Sunday, Sunny, Sunday!

View from Leith Hill, Yesterday

No more dreams this morning I'm afraid! Phew I hear you all cry;)

I did sleep well, as always. Another Sunday afternoon and another 3 hours of cycling. I did all three of the hills too. Holmbury, Pitch & Leith. I did cheat a little between Pitch & Leith. I thought I was finished as I met back with the car in Peaslake. But after some food, I packed the bike away and drove it to Coldharbour and did another hour on Leith Hill. My bike lights were in the boot and there was no excuse to go home. My arm hurt, but I new I was pretty close to the car.
My ankles felt pretty wonderful too. Comes and goes and is very unpredictable. Like on Friday just gone. I went for a hike around Box Hill and my ankle was feeling so weak and pathetic! I was having doubts as to wether I would be able to carry out this Ben Nevis hike next year! It's a long way to go and just sit at the foot of it and rub my ankle! I may have to have a back up plan. A weeks mountain biking up there is definitely going ahead. I will take my boots etc and just see what my feet are like.
I want to kayak to the Isle of White too. Lee and I want to go from Hurst Castle and paddle to The Needles. We have been there a few times kayaking, but not across to the White. It's not very far, but looks pretty dangerous! Either that or a paddle from Eastbourne to Seaford, under Beachy Head and The Seven Sisters. There are a whole load of lakes and coastal stuff we want to do in North Wales too. I am going to be pretty busy next year!
The weather was perfect too. Unlike last Sunday, when having reached back home, resembled something more akin to a giant turd! Gotta do it though! There was, as you can see, a wonderful sunset. I sat there watching it for a good half hour:) Gotta be done:)
Again I was all on my tod. Lee was sick with a cold or something. Actually, if he was well, we both would have done the kayaking at Lulworth. The weather there was perfect according to Metcheck. I don't go sea kayaking alone, as this seems a little daft to me. The sea needs to be respected at all times!
Being alone is fine as long as you don't mind isolation in those kinds of areas. Isolation & pain or isolation & worry etc don't go together! But isolation & cycling (or kayaking & hiking) do go together. Having said that, I think I would rather be with my buddy.
I quite often stop and chat with other mountain bikers and sometimes hikers out in the hills. But kayaking is more anti-social. You can paddle up the Thames for an hour or two and the most you get from another kayaker is a little nod.
Yesterday, right in the middle of Pitch Hill, surrounded by thick forests. I came to a little cross junction in the trail and I see a fellow biker standing over his bike having a drink. Instantly I recognize him from about three weeks ago.................I notice we are in exactly the same spot as before! We both laugh in slight amazment at the coincedence. What are the odds of that? I don't often cross paths with mountain bikers I have bumped into before. You are more likely to put your foot in the same little pile of dog poo you trod in 3 weeks back;)
So.....to today. Today is a lazy day going to Kingston town center to look around the shops. Put a prescription in for my pain killers. Get a pumpkin to cut up tomorrow at my little Sisters house. Her daughter Millie & Daisy & I do the faces thing every Halloween. I need to find some decent saw & tools for the job too.
I shall tell you all about it later:)

P.s. Switched to Beta at the weekend.

Jason

A Space Where A Child Should Be....

The Zig-Zag, Box Hill, Last Night

MMmm! It's interesting that the photo I took is the shape of the letter C no? I suppose it could also be a U too, or the bottom part of a J.........Either way it's me.

****Warning: This dream may upset some readers****

Yes....Friday morning I woke up around 5am. Dreams are often responsible for this in my life. Some may call them nightmares, but not me. I have had some pretty gruesome dreams, Sex, death, being able to fly, hiding, numbers, but I have been fascinated by all of them. I live to sleep & I sleep to dream & I dream to live!
I always look forward to my bedtime! I don't intentionally go to bed thinking, What will I dream tonight? They just happen.

Friday mornings was of seeming importance. It would have been over in minutes had it been in real time. But I saw a whole lot more!

"A Space Where A Child Should Be"

A long, narrow quiet road, sits in the middle of nowhere, soaked in boiling hot sunrays coming at a slight angle from the late afternoon sun!
Dead straight and as smooth as an airport runway. Parked cars intermittently line both sides, making the road even narrower. The sleeping policemen have been made redundant and have gone home. This road is about to see a little bit of excitement!

At one end of this road, there is a low brickwall running at a 90 degree angle from the pavement into a dry, dead area of grass. It is so hot, dry and sunburned, it is desperate to ignite and maybe cool down a little.
Along this wall, sat like little ornaments on the mantle piece belonging to a little old lady, are several young children. Legs swinging slightly, gently thudding their rubber heels on the hot brick of the wall they are perched on.
One is chewing gum, She is blowing bubbles and ends up with warm sticky gum all over her grimy, oily chin. Another is watching the bubble blowing with great interest, wishing he too could blow such impressive bubbles. Further down the line still, there are two young boys with spiky hair teaching each other to whistle by using their fingers. One is telling the other to put his fingers further into his mouth and close his lips tighter, only to be told; "I know what to do! Leave me alone!'
There is one more boy, sat all alone, roughly in the middle of the line of children. He has a can of coke. In his tiny little hands, the can looks massive! The ringpull has already been very expertly flicked away like a flying saucer into the curb. He has taken a few swigs of Coke and feels bloated almost immediately. He begins to feel sick and light headed! There is a plaster on his knee, dried black blood showing through the little pink oblong.

Half a mile away, right at the other end of the road, a car turns in, amidst the screeching of rubber! It is a white sports car. Maybe a Ford Capri. The windows are open all the way down, and the driver, a young man of about 17, is leaning forward trying to make the car go faster. The engine sounds powerful and rattles as he pushes the accelerator into the bottom of the car! His left arm clutching the gear stick is eager to move it to the next position. His right hand grips the steering wheel with great force. He looks forward, sneering at the speedo and the road ahead!
More rubber & second gear is reached. Then third, fourth! The parked cars wobble just slightly as his speeding car sucks them in! Each second that passes, the more speed he has gathered! He is almost halfway down the road now. Fast approaching the end that contains the small, innocent wall of children!

Sweat begins to trickle down the temples of the children. The heat is almost unbearable! But it is the Summer holidays and better than being at home, watching Mum peel potatoes, And Dad with his feet up, infront of the TV watching Snooker.
Bubbles are still being blown, spit is dripping from the bottom of two chins & gas is about to escape from one childs mouth!
The pavements are covered in little piles of pure white dog shit! Dry and perfectly shaped like used indoor fireworks.
One by one, they begin to hear the sound of the speeding car, fast approaching and determined not to slow down! And one by one, they begin to look up to see the car approach. They have been waiting for another car to come by. They like to see fast cars! It is very exciting for them.
Wet, saliva soaked fingers begin to dry into little salty pegs in the heat of the sun. Bubble gum is safely tucked into a warm cheek. A nearly full can of Coke takes a fall to the ground and bubbles spill out onto the scorched grass. Steam starts to rise gently from the gasping, cooling grass.
The car has reached maximum speed and is just a hundred yards away from the wall of kids.
Sweat also runs down the face of the young driver. Intent on his final destination. He ever so slightly turns the steering wheel to his left. Hardly noticeable, but enough to move the car off course and into the direction of the children!
Just where they are sat, there is a long gap of carless curb. They are now staring wide eyed and frozen with excitement at the fast approaching car. They don't understand what is happening. This is great fun and most certainly something to bragg about when they are back in school soon.
Then almost immediately the car mounts the pavement! One wheel, then another. Soon all four wheels are safely up on the path. The driver still looking right out at the way ahead & the innocent line of boys & girls!

The boy with the Coke is transfixed like all the others. His plaster has begun to leak as blood starts to pass through his hidden scab.

The car is heading right for him & him alone! The others are just inches away and still don't understand what is happening. The front bumper of the car is almost parallel with the Coke can boys knees!

The others watch innocently as the car smacks into the boy!

The wall is still the same as it was just seconds before. Except that there is now a six foot gap where the boy was! The air has been filled with the dark red spray of the boys blood! Tiny little particles are floating, swirling in the air like dust. Just part of the hot air now, it is sucked into the mouths of the other children! Specks of it land on their sweaty faces. The grass too has a thin spray of it beginning to cling to it's withered blades!

The car has all but disappeared. It has become a spot in the distance, trailed by two lines where the wheels locked the car to a standstill. It came to rest about 300 yards into the parched area of grass behind the wall, looking more like a child's toy. The drivers door opens and the driver climbs out and begins to sprint back towards the wall!

Back at the wall, the rest of the children slowly begin to realize what has happened! The fine mist of blood in the air has settled and covers the now rusty looking grass. They look at eachother, at the gap in the wall! There is just a space where a child should be, then back over their shoulders to the car. A long line of smashed bricks are spread, leading towards the car.

The driver is fast approaching the children! Sweating and breathing hard! One arm in front of the other, pumping, thrusting, legs trying to keep up with his adamant torso. He is wearing blue jeans and is topless. Body wet with sweat.

He reaches the children........They stay put and wonder what he wants.

After watching all this from......somewhere, I can see that this young man wants to put down the rest of the children!

The dry grassy area turns into a large open plan hall. The varnished wood floor has numerous children playing on it. Dancing, chasing & hiding. On the walls of the hall seem to be various tools and weapons, hung in place by nails! Most spaces have an outline painted in black where the weapon used to be. The shapes suggest these may have been axes, hammers, hand guns, knives & machine guns! There are a few still left hanging.
Amongst all these children is the driver of the car and me. We are chasing eachother between the children. He has a target painted across his wet back. I grab an axe from the wall and proceed to chase after him. Having seen the axe in my hands, he decides to run. I am close enough to strike down on him. But the axe keeps missing! Like two opposing magnets, the axe misses completely and burys itself into the wooden floor. My aim is perfect, my power magnificent, but I cannot seem to kill him!

Somewhere nearby, a small knife for peeling potatoes fall to the ground!

To sleep! Perchance to dream.........

Jason

36th injection & Clan de Fang

Water....clean.....fresh.....cold......wet......MMMmmmm!

Since last Sunday, when I was out up on Pitch Hill, I have been doing some interesting things. For me anyway.
On Monday, I was offered 3 tickets (thanks Naif) to see "Little Britain" Live at the Apollo in Hammersmith. I jumped at the chance:) I would've preferred "The Mighty Boosh" but Matt, David & the voice of Tom Baker was a very welcome night out! I don't go out much these days. I used to go to see live bands quite often, but the smoke became all too much in the end. I kept getting very bad ulcers on the side of my tongue the morning after & swollen glands......in my throat!
I took my friend Jac as she has the same sense of humour as me. She wasn't at work that day too, which was a bonus.
So.....Off we both went. We had a short amount of time to get from Teddington to Finchley Central, then back to Hammersmith. It was a good journey, as Jac & I really like to "People Watch".
Eventually we got to the venue, sat down.........30 seconds later Lou walked on with an Andy'less wheelchair! Perfect timing!
Andy appeared from up in the rafters on cables:)
Great fun! (by the way, the 3rd ticket did a good job of keeping me away from the rest of the audience;)

Tuesday I was subjected to numerous kamikaze Rabbits along the towpath by Hampton Court! They are hellbent on pushing me into the river I am certain!
Those red leaves I photographed the other week have taken a screaming leap (Monty Python style) to their imminent Autumnal deaths! There are a few browny/yellowy leaves left. Bloody things are scared of the landing;)

Wednesday evening I had a Lovely meal with my upstairs neighbours. They are such wonderful peeps:) Wonderful food too:)

Thursday was my "Clan de Fang" afternoon. I met up with Guy from the forum at his home in Putney. It is only 9 miles away from my flat. He took me out to a Lovely Persian tea shop and bought me lunch. Guy is a very charming man. He says that he is 48 years old! Never did a 48 year old man greet me at the door! He looks 10 years younger! Has a great sense of humour too. It was wonderful meeting someone from the forum. I also spoke to Guys girlfriend Minerva on the phone. As you all know, she too is a wonderful person. She has a very sweet sounding voice & a Lovely accent:) It seems the three of us are going to meet up soon, when Minerva is down from Scotland visiting Guy. I am looking forward to it:)
Then later, after a quick figure of 8 via Bushy Park, Kingston Bridge & Teddington Lock on my bike, I spoke to another member from the forum. Ivani had seen that I was a Star Wars fan and said that her Son Ryan too was a fan. So we spoke on the phone for a while. Ryan is 14 and certainly does know his Star Wars! He put me to shame!
Ivani has had a very colourful life over the years and despite having a tough time on tx, she is most certainly on the right tracks now. She too has a Lovely accent and is a very Lovely person. I will have to pop over to visit them someday. They are in Watford, where they seem to be quite happy now:)

Last night also saw me squirt my 36th Interferon injection into my side, rendering another Interferon box.......empty:) The 9th box to be precise. These numbers are numbers that make me feel very comfortable. My whole life seems to revolve around the way I breathe in germs & pollution, certain letters of the alphabet and what the "Numbers" are up to! 9 is a good number for me! It is a very reliable number and always comes back around to itself:) It was invented just for me!
So........Very lucky and forever thankful, I am side effect free! I only wish that I could share some of it with others!

Jason

P.s. I had a very vivid dream this morning and will post it later. I feel I have to write them out sometimes. I really do believe that they mean a lot to me! It is quite a graphic dream. I will add a warning at the start so don't worry!

Among the Millions of Needles, there was Life.....

Bushy Park, 9th Oct 2006

This post is a special entry & is the result of a thread on The Hep C Forum entitled "Member Introduction" recently posted by TeaStarWitch.

Firstly, let me apologize for the length, but I'm not one for keeping things brief. I like detail & I might get a bit carried away.

Be prepared to be bored to death!

It all began in the early hours of January 23rd 1971 in the maternity ward situated at "West Middlesex Hospital" in Isleworth, Middlesex, London, England. My Mum gave birth to me and my twin Sister Nicola. I was first to come out, Nicola 7 minutes later. We still to this day have a running joke, where I have gained an extra minute in age with every year that passes. I am 35 minutes older than Nicola at the moment;) The birth went well I think. They did think that Nicola was the Placenta at first though!
I was the only boy out of four kids my Mum had with my Dad. I also have a half brother Mark who is 43. I have a younger Sister (Tania), an older Sister (Samantha). All three of them have children. Samantha has two, one of which has Severe Haemophilia A (Samuel 13) & Lewis (2). Tania has two (Daisy 14 & Millie 3). Nicola has one (Evie 2). Nicola is also married to my best friend Lee (My mountain bike buddy) Whom I have know since 1981.
I was first diagnosed with Haemophilia when I was 2 years old. My Mum & Dad couldn't figure out why I was always crying and seemingly in lots of pain! They took me to a Doctors who said I had Haemophilia. My Mum & Dad were totally shocked with the news! Back in 73, there wasn't much information available. They soon got over it and realized that it wasn't so bad after all. As long as they looked after me well and stopped me from falling over at all costs. I was pretty much wrapped up in cotton wool. I was soon registered up at Hammersmith Hospital in London. There I received regular blood transfusions in the form of bags of human blood plasma. I didn't stay long at Hammersmith, as a result of the Doctors being totally useless! They didn't know much about Haemophilia and made me cry all the time, sticking needles into my arms and not being able to find a vein! I was soon (at my Dads request) transferred to The Haemophilia Center at the Royal Free Hospital, Hampstead, London in the mid 70's. Every time I had a bleed, which was nearly 2, 3, sometimes 4 times a week, an Ambulance had to be called, usually in the middle of the night, to take me to the hospital for blood transfusions. These were rather exciting trips actually. It took my mind off the pain no end, traveling through the streets of central London with the sirens blasting away on top of the ambulance! I was very young and still in my pyjamas, half asleep, clutching my elbow, wondering what the hell was going on. And sitting in the A&E dept waiting to be seen was an experience to behold! All sorts of people coming and going. Covered in blood, streaming down their faces, with a Policeman trying to keep them from doing anything silly! The coffee machine was nice, with orange squash for me and tea for my Mum or Dad. I do remember the beige floors in there being very dirty. I would stare at the floor, counting the ceiling lights in the grimy reflection, doing my best not to attract the attention of some blood soaked maniac sitting opposite me!
I missed quite a bit of school over the years, spending more time it seemed in hospitals & in bed at home watching children's television. You & Me was a favorite. Words & Pictures too was good.
Eventually, My Dad was taught how to inject me himself at home. We had home take away too (Factor VIII). These were by now made up of a bottle of dried human plasma with the much needed Factor VIII. Massive 60ml syringes, little bottles of sterilized water. Various transfer needles and blue butterfly needles for the vein. My Dad learned on an Orange. The Doctors said that an Orange was very similar to human skin! He was very good, I remember his giant fingers, covered in tobacco stains looking more like burned sausages than fingers! but I really wanted to do it myself! I was getting older and really needed to be more independent. I injected myself when I was about 9 years old. I have been doing it all my life now and I am an expert! I never missed my vein and my Mums friends were very impressed with my needlework:)
By now my right arm was looking thinner than my left due to the vast number of bleeds into my joints! It and both my ankles have always been my worst joints. I would hardly ever wear a t-shirt in summer, in case people saw my skinny arm. I don't give a toss these days though, but it is as skinny as it was all those years ago! Very weak and painful too!
I soon learned to live with the predictable comings and goings of my numerous bleeds. The older I got the more bleeds I would develop! After so many years of being wrapped in cotton wool, I soon liked the idea of becoming more and more active. I wasn't allowed to do P.E at school! Nor was I allowed to play Rugby, football or baseball! Instead I was made to run around the sports field, as this was said to be better on my joints. Personally, I think I got quite a bit of damage from these runs!
Everything changed when BMX bikes became popular in the late 70's early 80's. I was always falling off my bike, trying to do wheelies and bunny hops! More than once I would fall off onto the tarmac, having tried to do long wheelies, only to discover the palms of my hands and knees covered in blood! Didn't think anything of it! Always had dried blood on me somewhere!
Those were great days! My best! I got into cycling from then on in!
The next decade or so saw me doing more BMXing, mountain biking and writing my "Tag" all over the place! I was quite artistic and got into doing graffiti and Electro Hip-Hop music. Still having regular bleeds and treating myself, I was doing shit loads of mountain biking! Cycling all the way to Box Hill from Twickenham and back! I even cycled to Brighton once! Very boring indeed! I cycled from Eastbourne to Brighton too. Right over Beachy Head. I have photographs of me sitting with my legs dangling over the cliff edge. Heights don't bother me!
During my Graffiti days, I had left school and had started college. Graphic Design was my interest, I was very good at it and enjoyed it immensely! Then a few months later I was called up to the Royal Free and right out of the blue, was told I had HIV! I was sitting in this tiny room with no windows. A TV and video recorder in the corner of the room. And a little video camera high in one corner. "Do you mind if we record this?" They asked.
Of course I didn't think anything of it. I was sitting with my Mum, and two seasoned professionals in the medical world. I was 16 years old and had the rest of my life ahead of me. I was enjoying college, even had a girl in my class who was interested in me! I had never had a girlfriend before and the prospect of being with someone in that way was terrifying, but exciting too. I was and still am very very shy! It took me 3 months to say yes to her!
So there I was in that tiny, cold, very quiet room.
I didn't hear most of what was said. I very rarely took in much of anything my Doctors told me over the years. What I did hear though was; "Jason. You have HIV!" "And You have had it for the last three years!".

At this point in my life..........things went a little odd!

I didn't want to die, I didn't want to get ill, I didn't want to have to say good-bye to my family, standing around my hospital bed, crying their eye-balls out......snot dripping all over my skinny, AIDS riddled legs! And what about Christmas? It was September and I couldn't see the next Christmas! I couldn't wash my hands in the sink, because of the ad on the TV. My Mum, although she doesn't remember saying it now, had already killed and buried me in her sleep......so she didn't have to think about it.
I changed a bit too. I went out with that girl from college. We had a wonderful time "Bombing the Buses" with a whole bunch of other graffiti vandals. Sometimes 10 or more of us would jump onto the 281 to Hounslow and head upstairs.......Obliteration of the clean, light beige, smooth surface of the interior of the bus commenced. The glass in the windows too! As we walked back off the bus, to our next one, the bus we had left behind looked more like a long dark cave, ink fumes filling the air. We were high on both adrenalin and fumes.
Railway embankments in the middle of the night became another HIV hiding place. I had silver finger nails, which spread all the way up my right arm, all over my black "Goose" jacket sleeve. My eyes would often sting as the wind blew the tiny spray drops right into them. If you want real peace & quiet.........spend the afternoon walking along a railway line. One of the quietest places on earth....... Until a train comes along that is! Plenty of wildlife to be seen too.
Eventually, My new girlfriend (1st) & I were booted out of college for not going. We had forgotten about college. We were far to busy "Drawing" & "Staying in bed". We had a good time and as a person I was changing daily. Her Mum & Dad were none to pleased when they found out I had HIV. My girlfriend was fine with it. I had told her straight away.
Things went along at a steady pace, but eventually things came to an end. I had found another girlfriend Jac (2nd) and we got on like a house on fire. She was my younger Sisters school friend. This was back in 89. She already knew about my health problems, so I didn't have to tell her. Her Mum & Dad were fine too! The graffiti stopped and I did more mountain biking than ever. Plus we had so much in common too. Music, films, TV, sense of humour etc. We would go out driving in the middle of the night for hours, listening to "Suede" and "The Beatles". Spent a shit load of money (HIV compensation) on absolute crap, had nothing to show for it! It went very quickly because I was going to die soon (Or so I thought). But our relationship wasn't to be as I was very jealous and this jealousy ended our relationship in about 93. We are still friends today. Actually, Best friends:)
So, I was alone again. And it stayed that way until I met Claire (3rd & last) in August 2002.
The time between Jac & Claire, I just fell into a deep rut of waiting to die, mixed with cycling and hiking and nothing else! I was there, but at the same time, I wasn't. And those 9 or so years, were pretty........Well, nothing really. Nothing happened except I was told I had Hep C too around 95 or so. I had had it since the mid 70's they told me. More bad blood! Oh well I thought......& just tried to sweep it under the carpet. I more or less managed to do that, amongst so many more visits to the Royal Free. But they would keep saying I needed to think about treating the Hep C. Yeah! Yeah! I'd say. I'll think about it. Went I got home, I forgot about it. I was far too busy having met the girl of my dreams (Claire)! Eventually they basically told me to start at the beginning of this year!
Claire was a wonderful distraction and came right at the perfect time. I was ready for a new relationship. She was visiting her half Brother Lee (My best friend & Husband to my twin Sister). Lee & Claire have the same Dad. She was/is very beautiful and born in Van Nuys, LA. I was introduced to her and.....well, that was it! We fell in Love........BUT! She lived in the US and had to go back in a week. We did however manage to have a relationship. Writing letters, e-mail, phone and She would visit me for a few weeks here and there, and I would visit her for 3/4 weeks here and there. She came over to stay with me for 3 months in a row at one point........pure bliss.
It couldn't & didn't last though. She was at Uni and we decided to call it a day. We are still friends:)
So I started treatment for Hep C, got another load of compensation for the Hep C. Spent it a bit more wisely than the HIV dosh. Still have a bit left after just over two years. I spent a fair few quid going to visit Claire. She is such a wonderful person. Friendly, warm, highly intelligent, beautiful, funny and so cute & cuddly:)
Anyway........Treatment became my main focus, and I went into it head on, with absolutely no knowledge. I just thought, It can't be any worse than the time I took "Indinavir" for HIV back in 2000! And even that was something I just seemed to "Get on" with. And low & behold.........TX has been a breeze. Slowed me down a bit near the beginning. I stopped waiting for something bad to happen and concentrated on staying fit! Mountain biking all the time and kayaking, hiking. Lots of pain from my already damaged joints. But nothing new there.
I don't really know where I am headed now. The HIV has all but gone from my mind. The Hep C is my main concern now. I am sure that this will be the one to get me! It has already killed three of my Haemophiliac friends! They didn't look after themselves though! I did! Still do!

I suppose it has to end somewhere eh? Not very interesting I admit. But in a nutshell, with a very hard outer casing, That is..... my life!
I'm not sure if it's the kind of thing Tea wanted? But surely it's got to be better than; 35 yr old 5'10 white male, 72kgs, wicked sense of humour, greeny, browny, greyey eyes, Non-smoker, non-drinker, non-plonker, outdoors Loving, Artistic, warm, generous, friendly, quiet, noisy, shy, farty (windy type), fit, punctual, moody, gittish, piss taker, deep and Loving!.................With a few minor health problems too;)

Jason (The Mighty C)

Lazy Sunday Afternoon!

Barry Knows Best, Peaslake, Surrey, Today.

I know, I know! What the hell is Barry Knows Best I hear you asking! Ok.....It is the name of a length of single track going down the side of Holmbury Hill into Peaslake Village, Surrey.
I was up there this afternoon with my bike and no one else. Lee was busy today, besides, I don't think he would've gone anyway, as the weather was pretty bad! Basically, it has rained (poured more like) all over the South East of England for the whole day! And it was windy.....but the temp was perfect for mountain biking.
I was only out for 1 and a half hours. I saw one other cyclist and he was, like me, absolutely soaking wet & very very muddy! I had it up my back, up my front, up my nose, over my shins, in my eyes (even though I was wearing glasses), and in my mouth too!
It was sooo refreshing being out in all that rain & mud. Much better than Leith Hill last Friday night, even though it wasn't raining at the time.
I took a few pics and I think in it you can see all the mud over me. That photo is of me halfway down Barry Knows Best. You can't see the rain I don't think. Sooo refreshing:) I made a nice cheese & ham with Dijon Mustard sandwich and thoroughly enjoyed that when I finally got back to the car.
When I got home, I learned that the waterproof seat covers I put in the car aren't actually waterproof! The car needs a wash, the bike needs a wash, I needed a wash, My clothes needed a wash. Everything needed a wash;)

I am back home now, all nice and warm and am cooking dinner. I do apolagize if I seem to go on with my cycling! It must get a tad boring after a while. Oh, My ankle was back to "normal" this morning:) It happens like that.....all the time! Somedays I can't walk one inch, other days I feel I could climb Mt Everest. But most days are somewhere inbetween. I thank my Mum & Dad for that. They were very protective of me as a child! I know younger Haemophiliacs who need wheelchairs!

On another note though......I have been having some fun on the Hep C Forum these past few days:) A few of us on there have been kind of writing the script for a Hep C Movie:) All in the name of fun. It was just like being at school again. I haven't written anything since double English back in 1986! I have written a few poems over the years but nothing else. Oh, sometimes I jot down my dreams if they are particularly memorable. I do Love dreams & nightmares. Sometimes when I am asleep, I am woken by something, a noise outside my bedroom window. My flat is well away from the road and is pitch black too! I always sleep with my window open whatever the weather. I am frozen in place on my warm mattress. I can't even move my head around to look at the window. I wait a few minutes, eyes wide open, staring horrified at the ceiling. I need to look to my left towards the window. My eyes are getting acustomed to the dark by now. I am afraid I will make too much noise with my head rubbing on the pillow as I turn! Almost waiting now for the empty mattress between me and the window to depress slightly with the slow moving weight of a strange figure. I am convinced that someone has climbed in through my bedroom window and is slowly, quietly standing on the edge of my bed! I stop breathing! All I can hear now is my blood pumping through my veins! My feet are the proverbial mile away, My hands have left my body and have disappeared completely! From somewhere, I manage to look at the window, I see my garish curtains against the dark of the night outside. There is nothing there! But I did hear something! Slowly but surely, I prize myself out from under my duvet and walk up to the curtains. All I can see is a very faint light coming from outside, My one single hand raising slowly up to the curtain. I make a tiny sliver of space to look through......nothing there! I lean my face right up against the glass to make certain there is no one out there! The trees are moving in the wind and nothing else! I still have to check the rest of the flat to see that all is well and there isn't anyone hiding! Only now can I tip-toe back into bed and stare at the light coming in through the curtains again, imagining a figure standing there! I move my eyes around to see properly. Nothing happening. Now, finally, I can go back to sleep and find my most favorite place ever!

This happens several times a year. Every time is the same! I am pretty sure that if someone did climb in through my window like that.......I would be useless! I'd like to think that I would behave in a slightly different manner!

Sleep well,

Jason

35th Injection & Sleeping Trees...

Richmond Park, last Wednesday.

Thursday saw my 35th Interferon injection out of 48. I just cannot believe how 'normal' I feel! Do I feel a bit guilty? Yes I do! I know for a fact that it isn't that easy and some who are on exactly the same tx have some real terrible times! I read about them often on a Hep C Forum I visit. I feel for all of them! On there too are some absolutely wonderful people who care beyond belief that they are alright and do everything they can to help them feel better.....With advice, warm words and comfort....All from personal experiences too. They have all been through it one way or another. I feel very safe knowing that I too have these folk to help me if needed. Thanks guys & gals:)

Pain has come along and shoved his ugly face in my general direction on numerous occasions over the decades, years, weeks & days! Actually, not a single day goes by where there isn't any! But on occasion, it comes along and stays and really sinks his teeth into you....Like a Pit Bull dragging a rotten log, three times it's size & weight, down the path in the local recreation grounds!
Since mid last week, this dog has come and gotten hold of my right ankle....I do my utmost to avoid being dragged by this wheezing, slobbering beast! There is such a thin line I am able to keep from snapping! I can stay indoors and sit and think about the pain, not moving, thinking of ways to have it slain, but this doesn't actually work. I need to use my ankle to keep it from locking up and rusting solid! I have some pretty good pain killers, I only use these last thing at night when I need to sleep....sometimes I still wake with a sharp intake of breath through my clenched teeth. Instantly sitting on the edge of my bed, feet trying to feel the soft carpet. Need to get up and walk around for a while....get that blackened, scorched, thin and watery oil warmed up again. 3am, 4am, 5,6,7am....it doesn't care what the time is!
Still, all that these past few days, has not stopped me going out for my bike rides. It has in the past of course.....always will. But as I said, that thin line can be kept taught, but unbroken. I have managed to keep this up since Wednesday. It will go eventually though. I just don't know when. Like I don't know when it is coming in the first place.
Richmond Park saw me twice last week, once with my best friend Jac. Once on my own. Saw a sleeping tree....home of a thousand bunny rabbits. Thank you Mr Tree for falling asleep and giving us these wonderful tunnels where your roots used to keep you from tripping over. We never had a home like this before!
Last night Lee and I were out for a quick ride around our usual loop of Leith Hill. Pitch black, very wet and muddy! Plenty of permanently surfacing, solidified Eels. Must remember to stay away from this particular hill until next Summer. It is going to be permanently waterlogged until then. Pitch Hill will be a much better bet as it drains very well and most of the tracks are covered in chopped bark, like mulch.
Because of the terrain, I had to chocolate foot (Put my feet down) more than once I can tell you. Plus I was extra cautious where my ankle was concerned. Normally done in one hour, took over two! I remember thinking, when we were right over the furthest point away from the car.....If my bike disappeared in a puff of smoke, I would be totally & utterly useless. Walking is out of the question with this foot! But I can use my bike as a kind of walker (Zimmer Frame).
It didn't disappear, and I cycled back to the car park, shins looking like they had been shat on by a small dog with diarrhea. I did however, find that I had picked up a slime, wet and utterly gross looking slug on my travels! I really don't like slugs! Eversince I put on a shoe one morning, getting ready for school. My shoes were out in the conservatory from the night before. I sipped my socked foot into the shoe and felt something right at the toe end! I took my foot back out and noticed a yellow, orangey stain on my toes! I tipped and shook the shoe until this burst open giant orange slug flopped onto the floor!! I nearly puked! I HATE SLUGS!

Thinking back to last Monday....That may have been the cause of this bout of pain. I went with my neighbour (upstairs) to Bushy Park & Hampton Court Palace for the afternoon. It was a wonderful day, with plenty of sunshine and Rutting Deer....& walking! Quite fascinating it was too. We came across one group of Deer, made up of about 15 females & one giant Stag! Antlers the size of Christmas trees! He seemed to be keeping them in check and waiting for a good time to do his 'businesses'. Three times another Stag approached and retreated from this harem. Not so big and obviously not so bright either as the bigger and better looking Stag. Each time he would walk very slowly up to this group and circle halfway around the back of them only to be chased away by the bigger Stag, calling out to remind him who was boss. You have to give it to the other Stag though. If at first you don't succeed...try, try again.
Hampton Court Palace was great fun too. I have only know my neighbour for about one year. Her & her husband are such wonderful people. They know nothing about me health wise. I wish I could tell them....don't know why. It is such a big part of my life. Worried what they might think of me! I had some not so nice reactions about my HIV when I was a teenager! A girlfriend of mines parents were none too pleased about the 'situation' shall we say. This was back in 87 I might add, When ignorance was very rife and juicy! I'm not so sure that it is any better now really.
I did tell her I had Haemophilia though. I left it at that. Maybe next time we meet.
HCP is such a charming place! I Love the kitchens. I have always said I would Love to travel back in time to visit these kinds of places.....The sights, sounds & smells! Christmas is coming up soon.....A Time Machine please Santa:)

P.s. My numb little finger has over the last few weeks, nearly gone away:)

Jason

"The Edge of My Bed"

All seeing, all knowing....My Eye!

What the hell is that noise! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!........Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!
Jason! Time to get up! Breakfast is ready! Get dressed and get ready for school! I am not going to tell you a bloody gain!
What? School? Not today surely! I haven't been to school since 1986!
I turn over and try and fall back to sleep. Where was I? Ah yes.....levitating....Through will alone...I can take off just by moving my arms gently....like an Angel. Absolutely no effort needed. I Love that I can do this! Building tops & trees are my hiding place. Always at night! The darkness is a wonderful place to be. Everything seems to be covered in a thin film of water. I would slip right off if I were climbing up here! I can see the streets below....not a nice place to fall! They are familiar to me. I don't have to worry about finding dark, narrow, rubbish bin strewn alleys to hide in. I am above all that. What I don't properly understand is; Why do I seem like the only one who can do this? I can see other people below....walking along the deserted streets. I am invisible....not in the real sense...but, just because I am not expected to be up here. No one would beleive it! One look away and I would be gone! I hear voices below; There is nothing there! Don't be so bloody daft!
Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!........Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Just what the hell is that noise?
Look....there is a lorry....thats it! A lorry reversing! No! It is not moving! It's lights are out! What is it?
I silently move along in the air....staying close to the roofs and tree canopys. I Love the way the street lights throw thier orange glow over the road below. Large puddles of light. I can see more people. No idea about me! I like it that way. I am silent. I hear everything there is to be heard! I see it all! I Love this freedom. Only at night! The days are for the living.....the nights are for me! I was born at 01:13.....Perfect!
Moving along further still.....faster.....down slightly to a dark corner of Brinsworth House. I use the cover of a big, old tree to hide from anyone looking. In the big front garden I peer over the wall. I notice a bench "In Memory of.......". On it is sat two young people. Apparently trying to find something more than just nothing! They have no idea I am watching. Not interested I leap back into the air. As high as the tallest house down here. A few lights are still on. People getting ready for bed after a boring night out. What can be better than this. I can go anywhere! I don't need drink nor food! I don't even breathe.
Am I the only one? Where are all the others? The sky should be full of them. I am quite happy to be the only one here! This is the way it should be. Me, alone and in darkness! All seeing & hearing. This IS me!
Another person down on the street below....just a dark figure....in between puddles of light....standing still! Stopped to light a cigerette perhaps? Their arms are by their sides! Waiting for a friend even? I move along behind the roofs and chimneys of the houses.....not taking my eyes off this strange dark figure. There is no one behind him. My god! Is he looking at me? Surely he can't have seen me! I keep moving....through the wet branches of a tree....his face is definitely following my movement. I stop for a moment...ducking behind a slimey wet rooftop, leading down into an overgrown garden. I take a peep over the very tip of the roof.....towards where the figure is. Slowly he comes into view. He is facing me straight on now.....head looking up right in my direction! Face is as black as midnight! Eyes small and wanting! Mouth shut, hungry! He is almost on me before I realize that he has taken off and is coming right at me! This cannot be happening! No! I must get away.....I can't move...I am frozen in place! There he is.....reaching to grab me....Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!.............Bloody hell!
I am sitting on the edge of my bed. Eyes still half closed. It is light outside. Glass of water in my hand. Phone! SHUT UP! I switch off the alarm on my mobile...re-set it for 20:27. I take the top off of my meds holder and fill my dry mouth full of pills! I have amazed many with my pill swallowing abilities. All in one go, they go down.....into my stomach. Water pours over my face and chin. I sometimes miss my mouth entirely with the glass! It drips into my naked lap. I wait a minute....air displaced by the pills, bubbles up to the top of my throat. My duvet drags me back into bed and once again I am sleeping. Looking for the night again!

Jason

One Year On from Ben

Diana Fountain, Bushy Park, Today.

What a wonderful sunset this afternoon! I had been for a little bike ride (3 hrs) around the Surrey Hills with my friend Lee. A pretty cool day with no crashes either. Plenty of other like minded mountain bikers had already flooded the little shop in Peaslake Village & had already scoffed all the sandwiches! Lee had to make do with a sausage roll and I had bought my home made sarnie & date & marmalade cake...MMMmmm! Pitch Hill & Holmbury Hill felt the big knobbly tread from our tyres and was kind to us in return for not skidding too much on their root sodden backs. A medium drive home, traffic had been diverted on our trip home and also a fatal motorcycle crash didn't help. Box Hill (Rykas) on a Sunday brings out, amongst the more sensible riders, some very fast & irresponsible maniacs.
Drove through Bushy Park and saw the sun setting behind Diana, dropped Lee off back in Strawberry Hill. I just could not resist going back into the park for this wonderful snap, Swan et al.
A great day and talk of a trip to Lulworth Cove with our kayaks sometime in the next week or two:) All is looking good:)
Also today see's the one year anniversary of when Lee & I and my younger Sisters partner Nathan hiked up Ben Nevis. It was a wonderful experience and something we want to do again. When I have finished tx I will plan another trip up to Scotland to do just that! In the photograph I took of the summit (see below) you can see Lee & Nathan approaching the summit. It looks very eerie with them being the only ones in the photo. There were a few others up there too, but had the good manners to duck whilst I took it;) The drop on the left is not for the faint hearted! I had to have an injection of Factor VIII for my Haemophilia on the summit in the frozen ruins of the old observatory, and the thin tube that comes from the syringe to the butterfly went solid as it was so cold! My feet were killing me and I still had a four hour hike to get through before I reached the bottom, and a 9 hour drive the next morning too. I have done it three times now.....Piece of cake;)
We were the last off the Ben that night and for 2 hours were hiking in pitch black darkness! We were very well prepared for all emergency though and had very full Camelbaks & some pretty cool torches. Plus my codeine phosphate came in handy I can tell you! The next morning we were all totally and utterly F****d! Mind over matter and painkillers saw us back to London safely:) I won't tell you about the burger and fries we had in the Glen Nevis Restaurant when we reached the bottom.....Yes I will... The best ever burger in the whole wide world that I have ever had!!! Brilliant weekend!

Ben Nevis, 15th October 2005.

Jason

34th needle and Crying Mums...

Eel Pie Island, River Thames, Twickenham, Thursday.

Since my encounter with the wonderful Deer in Bushy Park on Monday I have learned what they were actually doing with all that painful bellowing across the dying yellow grass of the park. I have "Autumn Watch" on BBC2 to thank for that. It has finished now which is a shame...very good show & all live too. Bill Oddie is funny, everytime he saw himself on the monitor he seemed to be tidying his hair. Seem to forget sometimes he was in "The Goodies".
Right....Since Monday then I have been doing the kind of stuff I like to do and in the kind of weather I like to do it in. Another ride around Richmond Park on Tuesday....Very high tide along the footpath! The whole length was a foot under water. I did the whole length trying not to get wet feet! Silly really, fighting a bit of a loosing battle I was. It's not so nice either when you can't see where the bank ends and the river starts. Good fun though. Played havoc with my ankle joints though! They don't like to get cold & wet! I could hardly walk when I got home!
Then Wednesday more cycling...This time in the other direction towards Bushy Park. Lovely and sunny, wind nice and little. A few midges (bloody Muffleheads!) still alive and looking for the odd orifice of the Human type (Nowhere near as bad as in the Summer & the vicious Highland Midge I encountered in Fort William in June! Millions is an understatement!). Dogs out in force looking for a free Squirrel shaped meal:) It doesn't surprise me that one was wearing a muzzle. The trip back home took me right past Hampton Court Palace....Very quiet looking and probably pretty glad to be rid of all those camera wielding tourists looking for the ghost of Thomas Cardinal Wolsey (did you know that Henry VIII built 49 other places around England similar in style to HCP & none remain today!).
Along the towpath back to Kingston I noticed some of the leaves (don't know what kind of plant) from the Palace spilling over the wall onto the river side. turning a bright red! Autumn is here and the years carry on regardless.

Autumns death, gives life...

As I took the photo, another cyclist was riding up and down wondering what the hell I was doing bending down, looking right into the leaves! Three times she went past. I was tempted to say that I had found a secret portal into another world, what only my little camera could see....thought better of it in the end! I don't look too good in straight-jackets!....not white ones anyway;)

So on to Thursday, A very short, impulsive decision to go for a little kayak up the Thames (see photo at top). Only the day before I had seen some kayakists paddling away and thought that that is what I am going to do tomorrow. Ideally I would have Loved to take a drive to Lulworth Cove, My favorite Kayaking area. My friend Lee and I have planned to go together in the next month. I am all excited just thinking about it, it has been a while........Christ on a bike!! It has been 2 years since I was last down at the "Door" (Durdle Door)! This can't be right...but it is and the Cove here we come...watch this space!
So...I launch right under St Marys Church in Twickenham. Signs everywhere warning drivers of the massive risk of flooding at high tide. Believe me, I have seen plenty of half submerged cars, a tasty treat for the very greedy and not very choosy Thames! But before I take to the Thames, I have lunch over at my younger Sister Tania's. My little niece Millie was there too:) And my Mum. I went onto Tania's PC to see what my blog looked like (I have a Mac). I read one of my previous posts titled "For the Love of Livers" out to them, they were interested as to what sort of stuff I do on there. My Mum don't do computers and wouldn't read it herself. Anyway, by the time I was finished, My Sister said; "See what you've done? I looked up and saw my Mum was crying! I had no idea it would have that effect on her! I never no what to do when I see people crying. I'm not used to crying at all. It doesn't come easily to me for some reason....
.....The sun was very low in the late afternoon sky! It was almost like looking into the proverbial tunnel of light to another world...I needed sun glasses! I was forced to paddle in the direction of the sun (Teddington Lock) as I needed to stay against the flow of the tide, because coming back to the car would be much easier if my arm began to hurt. So off I go, cutting through the oncoming water, being careful to avoid being a local fisherman's biggest catch of the day! Past Trevor Bayliss' house on Eel Pie Island, round the long sweeping left hand bend towards the Lock at Teddington. A lone Swan thunders past from behind me, almost level with my head! These kind of sights don't come too often but when they do....well, it was like when Concorde used to fly over my Mums garden every day, I always stopped and just stared in amazement! Swans make a terrific sound as they swoosh past, wheezing & squeaking as they plunge those ginormous wings up and down!
Up to the Lock itself, passing Rick Parfitts' (Status Quo) riverside apartment. The weir part of the lock was letting in tonnes of water from the non-tidal part of the Thames and made the whole area a no-no for paddling, especially since I was all alone and not wearing a buoyancy aid! I know, I know...! I do have one, but this part of the Thames is so predictable I don't bother. (Slapped wrist starting to sting). I turn around and head back for Twick just as it gets dark. The tide had risen now and has flooded part of the road. Again, very predictable if you know the area. My car was safe and sound:) My day ended in more water in the form of a Lovely warm bath when I got in doors:) A nice little taster for the impending trip to The Cove (with buoyancy aid). Thursday night also saw my 34th Interferon injection go into battle, all guns blazing and wearing steel toe capped boots for the ones who are still squirming in the darkest recesses of my liver.....Stamp those little parasites into dust....Lovely!
So on to Friday! Friday 13th! A trip up to the RFH in Hampstead for my 4 weekly Hep C tx bloods. Lovely sunny day again. Stinky dirty train, look for a discarded "Metro" newspaper to read on the half hour trip. Collect copies of my blood results (from the beginning of tx to present day) I requested a few days before. I wanted to see what my levels have been up to over the last 8 months. I may have to post them on to the forum and Maybe Ross can decipher them for me.
Quickly in and quickly out, back home and prepare myself for a night ride around Pitch Hill, Surrey with my friend Lee. As it's name suggests, it is pitch black when we arrive at the car park in Peaslake. Great weather for cycling, dry'ish, little wind and not too cold. I could tell the Winter is only around the corner though. We had a nice 2 hour ride under the stars and trees. But right near the end, we took a look down a steep looking channel we have named "The Trench", Lee went first and halfway down lost control and went right over his handlebars! He was very lucky! A bit shaken....more worried about his bike and new lights! Oh well, Friday 13th couldn't take a night off could it!

Lee & I. Friday 13th. (post crash)

That was it really. Bit of a long post this time, & 3 photos too:) By the way, Lee is 6ft 4! He looks shorter than me in this photo. I am 5ft 11 on a good day;)

P.s. Friday the 13th, October, 2006....13+10+2006=13!

Jason

The Hep C Cat & the Liver...

Back Door to a Ghost Train. Hastings, 2004

***WARNING: THIS DREAM MAY UPSET ANIMAL LOVERS***

I dream! Therefore I am!

I was compelled to write down my dream this morning. I dream often, but usually I am quite happy to let it go by the wayside and forget all about it (usually within 5 minutes). But this morning was not so! I just could not sleep until I had got it written down on paper.

Hep C cats.....Why is that strange man crying? He seems to be looking for someone...or something along a quiet leafy street. He is looking down at ground level, towards the pavement. It is dry, warm & bright. The air is still. He's holding a grotty old, grime covered towel, hidden slightly behind his back...seemingly ready to smother something with it! I follow his gaze and, find a little, pathetic looking cat sitting on the hard concrete slabs that make up the pavement. The man stops in his tracks, keeping his distance and freezes on the spot...hands tighten around the towel...knuckles white with strength and face white with fear! This poor cat is weak...very weak & tired! Dark, yellow eyes, harldly able to keep them open. Is that cat alright? I ask....No reply! The cat is so weak and feeble, it seems to be melting into the pavement. From somewhere it finds the strength to look up....right up towards the sky. It is wearing this look of complete fear across it's pained face...with a hint of relief too. Beginning to shake and panic the cat looks at the strange man and his towel....still fixed to the spot and with no courage! A pathetic coward! The cat then looks right at me....right into my eyes. Those eyes are saying that I must "do it!". I look around to find something to help me. The towel seems a bit silly for what I want to do. I need to do this properly and quickly....with absoultely no doubt. I notice a moss covered statue of a cat sitting in the garden next to me....too small! An old house brick atracts my attention, sharp edges but not very heavy! But then I spot it....A sign post half propped up outside a condemned derelict house...the sign has a large clump of rock hard concrete stuck to the bottom. This will have to do. It is heavy and cumbersome...I drag it over towards the cat. It is still waiting where I left it. With every step I make back towards this cat, it looks more and more at peace. I notice a small group of people have gathered near the cat. One of them is a firefighter, his helmet and boots dirty and scuffed. I plonk the post down on the pavement with a thud. The group look up at me, then at the post. It seems I am too late! The firefighter has dropped a paving slab right over this cat with a mighty thump! There are no gaps to be seen between pavement and deathly slab. The slab is lifted up and a peek is taken underneath...to see...hoping all is well. The cat is dead and at great peace now. Left only is a dark greasy putrid stain. There are tears and smiles all around....knowone talks...it is all over and done with...life can continue now...forgive & forget!

I think this dream was forum induced from last night. I was replying to two or three members who had just taken their first Interferon injection to rid themselves of Hep C. And I was thinking where they will be going in the next 48 weeks and also the period after treatment comes to an end. That all important part where we hope that it will never come back! The cat in the dream I took to be the spirit of a Hep C riddled liver, half dead from months of poison! Loosing the battle, lost in transition and looking for a quick end. Any help will do....just "do it"! The man with the towel might have been my frightened, coward side and the firefighter was the side of me who knows exactly what to do...no thinking needed! But the part I played in the dream may have been the side of me who just tries his best, but always too late....hoping someone else will do it for me.

Jason

I'm so tired!

Very tired Deer. Bushy Park, Today

I don't mean me by the way. I'm not tired at all. I just had a Lovely cup of de-ca-co (de-caf coffee) & 6 biscuits (3 ginger nuts & 3 dark chocolate digestives). I can hear the tumble dryer going round & round in the kitchen and the TV insists on showing me tits, real murder & repeat showings of old cop shows! Take your pick!
Anyways, I have been out and about this very Lovely day. It is my best (female) friends 33rd Birthday today and I have been taking photographs of boring things like Twickenham Riverside, York House Gardens Statues & the Deer in Bushy Park too. Jac went to Brighton to look around the shops there. The last time I went to Brighton I was kayaking under the piers. The very old and terribly neglected closed down Victorian West Pier was such a fascination to see up close, to be in amongst all that decay & history. I could almost see up the skirts & bustle of the young Victorian ladies as I looked up through the rotting slats from underneath the pier. Oh for a Time Machine!

It was so warm today! It reached about 22*c. So out I went with my trusty camera. It is a Canon IXUS500 digital compact (very basic) but it's amazing what kind of photos you can get with it. I really must get a proper digital SLR of some sort. I have been meaning to for some time. So there I was, out in the Lovely weather enjoying my cheese & ham with roasted vegetables panini purchased from Starbucks in York St, Twickenham. Took a walk down to the Thames, past the site of the old swimming pool...so sad! Past a line of fine looking pigeons sitting on the railings (poor railings). Got a whiff of beer & lager as I found my way past The Barmy Arms Pub and sat on the concrete slab on the rivers bank, overlooking the view up towards Richmond Hill and The Royal Star & Garter Home for old disabled war veterans (our heros).
Finished up my lunch and walked to the statues that I Love very much. I remember as a very young teenager, 'The Cure' made a video for "Hanging Garden" from the brilliant "Pornography" album there and just weeks later the statues were covered in all kinds of obscene goth related graffiti & empty bottles of Tipex thinner strewn about the place. I remember quite well (who could forget) that one of the girls, whom were all totally naked, had a bright pink bush of hair spray painted onto her private parts! I never touched them, you must believe me. All I could do was stare and wonder wether my (first) future girlfriend would have one like it;) (My lips are sealed).
The statues are looking wonderful now of course. They have for some time. Ever since they got a makeover in the way of a Lovely sand blasting from the local council and a "hidden" camera was installed. It has been a long time since Robert Smith freaked out the whole of Twickenham with his big hair & dodgy lipstick. I am a fan of course:)
The day was moving along at a very rapid speed, and before I knew it, it was almost 4pm. I jumped into the car and made my way to Bushy Park just up the road near to where I live. The sun was still shining and the warmth no less. As soon as I got out of the car all I could hear were the Stag Deer calling for mates. You can hear them from some distance away. It is such an eerie sound. Almost like some kind of pre-historic beast might sound like. I saw one resting in the long yellow grass, his antlers sticking up all nice and pointed (an Imperial if I'm not mistaken due to the point count). He looked ever so tired, grass draping from his antlers, momentarily stooping until his chin reached the ground, then back up and head high, calling....tired and still ready for more. I suppose he is calling for female Deer to mate with? Or other Stags to fight with? I took my photo and let him be. Took a walk through the dry, yellow grass, the same grass that Henry VIII rode over whilst hunting these Deer. Meandered through a clump of very foul smelling giant mushrooms before driving back to the real world. I am one lucky MF to have this place right on my doorstep!

Jason

Mud & mushrooms, dinner & feeling weird!

Me, My Bike & My Rucksack today

Feeling a tad weird right now! Been out for dinner with my best friend Jac and her p & m. It's her 33d Birthday tomorrow (same as John Lennons). She has these new veneers on her front teeth. Cost a fortune, but she looks absoultely wonderful! She can't stop looking at them! Anyways...the reason I am feeling weird is because Her p & m took me & Jac out to a nice restaurant and I took my meds just as I was eating. This always makes it feel worse than normal, when I eat food out. Plus the being out and in different surroundings from normal too may have a contributing factor. I wish I could explain it! I am fine, I have gotten used to it by now. My HIV meds are to blame. They do their job, which is the main thing.
Before I had a really great evening I went out to Leith Hill with my bike. The weather was perfect too! Dry, slight breeze, sunny spells and not too warm. I got down to the Landslip car park for about 11:30am and did my usual 13 mile loop of all the best tracks including Summer Lightning. I won't bore you with all the misplaced mud, dying ferns and fake waterfalls etc, but I had a great day and when I got home this afternoon, I doctored a photograph I took of myself wearing a favorite t-shirt of mine on Photoshop. In it I am looking out over the South Downs towards Brighton and the south coast. It is a great veiw and at times you can see the sea on a very clear day. Bit hazy today though (like me). The highlight of the ride though has to be watching a bunch of macho Aussie mountain bikers contemplating wether or not to ride down "Deliverance!" I had already done it once and was keen to see some one else try it. There was some talk of saddles being lowered but nothing else. Once again....Deliverance was left in peace! I left with a smile on my face:) And also todays ride saw an abundance of "Amanita muscaria" mushrooms (the red ones with the white spots). I will probably post a photo of one on here sometime soon. For some starnge reason I really like to look at mushrooms in the wild. Oh, I washed my bike yesterday and it looked like new again. It was so filthy! Well, it needs another bath!
Bills to pay tomorrow, shopping to get in too.

Jason

33rd Injection & Spotted Dick (without custard)

Richmond Hill, Tonight

Back in the saddle again. It felt so good tonight with the wind & rain & puddles...Oh the puddles! They never stopped laying themselves down for me. I must admit, I did dodge a few at first, but then just gave into their being. I was fighting a loosing battle with those damn things! I looked exactly like a spotted dick without the custard when I eventually got home. But Richmond Park and the River Thames towpath are ok really. I like the way the cars wait for the Deer to cross the road. They (the cars) keep right back, WAY back. Just in case the Deer were to explode or something. And must only continue driving when said Deer has entered The Twilight Zone;) Maybe they are waiting to see some Deer sex? I have seen it! The foreplay thing with their antlers is an amazing sight & sound! The park will be closing soon for culling! Too much sex!
It was nice though being out and knowing I am well again and watertight etc. It was only a local ride. Couldn't be bothered with the horrendous Friday night traffic to Peaslake. Tomorrow maybe a better day for driving & for weather.
I was sure I could see Mick Jagger spying on me from his bedroom window in the flat behind me when I took todays photo. But alas, he is in Canada tonight with the rest of his band.
This photo looks out over Twickenham and Teddington. The bright light on the horizon to the right is Twickenham Rugby Ground.
My trainers took a shower with me tonight. They needed it more than I did! I had taken them off. I just gave them a rinse before popping them into the washing machine along with my 'spotted dick' clothes;) I cooked myself a very nice dinner, which went down very nicely! After last week, my appetite seems to have come back ten fold! I was watching "Twin Peaks" (again) last night and the scene where Jerry brings Ben and his whole family (during dinner) a giant brie baggette each from his travels. It is the way Ben unrolls them from the paper they are wrapped in, then smells them right up and down before sticking as much as is humanly possible into his mouth! MMMmmmm! I wanted one so much! Non Twin Peaks fans look bemused at this stage;)
Anyway, now I have a kitchen full of dirty pots and stuff! It will wait until tomorrow.
At least my ipod is all nice and charged for tomorrows drive to The Woods:)

P.s. My 33rd Interferon injection went very well last night. I haven't noticed chills as I sometimes do. Not many to go now! I think my 48th injection will be on the 18th January 06, 5 days befroe my 36th Birthday.

Jason

No Easy Ride!

Stencil. Brixton, London

Yes, I was having an easy ride! Or so I thought anyway. But it seems that my recent bout of diarrhea maybe a wake up call. Just reminding me what sort of regime I am on! It still hasn't been connected to my treatment on Hep C, or HIV. But it did come from somewhere.
I took up my poop sample yesterday & my bloods from Monday were all fine! No call today, so all must be ok! Just a stomach bug from some dodgy food perhaps? Over doing it on my bike? I don't know. It has been exactly one week now since it began & it still hasn't gone away properly yet!
It has been a horrible week & one I don't want to repeat anytime soon! I really hope that it is going now. I won't speak too soon, so I won't.
I have been well and truly reminded though! I was petrified that I would end up in hospital! More than once I thought that I could very easily pack it all in and just lie there and starve to death. Then I wouldn't have to go back to the loo again & again & again! Food was going in I might add, but not down. It seemed to hang around in my throat somewhere. Just sitting. I felt sick the whole time. I was never sick once though. It somehow managed to make it's way down and out, as it did on numerous occasions. But eating was forced. As was drinking. I just wanted to stop and leave it and not bother...
But I did, as I had to. And now it seems...
Well, I am not talking!

Still Raining...

A Flower in my Sisters Garden, 2004

...but my Imodium "Umbrella" is working just fine.

It hasn't gone away! It has been 5 days now since it first started. The Imodium helps things a lot though. But it is only covering over the underlying reasons for it's being there. As soon as the Imodium wares off, it seems to come back.
Again this morning, My breakfast triggered off another bout! My night didn't go too well as it goes. After I got out of the bath after my bike ride, I began to feel more and more unwell, until I felt as though I had mild flu. I had to turn on my central heating for the first time since last winter.
This lasted for around 3/4 hours until it just seemed to disappear. Also during my feeling chilly, I had sweats and felt hot too. But as I said, by morning I was ok again, until breakfast.
Again I called my Docs and was asked to come in. They have taken samples of my blood & urine. Took my temperature (36.7). I couldn't produce a poop sample due to the Imodium having it's desired effect. I have to bring in a sample tomorrow.
I am feeling much better tonight, although I do seem to have lost my appetite somewhat. I'm sure I will loose a little weight during this 'spell'. But at least I know I can pop out and get some 'fast food' to get the calories etc. I have to drink more water too.
Besides all that, I am feeling fine. My gums are a little sore on one side (no blood). Nothing else to report.
I am not in too much pain; I can walk; & I am not puking all the time! It could be so much worse.

Jason

Twin Trees

Twin Trees (again), Box Hill, Today

Hey there:) Feeling a bit better today after my recent spell of 'Bottom Bovver'! Although, i was pretty sure it was all over and done with last night, when this morning it was there again! I had just finished my 'Weetabix & banana' and out it came almost instantly! Surely it couldn't have been my breakfast! It had hardly had time to say hello to my Esophagus for goodness sakes!

Anyways, I took some advice from a previous posts comment (thanks Martinb), and went and bought some Imodium. I took a couple of capsules. It seems to have done the trick, although it is very windy here;)
I got back home wondering what to do on this very wet and windy Sunday afternoon. I really wanted to go out for a cycle. But wasn't really feeling up to it. I did feel a bit 'funny' all afternoon as it goes. Can't explain it really, just a bit weak feeling and miserable.
So i ended up going for a 'wike' (walk/hike) around Holmbury Hill & then on to Box Hill to see how my two favorite trees are doing. I saw a couple of mountain bikers all covered in mud and really wished i had my bike with me!
Eventually the weather got better & better as per Metcheck advice. After a quick photo shoot with the trees, I headed off back to Teddington, put the car away and got on my cycling gear and went for a 45 minute blast to Hampton Court via the River Thames towpath, back through Bushy Park among the rabbits and puddles, back to Kingston Bridge which i crossed and continued along the Thames to Teddington Lock, back over the Thames again, past the studios and back home. Jumped in the bath listening to Xfm on the radio, had a shower then got out feeling like shit! I always feel like this just as i stand up in the bath, probably water too hot! I do like a soak though:)
I am so glad i have my bike! My feet were killing me on my walk! Sometimes i can't beleive i have hiked up Ben Nevis twice! And I intend to climb her again next year! I was at the foot of her in June this year and really wanted to 'do it' then! But i was on a family holiday and i didn't think my Mum would want to carry my ruck sack;)

After all that, i think i can honestly say; I need a day off!

Jason

Get Tested!

World Hepatitis Awareness Day, 1st October, 2006

I have personally known 3 friends of mine to die from Hepatitis C related illnesses! I don't want to see anymore!

This post is for Martin, Dennis & David.

Jason