead for a while! A long while in fact! Why you may ask? Ok, I'll tell you. You see, I was injecting this stuff...gallons of this wonder drug and little did I know, it wasn't as wonderful as one was led to believe! You see it had 'Stuff' in it that was bad! Viruses of all sorts...viruses no one knew were hiding there. Quite well hidden as it turns out! They did well to find me though! Definitely two that I know of...that I have been told about, maybe three of the filthy little bastards! Perhaps even more than that!

I don't know the in's & out's of all these viruses that were given to me. That ain't my job! There are people working all over the world to see that this job is carried out correctly. But, it seems someone wasn't doing their job very well one day...one month...one year... one decade! Of course 'They' won't admit to that will they! It wasn't me...It wasn't anything to do with us! Have a word with so and so & if you don't get any luck there, then try somewhere else! But it wasn't us! Now piss off...& die already! So we can forget that this ever happened! Go back to playing doctors again!

Yeah! Tell me about it sunshine!

So, then along came my Hepatitis C...a very long time ago, Probably when I took in my first injection of Factor VIII. I must have known about it! I knew something wasn't quite right! They had three or four Doctors trying to hold me still whilst they pushed the stuff inside of me! Not just the once, but numerous times over the first several years after being diagnosed with Haemophilia. Then when I was infected, something else must have registered and I just let them do it. Put it inside me. Fill me up...make my pain go away...take away the terrible swelling...make me all better again...save my life, remember?
Of course, I didn't really know what was happening! But someone must have right? You don't inject into little boys & girls veins without knowing what you were actually injecting! You wouldn't do that to your own children would you?
But they did to me and my friends, and my friends friends! Some of my friends are dead already! Buried...cremated...rotten in the ground! Gone! What happened there eh? What killed them? I got the same shit as them! Why ain't I dead? Why ain't they still alive? When will it be my turn in the ground? My turn to rot! My turn to disappear.

I didn't find out about the Hep C that I was given until around 1996 or so. I can't remember exactly...I suppose I could find out from the hospital, but what would the use be? After all, I had other things on my mind to prevent me from thinking about the Hep C. It was called HIV! I got it the exact same way as the dreaded Hep C! A prisoner & his cell mate gives blood...gets paid for it...tells his neighbour...gives more blood...more money...blood sent away to a lab...pretty packaging...fancy labels...But not clean! Definitely NOT clean! Give it to them funny bleeder types! Give it to them right where it hurts! They won't notice! No one gives a shit about them!

Then one sunny morning, I was on my way up to the Royal Free hospital to attend a regular haemophilia appointment. I was asked to enter this small windowless room & sit down. I had been in there loads of times in the past. A picture that I drew for Mrs Miller, my haemophilia social worker, was hung on the wall...a boy on a bicycle. My Mum was by my side all the while. A TV and video recorder sat at one of the room. And a little video camera screwed into the wall high in one corner.

"Do you mind if we record this?" They asked.

Of course I didn't think anything of it. I was sitting with my Mum, and two seasoned professionals in the medical world. I was 16 years old and had the rest of my life ahead of me. I was enjoying college, I was good at it, even had a girl called Becky in my class who was interested in me! I had never had a girlfriend before and the prospect of being with someone in that way was terrifying, but exciting too. I was and still am still quite shy! It took me three months to say yes to her!
So there I was in this tiny, cold, very quiet room. There was a soft toy sitting on a chair in the corner. Surely not for me! I was 16 years old in 1987. I don't want soft toys! Give me a computer magazine instead...Or a piece of paper to doodle on! Or at the very least a biro so I can draw on the back of my hand.
I didn't hear most of what was said. I very rarely took in much of anything my Doctors told me over the years. What I did hear though was; "Jason. You have HIV" "And You have had it for the last two years".

They explained to me what it meant, but I just sat there and wanted to get back on the train home and look at the graffiti on the railway embankments. I was deeply shocked on the inside...stunned maybe...but strangely calm on the face of it...as was my mum.

What the fuck! I didn't want to die, I didn't want to get ill, I didn't want to have to say good-bye to my family & friends, standing around my hospital bed, crying their eye-balls out......snot dripping all over my skinny, AIDS riddled legs & arms! And what about Christmas? It was September and I couldn't see the next Christmas! I couldn't wash my hands in the sink, because of the ad on the TV. My Mum, although she doesn't remember saying it now, had already killed and buried me in her sleep she said......so she didn't have to think about it.
I went quiet and probably looked at the floor. Trying not to blink, so everything would eventually go white! As the lines in my black corduroy trousers merged into one dark fuzzy mess, I remember my eyes stung as they dried out from not blinking! The trip home was a blank...as were the next several years to be honest!

My college course soon waved goodbye to me when Becky & I eventually went out with each other, We both got booted out for not attending. Becky merged into a girl called Jac and she eventually merged into my best friend, then it was just me and my viruses, hospital appointments, AZT drug trials & other HIV related drugs trials, my joint pain and a sentence of death that seemed to come at me from every direction & in slow motion! Not so much living...but just alive! Cycling, kayaking, becoming addicted to my pain killers, not working and not much else! Weeks turned into months, months turned into years and years turned into my last girlfriend Claire. She came along out of the blue, made me feel a whole lot better about things for a while and then kind of disappeared into the blue too. We still speak occasionally, as do Becky and I. But there I was with my viruses again, and my cycling, kayaking, keeping fit, pain in my joints, more hospital appointments, being with my family, staying as healthy as I possibly can. It is very hard work, but I am determined to out live every other virus infected person through contaminated blood products on the planet!

Then one day, after years of Royal Free Hospital Hepatitis specialists saying to me that I might want to think about treating my Hep C, and me saying 'Yeah, I'll think about it.', and on reaching home duly sweeping the whole sordid memory from my mind - I was told that I should stop thinking about it and jolly well start asap!
I knew nothing about Hep C just then, except that it will kill you if you leave it too long or treat your liver like shit. Well, I had had it for over 30 years by this stage, but I had been looking after my liver as far as avoiding cigarettes & alcohol were concerned, however, my pain killers & HIV drugs were probably causing just as much damage!
So back in February 2006 I began! With hardly any information...I was given literature on the subject of Hep C & possible side effects over the previous few years, but all this went straight in the bin, with the attitude that I was looking after myself as well as I possibly could and no amount of leaflets were going to help me!
Before I knew it I had started 48wks of Interferon/Ribavirin treatment and had a pretty good time as it happens. I had heard that it can and does cause all sorts of nasty side effects for most people taking it. But I was one of the very lucky few to have had a great time so to speak.
It seemed to have done the trick too...I was undetectable at twelve weeks and again at 48 weeks...My six month post treatment 'SVR' blood test was taken in July 2007. The virus has gone! Hopefully. I have all but forgotten about my Hep C! My HIV is well hidden also because of the drugs that I take for it seem to be working too.

Things couldn't be better for me right now. I'm fit, healthy and more or less happy too. Actually, I haven't felt so alive in an absolute age!
But that don't make everything alright by any means!!! For instance...why the hell wasn't I told of my HIV status when I was first diagnosed with it? Why did my Doctors tell me two whole years after they found out? Were they absolutely sure that I wasn't pissing away my viruses into some poor girls body? Not to mention my bloody family & I, who were at risk all through those two years! Did they have someone spying on us? Making sure I wasn't leaking blood over everybody & everything? I don't think so! So who knows why they didn't tell me that I had a life threatening virus as soon as they first discovered I had it! I remember them telling me that it was because they didn't think I was old enough to understand what it meant! What the fuck! Since when did I come across to them as a complete retard back when I was fourteen! They always used to tell me how intelligent & sensible I was.

Again, I was lucky as were my family and friends also! But as with everything in life...your luck will eventually run out sometime right? Like all the poor bleeders, some of whom were my friends, who have already died from these very same viruses that I have given host to over the last 30 odd years!

Answers please!!!



Jason Paul Tolmie


P.s. This year is the twenty year anniversary since I started taking medications for my HIV...everyday, twice a day for twenty years. Can you hear me rattling?






(C) JPT 2007.........

"My Kayaking for October 2007"

Jac rhymes with kayak...sort of;)


...so what better opportunity to stick another pic of my best mate Jac in my kayaking post. I promise that for November's kayaking post, I will have a pic, or better still a video clip of me doing a roll using just my hands.

As you can see, I'm not getting too much kayaking done now the weather has taken a turn for the worst. Not really an excuse at all, but it's my excuse;)
Ian has been trying to get me to go to a purpose built white water kayaking venue an hour or so up the M1 in Nene. I tried to get in there but they said I haven't enough white water experience and can't go in without a three star instructor with me and will have to book myself in for some WW sessions. So this is what I will do eventually. Looks like fun in there.



Thursday 4th October 2007 @ 21:00pm, No Lee or Ian but James was back after a long spell away...he thought he'd lost his ability to roll but did one on his first attempt, my ankle (left) was all back to 'normal' and Owen & I played tag.

Sunday 14th October 2007 @ 17:10pm, Twickenham to Richmond and back against the current both ways on the Thames, 1hr 7mins paddling, warm and no wind, although the water was freezing on my feet as I launched by St Mary's Church, temp 17, wind 4. I found seven tennis balls:)

Thursday 18th October 2007 @ 21:00PM, Lee, Ian, James etc, ankle felt like shit, Ealing Pool.

Thursday 25th October 2007 @ 21:00pm, Ealing, 90 mins, Ian (Lee had a cold), during the last five minutes I did my first ever roll using just my hands!




Jason






(C) JPT 2007.........3189.57 miles.

"My Cycling for October 2007"

Me in Richmond Park (RP) during October 2007.


Ouch!! Back on the crutches again! At the time of posting this (07.11.07) I am stuck indoors recovering from a fall on my bike last night, half way around a ten mile loop of Leith Hill in the Surrey Hills...in the pitch blackness of night! I did have lights, but what with it being autumn and what with all the leaves covering up the trail, I failed to see a ten inch deep puddle of mud and as soon as I went into it I stopped dead and didn't unclip my foot from my pedal in time and went over quite heavily onto my right knee slap bang onto the only rock for half a mile;)
It hurt like hell for a good 30 seconds, but I had to carry on. I brushed myself down and continued with the remaining five miles with a very sore knee! All the while knowing that I should get home asap for some much needed F8...which I did.

So now I'm stuck indoors wondering just when I will be able to go back out on my bike. I'm at the 3189.57 miles mark out of my goal for the year of 3600. I better get my skates on eh;)
Plus, it looks like my Thursday nights kayaking session tomorrow will be spent in my flat!! Anything good on telly?



Tuesday 2nd October 2007 @ 18:00pm, RPx2 & 3 quarters, 27.35 miles, av 12.8, max 27.4 mph, clear & sunny then dark & cool, 2hrs 7mins. Total 2972.52 miles...(2579.1 miles since Cateye)

Friday 5th October 2007 @ 15:30pm, 13.86 miles, av 13.3, max 26 mph, RPx1, 1hr 2mins, clear and sunny, I got stung by something on the way round!, wind 7, temp 18. Total 2986.38 miles...(2593 miles since Cateye)

Monday 8th October 2007 @ 20:30pm, RPx1, 12.46 miles, 58mins, av 12.9, max 24.6 mph, dark & mild, dry, saw two badgers, right ankle really hurt and felt very vulnerable! Total 2998.84 miles...(2605.4 miles since Cateye)

Wednesday 10th October 2007 @ 16:00pm, 21.20 miles, RPx2, dry & mild, av 12.8, max 27.4 mph, right ankle hurts still, 1hr 39mins. Total 3020.04 miles...(2626.6 miles since Cateye)

Friday 12th October 2007 @ 19:15pm, 22.73 miles, Lee, BP & RPx1, Dark and warm, no wind, av 12.3, max 24.3 mph, 1hr 51mins, right ankle still feels like shit, wind 2, temp 17. Total 3042.77 miles...(2649.4 miles since Cateye)

Monday 15th October 2007 @ 12:00pm, Phil, HH & LH, 12 miles, av 8.4, max 26.8 mph, 1hr 25mins pedaling, ankles felt ok, warm & sunny, temp 17, wind 10. Total 3054.77 miles...(2661.4 miles since Cateye)

Tuesday 16th October 2007 @ 20:00pm, Swinley Forest, Bracknell, Lee, James, Paul & Michael (James' mates), 8.12 miles, av 7.2, max 18.6 mph, 1hr 7mins pedaling, mild but very wet and slippery!, dark too, I fell off a few times and grazed my right knee and inside right shin, finished ride at 22:10pm. Total 3062.89 miles...(2669.5 miles since Cateye)

Friday 19th October 2007 @ 19:20pm, BP, RP, Lee, 20.67 miles, av 12.3, max 24.2 mph, 1hr 41mins pedaling, dark, clear and quite cold, my toes were frozen!, temp 9 (felt like 2), wind 3. Total 3083.56 miles...(2690.2 miles since Cateye)

Sunday 21st October 2007 @ 15:00pm, HH, LH, 18.72 miles, av 9.2, max 27.3 mph, 2hrs 2mins pedaling, bright and sunny, mildish, very busy up there with other mountain bikers, ankles felt ok, temp 13, wind 4. Total 3102.28 miles...(2708.9 miles since Cateye)

Tuesday 23rd October 2007 @ 19:30pm, RP, 14.23 miles, (new leg covers) av 12.6, max 24.5 mph, 1hr 8mins pedaling, cool & dry, dark. Total 3116.51 miles...(2723.1 miles since Cateye)

Friday 26th October 2007 @ 19:00pm, RP, 14.21 miles, av 13, max 23.7 mph, 1hr 5mins pedaling,, cool & dry, dark, temp, 10, wind 4. Total 3131.72 miles...(2737.3 miles since Cateye)

Sunday 28th October 2007 @ 19:00pm, RP, 12.50 miles, av 12.8, max 22.2 mph, 58 mins pedaling, dark & pouring with rain, windy and mild. Total 3143.22 miles...(2749.8 miles Cateye)

Tuesday 30th October 2007 @ 20:00pm, LH, Lee, James & Paul, 10.03 miles, av 6.9, max 29.2 mph, 1hr 27 mins pedaling, dark & clear, cool, I forgot to bring my lights and borrowed one of Lee's...I couldn't see a bleeding thing!! Total 3153.25 miles...(2759.9 miles Cateye)



Jason








(C) JPT 2007.........3189.57 miles.

"I Want to Hold My Hand"

My left hand today (Friday). It is the hand that feeds me, that I punch with, that I grip best with...throw darts with, flip-off with (as in swear), scratch with, inject with, pick my nose with. It is the first hand to hit the ground when I fall off my bike. It is the hand that pulls my seat belt over my body. It is the hand that does absolutely everything for me when I have a bad bleed in my right elbow. It is the hand that changes gear in my car. It is the hand that holds me up when I switch my suspension on and off with my right hand on my bike. It is the hand that tips my HIV & pain killer tablets into my mouth everyday. It is the hand that I will save you with if you ever fall into an icy lake. It is the hand that I will hold your hand with if you let me...



"It is dark and it is cold and everyone is sick and abominably uncomfortable with life"


...but I still do what I do best, which is hold on tight and shut my eyes (for the most part) and hope for the best.
What with a mouthful (literally) of very painful ulcers over the last week or so (almost gone now after a few Thalidomide tablets) and aching ankle joints, I had just about had enough until I thought how much worse off things could be...and most probably will be one day.
I sometimes wonder what would happen to me if I stopped all my HIV medications. Whether I would stay well or instead go on to develop full blown AIDS! It has been exactly twenty years since I first started my HIV medications and have been strictly taking them daily every single day since, more or less without fail! Not (as I learned from my HIV doctors) an easy feat to keep up to say the least. I've been on several HIV drug trials throughout the years and I have been through a few medication changes too (due to side effects or them not working as well as they'd hoped for) and here I am, still alive and still taking the drugs. Also, just for the record, I stopped taking my twice daily Aciclovir (Zovirax in tablet form) drugs to prevent me from getting cold sores. I stopped just over a week ago to see what would happen. I haven't had any cold sores yet! The reason that I decided to stop with them was because they aren't too good for your liver and well, without them my liver will thank me right? I haven't told my HIV doctors, but will do when I visit them next week. I think they'd prefer it if I wasn't taking them anyhow.

What am I going on about? I'm not so sure myself to be honest. Just thought of writing something and this is all I could think of. Plus, I wanted to tell everyone that I did my first ever roll in a kayak on Thursday using just my hands (no paddle or float). It was during the very last five minutes of my ninety minute session over at Ealing Pool. After an hour and twenty five minutes of just fucking around and doing regular rolls and stuff, Ian comes up to me and said to try a hand roll. I've tried before and failed on every attempt and just thought I'd fail again, but I thought what the hell and tried. I threw my paddle over to the side and capsized. After three attempts I did one and then another and another! They came to me as quickly as that! The proof of the pudding will be whether I can still do them next week. We shall see, but I am feeling pretty confident. Cheers Ian.

It'll be Christmas soon, then Summer will be here again.


"I Love the dark and I Love the cold, but I don't so much care for sickness and feeling abominably uncomfortable with life"



Jason

P.s. Congratulations to UC achieving "SVR" recently. You da woman! xx








(C) JPT 2007.........3131.72 miles.

"My Kayaking For September 2007"

Jac (My bestest friend) @ The Buffalo Bar in Islington to see "William".



As you can see, not a lot of kayaking during the month of September. The main reason being that I have been doing loads of cycling and have been more or less relying on my Thursday night pool sessions in Ealing to do a bit. Plus I missed one session in Sept due to the fact that I couldn't walk! I wanted so much to go but was in far too much pain!
I don't even have a photo related to kayaking to post with it, so I thought I'd stick another pic of my best friend Jac up as this is what I did last time...besides, I think she looks far much better than I do;) Apology's for the fact that the photo wasn't even taken in September. I took it on 9.10.07 (Jac's Birthday) when we went gigging.


Thursday 6th September 2007 @ 21:00pm, I managed to get Jac to come along and promised that I wouldn't tip her in;), The pool was very packed with other boats which is unusual and made the whole experience a little disappointing, Jac got out early and sat on the side watching, if the pool was more quiet she'd have had a much better time. It was her first ever time in kayak too. I hope she goes again:)

Thursday 13th September 2007 @ 21:00pm, Ealing Pool, Lee & Ian, 1hr 30mins, no Jac this time...don't suppose we'll ever see her there again bless her little cotton socks;)

Thursday 20th September 2007 @ 21:00, Ealing pool, 1hr 30mins, Ian, Lee had cold, Ian has new boat, I was using a pair of hand paddles from the states tonight and found them to be quite good fun. So easy to roll with them...I think they were a little too big really and could do with a smaller pair. Ian's ankle is getting better and hopefully he will be able to come cycling with us again.



Jason








(C) JPT 2007

"My Cycling For September 2007"

Me during my 100k marathon in Ruthin 16.08.07



Another month and another cycling post...yipee! Looks like I passed the 3000 mile mark for the year and I'm beginning to wonder if I will manage the 3600 by the time this year is up on December 31st? 550 odd miles in two & a half months? You betcha!!! Although I have been cycling and stuff, both my ankles have been playing up whether it be walking or cycling or just sitting in doors doing not a lot of anything! Walking though mainly causes the pain. I'm more or less ok cycling just as long as I don't put my feet down at traffic lights or at gates into RP etc, ie; impossible! But I still do it because...because I can.

So, what else have I been doing? I had meself a fibroscan at my haemophilia centre in Hampstead the other week and got a score of 9.6. They were happy with it, so I am too. I wasn't expecting the scan, nor did I particularly want one, but I had it anyway because...because I can.

Jac & I went up the hill...actually, we went up to North London on Tuesday to see a live band called "William". It was her birthday too. We had a great time although we nearly missed the last train back to Waterloo and then nearly missing the last train back to Twickenham too!
Again, Jac fell in Love with the lead singer Gavin and got me to take a photo of them together. Good band! He sings without his shoes because...because he can.

What else, what else, what else? Oh, yes, I went to Preston to this years Haemophilia Society AGM. I'd never been to one before and I gotta admit that if certain other haemophiliacs weren't there, I'd probably not bothered going. Ros was there as were Matt and another typeIII vWd Helen. She is pretty cool as she is a fellow Blakes 7 fan and she has a vein in her arm that vibrates! Now if that ain't cool, then what is?

Anyway, here are the stats for last months cycling;


Sunday 2nd September 2007 @ 12pm, Phil, RPx1 and a half, 17.43 miles, sunny and warm, dry, av 11.6, max 32mph, 1hr 30mins, temp 20, wind 14. Total 2727.95 miles...(2334.5 miles since Cateye)

Wednesday 5th September 2007 @ 17:00pm, RPx2 with small diversion to Jac's work to say hello and pump her back tyre up, warm and sunny, 25.36miles, av 13.2, max 28mph, 1hr 55mins. Total 2753.31 miles...(2359.9 miles since Cateye)

Friday 7th September 2007 @ 18:00pm, 19.83 miles, RPx1 and diversion to Mums for dinner in garden, sunny the dark, warm, dry, av 13.4, max 27.1 mph, 1hr 29mins, temp 22, wind 5. Total 2773.14 miles...(2379.7 miles since Cateye)

Sunday 9th September 2007 @ 12:30pm, Phil, HH & LH, 21.73 miles, 2hrs 31mins, warm, sunny & dry, Phil crashed a few times including one on BKB...he's fine I might add!, av 8.6, max 34.2 mph, temp 24, wind 7. Total 2794.87 miles...(2401.4 miles since Cateye)

Wednesday 12th September 2007 @ 18:00pm, RP on the road, 17.97 miles, warm, dry & sunny, 1hr 14mins, av 14.6, max 36.8 mph, temp 21, wind 4. Total 2812.84 miles...(2419.4 miles since Cateye)

Friday 14th September 2007 @ 18:00pm, BP, 10.17 miles, av 14.8, max 22.9 mph, 41 mins, dry/dusk, temp 19, wind 5. Total 2823.01 miles...(2429.6 miles since Cateye)

Sunday 16th September 2007 @ 09:30, Ruthin North Wales, Lee, Phil, Merida MTB Mountain Bike Marathon Series Final, Lee & Phil both did 50k and I did 100k, 58.04 miles, av 8.2, max 35.3 mph, 8hrs out and 7hrs pedaling in total, finished @ 17:25, sun, strong winds with clouds and rain later...see blog entry for 21st September to read about the ride. Total 2881.05 miles...(2487.6 miles since Cateye)

Sunday 23rd September 2007 @ 12:40, Home to Central London (Hovis "Freewheel" Bike Event) via A3 & Vauxhaull Bridge (going)/Waterloo Bridge (coming back), 40.58 miles, av 12, max 30.4 mph, mostly sunny and very windy coming back, 3hrs 22mins pedaling...back home at 5pm, temp 21, wind 14. Total 2921.63 miles...(2528.2 miles since Cateye)

Sunday 30th September 2007 @ 17:00, Lee, out for a little ride to see how my ankle was after three days of agony!, BP & RP, 23.54 miles, av 13.8, max 26.7 mph, 1hr 42mins, mild and bright, ankle was fine in the end and feels like it is 'back to normal'...thank goodness!, temp 16, wind 9. Total 2945.17 miles...(2551.7 miles since Cateye)



Jason








(C) JPT 2007.........3042.77 miles

"When The Vein Blows"

Alone but not lonely...

The quivering beast that finds it's peace
By lying low a while, until finding a feast
...Red veins that blow so fine and right, I seen it all tonight,
Blue veins that hide from fright, I saw it all that night,
So close to Curtis, so far from Deirdre,
The distance don't matter for neither can hear me
Tarmac invites plane to visit hard, water laps up against garage door whilst warm hands sleep on my thigh!

Not quite right, but I'm not pushing it away!



Jason


Happy Birthday Jac xx








(C) JPT 2007.........

"Walking Trivialities"

South Bank last Sunday during my London ride...the graffiti was more fun than the ride;)


God! I'm so bored! It's raining in my head, in my ankle and it's raining outside (it was at the time of writing this sentence;)! Fuck it! Fuck it! Fuck it!
Where the sticky shit did that bastard bleed come from? Was it a bleed? I'm not really sure? It didn't swell up like a bleed, like they used to do when I was younger. Like a balloon filled with boiling blood sticking out the side of my ankle joint! More of a bone thing going on. A deep, deep down feeling right in the center of my ankle joint! As my friend Ros so perfectly described recently - Just like a poisonous bone eating worm was living in there - very nasty! Very good description Mrs C.

It all started last Wednesday night. I had been out to London to see a film. Hardly any walking at all. Just a little between trains and to and from my car from the station. Done it a thousand times with and without pain. Been caught out before but all was well again by the morning after a few thousand units of Factor VIII. But not this time!

I got off the train at Twickenham and started to walk up the stairs to the road to take the short walk across the railway bridge to Waitrose carpark where my car was and there the pain started. Nothing unusual about that. It often hurts just after I have been sitting still for a while. Got to get the joint moving a little before it sorts itself out. Ros'll tell you the same.
So I thought nothing of it and adjusted my walking style to help relieve the pain that I was feeling and continued through the ticket machines and out onto the pavement and over the bridge.
Halfway across the bridge and I was walking like I had been shot in the foot by a lone sniper atop Waitrose! Bam!! All of a sudden the remainder of the very short walk back to the car became a ten minute pain filled struggle where each step made me grimace in agony! Not long to go now, just another few hundred yards and I will be with my car, back home, back with my precious factor VIII.

Little did I imagine that it would last the entire evening, all the way through the night and all through the next two days! Christ on a bike! That first night I didn't sleep a wink, couldn't find a single pain-free spot to put my stupid foot! I downed 10 strong pain killers during the night and they had no effect whatsoever! I'm surprised I didn't do meself a mischief with that amount of PK's! Very silly looking back, but at the time I wasn't thinking straight. I can understand how people can accidentally overdose when they're in so much pain.

Besides the pain I was in, I was also rather concerned that I had a permanent injury that was just not going to go away! I had visions of crawling around on my knees to the kitchen and bathroom for the rest of eternity (one day was enough!). My knees stung when I lowered myself into a hot bath on Thursday night due to carpet burns! (first Thursday night kayaking session I have missed since I started going nearer the beginning of the year). I got Lee to come around with my Mums crutches that she used recently for a knee replacement and used those until the ankle miraculously sorted itself out on Sunday morning (today). I tried to walk on it with the aid of the crutches on Saturday night to see if it was alright to do so and it kind of felt ok.

Then on Sunday morning the bastard was all more or less back to normal. What a relief!! I was worried I had buggered it once and for all! It's bound to happen one day, I just know it! Looking back, I think it was my ankles way of telling me that I had used it too much over the last few weeks and to calm down a little. I might not have been out for many rides over the last two weeks, but the few rides that I did do were very long and hard and something was going to give right? Sunday before last I did my 100k off-road marathon thing up in North Wales and then nothing until the next Sunday (last) when I took a lonely trip into central London to be part of the "Hovis Freewheel" ride where several miles of London's most popular streets were closed to all traffic except bikes. 38,000 bikes attended the event and all I can say to describe it is that it was THE largest bicycle jam in the entire world!! The weather was good but the wind was a right fucker coming back home into Kingston along the A3. I decided to cycle the whole way (40 odd miles) from my flat to the event and back again and to be honest with you, I don't really think I had recovered properly from the marathon a week before.

Will I learn from my experience? I really do hope so! But probably not.



Jason


P.s. Way to go Amp's...SVR girl:)








(C) JPT 2007.........2945.17 miles.

"Merida MTB Marathon Series Final 2007 in Ruthin"

Bleed? I ain't got time to bleed!


So how did my recent MTB marathon go up in the beautiful hills of North Wales?...Ruthin and the surrounding area to be precise. Well, it went very well indeed. The weather was good after fears of pouring rain and 10hrs+ in the saddle with light fading fast as the mud made for an ultra slow ride! And also fears of the marathon even being cancelled because of an outbreak of Foot & Mouth that is going on here in the UK at the moment. Instead we were all told to bring clean bikes and footwear, especially if you're from the affected part of the country (as were I, Lee & Phil) and we had to roll our bike wheels and walk through a shallow trough of disinfectant to kill any germs we might be carrying. In fact, all 1000+ riders had to squeeze through the exact same trough before we took our bikes out into the North Wales hills between 09:30-10:00. It was the biggest traffic jam (with bikes) that I have ever seen! Of course everyone wanted to get away as quickly as possible to be in for a chance of achieving a good time.
We were camped on the grounds of Ruthin Rugby Club for the Saturday night (15th) and the ride started the following morning. After a decent sleep in a half decent tent and under a cloudless night that contained what looked like the entire solar systems alloted amount of stars we got our bikes & Camelbak's ready in gorgeous sunshine and downed some tasty porridge and sliced banana. This final leg of the "Merida MTB Marathon Series 2007" was the first that Lee & I have ever done. Phil had done one last year and this is where I first heard of the Merida event (Merida make mountain bikes). There were four routes on offer at the Ruthin event; 25k, 50k, 75k and 100k. I thought I'd do the 100k if the weather was good enough and if not the 75k but the weather was good, albeit very windy on some of the more exposed parts of the route. The wind was so strong at times that I had to pedal to get down a decent! But at least it was dry and warmish.
The three of us set off together through the pretty streets of Ruthin and up into the hills. My goodness! The hills were long and steep and hard going! I had to push my bike more than once they were that steep! If only I had another gear I kept saying to myself. A slightly larger cog on the back and a slightly smaller ring on the front and I'd have pedaled near enough the whole lot I reckon.
The sun shone for a few hours but then decided to go all overcast and windy! We soon found our own paces and I wouldn't see Lee & Phil again until I reached the finish line some 7hrs later, by which time they already finished & had washed their bikes, showered and were sat in the van waiting for me to arrive. They had both decided to do the 50k ride and when didn't see me at the finish, they knew straight away that I was on for the 100k. They completed their ride in 6hrs and crossed the line within two minutes of each other. I however took an extra 2hrs and crossed the line all alone after a mental 5k wet decent into Ruthin village. My hands were sore from gripping my handle bars and pulling in the brake levers. I had almost no strength left in my hands and right arm by the end! My legs had also had enough and my bike needed a good wash, not to mention me!
It was a thoroughly rewarding ride. I went at my own pace the whole time and even after the relentless wind, a puncture after 90 mins and an uphill fall where I couldn't un-clip my feet from the pedals and whacked my right shoulder & head on the ground (hence the bloody nose...the ground hit my helmet, the helmet pushed down into my glasses and my glasses cut into the bridge of my nose) I still managed a pretty good time. I made all the deadlines before you got diverted to make sure you weren't stranded out in the middle of nowhere in the dark. I was wonderfully exhausted by the time I reached the finish line and picked up my event t-shirt for finishing, had my FVIII and went home still with bloody nose and dirty bike!

The event was very well organized with several feeding stations along the 100k route, most of which I just picked up a fresh banana, had a little stretch and continued along my way. I was on a mission and really didn't want to stop at all. Each feeding station had water, bananas, biscuits and energy bars on offer and first aid too. The whole course was marshaled also. Each one would cheer you on and encourage you to keep going. And also, each one who noticed my bloody nose asked if I was ok. They really did a brilliant job. The entire route was very well sign posted. It is amazing just how quickly 1000+ mountain bikers spread out over a 60 mile course! I found myself alone for a fair bit of the ride...just me and Elvis and my aching joints. And that is just what they did too...ache. I can't have been happier for the way my joints behaved leading up to, during and after the ride!

I can't wait for the next ride! Next year I shall try and do all of the Merida events that are held. That'd be a nice challenge to achieve...even more so if I can do the 100k route in all of them!

Anyway, Wednesday saw another inquiry come and go. And again I went along to show my support and meet up with friends who have also been affected. I still don't really know what to make of it all. The evidence seems to be along the same themes with every inquiry and nothing as far as I can see has really stuck out and smacked me in the nose. Yes, there are terrible stories of haemophiliac Sons dying of aids and stories of how Factor VIII was made and distributed back in the day, but is there anything that can secure exactly what we are asking for? I don't rightly know. I'm not even sure what it is we are asking for anymore? I'm just happy to see and spend a little time with my old/new vWd/haemophiliac friends once a month or so:) I also invited along my friend Debbie to this one.
There will be more inquiries to come we have been informed, but as of Wednesday no dates set.

I need to get out on my bike again! My legs feel as if they haven't pedaled for weeks and it's only been four days! I have just been so busy I suppose since Monday..., well Monday & Tuesday was spent recovering from Sunday and Wednesday to a certain degree also (I nodded off about 18 times during the inquiry...Ros had to keep poking me to wake me up;) and maybe even Thursday if I am honest and yesterday (Thursday) was spent up London again with Debbie to see a show called "Stomp" which was superb! If it's in a city near you, then go see it! You will want to bang anything & everything...including the kitchen sink (if you know what I mean;) when you get home. And then Thursday evening was spent in the pool kayaking. Plus Elvis' rear cassette has come loose and needs sorting! Silly Elvis!



Jason








(C) JPT 2007.........2881.05 miles.

"Redcarscometoascreechinghalt"

Jac trying her utmost to join Redcarsgofaster as a band member...Did someone not tell her that it was their last ever gig?



It's so true! Leicester band Redcarsgofaster came skidding to a grinding halt on Saturday night (8th Sept) in a tiny building in the middle of their hometown. The venue was The Charlotte in Oxford St. Redcars were on in the upstairs room and when I say room, I mean quite literally a room...a dark, hot, wood floor room! No stage as such. Just a corner where all their gear was set up and a few speakers. A very intimate affair indeed! Perfect for witnessing a great bunch of guys yanking up the handbrake to their band and playing their last ever gig ever! You see, I was there with my friend Jac who also Love them and when we heard that they were gigging and that it was going to be their last performance...well, we just had to go didn't we. All we had of them in the way of music were six tracks that we managed to find on itunes and nothing else. We heard them once on the radio (which is where we first heard them and instantly fell in Love)...we were sitting in the car one night listening to Xfm and on came "I Am the Storm". The rest as they say is history.

So, we left London behind & drove the 100 miles or so North in a black fast car to the venue. We were a little early (3hrs) and spent most of that time looking for a part of Leicester that wasn't made up of old mens pubs and university campus buildings. We found a place to wait and then before we knew it was almost 8pm. Half the small queue waiting outside to get in were covered in blood and scars of all shapes & sizes! Fake of course...at least I hope it was...I think they must have been seeing the band who were playing downstairs..."Send More Paramedics". They're playing in London on the 14th...I might pop along to see. These guys are also splitting up! What is it with bands splitting up all over the place?

Upon entering the venue, I hadn't realized just how many famous bands had played there! The walls were covered in posters of all the bands that have since 1985...Radiohead, The Killers, Bloc Party, The Buzzcocks, Oasis, The Stone Roses, Happy Mondays, Manic Street Preachers, Suede, Echobelly (MMmmm!), Pulp, Kyuss (cool!), Muse, Coldplay, Coutney Pine, Blur Joe Strummer (of The Clash fame), Razorlight, The Libertines and many more. I bought a t-shirt and Jac bough a red wine and upstairs we went. We had got talking to a guy who was there to see Redcars and he really knew his music and was there photographing the band too. We found him at the top of the stairs talking to Redcars frontman James and spoke to them a bit before we went in. He couldn't believe we came all the way up from London to see them! I asked him if he had any cd's of their homemade album...I'd been kind of communicating with the band the week before by e-mail and they said they would be selling them at the gig. They even remembered me from the e-mails and went and got our cd's before they went on...in fact, even before the first two bands ("Tired Irie" & "Rotary Ten") went on. They were very good too...Jac was in her element and was having a great time. Seeing live bands really seems to be her thing and makes her feel happy! I too Love the whole live band scene. And since the smoking ban on the 1st July you can actually breath in there now!

As I said, Jac was absolutely Loving it...and then on came Redcars! She had already fallen in Love with their music over the last year and now she was falling in Love with James the bands singer. We met him briefly just before the gig and he was just such a nice bloke! He looked very young and we had both imagined him to be a lot older looking. Great looking with a wonderful voice...where did it all go wrong? We had to keep reminding ourselves that it was their last ever gig and that we would never (no one would ever...) see this band again! Good job then that I videoed it! Check these guys out by having a listen to them on their myspace page; http://www.myspace.com/redcarsgofaster click on track "Neurath's Figure"...this is a favorite at the moment. Tell me what you think and if you think they're mad for calling it a day with such a great sound under their belts?

So, the band came on, did their stuff, played more tracks than they have ever played before in a single gig, laughed and joked between themselves and us and even stripped down to their waists just because they had always wanted to during previous gigs and didn't have the bottle. The gig was brilliant, especially the last track, which I'd never heard before, where they just invited the audience up with them...Jac got right up there and had a ball being James' right hand woman for five minutes. Guitars and cymbals were flying around all over the place whilst James stood up by the window over looking the street outside and scribbled something like "Redcarsgofaster...R.I.P" into the steamed up windows as Phil drummed his nuts off along with Andy's deep bass. Then guitarist Matt lifted his guitar right over his head and went to smash it down onto the drum kit until fellow guitarist David jumped in and stopped him. It was sheer madness for a few minutes...a few minutes I'd Love to relive at least once a week for the rest of my life it was that cool!

Thanks guys for such a memorable gig!

REDCARSGOFASTER ARE FUCKING DEAD...R.I.P.

In other news...My mountain bike marathon up in Ruthin, North Wales is fast approaching. Sunday 16th to be precise. The weather looks set to be pretty bad so I may not do the 100k route...but we'll see. My bike is all ready...I'm as ready as I'm ever going to be and I am looking forward to it come rain or shine. What more could you ask for...a weekend camping in a beautiful part of the world with your mountain bike and you best mate? The only thing missing will be my kayak! I'll tell you all about it when it's all over.




Jason








(C) JPT 2007.........2823.01 miles.

"One She Dislikes"

What my Dad wrote on the back; This teacher likes or dislikes certain children and Jason is one she dislikes. He sits next to another boy who is very naughty, But I have sorted this out. L Tolmie



Trafalgar Junior School, Twickenham.

Name; Jason Paul Tolmie
Class; IW
Date; Summer 1979

English

Reading age; 7 years 2 months. Jason's reading has improved considerably this year and his word attack skills have also advanced a lot. His handwriting is still very cramped and slowly produced. He is able to write in sentences when he sets his mind to the task and is making a start on story writing. He makes little effort to learn his spellings for tests but there has been some improvement in this field because of his better reading skills.
He has little idea about punctuation. His written comprehension work is slowly improving but he dislikes the effort involved in answering fully and skimps this type of work. His aural comprehension work is better but still suffers from his poor concentration.

Mathematics

Jason has not made much effort to master the simple number bonds, nor has he learnt any of his multiplication tables. He can count on in two's with difficulty. His concept of place value is very shaky - he is fairly happy with tens and units but hundreds and thousands confuse him completely. He can add tens and units and is beginning to master carrying with the aid of Dienes apparatus. He can manage only the simplest subtraction and although he has had experience of multiplication and sharing he is not yet able to do simple sums using these operations. He cannot manage problems using the basic operations. He can measure accurately in centimeters but has difficulty in drawing straight lines and using a compass. He is still confused about telling the time. He can do simple money sums.

Environmental Studies

Jason has poor concentration and rarely listens for long in Environmental Studies lessons. He does not contribute to discussions nor is he able to answer questions sensibly. He is unable to record factual in his own words, although he is now able to copy notes accurately from the blackboard.
Although an eager participant in gymnastics and games he is not always a sensible one. In Country Dancing and Movement he is also frequently silly and does not listen to instructions. He makes little effort to join in singing lessons but has made a start with the recorder. His artwork is careless and he prefers to throw plasticene rather than model with it.

General Development

At the beginning of the year Jason avoided work whenever he could. Fortunately, he discovered that he had to finish work before he could play and this led to a dramatic increase in output. His standard of work has improved immeasurably and while not yet up to average he should be able to work more with his own class next year.
This improvement in work has not been reflected in his general behaviour. He has been frequently in trouble during this year. He is often slyly disobedient. He has been observed misbehaving or, more seriously, taking other childrens' property, and then steadfastly denies his guilt. He is violent towards other children, secure in the knowledge that they may not hit him back. While acknowledging the difficulties Jason faces because of his illness some action is necessary to stop Jason and his appalling behaviour.

Class Teacher; Miss S R Webber
Headmaster; Mr Emblin


Oh how sweet! What a Lovely little boy,
run with him, play with him like your favorite toy,
He was beautiful, he was shy, he wouldn't hurt a fly,
Ok, he'd pick off their wings, poke them in the eye,
he did throw pasticene all around the class,
straight over the other kids and into some glass,
he borrowed forever, another boys thing,
a boy who was happy, a boy who could sing,
poor concentration, I wonder why?
his illness and violence, why deny?
you may not hit me for I will bleed to death,
but if I deserve it, you may take my last breath.



I was eight and a half...just! I was a very shy boy and quiet most of the time but as you can see, I was a little sod too. But then I was the only boy in my school who spent hours up at the A&E in the middle of the night on a regular basis...crying in pain, trying not to think about the needle that I thought I was avoiding during the day at school, hoping my bleed would go away on it's own! They never did go away! So up to the hospital I went at 2am, back at home at 5am. Missing school the next day (hooray) because I was exhausted from all of the pain and feeling terribly frightened. I should have been asleep, dreaming. Like most other eight and a half (just) year old little boys.

I didn't know it at the time, neither did my teacher, nor my headmaster, nor my Mum & Dad, not even my doctors...but I had Hep C too! Let me throw plasticene for gods sake! Let me have some fun before it all goes tits up!

"You got haemophilia haven't you? And that means we ain't supposed to hit you doesn't it?"
...If I have done something to deserve being hit, then hit, hit away boys, I won't stop you...

Note; I don't remember being violent towards other children, I was just not that sort of kid. Yeah, all schools have their fair share of little shits and I was one of them...sometimes, when I needed to be one. If I was pushed or provoked, I would give back accordingly...maybe a little more just to make sure they didn't do it again. Some people you can talk your way out of a fight, others you just have to run and some just need to be hit straight away and hard. I have never hit anyone for no reason!




Jason









(C) JPT 2007.........2773.14 miles.