"The Pig & The Spider"

Too good for Spiders, but not good enough for Pigs!

A weather girl on the TV was explaining what the weather was going to be for the next day. She was quite attractive and dressed smartly. But as the weather forecast went on she seemed to become ill and started to hyper-ventilate! She found she couldn't breathe very well and started choking and she nearly fell over and looked very pale! She stayed in front of the camera and moved about in front of the weather screen trying not to fall over and looking for someone to come and help her. She looked panic stricken. A man came into view who was quickly buckling his belt up and suddenly noticed he was on camera and on live tv and his face went bright red and he looked away instantly. He helped the woman to sit down. The odd thing that I remember quite well was that all the while this was happening, the camera followed the weather girl and then the man too when he arrived, about the studio as they moved around. The man's fingers were covered in something wet. His fingers left damp patches on her clothes as he placed her into a chair. A clearish, sticky substance. The woman, who was now sitting and breathing deeply from her choking, noticed that the man's zipper down the front of his trousers were open and covered in damp patches and drips of the same substance that I noticed on the his fingers.

After a few moments, the weather girl had recovered enough to realize what had happened. And just as she went to confront the man, he placed an index finger up to his lips and very quietly gestured to her to be quiet.

She closed her eyes and began to sob...

I was waiting for a friend and his brother. Their mother strictly spoke to them in as if they were children. They were in another room, perhaps the bedroom. I sat in the room adjacent to the room they were in and was sat low down at one end of a very comfortable sofa. I was beginning to fall asleep over the sounds of the argument next door. I tried to keep my eyes from closing and concentrated on the far corner of the room where there was a man facing the wall.
He used to live there and harass the mother of the boys years ago and wore a jet black bomber jacket and looked exactly like a pig!
When I arrived a little while earlier, passing through the tiny drive, it was sunny and warm. There was an old car in the process of being restored but still looked just like a pile of junk ready for the scrapheap.
Back in the living room the pig man that was facing the wall had moved to one side and I could now see what the man was doing there. In front of him was a giant, hand sized spider with very muscular legs and a pulsating body! It was clinging to it's web which was stretched from one wall to the other and this pig man was teasing it and eventually grabbed it's web with the spider still attached and started to swing it into my face. I screamed like a girl and covered my eyes. The two boys who had been in the next room came running into the room that I was in to see what all the noise was about. The pig man then proceeded to swing the spider into the faces of my friend and his brother too. We all ran away flinching and screaming.
We ran so fast and so far away that we eventually ended up running straight into a very swollen river which was thick with silt and semi submerged branches. The under current was very strong and I could see just how strong by the fast flow of the river and the churning water bubbling it's way to the surface like giant airless bubbles of filthy dark water. The sun reflected off the surface showing all the movement on the waters thin skin. I was trying to navigate my way across it and back to the saftey of land. I had lost sight of my companions and found myself sink beneath the cold, dark water and came to rest on the stony bottom where I proceeded to roll and bounce along the river bed until all my breath had gone, where I just let myself die.




Jason


P.s. Happy Birthday Jac:)xxx








(C) JPT 2008

"My Cycling for September 2008"

Looking out over the South East of England from the very top of Pitch Hill in Surrey on September 26th 2008.



Thats it, the summer is well and truly over with and the winter is waiting just around the corner with her icy claws! September wasn't too bad as it goes. It was quite similar to August (but without the falling off;) But having just reached October (at the time of writing this) the cold cold wallop of the winter is just around the corner! There have been some wonderful clear skies recently and beautiful sunsets, but with the clear skies come the cold. Looks like I'll be getting out the full winter cycling gear in no time! I'm kinda looking forward to the cold. It's a Lovely, refreshing feeling when you get those clear, crisp nights up in the Surrey Hills when all the roots and grass are covered with frost. Not so good though when it's raining! But I think we are in for a very cold winter this year and hopefully lots of yummy snow too:)

I managed to stay on my bike the whole time during September, which was nice. Although I did have a near miss going up the Telegraph Row on Holmbury Hill when I bottomed out on a root with my pedal and I landed on the pointy part of my saddle with my Coxis with all my weight!! Ouch!! But at least I stayed on the bike. My thigh injury from August wasn't quite healed going into September but soon felt normal. As for my other joints, my ankles were more ok than not, although they do hurt all the time but alternate between feeling really bad and vulnerable and feeling really strong. The same can't be said for my right elbow though. It always starts off ok but towards the middle/end of the ride it feels awful! I even find that I can't pull the front brake lever because of the pain! And the pain in my right knee that I was experiencing the last month or so seems to have gone away thank goodness.


See you all next month:)



Tuesday 2nd September 2008 @ 19:30pm, SF, Lee, 11.96 miles, av 8, max 23.1 mph, 1hr 29mins, mild, very muddy, some spittle, thigh seemed ok, tyres worked well. Total 1694.57 miles.

Saturday 6th September 2008 @ 18:30pm, RP, 20.08 miles, av 12.1, max 22.1 mph, 1hr 39mins, rained pretty much the whole time, dark & mild. temp 15, wind 11. Total 1714.65 miles.

Tuesday 9th September 2008 @ 19:20pm, RP, 17.98 miles, av 12.4, max 24.4 mph, 1hr 27mins, spat for 10mins halfway around, mild & breezy, saw six toads, temp 17, wind 12. Total 1732.63 miles.

Friday 12th September 2008 @ 16:50pm, RPx2 & a third, 26.05 miles, av 12.6, max 27.8 mph, 2hrs 35mins, sunny, rainy, sunny, cool & breezy. Total 1758.68 miles.

Sunday 14th September 2008 @ 14:00pm, HH, PH, 13.99 miles, av 7.4, max 22.3 mph, 1hr 52mins, sunny, mild. Total 1772.67 miles.

Tuesday 16th September 2008 @ 20:00pm, Lee, HH, PH, 11.93 miles, av 7.8, max 23 mph, 1hr 31mins, temp 14. Total 1784.60 miles.

Sunday 21st September 2008 @ 14:50pm, SF, Lee, 14.78 miles, av 9, max 24 mph, 1hr 46mins, very warm & sunny, dry, temp 19. Total 1799.38 miles.

Wednesday 24th September 2008 @ 17:00pm, RPx2 & a third, 28.03 miles, av 12.2, max 26.3 mph, 2hrs 17mins, damp after rain, dry on Tamsin Trail, cool. Total 1827.41 miles.

Friday 26th September 2008 @ 17:00pm, HH, PH, Matt, Lee, 12.58 miles, av 7.5, max 24, 1hr 40mins, cool & very sunny, great sunset, dry and fast. Total 1839.99 miles.

Sunday 28th September 2008 @ 15:15pm (back at 19:20pm), Ian, Westcott to Box Hill to meet Mike & Graham and back again, 19.18 miles, av 7.7, max 25.3 mph, 2hrs 28mins, temp 17-14, wind 8. Total 1859.17.

Monday 29th September 2008 @ 12pm + 17pm, Car had it's MOT (and passed), 6.71 miles, av 11.3, max 22.8 mph, 35 mins, windy and sunny. Total 1865.88 miles.




Jason








(C) JPT 2008.........1865.88 miles (to end of September)

"The Bus Driver's Knee" (part four)

I am the one that waits by the end of your bed whilst you sleep. I wait until you notice me standing there in all my grotesque beauty! I shall wait forever for you!



"Part Four"




As I stepped out from the hot but glorious cabin of Rob's boat, I noticed Beechams look up from his silent, sun induced sleep and turn around to see us.

I thought Rob said his dog was deaf? I said to Neil.

He is deaf, he can feel us through the vibrations of us walking on the deck, said Neil as we walked side by side to the shop. It is only about one minutes walk away. All the people that own boats in the marina shop there. We passed their very nice looking boats along the way, but none as cool as Robs boat.
After jokingly looking at all the beers and spirits on sale we opted for several cans of Shandy Bass "British style lemonade mixed with the world renowned Bass Beer" it said on the side of the can. The fridge they came from was very cold and hummed steadily like a little twin prop plane a mile up in the sky at three in the morning. Along with the shandy, we also grabbed a couple of packets of Wine Gums. On our way to the cashier I took a quick look up at the top shelf of the magazine section. The dirty mags displayed there looked promising, like a bottomless bag of sweets or a big box of colourful fireworks. I thought how much I would like a pile of those under my bed for later on when I was alone. The one thousand butterflies in my tummy felt as though they were all holding hands and kissing. Erections came and went like the 281 bus in those days! It didn't take much either. The sound of a womans high heel shoes clicking along the pavement and I was there peeping through the curtains to see. The underwear section in my mum's catalogue was my favourite section, not the bikes nor the toys.

Neil soon dragged me away from the magazines and we made our way to the man behind the till. He was Indian and wore a turban on his head. After we bought our stuff we made a b-line for the exit thinking that we had just bought real alcoholic drinks. In fact, it had only 0.05% alcohol in it but that didn't stop us from gulping the stuff down with great speed, as funny as it seems we really honestly began to feel more and more drunk by the second. It was a great feeling as we ran back, frothy shandy spilling down our suntanned knuckles and down onto the sun scorched concrete of the ground. We skipped back like a couple of little girls, burping like mad and enjoying every second of it.

But before we made our way back to Robs, we went for a little walk to Radnor Gardens which was right by the shop. It is a kind of fenced grassy area wedged between the main road and the River Thames, used mostly for fishing, taking your dog to shit and where old people could play lawn bowls and get bitten by red ants! There was also a playground for kids and a sort of old concrete gazebo thing where heroin addicts would go to eat their sweets.
Also in one overgrown and well hidden corner, by the road, was a man-hole cover where, if you lifted it up and crawled down inside, you could creep along the pitch black tunnels that stretched under the main road to Twickenham and Popes Grotto. We had been down there before with only a box of matches and an old newspaper for light and only had the courage to get to the first corner after spotting a strange man hiding down there in the dark, before running back the way we came at record speed and scrambling back out of the hole back into the safety of daylight. We scared each other even more by convincing ourselves that he wasn't a man at all, nor even human, who would wait for small vulnerable but ultra curious children to walk into his lair where he would grab you, undress you and cover your mouth with a strip of smelly, dirty old rag and then hang you up on rusty old meat hooks that were screwed into the dark damp walls of the tunnel like trophies. Sometimes he would sit you up by his side whilst he held a match close to your naked trembling body and stare at you! And when he'd finished with you he would cut you up into tiny little bits and at midnight would climb out of his hole and feed you to the ducks in the Thames! We didn't go in there too many times!
As we walked along the foot path right next to the rivers edge, we came across a fisherman sat by the steep sided bank. The concentration smeared across his face was almost as still as the float that was attached to the end of his line. He jumped and quickly looked around at us, almost breaking his neck as Neil said to him, Oi mister! Caught anything good?
No, not yet!, said the fisherman, as he looked back at his dead still, bright orange tipped float. Just a maggot. he sarcastically went on to say.
Alright Grandad, keep your fucking hair on! Neil burped back as he grabbed me by the arm and said Come on! lets leave the old bugger to play with his maggots.

With our bellies full of shandy and our gobs stuffed with Wine Gums we bloatedly walked back to the magnificent torpedo boat.





Jason








(C) JPT 2008

"Too Small Watery Room"

I am here, more than that I do not know.




Wow-weee! If I was minuscule enough, I'd Love to swim in that there rain droplet:)

Imagine that!!!!!! spoke the softest, sweetest voice I had ever heard!

I did, I did. I excitedly replied.

And, as I was in that there rain droplet, everyone looked like those cute dogs with the little bodies, big heads and even bigger noses. It was like looking into the back of a highly polished giant silver spoon! It was utterly amazing! Only when someone took time to come and visit me, that is. Because most of the time I would be alone, but happy in the knowledge that someone would be along to witness such a spectacle. Of course, I didn't mind spending most of the day and night all on my own. I Loved every moment of my isolations. It gave me time to think of all that had gone before me and all that might come. I could also make out the other rain droplets attached to the same leaf as mine and they were all empty! I couldn't decide whether it was a good or bad thing that I was the only one occupying one of these numerous land based cloud fragments. In the end, my little, and infrequent visits from my gigantic deformed friends and family stopped. I felt so alone all of a sudden and trapped! There was absolutely no escape. The walls of my watery sphere were so thick and strong, only a man with much more strength than I might succeed in making good a run to freedom. I wouldn't have got far, even if I had been able to escape. I was literally miles up in the air. With an endless space before me, full of all kinds of dangerous creatures and hazzards, all I wanted was to be back in my liquid lair, only for me to want to get out again lest a slug slithered across on his slippery tummy and drank my little minuscule home, along with me too! I wouldn't have lasted long in there anyway. I suppose a tiny droplet of water such as mine would only last a little while before it evaporated into thin air leaving me wriggling like a fish out of water on the rough surface of my new leafy home, only for me to quickly dry up into a little minuscule crispy version of myself. One by one the other rain droplets would ever so discreetly and invisibly hiss back into the sky from whence they came. I'd be totally naked too. I mean, you wouldn't want to swim in your clothes would you? My skin would very rapidly stretch tight across the thin fragile skelington of my withered, dried, sun scorched body. If I wasn't in so much pain, I'd be able to hear my skin as it cracked and split across the more pointy sections of my once beautiful physique. Anyone listening, even right up close, would not hear a thing as I slowly but inevitably disappeared completely. Unless of course I was eaten first by that hungry slug or greedy snail. Which wouldn't be so unlikely, because I remember seeing tens of the things at any one time, especially just after rain, and even more so their pearlescent trails criss-crossing the garden, before I ended up in this place. I thought it was going to be wonderful in here. I thought that I could live out the rest of my days inside this droplet, watching the world go by as I did so. I thought this was my new living place. I thought this was my new room to dream in. I wanted to die peacefully in here, but I can't even do that. My new home will be no more long before I die. My space is not mine. It never has been, nor will it ever be!





Jason

Special thanks to Shelley Skinner for the use of her wonderful photo taken in her garden in Margate on the 11th September 2008.








(C) JPT 2008

"The Bus Driver's Knee" (part three)

All action takes place, so to speak, in a kind of twilight, which like a fog or moonlight, often tends to make things seem grotesque and larger than they really are.





"Part Three"


Was this torpedo boat in the war? I asked, as I tried to look past the bus driver and into the kitchen to see where Neil had got to, but found myself strangely drawn to his eyes.
Oh yes Jason, it most certainly was, he said smiling. Although there are no torpedoes on her anymore. I still use her to sail across to the French coast and pick up cheap alcohol on occasion.
I didn't know whether he was smiling about the trips to France or maybe because he was pleased to have two young boys inside his spectacular boat? But he didn't take his eyes off me the whole time. I could see the tiny red veins inside the yellowing whites of his eyes, we were that close to each other. I imagined he was a smoker, although I could see no ashtrays or smell anything.
I knew all too well the signs of a smoker as my dad smoked and although he didn't seem to have yellowing eyes like Rob, he did have dark brown stains on the fingers of his left hand. As he held his roll-ups the grey white smoke would seep out in a steady stream and pass over the skin of his fingers and eventually turn them brown. They reminded me of burnt sausages!
Wow! I said while trying to step back a little. France is miles away, I thought. Although nothing was physically stopping me, I couldn't move an inch and breathing a silent sigh of relief as I saw Neil come back in from the kitchen holding a single cup of tea. I could see the steam rising up from the top of the cup. He handed it to his friend Rob and then asked him where his partner was.
Oh, yes, he isn't here at the moment. It's just the three of us and Beechams, He is on the buses all afternoon. he said.
Beechams was the name of his deaf Dalmatian dog who was lying outside on the deck of the boat enjoying the wonderful sunshine.
As Rob took hold of the boiling hot drink around the thin china sides of the liquid heavy cup he grimaced from the pain he felt from the intense heat and rapidly grabbed the handle that Neil had let go of. I noticed the hand that had been burned was down by his side, his fingers rubbing against each other to calm the pain.
MMmmm, Lovely cuppa Neil, as always. Aren't you and Jason going to have one? he said, looking at me as he supped the hot brown liquid.
I looked at Neil to see what he was going to say. I certainly didn't want a hot drink. A cup of tea on a hot summers day is just mental, I thought! I knew Neil pretty well and reckoned on him not wanting one either. I looked at Rob to make sure he had looked away before looking at Neil again and nodding towards outside, whilst pretend wiping sweat from my forehead and blowing air up the front of my face. I was hot, but I wasn't sweating. Neil used to sweat quite a lot in those days. I often wondered when I would sweat like that. Although he was just a year older than me, I saw him as a Man and was in awe of his ability to be able to produce such manly things as spunk and sweat. He even had pubic hair around his cock!

No thanks Rob, said Neil. We fancy a cold drink actually. I don't see any in the fridge...

Before Neil could finish, Rob had set down his steaming cuppa on the side and had his wallet in his hand. He was leafing through his money.

Hey! Why don't you guys pop around to the shops and get yourselves whatever you want? Said Rob as he eventually handed us a brand new crisp ten pound note. He handed it to Neil, who said thank you and stuffed it into his pocket without even looking at it. I hadn't seen too many ten pound notes in my life. Just the ones that I would occasionally see my Mum and Dad handle in doors. None of them as brand new as this one. The ones I had seen before were normally very tatty and covered in numbers written in biro and felt tip pen. I wished how much I had been handed the note. I would probably have made a fool of myself by just staring at it and feeling it, taking in that strange but rather enticing smell too! I would try and get to hold it once we were outside and on our way to the tiny row of shops by the entrance to the marina.

Thanks Rob, we'll just pop down to the shops then, we won't be long.




Jason








(C) JPT 2008

"My Cycling for August 2008"

Swinley Forest, Berkshire, August 22nd.


If last month's cycling (July) was hampered by the dreaded lurgee, then August was a month of dreaded falls! Lee had a silly fall and cut his shin...we even had bets as to wether the blood would reach his sock by the time we got back to the car park. It didn't, and I won:) After all, I know a little about blood;)
Phil fell off during his sponsored bike ride in the Highlands of Scotland and walloped his hip and I had two falls, the first of which where I inadvertently kicked my bike with my right shin (the bump of which is still there today!) when I failed to reach the top of a small but steep climb and went over backwards to the bottom and the second fall last Tuesday when I had to put my foot down to steady myself up some tricky roots and somehow managed to fall over right onto my left thigh right onto a root! The worst place really as it is the biggest muscle and is quite important for cycling. I am still feeling the result of the fall exactly one week later but think I am ready for another ride tonight to see if it is ok. Having to cycle back to the car didn't help either and I couldn't help laugh when I discovered on my trip computer the mileage:- 6.66 miles!!!! Fortunately, none of the falls were serious and we all lived to ride another day:)

The weather was ok though and a fair few rides were, er, ridden;) I have some new tyres (Maxxis Medusa 2.1) and a new bottom bracket after I had a failure halfway around Swinley Forest. The dent in my frame (Elvis) hasn't gotten any worse, which is nice. I keep expecting it to break as I'm hurtling down one of the many descents that we encounter. That'll be an interesting ride, that's for sure;)

And sometimes cycling buddy Matthew Moulding finally completed his off-road sponsored mountain bike ride from John O Groats to Lands End on the 25th August. It'll be nice to ride with him again soon and hear all about it. Fancy a blast in the Surrey Hills dude? You can read all about his ride by visiting his website at http://bloodsweatandtyres.blogspot.com/ where you can still donate and help raise money for The Haemophilia Society.

And as for my joints (damaged or otherwise) they have been up and down regarding pain. My right knee seems to have settled down after I thought it was going the same way as both my ankles and right elbow. Maybe it still will, but for the moment anyway, it has behaved well during the last few rides. My right ankle on the other hand has been a right pain in the arse as has my right elbow. Nothing new there really, it just prevents me from cycling as fast or as hard as I know I can! Besides all that, I am however feeling very fit and healthy and cycling is by far the best way for any haemophiliac to help keep those joints from seizing up. Keep them moving and build that muscle up around those joints and you'll last for years. Yes, you will be in a lot of pain at times (try every single day) but it's worth it...mostly;)


See you all next month:)



Friday 1st August 2008 @ 16:20pm, Lee, Matt, Swinley Forest (SF), 14.15 miles, av 8.2, max 24.6 mph, warm & breezy, bottom bracket seized up!, 1hr 43mins. Total 1486.09 miles.

Sunday 3rd August 2008 @ 16:30pm, RPx2 and a third, 30.34 miles, av 14.1, max 27.7 mph, 2hrs 9mins, first half dry and sunny & cool then rain and wind, temp 20, wind 14, Dessert Storm, right knee was ok but right arm hurt. Total 1516.43 miles.

Tuesday 5th August 2008 @ 18:50pm, RPx2 and a third, 25.59 miles, av 14.2, max 28.8 mph, 1hr 48mins, mild, breezy, tiny bit of rain, knee hurt a bit the whole way around, temp 25. Total 1542.02 miles.

Friday 8th August 2008 @ 16:20pm, Lee, Matt, HH, PH, 14.60 miles, av 7.6, max 21.1 mph, 1hr 55mins, right after downpour and was very wet and muddy under tyre, warm & sunny during ride, temp 18. Total 1556.62 miles.

Sunday 10th August (happy birthday Lee:), 2008 @ 20:25pm, RP, 18.02 miles, av 12.3, max 24.2 mph, 1hr 28mins, cool, dusk/dark, damp, temp 17, wind 13. Total 1575.64 miles.

Tuesday 12th August 2008 @ 19:40pm, Lee, SF, 11.74 miles, av 7, max 24.4 mph, 1hr 39mins, very muddy from recent rain, dusk/dark, cool, I fell off near the sandy cutting when I didn't make it to the top of a steep slope and fell backwards hitting my right shin on my bike as I went!, I also managed to hurt my other leg and my right ankle was hurting a lot before I even started!, spotted a little mouse and an ugly toad too:) Total 1586.38 miles.

Thursday 14th August 2008 @ 17:50pm, RP, 18.22 miles, av 13.1, max 26.2 mph, 1hr 23mins, mild, sunny, damp after rain, saw Jac & her mum in Kingston on their way to see Mama Mia at the cinema. Total 1604.60 miles.

Friday 15th August 2008 @ 18:50pm, BP, RP, Lee, 17.10 miles, av 13.3, max 27.9 mph, 1hr 17mins, cool, sunny, Dessert Storm, right knee hurt a bit, temp 19, wind 11. Total 1621.70 miles.

Sunday 17th August 2008 @ 13:00pm, HH, LH, Phil, 13.53 miles, av 7.6, max 28.9 mph, 1hr 47mins, mild, dry, very busy with other mountain bikers, Phil's first ride since Scotland ride with Matthew. Total 1635.23 miles.

Tuesday 19th August 2008 @ 19:40pm, SF, Lee, 12.05 miles, av 8.4, max 18.9 mph, 1hr 25mins, rain at first then sunset and then dark, muddy, wet but very good ride, ankle and knee felt great!, right elbow lock into bent position at the end and didn't unlock itself until I had bath 2hrs later!, temp 19. Total 1647.28 miles.

Friday 22nd August 2008 @ 16:20pm, SF, Lee, 15.02 miles, av 8.3, max 20.2 mph, 1hr 47mins, sunny, mild, sunset, Lee fell off doing a silly wheelie and cut his shin!, temp 20. Total 1662.30 miles.

Sunday 24th August 2008 @ 13:20pm, HH, PH, Lee, Phil, Stuart Howe, 13.65 miles, av 7.9, max 22.5 mph, 1hr 44mins, sunny, muddy after rain, warm, temp 21, Phil didn't feel too well at the start but soon got back into things after a nice hot steak & kidney pie and a cup of tea from Peaslake Village Store, we saw Dunsfold Wings & Wheels airshow from the tops of Holmbury & Pitch Hills. Total 1675.95 miles.

Tuesday 26th August 2008 @ 19:40pm, SF, Lee, 6.66 miles!, av 8.4, max 19.7 mph, 47mins, dry and warm new Maxxis Medusa tyres, I fell off riding up some roots in the dark and put my foot down funny and went over onto the roots on my left thigh!!!! I am still recovering as I type this (Tuesday 2nd Sept) but hope to get out later for the first time since to see how it has healed, temp 20. Total 1682.61 miles.




Jason








(C) JPT 2008.........1682.61 miles (to end of August)

"The Bus Driver's Knee" (part two)

Slowly, I turn to stone and set upon you as a long lost anchor might in the sands of our vast empty oceans. My face is a blur as I encase you with my Love and never ever let you go!





"Part Two"


This is Rob, The owner of this fine looking boat, said Neil.


The boat was indeed a fine boat! All shiny, where there was brass. And beautiful bright paint that covered the rest of her. Well hidden from the river Thames proper. One couldn't see her if you were to find yourself passing by on a leisure boat or maybe if you were taking a stroll along the tow-path across the other side of the river.

I just looked at the ground and went all shy. I was a very shy person and would always look at the ground when confronted with new people. When I was very young and my Mum had visitors in the house, they would think there was something wrong with me! Why doesn't he talk? Can he talk? What does he do there hidden away between the wall and the sofa?
I couldn't move. If I moved so much as an inch then my presence would be detected and my cover would be blown! I would then have to say hello or even worse sit on someones lap or have my cheek squeezed or god forbid, kissed! I was good at keeping still. I don't need a solid wall to Hide behind.
In fact, I would on occasion go back to my hiding place there behind the sofa when I was all alone and play with matches! I used to Love playing with fire! I still do.

This was a man who I admired already though! He was the owner of an actual WW2 torpedo boat and to top it all off, he was a fucking bus driver too! I have caught a few buses in my pre-car years and I would either be found up stairs on the top deck, right at the front sitting right over where the driver would be. I would look down into the little glass window that the driver would use to see if someone was being murdered or was smoking up on the top deck or drawing on the windows. I could just make out the face of the driver through the numerous prisms and mirrors that joined up the two windows. And if I wasn't upstairs, I would be down stairs actually watching the bus driver with my very own eyes. Especially his arms and hands steering the giant bright red machine around the tight narrow streets of Twickenham. It always amazes me how they get those things around those tight little corners. I imagined I would be a fantastic bus driver!

Come in, come in, said Rob the bus driver, as Neil & I both stepped onto the deck of the boat. Make yourselves at home.

Yeah right, I thought. I'll go up to my room and have a wank shall I?

I could never make myself at home in a strange mans house, let alone a strange mans boat! What if it floated away downstream and ended up in the middle of the ocean! As I looked at the floor I did manage to see that the brass that was so magnificently displayed on the outside of the boat had also exquisitely crept into the cabin area too. Amongst all the brightly polished brass and various post cards from all over the world that were neatly displayed on the shelves and sort of Dashboard area, were a whole bunch of circular glass dials about five inches across set in beautiful frames of more brass. I didn't ask, but I presumed that these were the dials that told the Skipper how fast or how slow he was going. The rest of the room looked dark in comparison. Almost black. Coming inside from the bright sunshine made everything apart from the brass quite difficult to see.
Neil had gone off into the kitchen area, I could tell it was a kitchen because I heard a kettle switch on and start boiling and the sound of metal tea spoons clinking against china. I just kept looking between the floor & the brass and saw Rob had shuffled over to my side and asked me what I thought.
I said that it was quite impressive. As my eyes got used to the light change I saw that he was not wearing any shoes but still had his socks on that were white. His trousers were the distinctive light grey colour of a bus drivers uniform. He said, Impressive only?, it takes hours of elbow grease to keep that brass as shiny as that.
I eventually looked up from the dark coloured carpet, polished brass in my peripherals and up along his legs, past his belted waist to his face. He was jacketless and just had a crisp white shirt on, just like the kind a bus driver would wear, although I had seen some of them wearing grey shirts. I always thought the white ones much better.
His hair was grey and neatly cut, his chin covered in a whitish prickly stubble, which reminded me of my dad.

So this is what bus drivers looked like when they weren't driving buses I thought.



To be continued...





Jason








(C) JPT 2008.........

"My Cycling for July 2008"

Phil & I near Holmbury St Mary, Surrey, 13th July.


Well, as you learned in my last cycling post, I came down with the lurgee which lasted most of the second half of July but that didn't stop me from getting out there on my bike with a bit of a chest infection! I even think it helps to clear it if you can get out and work those lungs a bit. So thats what I did. And besides, I was positively going mad having not ridden my bike for a total of 10 days in a row!!!

The rest of July saw me out a few more times between going to a music festival and school reunion with an old friend:) It seemed to take me ages to recover fully and get back into the swing of things where cycling was concerned. I even managed to dent my frame (Elvis) when I nearly came a cropper down a particularly technical rooty section of single track in Swinley Forest. I was momentarily distracted for a split second and almost went over the handlebars, but instead managed to step off to the side as there was a steep bank there, but unfortunately it was covered in roots that my bike fell on. The dent is only small and won't effect the strength of the tube, which is good:)

As I write this (sort of mid August) the weather has been alright I suppose, so far. I should have been taking part in a sponsored bike ride in aid of the Haemophilia Society but have thought long and hard about it and decided to knock it on the head. Mainly because my right knee hasn't been feeling quite right the last month or so and the mileage involved and the unpredictability of the terrain I thought it better to not take any unnecessary risks! I'll talk more about the sponsored ride in next months post, by which time Matthew Moulding (ride organizer & lead rider) will have finished his amazing 1200 mile off-road adventure.

Congratulations to Phil by the way for doing his bit (the first week) in a midgey infested Scottish Highlands! I saw the evidence just last Sunday when we rode Holmbury & Leith Hills together. His legs are absolutely covered in midgey bites still!!!!

See you all next time:)


Tuesday 1st July 2008 @ 16:00pm, RP, 16.54 miles, av 14.3, max 28.5 mph, 1h 9mins, during my ride I came across a mountain bike lying on the road in Kingston by the bridge and a skip lorry, all of which was cordoned off by police tape and being photographed by police photographers! There had been an accident where the cyclist was knocked off by the lorry and the bike was bent like a banana! Apparently, it wasn't all that serious. I found the incident in the local paper the following week and the cyclist escaped with only a minor leg injury!! Lucky fucker or what!!! Temp 27. Total 1373.68 miles.

Friday 4th July 2008 @ 17:00pm, SF, Lee Ian, 16.84 miles, av 9.3, max 21.3 mph, 1hr 39mins, dry, warm, temp 19. Total 1390.52 miles.

Tuesday 8th July 2008 @ 18:00pm, 12.85 miles, RP, av 13.9, max 26.1 mph, 55mins, mild, windy. Total 1403.37 miles.

Sunday 13th July 2008 @ 13:00pm, HH, LH, Phil, 21.10 miles, av 8, max 38.8 mph, 2hrs 37mins, warm, sunny. Right knee didn't quite feel right! Developed a rotten cold & chest infection the next day! Total 1424.47 miles.

Thursday 24th July 2008 @ 14:00pm, Jac, RP, 21.26 miles, av 11.5, max 27.4 mph, 1hr 51mins, temp 28, wind 11, very hot, still had cold & cough and knee playing up (right)! Good to get out though! Total 1445.73 miles.

Sunday 27th July 2008 @ 20:00pm, Lee, HH, PH, 11.82 miles, av 7.9, max 22.5 mph, 1hr 29mins, very warm, temp 25 (30 during the day), right knee hurt again! Total 1457.55 miles.

Tuesday 29th July 2008 @ 20:00pm, Lee, SF, 14.39 miles, av 8.4, max 21 mph, 1hr 42 mins, warm, right knee hurt after 10 miles, used lights for the first time since winter. Total 1471.94 miles.




Jason








(C) JPT 2008.........1471.94 miles (to end of July)

"The Bus Driver's Knee" (part one)

Come, child. Come sit on my knee!



"Part One"

What's it going to be then, eh?

They were the words that were left floating around my empty mind!

I can't decide, I thought to myself. You decide for gods sake, decide!, I said out loud.

Well, I know this bloke who owns this WWII torpedo boat. He lives with another man down by the marina next to Radnor Gdns and he says I can come round and see it anytime I want, he's well generous and said he might even take me up the river in it.

What, near where the old bags play bowls?

Yeah, thats the place, You wanna go?

Fuck Yeah!

Well that was enough for me! We were halfway through our Summer school holidays and bored shitless. I had know idea how Neil new this man with the torpedo boat, but how on earth could I turn down an offer such as this. I couldn't wait to see it. It certainly beat setting fire to railway embankments and spying on homeless weirdos who live in secret tunnels under the roads of Twickenham. Not to mention the hours wasted talking about American custom cars, reading BMX magazines, talking about kissing girls, tits and wanking.

I found out the owner of the torpedo boat was called Rob and he was a bus driver. He always wore his grey uniform. The man that lived with him, I didn't know his name, was never there when Rob was in. Just Rob and his Dalmatian dog, who was as deaf as a post.
The first time I saw that boat I was speechless! It was immaculate! The brass that covered the boats wonderfully preserved surfaces, inside and out, were always polished and although it didn't have any torpedoes anymore, it did have a history in that it used to ferry supplies over to the French coast for the men fighting in the Second World War. I have always Loved battleship grey. It reminds me of the ocean. I could only stand in wonderment as to the sorts of magnificent ships that this tiny little boat had chugged between. The sun was high in the sky and made a b-line straight for the shimmering brass fixtures & fittings.

I was very young at the time, maybe about 9 or so. Neil was a year older than I, but much more mature and unlike me, he could already produce something called Spunk from his penis. He once showed me a polaroid of his Mums boyfriend. He had an erection in it! I never looked at the man in the same way again! I was quite jealous that Neil was able to do this kind of stuff. He also showed me what this spunk looked like once whilst he was showing me his penis. He had an erection, bigger it seemed than mine would ever be, and pulled his foreskin back, something else I couldn't do! He pointed to this tiny amount of white stuff that resembled cotton fluff around the edge of what he called his German helmet. I was amazed at what I saw and wondered when I would see some of my very own. Much later on, about three or four years, I came to realize that it was in fact cotton fluff from his pants that he was showing me and not spunk at all! Real spunk was, still is a wonderful substance that if it were humanly possible one would continuously spray it over anything and everything, including oneself! I never saw my German helmet until I was circumcised some 20 years later! I wasn't allowed one because of my bleeding disorder! Of all the many trips to hospital over the years, I often found myself wondering if my foreskin would ever grace the inside of one of those 'Hospital Waste! For Incineration Only' skips outside the back of the hospital. And then, when I finally did have it cut away, I imagined what a thousand foreskins might look like all in a single pile, with mine flopped on the top like someones discarded chewing gum.

Thats all we did back in those days. Talked about erections, spunk, cocks, girls and wanking and listening on his record player to the sounds of drag cars screeching their way up the rubber scorched, twin black strips of Santa Pod's 1/4 mile stretch on a flimsy 7" record that he'd gotten free with an old copy of Custom Car magazine.
But a trip to see Neil's new friend Rob and his amazing torpedo boat seemed like a wonderful idea. Something different. Something to boast about when we eventually went back to school later on that year.


To be continued...



Jason

P.s. Happy Birthday to my best mate Lee tomorrow:)








(C) JPT 2008.........