The Glass Elbow

The Train Window, London, 2004

For years & years i had been highly embarrassed of the way my right arm looked! It would look more at home on a 9 year old boy! It has had so many bleeds in the elbow joint from having Haemophilia, i could probably have filled an olympic sized swimming pool. As a teenager i hardly ever took my t-shirt off in public as i thought people were staring at my "skinny arm". Of course, everyone i knew would and still do tell me they don't even notice it. I am still self-conscious of the little extremity. But i wish it had a tad more strength in it.
Today i was out with a friend. His name is Lee and i have known him for 26 years. He has been married to my twin sister Nicola for ten years. He is a good mountain bike companion, as he never falls off or crashes and isn't afraid of steep descents & getting muddy and frozen in Winter. And he knows all about me and would know what to do if i came a cropper down at the bottom of "Deliverance".
This afternoon we completed a 3 hour ride from Holmbury Hill to Pitch Hill and back again, via a downhill single track called "Barry Knows Best". Only God knows where the name of that one came from! It was the first time we had done it. Nice and fast, twists & berms and a few jumps too. We Loved it, but my elbow did not! Lee was complaining about his legs though, which made me feel a bit better:) We carried on anyway and had a great time. And those familiar eels (roots) were out in force again today, but there backs were dry and thus ripe for rubber.
He, like the rest of my friends and family have put up with quite a lot over the years, what with my moods just before and during a bad bleed. I suffer from physical pain on a daily basis and it must be hard for people around me, at times unbearably so. And more recently with my anger frustrations being on Ribavirin. They don't tell me, but sometimes they must feel like punching me in the face!
As for my elbow. I wish it was made of glass. At least then it would be invisible.
Ok, maybe not glass, but Pyrex instead.

Jason